Due May 2008 - anyone there????

[jacobandlysette]

Very very early but we have the all important BFP.

Anyone out there to join me?

Firstly I should say I am no expert on the matter but I should think that at only 33 you are still pretty low risk anyway. I had my first two at 27 and 29 and I will be 31 when no3 comes along - so far no-one has made a fuss about the risk being higher for me this time.

The nuchal scan is a routine test where I live and the way I look at it is if the risk came back high then it would serve to prepare me in case the baby did have a problem but I personally wouldn't consider a termination for this reason(sounds like you might be of a similar mind).

I would use the opportunity as a good excuse to have a look at your little one .

Hope this helps - I didn't want to 'read and run' since you need some suggesstions by this evening.

Good luck whatever you decide

Jacob&lysette - hope you are ok, it must be so stressful being told to prepare for having a premature baby.

Columboswife - As far as I know the nuchal scan helps to indicate whether a baby is at high risk of having downs syndrome and when it's combined with the results of the blood test at 16 weeks it gives a much more accurate likelyhood compared to the blood test alone. My sister in law had it done, I think she was 33 at the time & the baby turned out totally healthy as I'm sure most do. I suppose it would give you a more definite likelyhood either way but I guess you are the only one who can decide what is right for you.

My nausea has switched to the evening now so 5pm onwards I'm not feeling great, I'm 12 weeks now so can't be for much longer hopefully!

I was saying a few weeks ago about the inlaws not being bothered about this baby and MIL confirmed it last night as she was asking if we'd pay to get a 3d scan like I did last time to see the baby which she also came to, then she said she wasn't bothered if we didn't as the novelty's worn off as it's her 3rd grandchild !

Thanks Coby and Indigo Blue; that helps a lot; I didn't realise that it was a routine scan in some places.
I think I will go for it. I really don't think I would consider a termination, even if the results were high risk; it would just be good to be prepared; and, as you say, Coby, to have a really good look at the baby! It all still feels so unreal.

Hope your nausea gets better,
IndigoBlue. And your MIL, come to that! I can't believe that comment.

columboswife - we weren't offered a nuchal scan as a matter of course with ds, but we have been this time in a different hospital. in the first hospital they did the triple blood test and here they do the nuchal scan. the way it works is by combining your background risk (age etc) with the thickness of the nuchal fluid behind the babys neck.

we are of the same mind that we wouldn't terminate on these grounds and it was more for preparation. we came out with a 1/2500 risk, and were then offered and amnio in case we wanted a definitive result, which we ahve turned down (again this seems to be fairly routine at our hospital which seems rather extreme to me).

also agree with indigo - it's another great chance to see the baby

jackblack hope you start to feel better soon

xxx

Hi Everyone

Teehee - I'm so sorry for you. I have been through the same thing 2 years ago so know how painful it is. Lots of love to you. xxxx

Indigoblue - shocking MIL!! Hope you aren't taking it personally!!

ColumbosWife - I had my 1st scan today (all great - phew!) and I had the Nuchal test, but wasn't offered a blood test (I am 34). My friend who is younger was, so it seems different hospitals have differnet routines.

The scan today was wonderful, I was in floods of tears, mostly relief. Everything checked out very well, and they have brought my due date forward to 3rd May which makes me 13 weeks rather than 12 - so why am I still feeling so sick??!!!

Still feels so strange, can't understand how the baby in the pictures is in my tummy... but I feel so relieved and grateful to have got to this point and officially be out of the famous first 12 weeks.

Gosh this whole this is such a rollercoaster.

Spoke to my best friend this afternoon who gave birth to her first baby a week ago today (2.5 weeks early but four hour labour - sounds OK doesn't it!!) I know lots of you have children already but for those of us on the first she said you can't imagine how wonderful the whole thing will be when baby finally arrives! Feel very encouraged as she sounded so happy and positive!!

Have a good weekend everyone xxxx

Hi all,
so sorry TeeHee, hope today has gone 'ok'. Thinking of you at this sad time.
Columbos wife-probably a bit late to share my thoughts, but Nuchal allegedly gives more accurate risk for Downs when in conjuction with blood tests (usually triple test). If nuchal is thickened but have normal amnio (this has a risk of 1 in 100 miscarriage- too high for me with a possibly normal healthy baby) then there is still raised risk for cardiac defects- that may not be picked up antenatally.
My worries that put me off were the risks with the amnio- and if I wouldn't have the amnio even is it worth having the test and wondering about a scary result for the rest of pregnancy? The government has put a LOT of money into nuchal scans/ triple test, both with raises the detection rate for Downs (and some other conditions), which can lead to SOME parents choosing to terminate. Oh the other thing is amnios are seen as too risky to offer to all mums, thats why they're offered to high risk mums.
Its all ver emotive and can be upsetting, but I do feel NOONE, especially you GP should be telling you to have a test, especially without explaining the test, what it will find out and what having the test might lead to.
Currently NO other country finds the nuchal test reliable enough to offer it widely. Our government has chucked loads of money at a test that has not been extensively examined and subject to independant review- all the research is from the same team. I don't feel I - or true experts in this field (I'm only a 'scanner') really have enough info to truly say if its even a good test, let alone the risk info the computer programme comes up with.
I've had the training to do nuchal scanning (free- funded by DoH),but have serious doubts about how it actually works (ultrasound equipment accuracy is limited by physics, and can only measure +/- 1 mm, only extrapolating smaller measurements, but the risks change +/-0.1mm- I just can't figure out how they can do that).I do not do this type of scan.
Good luck with whatever you decide- I truly hope it is YOUR decision and not anyone elses.
mumofk

