Due May 2020 (thread 3)

[sao81]

Carrying on from thread 2!

And I really don't want my post to come across like I'm judging anyone for having a preference because I'm honestly not.... like I said it's just when people are rude or more importantly ungrateful!

The gender thing is also why the harmony test has ethical concerns! As you can find out gender so early now (from 10 weeks) there is genuine concern about babies being aborted for being unwanted due to gender. I would have been thrilled whether I was having a boy or a girl! This is my first but if I happened to have another girl I’d be thrilled! The main thing is that our babies are healthy, so many people struggle to get pregnant! We should all be grateful we’ve made it this far, I certainly am! People are so judgemental, if anyone around me makes me feel small or belittled I have no room for them in my life. True friends wouldn’t do that. You’d get rid of the weeds in your garden wouldn’t you? Just keep the flowers 💐

@Katyb89x yes that’s perfectly normal, it’s just your ligaments stretching. You might find it really hurts if you move too quickly as well like a sharp pulling pain. All good signs! X

@facevalue I’ve been looking at buying that pillow but I’m worried I’m too tall. I’m 5ft8 - do you think it would be too short for me? Do any taller ladies have any recommendations? I tend to sleep on my back or side but did read we shouldn’t sleep on our back in the later stages?

@Sunshine8888 ahh brilliant thank you! I thought it may be normal but just needed that reassurance, thank you xx

@Sunshine8888 I'm 5'7 and got mine from Online4Baby it's grey with white stars and I really recommend it. Dead cheap too! X

@Katyb89x Yes!! All last night aswell, when I was lay in bed i felt horrible and bloated I couldn't get comfy!

As for the gender stuff, my family have openly told me that they want me to have a girl but I have a strange feeling it's going to be a boy (i'm happy either way). I think it'd be nice to have a boy for my partner as he lost his dad at a very young age and always said he missed the father-son bond.

The gender topic is really a big deal for me atm. I have 2 boys, and every time I tell people I’m pregnant they say bet you are hoping for a girl or will you be gutted having another boy?! I feel so much pressure, even from family. It’s making me feel I’ll be upset if it’s a boy which is making me feel guilty 😩 I mean of course I would love a daughter but I’d also love another son. My boys are the most lovely people on this earth, who I adore and I’d be lucky to have 3 sons when some people have none. I’m grateful for them every day. Just hate how much pressure gets put on us, the baby is already made and decided it’s not like I can flip a gender switch at will 🤦🏽‍♀️

Agreed on gender! I want to find out as I’m too excited not to but we will both be really happy with either, just so happy we’re having a baby! 😁 x

@Sunshine8888 it has the longer options but truthfully u don't need it your full length anyway.. u can also search and fine an L shaped one that is larger.. or just use basic pillows

I slept last night using the little owls bolster cushion which is on our bed and it was the best night sleep I’ve had in ages! I’ll use that for now until my bump gets big and save myself some money

I’m thinking of getting my husband a little Christmas gift from the baby - a letting or mug or something with ‘Daddy’ on it, a bit cheesy but it’ll make him smile :) has anyone done something like this and what did you buy?

Good luck with your scan today @Bumpingalong84
I have my first scan later on today. X

@sazzlerazzle It was my husbands birthday 2 days after my scan so I bought him this from next! He loved it xx

I had my 12w scan yesterday and all was well, they put me forward at 12+4. I am now anxiously waiting for the screening results, and wondering in the meantime if I want to do the Harmony test or not. I know the NHS combined screening accuracy is lower, but my understanding is that it's low in the sense that it gives more false positives. So I am thinking if they give me a low risk result, it can be trusted to the same level as Harmony - so no need for Harmony then. (I do understand at the end of the day neither is a diagnostic test so you won't know for sure). Is this other people's understanding as well? Oh and also I am 30 years old and the private clinics seem to recommend Harmony to 35+ or if you have had a high risk result with NHS. Thoughts?

Jugement and opinions on other people's lives is something that irratates me to the core. My close friend is happily single at almost 40. The amount of people that presume she must want a partner and children is astounding. I'm 36 and this is my first child but I feel general society has put pressure on me to have children for the last 7 years-since my partner and I married. We weren't sure if we wanted children and were perfectly content without. I knew we would have an enjoyable life either way.

Now the pressure to have children is off but I know the judgement wont end...I will of course be expected to want a second child, I will then be expected to want a girl so we have one of each (this one is a by). I have even noticed that my friends with two boys or two girls get asked if they are going to have a third to try for the opposite sex. No one really asks this of my friends with a girl and a boy already. I really wish that people presuming what will make someone else happy/fullfilled!

@woollycat I was thinking the same as you, then I realised it wouldn't change anything regardless of the result so I decided against it.

Do you know how long the NHS screening test results take? Do we get a letter?

@CharlieB93 I was told if result is high risk I will get a call from the midwife in 3 days. Otherwise letter in the post in 5-10 days.

@woollycat I did have it, my nhs result was like 1 in 1900 for Down’s syndrome but less than 1 in 10,000 on the harmony test. I’m 31 and not considered high risk but I do like to have as much information as possible.

@woollycat thanks, I had mine on Friday and last night I was lay awake stressing about the result

@helensss oh that’s lovely!!! It has made me a bit teary actually, love the thought of hubby opening something like that :)

@woollycat It's a tough one but I don't think there's any right or wrong. My friend got high risk NHS results with her first. She decided to have the amnositis test via NHS because she felt she then needed 100% accuracy. With her second child she decided no testing at all was best option for her and declined the NHS screening.

Based on her stressful experience first time round I had Iona test at 10 weeks. It really helped put my mind at rest. We are both very happy with our very different approaches.

One of the questions me and my friend both asked ourselves was 'why did we need to know' - would we consider a termination or was it for the certainty and how important was that certainty for our wellbeing during pregnancy. Again no right or wrong but this eventually led us to make very different decisions. I hope you find an option that works for you.

Have any of you been given your 20 week scan date yet? I’d love to know mine just so I have something to count down to!!

Thanks all - I think I might go with Harmony just for extra reassurance. Will wait for the NHS results first though, maybe seeing the results will make me change my mind.

@Sunshine8888 - I was told to book my 20w scan myself over the phone - will do it today. Looks like different trusts do it differently l.

@Sunshine8888 they gave my my appointment at my 12 week scan, it seems that everywhere does it differently!