July 2019 (thread 9): shame me about my bump, and I'll shame you about your complete lack of manners

[RooKangaroo]

Honestly, I go to catch up on the thread after a few days and you guys have filled it up! Love this chatty group.

How is everyone this morning?

I know exactly what you mean thedust and Onestep.

I'm not finding pregnancy easy at all - still have hyperemesis, now this sodding side pain and antenatal depression and often I just have enough energy to go to work and back. When I do reach out to friends it feels disproportionately difficult to see them, things get cancelled or I end up travelling to them/fitting around whatever when I don't think they appreciate this can sometimes 'cost' a full day of recovering the following day. DH is brilliant and we are very close, plus I have some lovely colleagues, but like you I want to remain more than just a mummy and some continuity from old friends would be good. It's making me anxious that all that might fall away. I sometimes wonder if this is similar to the saying "old man in a hurry", as in you are on a different timescale to everyone else. Then again, I step back and think it's a relatively small 'problem' in the grand scheme of things.

I must admit, I’m having the opposite at the moment, all my friends want to meet up and do things but over the last week I’m feeling run down I just can’t be bothered. I’m 27 weeks so don’t know if I’m just run down and possibly got a virus or this is the third trimester fun kicking in.
Also feeling very tearful and also sad and abit hard done by to be honest. Mostly money worries, feeling very devalued at work and wondering how the hell we will manage to afford to get things done before baby is here plus when I’m on smp ( reading the Facebook groups post re maternity pay was very depressing for me!) we will get there I’m sure, but the positivity in me is seriously sliding!

Pretty sure I’m not much fun to be around at the moment lol, I’m hoping this is just a little slump due to hormones or a virus and lll get back to normal soon!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Big hugs to those of you having a hard week too ❤️

@farfromhome24 we don't start measuring bumps here til 28 weeks, but fr what I remember last time, they don't seem too concerned unless you're measuring +/-3 weeks ? I think... I was measuring 4 weeks behind with my last baby towards the end, so they sent me for a growth scan and was told she was actually looking like a big baby! So bump was just small because of how she was lying. I think it's pretty common to not measure bang on

Tip for any first time mum's!

If you have a Boots advantage card, sign up for the parenting club ! (Even if you don't already have a card id get one!)

You get vouchers every few months for money off baby things , plus every now and then get a freebie ! Today I just picked up a free MAM bottle and dummy worth 7.99. or if you don't plan to bottle feed you could have chosen a pack of breast pads !

That's really handy, thanks so much Regina!

I've had loads of free stuff in the past ! Last pregnancy it was a Nuby bottle and dummy, also closer to weaning age I got an Ella's Kitchen cookbook , I've had breast pads , vitamins etc . Even a changing bag! Though that was 7 years ago not sure if the still do freebies like that .

Definitely worth having though, even for the coupons like 50p off a pack of wipes or 25% off baby toiletries etc !

Oh god yes @HchyScott, that made me feel depressed too. I'm a public sector worker so I'll be getting the very basic package of 90% for 6 weeks, then half pay then SMP. It's not great when there are people on full pay for 6 months. I think I'll struggle with that too when I'm off, I don't want to be relying on pocket money from DH all the time, I'm used to being financially independent! We will definitely need to change our lifestyle a bit.

I’m with you lot on the friends thing. Mine have completely stopped inviting me to things. They are going away to Blackpool for one of their 30th birthdays in May and they didn’t even tell me about it. I overheard them talking about it in the staff room..! I know I wouldn’t have gone because it’ll be a very boozy weekend but to just not tell me about it was a bit upsetting. I have made one pregnant friend through the Mush app who is lovely, we met for the first time last weekend (felt like going on a Tinder date 😂) and that was really nice.
My best friend lives 40 mins away so we don’t see each other as much as I would like. It can feel really lonely.
Also, @thedust, my mat pay is the same and I’m being cheated out of the 6 weeks school hols as my mat leave will start when the baby is born so I’ll be getting mat pay for time I would’ve been off work anyway!!

That's really annoying about the school holidays Becky! What was the FB post? Was it about how much things cost vs SMP? If I remember right, I think I read somewhere that TfL does 12 months full pay?! Seems like not all public sector is the same, then.

@StargazyDrifter the fb post was just asking what sort of packages people get for mat leave. Some are very lucky getting good packages and others are just getting basic mat pay which sucks. It's hard especially the first baby when it feels like you're losing so much money !

Also I've got hardly any friends at all now , after baby #1 when I was only 23 I lost a bunch of friends. Mainly just because I stopped being able to go to things, drinking etc. Still have them on Facebook etc but haven't seen most of them for years !

Another one feeling lonely. We moved away from my friends to get away from certain things/people (not quite on a witness protection scheme but feel like it!). I like being in a little village but the school is cliquey. Sigh. Also NC with all family members. I think that's probably why I like having such a big family of my own already daydreaming about baby number 6

I certainly feel like the first baby is a massive expense, and she's not even here yet. Hopefully stuff can be reused for any subsequent ones. Though at this stage I'm far from convinced that that I'd want to do it all again. Ever. The disparity in pay packages is really, really unfair. ☹️

My mat pay package is rubbish, just the basic 6 weeks at 90% then straight down to SMP.

