Long one!!
So today has been a very emotional day for me, but in a good way.
Our original plan was to have this baby at home. Obviously the unexpected could happen, and I was prepared for this (to some degree) and all was going swimmingly until 27 weeks.
I was receiving very basic care, because that was all I needed as a low risk pregnant women, then I had an episode of reduced movements, followed by finding out the baby was small, and suddenly I’m on twice weekly CTGs, weekly Doppler scans and alternate week growth scans. Home birth is out of the window. Which in itself was upsetting, but I always knew there was always a chance, it was just the stress of everything else. Being at the hospital x3 times a week on top of working long shifts.
I was then very poorly over Christmas with a horrendous cold/virus that had me in bed for days, and then a horrible cough. Neither which have completely passed even now.
Then at 30 weeks I was admitted from on shift tightening with a small bleed, which resulted in a 48hr stay. I was home for a few days when I was then readmitted with persistent headaches and a potentially concerning CTG, 48hrs later I’m home, exhausted, relieved, ready for the bath and my own bed, it’s 11pm, we walk in, I go to the toilet and another bleed.
Back to the hospital we go. All is well thankfully, but I was beyond exhausted by this time, and still coughing horrendously. For which my pelvic floor has just given up trying to counter balance.
I’ve subsequently had 3 more episodes (all when on shift) where I was tightening and probably should have been admitted but chose not to.
Thankfully all the CTGs and Doppler have been fine, but I’ve gone to every one expecting something to have happened, something to be wrong.
A few more weeks have passed, the cough is finally going, I’ve finished work. I’ve spent this week almost feeling normal (outside of being pregnant) and feeling much less stressed in general, and today I went for my 2 weekly growth scan.
He’s now back up above the 10th centile on his chart, all is well, and we’re tentatively putting a homebirth back on the cards. No more scans for 3 weeks.
Which is great.
But I feel overwhelmed, excited and scared all at the same time.
I’m so glad he’s grown, and is growing well. I’m so excited that a homebirth may be achievable after all and I’m scared because after all the input, scans, CTGs, admissions and such like over the last 6 weeks, it feels like someone has now pulled the security blanket away.
One thing I can definitely say about being pregnant, is when I return after maternity leave, I will be 100% a better midwife for it all, because my god, we don’t appreciate the reality of it sometimes.