Indigoblue- Goodness me MIL's are very hard work... infact all in laws are.

I've been so happy about the baby but I seem to have been knocked over with another huge batch of hormones since yesterday. I'm really really worried about a few things like:

1. That everyone will oppose how I do things with the baby like breast feeding instead of FF,and routines etc. 2)That everyone will interfere and so I won't be able to do things my way and spend time with my baby. 3)That my DP and I will argue. 4)That people will ruin my baby routines when they demand the baby stays at their house (large family on both sides). 5)That i wont cope with the baby very well at first and everyone will recognise this. 6)That the baby will love other people more than me. 7)That we wont bond. 8)That we will struggle financially. 9)That with all my raging hormones and DP going through a rough time at the mo, I'll end up a single mum before the baby's even here! (ok I know that one's far fetched but I do worry).

I'm struggling with my jobs and college course, and arguing with my family and my DP at the mo practically everyday at some point, and I think things have just got on top of me. Everyone keeps reminding me that they love me (mostly DP) but I feel all upset anyway.

I'm so sorry for my big long whinge but I don't know who else to tell and I keep crying all the time so i know I need to get it out.

Oh and Teehee I know you have REAL worries compared to mine and I'll include you in my prayers tonight. So sorry for your news. God bless. xx

Hayleyandbaby - I know it's difficult when you have so many worries going on in your head but I think you need to try and relax and not worry so much. All I can say is that yes having a new baby is hard work but also a great feeling to have your own family and a gorgeous little baby of your own. There is also no way the baby will love other people more than it's own mum. I had a routine with my first baby and I just decided that my baby's needs came first before I worried about other family, visitors etc and they had to deal with it. Feeding is a totally personal issue and no-one should make you feel bad either way, you just have to stand your ground, I have it the other way round as I said to my mum that I might not breastfeed this baby and she was trying to make me feel bad about it but it's not up to her.

If you are worried about bonding with the baby why don't you start now, you could write a diary of your pregnancy for it to read when it's older with photos of your bump growing over the months, buy a teddy and babygro for it, just little things like that could help. Anyway I've gone on a bit but hope that helps.

Hayley, don't worry about having all those worries, it's all perfectly normal, mainly down to raging hormones and just shows you care about getting things right (which is a really good sign). From my experience this what will be far more liely to happen.

1. Not everyone can oppose how you do things with the baby (that would require everyone to agree on something and that never happens ). More likely someone at some point will say they would do something differently, at first yet might be upset or worried about that but very soon you'll start to realise mum knows best and ignore them like the rest of us do!

2)People always hand a screaming baby back to it's mum and disappear pronto. It's up to you to tell people so sod off if they interfere too much and they often seem to stop intering once the intial novelty has worn off, then later you'll be wanting them to take the little one out for a walk etc so you can have a break.

3. Yes you and DP will argue (probably just as you have always done)

4)No one can demand the baby stays at their house - it's your baby! A slight routine upset will not ruin things forever and if people can't stick to your routine then don't let them have the baby

5. Very few people cope very well with a new baby, the trick is to be a good enough mum not wonder-mum. You learn on the job, very quickly too, you'll be amazed what you learn in the space of the first month

6. It's not possible for a baby to love others more than it's mum - you're going to have a wonderful suprise when you discover this (it's one of the best bits about being a new mum)

7)Some people don't bond with their baby at first, but all bond eventually - it doesn't mean you don't love them.