Also I feel the same on the friend front however my friend I’ve know since I was 11 is also pregnant and is due 3 weeks before me so we have each other but there’s only so much pregnancy related things you can do and it would be nice to be included in non pregnancy related activities ect!

1 more shifts at work and then I’m off till the 28th April and I can’t wait! Not had annual leave since October so very much ready for a break c

It is very unfair @stargazydrifter, it annoys me that in my work you can be off sick on full pay for 6 months but mat leave is appalling. I know they say it's a choice to have a baby and you don't choose to be sick but when you see some people milking the sickness policy it irks. Especially when you can't really milk a maternity policy - it's pretty obvious you're having a baby 😂

I've joined mush too @BeckyButterfly, been messaging someone due in July who lives nearby and seems nice! Never done online dating but I don't want to if it's as scary as this haha. The pressure when filling out your profile!

I'm just downloading the Mush app now ! Not sure I'm confident enough to meet up with people but I'll see how it goes ! Haha .

I met my OH through online dating and I was so nervous every time I met someone. Most of them were idiots , I'm sure mum's are probably different 😂

thedust that's a really good point about sick leave, and very unfair. ☹️ I'm not even going to check what our sickness policy is or I'll get grumpy!

Is Mush like online dating, then? As in, you write a blurb along the lines of 'due in July, have a dog, looking for like-minded mummies'? 😖 I think I'd be too scared to dabble!

Mush feels a lot like what I imagine online dating would be. I’ve never online dated mind (I met my now husband when I was 17 at the pub 😂)
The only thing I found about the Mush app is that I messaged loads of people when I first downloaded it and only about 3 of them replied. I only speak to 2 of them still and have met up with 1.

Morning all
It's been a long last week at work before holiday tomorrow so I've have been quiet. I can relate to all of your posts; the crying, the loneliness, exhaustion, lack of friends and yes general shittiness.

This week I've had the joy of excruciating back pain. Couldn't get a GP appointment so went straight to a physio who basically said my back is super tight and my pelvic is preparing, but in a such a way that I may end up using crutches in the end if not careful as I'm pushing myself too hard. So I'm now wearing back tape, awaiting a maternity belt and stocked with heat pads.

The weather in Spain has suddenly gotten really poor so that's annoying, but at least we haven't booked a holiday where we were only planning on lying by the pool.

Oh, and on mothers day we were hosting guess what the first two things my MIL said to me was: oh you have gained weight which I replied yes it's called a baby 🙄

And then she was outraged about my skin as its spotty and oily. 😣

To top that off my manager is being difficult again. He is incapable of being sensitive or understanding re any maternity aspects. I emailed him about extra scans due to blood from placenta, didn't even get a reply. I really hope he is gone by the time I get back.

So yeah, I cant wait for a holiday tomorrow away from everything.. on the plus side the baby is kicking loads and we can really see it now. So cool 😍

Sorry you’re struggling sigh your back too @blueeyedviking I was looking at heat pads yesterday but wasn’t sure if they can be used in pregnancy?

I’m at the midwife this morning for my 25wk appt (I’m only 24wk but can’t get in next wk with work)

@giraffe888 I think you can as it's on the back...but I only used it for a short period of time and not directly on skin. I'll check when I speak to the doctor today.

Hope midwife goes well. My 25 week was pretty short and straight forward, thankfully.

blueeyedviking enjoy your holiday! And take lots of photos with the bump in! I realised the other day that I have very few, and a holiday seems like the perfect opportunity.

Commiserations about the shit boss, I've just taken to doing whatever I need now as mine can be similar. You and bump come first. Sorry also about the pain, taking it easy for a bit might help more generally too. I've worn that tape before, icky but helpful!

MILs are such strange creatures, aren't they! Mine recounted (far too many) details of DH's birth on Mothers' Day. She also lectured me about what is and isn't "in the genes" and managed to somehow be very patronising and mildly offensive with it, ignoring entirely the fact that the baby will only have half of whatever she was taking about. It sort of made me uncomfortable. Didn't take well to "no pink please" either. 🙄

Thank you @stargazydrifter! I dont have any photos I think so will def take some while away.

Ive got a referral re my back now. Im lucky as have Bupa through work so ill be using that! Oh and GP confirmed heat pads are fine.

Yes MILs are certainly one of a kind. Cant believe she would even bring up the genes.. why dont people think before they speak?! If I was having a girl the no pink thing is something I would have said too...

My out of office is on now, cant wait for a break and some quality time with the DH 😊

Hi all, I have a question.

With all new baby clothes, do I need to wash them?

Thanks in advance.

@cravingmilkshake I don’t know if they need to be but I’m going to wash ours