September 2019 #7

[easterbuns1]

I get nervous when it's so close to post 999..:

Thanks ladies. I'm actually drafting an email bringing the recent issues to light with him directly and will see what tomorrow brings. I've had verification from 3 separate colleagues now that the same conversation has happened, one of them has even pointed out that in their opinion his attitude towards me changed the minute I said I was pregnant. I don't want special treatment, just to be treated the same way I was before.

I am so sorry @kyles101 - its so shit. Do these men change their attitudes towards their pregnant partners I wonder? Or expect them to quit work etc altogether?

That's just awful kyles it doesn't matter how much time off sick you need in pregnancy but 2.5 bloody days! Is that all? My colleague has taken 2 days off this week for hayfever!!!!! Your boss is absolutely in the wrong and you need to report it or its likely he will continue to discriminate against you for the rest of the pregnancy, possibly on mat leave and return to work too.

@kyles101 that's so crap. In your shoes, seriously, I'd be looking for a better job. If he's the top of the company there is precious little you can do if you want to carry on working there, but keeping a diary so you can make a case for discrimination and constructive dismissal of you decide to do that later could be valuable. And it's highly unlikely that he will EVER treat you as "normal" again. I know so many brilliant, driven women who have been through this! Honestly, the women I know whose careers survive tend to work for themselves, or start small companies with other women.
@TwittleBee those men marry women whose careers they don't value. I've seen it in my own cohort- in our early twenties brilliant, ambitious women had brilliant, ambitious boyfriends. Who dumped them and married less ambitious women who have given up or severely curtailed their careers to look after the kids. It's so depressing.
(Not depressing to decide to spend time at home with kids, depressing that a particular kind of successful man requires that of his partner, and resents his female colleagues having kids)

Jules he can't make you unless you are off within 4 weeks of due date. And obv if you give birth within that time too maternity leaves kicks in automatically.

Well, I haven't been at my work long enough to get a package, got my firm from them that o take to job seekers place and get maternity allowance. But today hr told me she was gona disappoint me and show me the new mat pay policy. It's 6 weeks full way then 37 weeks at 50%salary. Damn!
Oh well I'll get it if I have a 2nd. But can someone explain to me how the salary threshold for qualifying is worked out?

@kyles101 I'm so sorry you're having a tough time, totally not ok for him to be treating you that way. Hopefully the email will help 🤞

I've had a great lesson in patience this afternoon, grooming the 4yr old thoroughbred who's on box rest - so frustrating, trying to get things done while they have a paddy over being tied up, having feet picked out etc... I can only imagine a fussy baby or sleep deprived toddler is going to rob me of the rest of my sanity! Then to make matters worse I fell down from the hay pile when the plastic mounting block shattered. Luckily I landed on my hip and arse. But buggered up my hands a little. Not sure if I need to ring the midwife or something? Have felt little one moving since so not overly worried, but I'm not sure what's sensible

Looking forward to a relaxing bath this evening! 🤦😄

Safer to get checked then not. Falls at a later stage cN cause problems

Ah whisky that's a shame, next time as you say though.

I agree dusty if this is indicative of the culture I'm going to be coming back to then yes I'll deffo be looking elsewhere next year. It's so sad that it's come to this after 16 years though.

And yep, guess who's wife had a lovely hr career but became a SAHM once the second child arrived...

Hope the bath is helping Gemma I'm going to jump in one myself to cheer myself up!

Tomorrow's going to be fun 😪

I saw my belly move today! 23+6 and had a stronger kick, so had a belly watch and some definite visible flickers! So lovely.

Ah that's so cool!! Are they getting a bit more regular now or sill a bit unpredictable?

@Karigan195 can't get through to triage, going to call my midwife in the morning. Got a lovely bruise coming up on my arse cheek, lol. Obviously much heavier than I used to be!

