The March-ers 2019 #6

[Angelmiracle]

Welcome to no.6 mamas 😄 We love to chat 😁

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Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3354202-The-March-ers-2019-5

Great news @ladycarlotta I was starting to worry there was something amiss! I know what you mean about using family names, we gave my maiden name to DS as a middle name as both me and my brother took our partners' name when we married, which was lovely. I'm not sad we're having a boy particularly but am kinda grieving the loss of the daughter I'll never have and the sister my boys won't have, if that makes any sense?

@ladycarlotta congratulations on your baby girl news!! 💖The thread is boy heavy so far. Could you use the feminine version of either grandads name as a middle name?

@Murphyrocks I can understand what you mean. I know I would like a girl this time because I don't think DH would want to try for dc3! But like I said DS might be disappointed with that lol. My cousin had 3 DS in a row then dc4 a DD she went for dc5 hoping for a sister for DD had another DS!

@wordsmithereens I like that analogy!

@Shampooeeee I do not envy that airport dash. Glad they could rebook you though. How exciting that you are feeling baby move! (I'm excited even if your husband isn't!)

@ballanj UGH that sounds rough. Food poisoning then? Good luck with your move! Whee!

@Murphyrocks congratulations on joining team boy! And @ladycarlotta congratulations on joining team girl! I understand the twinges of sadness for both of you. I lost my mum when I was a teenager and when DS was born I really really wanted to give him a middle name that had some connection to her, but couldn't think of a way of doing it. In the end I gave him my brother's name as a middle name. And we are stopping at two children, so if this one is another boy then I shall also be letting go of the idea of a daughter.

Speaking of which, I had my 16 week midwife appointment today (at 17+5!). She offered to listen to the heartbeat, with the caveat that she may not find it. I jumped at the chance anyway. I wasn't this doubtful with DS, but having had a miscarriage in between has made me a bit more aware that things can go wrong, and in the last couple of weeks I've had a bit of creeping doubt about whether everything is okay (despite the rapidly expanding tummy!).

ANYWAY, she found the heartbeat really quickly, which was just brilliant. But then she said: 'Sounds like a train... They say that means a boy!' I wasn't expecting a gender prediction and was a bit nonplussed! I did google it when I left the unit and apparently there are lots of people for whom this particular old wives' tale did not hold true, so I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything. But in a way I'm glad she didn't predict it was a girl, as I think I might have got a little bit extra excited if she had. (I feel like I can say this here; I'm not sure I could say it in real life!)

Anyway, I haven't told DH as he doesn't want to know the sex, but it's got me wondering again about whether I want to know the sex enough that I would find out without him (he said I can if I want to). I guess I've got two weeks to decide!

Also, had a classic evening in which DS did a fabulous poo in the potty but then shat all over the carpet five mins later and trod it in. While all this was going on, DH was losing the plot because he had to leave imminently to do a presentation for work and he couldn't find two vital bits of IT equipment. It is at times like this that I am devoutly grateful I live with my MIL, who took DS off for a shower while I dealt with everything else

@BadBadBeans ooof that doesn't sound like the best end to a day! Glad you had some support though. Must be nice to be close to your mil after losing your Mum so young, I can't even imagine how hard that must've been. I couldn't not find out the sex, dh would've rather not but I felt stronger than he did I think! I'm glad I did though as I can come around to the idea of a boy and just enjoy the new arrival at the time rather than sort through those feelings.

I've heard it told both ways on the heartbeat speed and gender - really not sure there's anything behind it but it's fun to guess!

@BadBadBeans Haha oh no well at least your halfway there to having only one in nappies come next year!

It's so lovely isn't it the heartbeat!! I also heard baby's heartbeat today at 16 week check(16+3) she found it easily too. It was more galloping horse at 154bpm of course googling the odds but still 50:50 😂 All other checks fine. My haemoglobin is 119 which is close to borderline of normal range. That was 6 weeks ago. Midwife said it was normal but I was anaemic with DS at 30 weeks. Might buy some Floradix soon.

I also asked about booking in for flu and whooping cough jab and she advised leave it until after 20 week scan (it's 5 weeks away) I'd be concerned that flu would be going around soon??

