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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Original poster

35+ TTC #1 Graduates!

296 replies

Kescilly · 03/04/2019 17:52

This thread is for those of us over 35 who are pregnant with our first! It’s a continuation of a great group of people from the TTC thread. Doesn’t matter how far along you are, come on in!

OP posts:
Weathergirl1 · 09/04/2019 13:59

Hi all! I've been a bit quiet over the weeked,. Wasn't feeling too great with bad indigestion and was steeling myself ready for my booking in appointment this morning as I'm not a great fan of medical related stuff!

I needn't have worried, the midwife was actually lovely and was happy to have DH come in with me. We obviously didn't look like a domestic violence risk either as she didn't make him leave the room to ask me about that which is what I was expecting based on stuff I've seen on here!

We spoke about my tokophobia concerns and she recommended hypnobirthing and to speak to the midwife consultant but totally understood when I said that I haven't actually been thinking that far ahead yet as it's still early days and I just want to get past the NIPT first as depending on that, delivery options might not be an issue! Also raised the issue I have with not being listened to by medical people and she was reassuring about that too. She wanted to date off LMP (seems to be protocol 🙄) but when she asked about my cycle length I told her I had a consistent luteal phase so total length varies slightly month to month depending when I ovulate - which seemed to make the point that I have a damn good idea about what I'm talking about!

Hope you're all well!

Weathergirl1 · 09/04/2019 14:09

Oh and the other thing, she ticked the box for more at risk of DVT because of my age... I'm not convinced by the age risk calculations though. I suspect most of the age related risks are correlated with age but caused by lifestyle. I feel I'm coming all over a bit Emily Oster! Have any of you further along looked this up at all? I think I'm going to have to do a pub med search
...

Pinkywoo · 11/04/2019 17:26

Just got back from my 12 week scan and everything's fine, the baby was moving lots and dates are spot on, this shit just got real!

birdbybird · 11/04/2019 17:42

@Kescilly hope the renovations are going smoothly. And thanks for sharing your experience.

@Weathergirl1 I've only seen the doctor this week. Filled in an online form and am waiting for a midwife appointment and scan date.
Am interested to read the Emily Oster book... will go and pick it up from the local library.

I'll need to do more research into this, but it looks like the Harmony test is done privately and gives more info than the NHS NIPT test - is that right? Am looking at the various tests on offer (for e.g. here: www.uds.uk.com/non-invasive) and there's a SAFE test, Panorama, Harmony, Early Viability Scan, Early Anomaly Scan... quite a bit to choose from. What were your experiences, and what tests did you go with (or are going with), or what did you skip (or are thinking of skipping)?

pitterpatterbaby · 11/04/2019 17:59

Why is this thread only for those conceived #1?

Blondcat · 11/04/2019 18:08

@pinkywoo congratulations on the scan.

@babybird my understanding is that all the nipt tests are very similar. We decided that we would just go with nhs standard test with the scan and only go the nipt test route if the results came back high risk.
The early scans are personal choice and even though I had an early mc six months before I decided to wait it out and save the money for the nipt test if we needed it. It was very hard to keep my nerve but glad I did as now have more money to spend getting the stuff needed for the baby. Some people find the early scans reassuring to see baby and know all good before the 12 week scan.

Pinkywoo · 11/04/2019 18:14

Thanks @Blondcat!

@pitterpatterbaby because it's an extension of the original thread, which is for women ttc their first child with the added complications of being over 35.

birdbybird · 11/04/2019 18:33

Thanks @Blondcat

I was thinking of just waiting for the NHS test too... but then every so often there is mention of the Harmony test.

@Weathergirl1 Have picked up the Emily Oster book from the library. ;)

Weathergirl1 · 11/04/2019 18:50

@PinkyWoo yay, good news 😀 I got my scan date today - 21st May. Also booked Harmony for two weeks before that so hopefully will have results by then. Have gone off LMP so will be more like 10+5 at the Harmony test 🤞 that'll reduce the likelihood of a non-usable sample.

@Birdbybird definitely get the Emily Oster book. She has a chapter on prenatal screening. She explains the stats behind the tests so you can decide for yourself. Having just seen the PHE booklet on this very thing I'm actually quite 😡🤬 about how crap it is. It mentions nothing about false positives etc... Harmony is one of the NIPT tests - I think they're all quite similar. The arc website has lots of useful information on it about them - including questions to ask if you go down that route. Not all NHS trusts offer NIPT (and often they will only do that if the initial screening was a bad result - which looking at the stats from the Oster book, I wouldn't be comfortable personally with using) - mine doesn't.

We're not going for an early scan (although the Harmony test includes a scan itself so I will have a scan two weeks earlier than on the NHS anyway). I don't want to have an internal scan and sometimes they do that if you go too early as they can't see anything transabdominally - so it was one thing that helped make the decision.