@Whisky2014 do you mean the salary threshold for maternity allowance? If so, assuming you've been working more or less full time for a good chunk of the last year or so, you will be fine! There's a faffy chart you can use to calculate the number of qualifying weeks you've had in a specific 66 week period, but you can have quite a few gaps and still get the full amount.
@kyles101 It's absolutely ridiculous that it's come to that after 16 years! If you want to make your blood boil read Baby Hunger by Sylvia Ann Hewlett. It's a few years old and has a truly terrible title, but some really interesting stuff on what happens to women with careers when they dare to have kids.
I've had a lot of work travel over the last week, one more shlep tomorrow. I'm beyond tired and full of cold, ugh. And my pelvis is definitely beginning to go a bit. Think I need to start taking it a bit more slowly...
@GemmaJen argh re bruise! I hope a lovely bath helps, and the midwives are useful tomorrow.

@DustyDoorframes I'm not sure what I mean to be honest. It was if I got pregnant before going back to work or not long after.. is there not something about the having to earn above a threshold. So if they looked at when I'm on maternity with my first it Could mean you fall help the threshold for the next one. Or something sorry I'm not so hot on the terms

@easterbuns1 are you having any luck with anusol? I didn't even bother going to a pharmacist I just got some because I needed it. But I've not seen any difference at all :(

@Whisky2014 , having just checked... you only need to earn 30 per week for 13 out of the 66 weeks before the baby is born (you get the lower of 148 odd or 90% of your average earnings) so if you have an age gap of less than a year, enough of your pre-mat leave earnings will fall within the qualifying 66 weeks to see you right. You would also (probably...) be building up your entitlement to the maternity package, though check that in your contract. And remember paid holiday, which you will accrue- that counts as weeks earning too!

@Whisky2014 aye it does seem to be helping a bit, well giving some relief but not making problem go away iykwim. I find if I pop back in when I apply it after going that keeps everything in order until the next time I need to go. Then it's back to square one a bit. I'm trying to up my fibre too so things are a bit easier to pass!

Ok great. As I'd deffo qualify for the package as I started in Feb and you just have to be there a year to get it. So if I won't go back until aug/sep im well in. HR did say "a baby is more expensive than the package, trust me". I'm not planning to get pregnant so soon it was just a pondering I had. Thank you!

@dustydoorframes I'm going to read that book when I'm in a better frame of mind. I effectively lost my career when I had DD, I have a job now but can't see any prospect of getting back to where I was before. Ever.

It all makes me so angry and I'm currently having huge wobbles over it. I think my current job is safe, but I doubt I'll be going back to work that I enjoy or that fulfills me in any way.

@easterbuns1 yeh that's pretty much where I am at, but actually I'm struggling to even pop back in! So I just smart the cream on at night and when I wake up everything seems fine, then any bowel movement...boom they are back out to say hello again. Wiping is horrible, it takes ages to get clean so I've had to buy wipes. No early I'm off visiting friends and family for 2 weeks next week and it's the last thing I need to have and try and be discrete about it.

@Whisky2014 I'm the same I caved and bought wipes too. They are definitely better than they were as they were sore to sit down on before. I'm putting it on 3 times a day to keep on top of them. Definitely one of the least glam pets of being pregnant!

Ha ha, I've decided nothing about pregnancy is glam, those stupid movies with glowing pregnant ladies on have a lot to answer for.

I've ordered that book dusty thanks for that. Hopefully it'll be inspiring.

Getting lots of nudges today from bump, don't think he/she likes me being upset!

I'm sorry to hear that @Stroan . Is your field one where you can do some consultancy? That can really work for some women. Nobody need know that your other client meeting is with a one year old...

@Whisky2014 worked a wonder for me. Maybe its worth you seeing if there is anything you can do to help having to strain to poop as if you are still a bit constipated then it might be that anusol is just keeping it bay rather than clearly, iyswim?

@kyles101 pregnancy certainly is hard work! But idk, I did feel rather glorious in my final few weeks with DS with my big bump on display in summery clothes and a big hat. But then maybe its rose tinted glasses haha!

I am sorry you are feeling like this @stroan - hoping that it turns out you do get there again

So I've been cramping all morning, proper low down period-like-pain so of cramps. The sort that paracetamol doesn't touch. Already in work though (I like to work 7am-3pm) and tied up in meeting from 9am... urgh. Is it worth a call to my MW?

@TwittleBee yes!!! At the least they can tell you what would be the sign that you need to go in. You won't be able to concentrate properly anyway if you are worried.