July 2019 Part 4 - Still in the 1st Trimester

[Frazzlerock]

New thread y'all

This is going to be our good luck thread

Googledoc here:
docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1y-XaVbeNQM-bCGlr_UxXxcBBNGUfIVQY_4htZRUpbbw/edit#gid=0

Totally unfair @Delilah7 xx

@Delilah7, 'you are emotional'?!? Fuck that. How unprofessional of them. I'd say get signed off if you can, you don't need that stress on top of what you're already dealing with.

@hayleyfx, oh I'm so so sorry. Christ, you've been through so much this year. I hope you get some answers about what's going on, and get some respite from it all 💜

Thank you for all your supportive messages yesterday, everyone. Saw the doctor today and I'm signed off for a couple of weeks.

Unfortunately they can't give me any meds as I'm breastfeeding. I don't want to stop feeding, but will try to cut it down slightly, simply because I can't stay hydrated if I'm struggling to keep food and water down, plus making milk all the time. Will see how it goes.

Currently feeling like everyone around me wants me to give us feeding, but it's important to me and my toddler. I'll see how it goes.... x

@RooKangaroo extended feeding is really difficult isn’t it, my DM (who is otherwise awesome) has really disliked me doing it and constantly tells me that I should stop 🙄 I’ve just cut down DS2 to only pre bedtime feeds as I was finding it incredibly annoying because he still wants to feed constantly throughout the day but I just couldn’t cope! He’s 2 this week and I’d stopped DS1 at about 23 months because I was pregnant with DS2 and my boobs were agony 😂

@SnailorSwift just ridiculous.

@RooKangaroo tell me about it babe!! I'm quite a sensitive soul however being sick is fucking horrible so I'm sorry if I'm in a state afterwards! So glad you're signed off and can concentrate on getting well. Unfortunate about not giving you anything... however keep breastfeeding if it's important to you Hun. Just be sensible like we know you will x x

Help who said they worked in HR?

Basically two sites of our department got pulled into a room today to talk about cuts and restructuring... basically streamlining redundancies and the sack. I haven’t told anyone my news yet, but come the new year with this restructure would I be more protected if they knew? Probs won’t happen to April the new finiancial year so that gives some time but want to know if anyone has dealt with it before or advice :/

@TwinkleDay how far are you?

Once they know you are completely protected.

I told a female partner at another office when I was 4 weeks in case something like you mentioned happened. She hasn't told a soul but I know if I'm poorly she knows.

10 + 2 just waiting on my scan before I told my line manager originally, she was off today ffs so she missed the meeting. Is there anything to read up on about facts for this ?

Thanks @DartmoorDoughnut and @Delilah7! Appreciate the support.

@DartmoorDoughnut, my Mum is the same. She's so wonderful, but she doesn't like me still feeding. I know it comes from a good place of being worried about me and thinking I'd be less tired if I was feeding, but it's still hard to hear.

@TwinkleDay, it's not me in HR, but my understanding is that they can still make you redundant if you're pregnant - as long as it's not because you're pregnant. If they're using a fair and open criteria for redundancy that stands up to scrutiny, it should choose you/not choose you whether you're pregnant or not. I.e. I'm not aware that being pregnant gives you anymore protection.

If any sick leave is taken into account and you've been off for pregnancy-related sickness, that could be a reason for telling them - so that the sick leave gets officially recorded as pregnancy-related (and they can't touch you for that, even if it takes you above the amount of sick leave your policy lets you have).

But hopefully the HR expert will be along soon to confirm or deny this!

Sorry you're in this situation, it must be so stressful x

Ok, @vixy1988 knows more than me! 🙈

Oh sorry to see that work is tricky Delilah and TwinkleDay.

In terms of redundancy etc, this is quite helpful to mug up on:

m.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/o/t/Managing-redundancy-for-pregnant-employees-or-those-on-maternity-leave.pdf

On 'being emotional' - ffs, what?! That's just rude. Would they say that to a man? It smacks of lazy stereotyping. I'd stop going the extra mile and discretely make this comment known to someone else - HR, more senior manager etc. The person could do with some training.

Oh Delilah what a horrible work situation! I would be doing what stargazy said and brazen it out and get the comment in writing and straight to hr.

How is everyone coping with Christmas parties? I live in the middle of nowhere so driving has so far been a valid excuse, but am going out pretty much every weekend until Christmas. Next weekend I'm out with family friends for what is usually a big piss up, and my DH normally drives, then I'm out on my works do, then out with friends who have offered for us to stay over and get a taxi argh. My feeble excuses are running out!

On parties, I did brilliantly with my eccentric 'November detox' story, but now it's December I've been avoiding sit down meals and, at bigger things, will be doing what someone suggested further up about absent-mindedly leaving my drinks everywhere. We are also seeing friends more separately this year so we can tell the closer ones sooner. It's tricky though!

@StargazyDrifter thanks for the link, doesn’t really conclude much though as it says your not protected as long as they don’t get rid of you on the grounds that you are pregnant. But then I don’t want to be stressed, it bad enough they will have to risk assess my job which will cut down my tasks a bit as kitchen / office based. It’s a massive company I work for so they must have some idea about what they want, not sure if the sooner I tell the more protected I would be.. you don’t want to stress a pregnant lady lol

I'd tell my LM in your situation. It depends on the company, and horrible to say, but my guess would be that if they can choose someone else that's not pregnant for the exercise they probably will. It's got to be more work for them to document/prove it's not pregnancy-related in your case. Likely to take up more people's time, maybe even lawyers. So I'd speak up sooner rather than later. Might also be nicer for you once someone knows.

PS your job sounds cool Twinkle! Beats sitting at a desk all day.

I’m very lucky I feel normal just tired and hungry, my job is very varied and plus when I get referred then I will be getting my 12 week scan booked in and will be in the week and I’m out of annual leave now until Xmas. Eek, do I need anything in writing ? Or just a chat to let her know.

You can just tell her, I think the formal notification (when you get the form from GP/MW to give work) is closer to 20 weeks. I also followed my chat up by email but where I work it says in the policy I have to notify in writing before they're required to consider making any allowances. Turned out ok so far though.

I also have an appraisal at the end of the year too, should I wait until then, don’t know if it will effect much

I’ve had a bit of a scare this evening, when I went to the bathroom after work there was brown discharge when I wiped It’s mostly gone now but still a small tinge there. No pain or anything else to note at the moment. I’m currently travelling with work but phoned 111 and went to the local out of hours. They said they couldn’t really say much without scanning, I’ve now booked a private scan for when I get home on Thursday. Anyone else had this? With this being my first pregnancy the slightest thing has me in a panic

@Softkitty28 I had exactly the same this morning. Really nervous. Everyone online has said aslong as it isn't red and there is no cramping it should be ok. Keep me posted though 😘😘

Thanks @vixy1988 it’s just so worrying isn’t it counting the hours until I get home now and can have my scan!

Yes and I will be thinking of you. I've got a private one booked for the 17th. Not sure whether I should bring it forward or not or just try and wait it out.

Oh no vixy and Softkitty, how far along are you both? Sending you good vibes!

Twinkle I'd mention it before the appraisal.

softkitty28 that's exactly what I had and it was fine - and someone else posted about this at the weekend too - sorry I cant recall who. So seems quite common.