8. Everyone struggles financially but you are emotionally far richer.

You just have that 'new mum to be' confidence problem, I had it too and so do most others, don't worry it will pass. You are starting a fantastic journey - you'll be fine

cor...and there was indigoblue saying she went on a bit

Hello everyone, I havent posted in ages but its still great to read how everyone is getting on.
Teehee-so sorry for your loss, i guess none of us can take anything for granted, thinking of you.
indigoblue-we just told the inlaws and parents last week (myself & DH went on holiday wth them all-glutton for punishment!!). Having the opposite prob to you! MIL & FIL kept asking if i was ok, if i needed anything, if i needed to sleep, if i could eat & then kept looking at me as if i'd grown another head! totally freaked me out!! its their first grandchild and i know i should be more patient but i feel totally smothered. Parents fared better..apart from my Dad saying we should move back to ireland...and then he starting working out dates when the baby was conceived!how embarassing!!
Hayley-I totally understand your worries..our first too. Reading all the great advice that people give you on MN is bound to help. hope you are feeling a bit better.
As for me..after 6 weeks of ms, I'm beginning to feel a bit better..which is nice!Still waiting to get a bump & getting impatient. And even more impatient as I don't get my first scan until week 16..as I missed it due to holiday..so still really anxious that all is alright.
XXX

The Nuchal is totally non-invasive. Why wouldn't a person have it? It is just a guide as to whether you should have more tests - not a stay/go decision point. I had it for my first two - I was over 30yo for both, which is when the risk of Downs kicks in. I will be 39 when I have DC3 and I am tossing up whether I should have the CVS - now that is a question - risk of miscarriage etc ... I guess if you would never terminate, then at least tests can be used to prepare you.

Thank you so much indigoblue, coby and londonirish. It's really helped me to put things into perspective. i think I just care too much about every little detail and really I should be enjoying things- who knows if I'll ever be lucky enough to be pregnant again. I'm very happy today so I think it was just a blip, and DP seems to have noticed I've been acting a little strange, so he's being very caring and supportive. I think most of my stressing stems from the fact a close family member of mine is not happy about my pregnancy as they are enduring IVF at the moment. This is causing terrible strain on me and bump, my DP and my family. Particularly as it is all very hush hush.

I'm so happy you've said a baby loves it's mum most. i can't believe a tiny little person is going to love me most in the world.

Indigoblue- I will definately start a pregnancy diary and take pictures of my new bump, thank you, it's a lovely idea.

Hope everyone is well and ms is fading now.

Hi everyone

I need to ask a question....

As you know i have had really bad ms, but in the last week i have started to wet myself when im sick and have to stuff vast wads of loo roll between my legs when i throw up Sorry TMI.

I just wonderd if anyone else has had this or if i should talk to my midwife it is really embarrasing so haven't posted this anywhere else but i was looking for an MS thread dose anyone know if there is one

Thanks for any advise xxxxx

sweatbean talk to your mw about it - and get some pelvic floor exercises - never too early to start! and don't be embarrased at all.

hayley - following coby's advice

1. tell them to sod of
2. as 1
3. you will but it will be ok, you'll get through it
4. as 1
5. you will be fine and anyway, follow 1
6. it won't, it can't. believe us!
7. you will
8. you might but again you'll get through it
9. you won't.

sorry it all sounds a bit blase of me, but it is new mum to be nerves - you will be absolutely fine.

agree with londonirish about the diary and the photos. we also bought a little something for ds at 12 weeks after our scan, and have done the same thing for the bump. we also called ds lp (little person) and this one is lp2 until we find out the sex. if you are planning on doing this you can then call the bump by a name?

Aha, time to move on...just had scan, 13 1/2 weeks so am now going to say hello to April 2008 people. Hope all goes well with you and your babies, love Woollymummy xx

Sweetbean - 'tis a familiar story for me. When I had MS when I was PG with DD2 this happened to me and later on in the pregnancy it happened at other times too. This time it hasn't been so bad.

I told my midwife who immediately told me off for not doing my pelvic floor excercises and said I had better start doing them straight away. In the end I couldn't even bend down to do a nappy change on the floor and ended up relying on those tena pad things (I hid them under bulky items in the shopping trolley ).

As it turns out it was down to things having moved around inside which were pushing on my bladder and despite my lack of pelvic floor exercising I did not have to rely on the pad things for long after the birth.

So if I were you I'd get started on those excercises and not worry too much, probably something has moved inside and is pushing on your bladder when you go throuh the joys of being sick - hope you feel better soon

Hayley, so sorry to hear you have an unsupportive family member to cope with. I think that the most important thing for you right now is to look after you, your DP and your bump and let others find their own way to live with your good news.

Hi all - another hello for LondonIrish, I was wondering where you had gone

Hayley - I thought the exact same thing when I had my son - I was 18 so felt young and a bit unsure of myself and all the other mums seemed so confident and I thought 'how am i going to do it?' but everyone on here is right - it just comes! And a lot of your fears will go when you see just how important you are to your baby and how much he needs you. Don't worry too much!

Sweetbean - I feel for you! I've had a couple of those times! Keep doing the pelvic floor exercises, and also I go to the loo before I even think I need to (!) but I feel for you with the sickness too...