@thefirsttimer- EDD 23/02/19 - first baby - Boy
@Wineandchoccy- EDD 24/02/19 - 2nd baby - dd is 3
@olivia2019 - EDD 25/02/19 First Baby
@Frenchgal - EDD 25/02/19 - first baby -Boy
@Sjohn81 - EDD 25/02/19
@pushit - EDD 25/02/19 - DD(2yrs9m)- baby twins
@squashbanana1- EDD 26/02/19- first baby
@orangekitkat13 - EDD 27/02/19 - first baby - Boy
@Velcro88 - EDD 27/02/19 - first baby
@hamandpease - EDD 01/03/19 - first baby
@Shampooeeee- EDD 01/03/19- 1 DS (2yo)
@Purpleflower1983 - EDD 01/03/19 - baby girl
@TurquoiseWeekend - EDD 01/03/19
@puravida31- EDD 01/03/19 - first baby
@PartridgeJoan- EDD 01/03/19- first baby
@SDP84- EDD 01/03/19 - DD (8yo)
@LittleKitty1985- EDD 01/03/19 - first baby - team blue
@Sophlou- EDD 01/03/19 - 2 DC
@toastfiend- EDD 02/03/19 - first baby
@wordsmithereens- EDD 02/03/19 - first baby
@Barleyfive -EDD 2/03/19
@ladycarlotta- EDD 03/03/19 - first baby - Girl
@MoosterTheMoose- EDD 03/03/19 - DD (4yo)- baby girl
@ClaireMcd13- EDD 03/03/19 - DD (4yo)
@Murphyrocks- EDD 03/03/19 - 1 DS (2yo)- Boy
@MistakenHoliday- EDD 03/03/19 - one DD (3yo) - Girl
@NotDoingThat- EDD 03/03/19 - first baby
@rainbownugget28- EDD 03/03/19 - first baby
@XxsimonexX- EDD 04/03/19 - baby boy
@babycatcher411- EDD 04/03/19 - 1DC
@Mamawithnumber2 - EDD 05/03/19
@sunnywithachanceofpanic- EDD 05/03/19
@TheWanderlust - EDD 06/03/19 - first baby - Girl
@Buttons2 - EDD 06/03/19 - 1 DC
@MrsLCW -EDD 07/03/19 (will be induced around 14/03/19)
@chamcourts - EDD 08/03/19
@starheart- EDD 08/03/19
@7415N1d0r1391117- EDD 08/03/19- 2 DS - Boy
@sarahandduckarehigh - EDD 09/03/19 - 1DS (almost 2)
@Marmite2018 - EDD 11/3/19 first baby 🍼
@lemonsorbetinthesun- EDD 11/03/19
@Mum2bejac -EDD 12/03/19
@loopyloo85 - EDD 12/03/19
@WhataLearningCurve - EDD 12/03/19 - Boy
@Smilenow2008 -EDD 12/03/19
@Hans123 - EDD 13/03/19
@Gronk27- EDD 13/03/19 - First Baby
@HelloPeopl3- EDD 13/03/19 - first baby-Girl
@myotherbagisgucci -EDD 14/03/19 - 1DC
@Harlennjerome - EDD 14/03/2019
@Agnie- EDD 14/03/19
@ballanj - EDD 14/03/19 - first baby
@Welshgal18 -EDD 14/03/19
@melissa112 -EDD 14/03/19 - Boy
@MisBit1 - EDD 15/03/19 - 1DS will be 3yo
@HidCat -EDD 15/03/2019 - 1DS (5yo)
@Jenlou1992- EDD 15/03/19 - first baby
@Miami81 - EDD 15/03/19 - first baby
@NatashaRomanov- EDD 16/03/19 - 1DD (8yo)
@pearcrumble- EDD 16/03/19 - first baby
@Spud2019 - EDD 16/03/19
@cactusplant- EDD 17/03/19 - 2 DC
@Angel0071987 -EDD 18/3/19
@bluebelltulip- EDD 19/03/19 - 1 DD 18 months
@HoldOnToHope - EDD 19/03/19
@Kee80 - EDD 19/03/19
@modgem - EDD 19/03/19 - first baby
@Orville82 - EDD 20/03/19 - 1 DS (3yo)
@ALRM - EDD 20/03/19 - first baby
@RMack22 - EDD 20/03/19 - first baby
@SquirtlesMumAgain- EDD 20/03/19 - 1 DS (3yo)
@BadBadBeans - EDD 20/03/19 - 1 DS (2yo)
@Elizabeth134 - EDD 21/03/19 - first baby
@cornflower1- EDD 21/03/19
@Daisy2990- EDD 21/03/19 - DS (5yo)
@Charlotte1x -EDD 22/03/19
@penguins18- EDD 22/03/19
@SoBoredofWaiting- EDD 22/03/19
@TheOneWithTheBaby- EDD 23/03/19 - first baby
@Minichuch- EDD 23/03/19 - DS (3yo)
@Doodles1234 - EDD 23/03/19
@Jenfur- EDD 23/03/19 - DS (2yo)
@MyMumDimensionJumps- EDD 23/03/19- 1 DC
@fanks- EDD 24/03/19 - 4 DC
@Jadeelx- EDD 24/03/19 - 1 DS 8 months
@Newbie2703 - EDD 25/03/19 - first baby
@Trevor - EDD 25/03/19
@Bellendejour- EDD 25/03/19 - first baby
@AssumeItWasSomethingClever - EDD 26/03/19 - first baby
@sherbertdibdab -EDD 27/03/19 - 1 DD 21 months
@cardboard33 - EDD 27/03/19 - first baby
@Hurradieweltgehtunter- EDD 27/03/19- baby twins
@nightmanagerfan - EDD 27/03/19 - first baby
@AceyMac13 - EDD 28/03/19
@Moleeye - EDD 28/03/2019
@Tiffbump- EDD 28/03/19 - 2 DC
@Villagefete -EDD 28/03/19 - DD(9yo)- Boy
@MsLioness - EDD 28/03/19
@absolutehush- EDD 29/03/19
@TeaRexx - EDD 29/03/19 - first baby
@thecherryontop - EDD 29/03/19 - DD (4yo)
@Angelmiracle- EDD 29/03/19 - DS (5yo)
@PassTheAfterEights - EDD 29/03/19 - first baby
@HappyOtter - EDD 29/03/19 - first baby
@BuffaloGiraffe - EDD 30/03/19 - 2 DC
@Fredders - EDD 30/03/19 - first baby
@Sictransitgloria -EDD 30/03/19
@silvertongue - EDD 30/03/19 - first baby
@LovelyFishy - EDD 31/03/19
@hanny24 - EDD TBC