@pitterpatterbaby as PinkyWoo said, this is a graduates thread from one on the conception boards. I guess all of us on that felt we got more support talking to others who were in the same position as us rather than a general thread where there were women TTC who'd already had at least one child (& knew what it was like to already have a successful pregnancy) 🤷

Weathergirl1 · 11/04/2019 19:04

Ah cross posted @birdbybird ! 👌👍

pitterpatterbaby · 11/04/2019 19:09

I can assure you that you feel the same however many pregnancies you've had. Each one is different. Plus I'm 40 with this one lol Best of luck to you all xxx

Pinkywoo · 12/04/2019 08:48

Maybe that's true, but you also don't have the mind numbing fear that there's something wrong with you, and you'll never be a mum or carry a baby to term. The original thread is a place to be able to talk about the fear, and the losses, and resorting to IVF, fertility checks and the physical and mental toll that takes. It's not meant to exclude anyone, just to support women who are already feeling excluded and a little bit desperate.

pitterpatterbaby · 12/04/2019 15:27

Insert the word 'again' to all of those statements and we are equal. Oh and then add the 3 losses in I've previously experienced. You'll understand one day.

birdbybird · 12/04/2019 17:02

@Pinkywoo great news on the scan.

@Weathergirl1 I got through most of the chapters of the Emily Oster book pretty quickly!

Weathergirl1 · 12/04/2019 17:12

@birdbybird it's really readable isn't it?! 😁

She's got another one coming out in a few weeks called 'Cribsheet' which deals with the data for post birth and up to pre-school. I'm holding off ordering it until I know we're going to need it but it looks like the next step 👍

Pinkywoo · 12/04/2019 17:24

Thanks @birdbybird!

birdbybird · 12/04/2019 18:01

@Weathergirl1 I might get that book too... my local library's pretty good so may be able to get my hands on it through there.

I'm barely 6 weeks and am looking at daycare and nursery options in the neighbourhood! (I like to plan ahead in case you hadn't noticed... am trying to judge how much of a hit this new addition will be cost wise).

BTW - I remember many years ago, I was introduced to a new mum at a party. She mentioned that her baby who was only a couple of months old slept through the night. She recommended a book called 'Bringing up Bebe'... you may have heard of it. Her story stuck with me. I borrowed the book from the library last year before we'd even started trying :) . Will have to get it again at some point as remember it being quite a good read!

Weathergirl1 · 12/04/2019 18:08

@birdbybird I haven't heard of it, but I'm probably going to leave those sorts of books until much later on. Once we get past the 12 week scan I might start looking at birth related stuff...

I am very much a planner too! 👍👍

birdbybird · 12/04/2019 19:12

@Weathergirl1 That sounds like a sensible approach :)

Melamine · 13/04/2019 18:22

Oh hey guys! For some reason I decided to surf to this board which I’ve never used and saw this thread. So good to see some familiar names 😊 glad you’re all ok! I’m 35+1 today. Eeeeeeek!

Delighted to find out Emily Oster is doing a new book. The first was my bible! My other major recommendation is the Positive Birth Company digital pack. I feel so relaxed about the forthcoming big day. We’ll see of course...

Hope everyone continues feeling good!

Blondcat · 13/04/2019 18:38

@melamine I wondered how you were getting on it is great to hear from you and that you are doing well. 4 weeks ahead of me... It's getting real now!

Original poster
Kescilly · 15/04/2019 22:05

Oops, this fell off my list! Glad to see so many people have made it over.

@Weathergirl1 when are you having your Harmony-related scan? I went for my first scan at eight weeks and she didn’t have any trouble doing it externally. I was concerned about that as well. The Harmony test stressed me out because we failed to get results from it twice, and have had to rely on the NT testing from the NHS instead. I am definitely in the minority though, so I hope it goes smoothly for you.

@pitterpatterbaby we’ve all come off a thread in the Conception forum that was specifically for those over 35 trying for the first time. This is simply an extension of that, because we didn’t want to clutter up TTC talk with pregnancy talk.

You’re welcome to stay if you’d like! The thread in the Conception forum was a real lifeline for me. I know people my age trying and succeeding in getting pregnant, but I still felt very alone until I met that group of ladies. I think there’s something about finding others who are at the same stage of life as you are. It’s not that we can’t relate to others, it has simply been nice to be around those that share our specific hopes and fears.

Belated congrats on the scan, @pinkywoo! How are you feeling?

@birdbybird thanks! We are hoping that the bathroom will be finished this week. Have you made any decisions about the screening tests?

@Melamine hi! Great to see you here as well. You’re getting so close! I’m glad you’re feeling relaxed. Do you feel ready to go?

I’m 33+6 today! Should we all write down our estimated due dates? I know some of you haven’t had your dating scan yet, but you could use whatever info you’d like. Just add your info in with mine, copy and paste.

Kescilly, due May 29th

OP posts:
Blondcat · 16/04/2019 07:51

Kescilly, due May 29th
Blondcat, due 14th June

Weathergirl1 · 16/04/2019 08:01

@kescilly Harmony is booked for 10+6 on my ovulation dates (but everywhere is insisting on going for LMP dates... Seriously, I'd have got my BFP at '7dpo' going off average dates 🙄). It's reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one with concerns about scans - makes me feel less weird! Sorry to hear yours didn't give a result - something like 1% don't after two goes according to the leaflet I've been given, which is now preying on my mind. My DH is quite relaxed it'll work for us, but I guess we can ask the doctor at the test what to do next if it doesn't.

Kescilly, due May 29th
Weathergirl1, due November 28th/December 3rd

Weathergirl1 · 16/04/2019 08:22

Oops crossposted with @blondcat !

Kescilly, due May 29th
Blondcat, due 14th June
Weathergirl1, due November 28th/December 3rd