Kentishgal oww hugs to you. That's a whole load of up and down for you and none of it is your fault; easier said than done, but do try and just put it down to extenuating circumstances. Today is a new day, it's not you being all horrid, it's the hormones and the slowly building but very real pressure/anxiety around what's to come. It's natural and it will pass. Your brain and body on high alert or whatever.
Having said all that, I've been a big ragey sod myself and I'm feeling quite unnerved and guilty about it. My frustration with the hospital has easied, they were v good this week and have already let me know no GD. But in my head I've now turned all ragey towards my MIL and my boss, both of whom are doing moderately irritating but predictable and not really big deal things. I feel like I definitely have higher standards and a shorter fuse these days. I really want it to pass.
I'm seeing the psycotjerpatist again this coming week and will ask her what to actually do with all this anxiety/rage. She's been great at helping me name the stuff, but I need some direction. But she's very into people finding their own answers which sometimes frustrates me more. I will report back.
I think also there's another surge of hormones around now, probably doesn't help.
Now, dreams... I was having pretty vivid but neutral ones in the first trimester, then awful ones, again in the first trimester, that were basically reliving a serious incident from my childhood in all its overwhelming and frightening detail. That's how I ended up with the psychotherapy, because I'd never had any sort of help with that original issue. Then the dreams stopped altogether - I think when my hyperemesis eased and I did crazy stuff at work I just passed out at night and ever stirred. Now the vivid dreams are back (though not the bad ones) and, like you, they're waking me up and leaving me tired. My app says 70 days to go - we can do it!!! 😁