@ladycarlotta congratulations on finding out you are having a girl, that's so lovely!

@BadBadBeans lovely that you got to hear the heartbeat. Not so good about the trodden in poo haha!

@Angelmiracle glad all the checks went ok, and lovely for you to hear the heartbeat too. Is there a reason she suggested waiting until after the 20 week scan for the flu jab? I was supposed to have mine 2 weeks ago but it got cancelled as the health board are prioritising over 75s first. I need to ring up at the end of this week and see if they're done yet. But getting worried incase of flu in the meantime. Are you having flu and whooping cough jabs together?

Apparently the nurse at my GP is only licensed to do the whooping cough from 28weeks.. is this too late?

No such thing as too late for whooping cough @melissa112 I think ideal is before 32 weeks.

@Bluebelltulip brilliant, thanks for the reply. I'd just seen others who had it with the flu jab and thought it was supposed to be around then but feeling ok about it now

@Murphyrocks argh sorry! Didn't mean to worry anybody by going awol - in fact it was absolutely the contrary, DP had the whole day off as TOIL so after the scan we went gallivanting. That is, to a board game cafe for 4 hours. Felt like we were skiving off! It was great.

@BadBadBeans ooh do you think you'd be able to keep shtum about the sex for 20 weeks? would be kind of fun to know as a secret all to yourself, but I know if it were me I'd let slip.

@silvertongue ooo yay due date twins! It does feel like ages but I’m gonna try busy myself til then (away for a week in between). I think after the scan it’s going to fly by. Are you going to find out the sex of your baby?

Yes, gotta love old school Brand New. Surprisingly lots of fans on mumsnet!

No worries @ladycarlotta, that sounds like an awesome day! What did you play? dh and I are slightly board/card game obsessed 😁

@melissa112 as @Bluebelltulip says you should fine on whooping cough, my trust prefer to do it between 20 and 32 weeks but pretty much anytime up to birth will be fine for protecting baby which is the primary purpose.

I saw this and it made me laugh it is so true

@angelmiracle I know all areas are different, but my maternity outpatients unit offers flu jabs on a walk in basis. The jab covers 4 different strains of flu this year.

Hi everyone,

I’m only up to page 17 but i’m soooo exhausted tonight that I just cannot read any more! Will definitely catch up properly tomorrow.