My ms is still knocking me out, I thought it was okay yesterday but today was sooooo sick, my stomach was killing me, couldn't stop long enough even to breathe properly. It was horrible for about 20 mins, thank god my beautiful son got me a hair band, some water, held my hand... (made me feel guilty for being a nagging mum to him). Then for 2 hours I sat still and sipped water. Just had some toast, feel better than I have in a while. Anyway, I am supposed to teach 2moro morning and I really don't want to be sick in my classroom, but equally I am not keen on the idea of phoning in sick when I was off before half term too (kidney infection). I can't believe the sickness and tiredness has got so much worse! I thought I was coping with it. I don't want to not go into work just for 'sicky and tired pregnancy', but I can't see myself teaching like this! What shall I do?

Jackblack-I know how you feel -I'm back to work tomorrow as well-luckily lots of 6th form so they can cope if I have to take it easy. Teaching the younger kids can be a bit of a nightmare. If you really can't go in then don't! You & your baby (and even the dreaded school kids!) won't benefit if you're getting sick, anxious and over tired. I know its horrible ringing in but I'm sure they will understand. Hopefully soon you'll start feeling better. I'm due at end of April and so am 14wks pg now and the ms is not as bad-still there but manageable!
Take it easy x

Thank you londonirish - I am going to ring in, I've been ill 4 times since I went to bed at 8pm and I'm shattered. See you all later xxx

I've felt so much better in the past couple of days thanks for all your thoughts everyone.

Hayley when I had dd dh and I were in London by ourselves with no family support and I can't remember ever holding a baby that is how long ago it must have been so I really didn't have any idea how we would cope. My mum said it would just come but that isn't in my nature so I read and read and read, got books out of the library.
When I found some that both dh and I liked we told both sets of parents what we were planning to do and asked for their support.
Doing this from the beginning I think worked really well.
If people oppose how you do things then thank them for their thoughts and tell them you'll keep it in mind if how you are doing things doesn't work out as all babies are different.
You guys will probably argue but if you can get some things agreed on before the baby is born like routines that you can both live with etc, then that will at least cut out child caused arguements if you know what I mean.
I wrote out what to do in a big long list for both sets of families when they stayed over which was way down the track after we moved back to NZ. ie. milk at 10.30am, will probably go down for sleep at 11am etc etc. They found it helpful as the last thing they want is a crying all the time wingy child.

Can I just say mumsnet, mumsnet, mumsnet, whatever issues you might have happen, if you are undecided as to what to do about something, if you ask on here you will be rewarded with both sides of the story and it can often help you to have confidence in yourself. I found it so fantastic I can't even put into words how great. Ask for help in the hospital, we had a lovely nurse helper in our hospital who went back over bathing (with our baby in the bath at the hospital), feeding, all sorts of things.
If you don't cope that well at first, don't feel bad, just ask for help so that you can cope. People will want to pop around, ask what you would like. If you find you are stuck on the couch for 3 hours in the evenings, maybe ask them to pick something up from the shops on their way, get all the local nice takeout menus ready (we lived on chinese veges), just do what you have to do.
The baby will initially only have eyes for you! As it grows up it may favour someone else at different times, but you grew that child - noone can ever take that away from you.
I didn't really bond with my son until I got healthy when he was 14mths, I felt terrible, he has such as connection to my MIL as she was a big part of his life during this time. He is such a mummy's boy now though and we have a great relationship. It will happen - it is just one of those things that develops.
Remember to just keep telling dp that hopefully you won't be so hormonal soon and you are sorry if you are stressing him out and being hormonal but you can't help it. He will understand and it sounds like he is being understanding with that.

I have nattered on forever sorry but I just wanted to let you know that everyone has doubts, questions and I can't imagine it ever stops. I will still sit down with friends and say I don't know what to do about dd's behaviour (3.5) it is like she is 16, nothing I seem to do for punishment seems to matter to her. In a group of say 3 of us, there is sure to be someone who has just been through it, going through it, takes in all the info in case they go through it. Our parents had a lot of group support and now we tend to sort of do it on our own, nobody is perfect and unfortunately we learn from trial and error .

I hope those that are still crook it will pass soon. Fruit is my saviour at the mo and fruit ice lollies.

Thank you all for the support i will call my MW xxx

JackBlackRoady Im glad you have phoned in sick!! the most important thing is to get through the first 12 weeks after that things should (i hope) start to feel better, have a nice restfull day xxx

Hi all,

Back off holiday and had a nice break with the in-laws entertaining DD most of the time, allowing me to chuck up in peace!

Got my first scan this afternoon - very excited!

There's so many postings since I've come back that I've struggled to keep a handle on it all, but I hope you're all feeling stronger and less icky by the day.

jackblackroady gald you have called in sick. here's hoping you start feeling a little better soon

xxx