I am so not enjoying this pregnancy so far My best friend has cancer and is in a hospice now. I’m helping out with her little boy lots, plus working lots and taking care of my daughter and I just feel so terribly overwhelmed. I can’t help but dwell on the negatives. My almost 10 year age gap because of fertility issues is constantly playing on my mind. What is my daughter going to have in common with my son who is 9 and a half years younger than her? I feel like i’ve let her down. They aren’t going to be brought up “together” They are like 2 only children. I can’t help but feel she’d have been happier and had more in common with him if he’d have been a girl Then I feel like I HAVE to give him a sibling close in age, or he’s growing up on his own. DD will lose interest in him in a year or two as she goes to secondary school. I should be SO grateful to even be pregnant after it taking 4 years, but I feel so anxious and worried about the age gap and the changes that lie ahead and the fact that I feel I NEED a 3rd child now for my son to have company. I’ve got a bloody meeting on 4th November with a fertility Dr from Cyprus, i’m adamant we’re going for IVF in Cyprus once my son turns 1. Why can’t I just enjoy this pregnancy? Why am I dwelling on the negatives? I just feel so stressed and pressured. I’m trying to organise a charity night/fundraiser for my best friend, so that’s massively contributing to the stress.

I see a few pages back that there are some others suffering with anxiety. I really feel for you, and you are not alone. I feel like I need to speak to my midwife about how I feel.

I will catch up properly tomorrow. X

@Badbadbeans, Sounds like an eventful evening, glad you're not alone in the chaos. @wineandchoccy - that is brilliant.

So happy for everyone having their 20 week scan and finding out sex, etc - ours is tomorrow and very excited.

@VillageFete I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much - it sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment, between your friend's illness and the background of conception, etc. Do you think maybe the anxiety/overwhelm is spilling over and fixing on a few particular things, which in the grander scheme of things, are unlikely to be failures? If you can, speaking to your midwife sounds like a really good idea, you don't need to be alone in this, and deserve support as well instead of just supporting others. Many hugs.

Quick update on the Mum situation my end - she had only got parts of some of my texts and others not at all (helpful), so I had to start the conversation from scratch when she rang this afternoon. Basically, she did seem to be completely blinkered and unable to see past her own perspective when she booked/planned flights. But to her credit, she was receptive to me saying it was too much, and even apologised after I detailed how it affected me (!!). She's not changing her flights, but will look into spending part of the time she's here somewhere else to take the pressure off, and entertain herself for the first couple of days with us free to act as if she's not here. (Her suggestion, not mine! Rather off the wall, but if it works for her and it creates a viable compromise, who am I to question?)

In summary, glad I went the assertive route and hopefully we can build a stronger basis from this for the long run. Thanks again for everyone who was supportive in helping me stick with that decision.

@Murphyrocks thank you for the extra reassurance regarding the whooping cough jab. My 28weeks appointment is actually at 27+6 which is the week before Christmas so hope she will do it then

@Wineandchoccy just read through that with a brew, haha I better start preparing myself! Although walking round the supermarket with SS is good practise for that bit!

@VillageFete I'm so sorry to hear how anxious you are. It sounds like you have so much on your mind right now. I definitely think it's worth speaking to somebody about. You have in no way let down your DD. I have 5 brothers and I'm the oldest and only girl. There is 13 years between me and my youngest brother and I remember lovely days sat with him watching his dinosaur shows, playing with his Lego with him and when i was older and could drive, taking him out for the day. I have a lovely relationship with my brothers. The brother I am the least closest to is only 3 years younger than me. I hope this gives you some comfort. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, it's so lovely of you to organise a fundraiser. Sending hugs xx

@wordsmithereens good luck for your scan today! I'm so glad that the mum situation seems to have worked out ok. Good for you for standing up for yourself and I'm sure, as you say, that this will help with a stronger basis. Glad that you were able to come to a compromise

@Villagefete just a quick update to say there is 9 1/2 years between my 2 and they really couldn't have a better relationship - agreed its not the 'playmate' one that comes from a small age gap but they adore each other and play together beautifully. And the eldest is old enough to actually help out with childcare a bit and loves the responsibility of it. A girl I imagine would be even more so. He's now at High School and showing no signs of losing interest. Please do speak to someone about how you're feeling as you definitely need some extra support but just wanted to add what reassurance I can from my experience. Happy to speak further on PM if that would be helpful.

@VillageFete I’m sorry you have so much going on and are struggling you sound an amazing support to your friend.
I think I have said before but there is 10 years between me and my brother and we are incredibly close he is 48 at Christmas, married with a son yet still comes for tea most weeks or we go to his, he treats my dd like his own their bond is lovely with her Uncle Marky! My Mum said he was so proud when I was born and showed me off to anybody who would look and listen.
My nephew and Dd have the same age gap and he adores her except when she likes an audience to poo
I know it’s hard not to worry but I’m sure they will love each lots x

@Murphyrocks I am sooooo lucky with my MIL. She doesn't have a daughter but would have liked one, so between our two situations I think we have got more of a mother/daughter relationship than we would have otherwise. Also, we have similar crafty hobbies, which helps!

Yes, my main reason for finding out the sex would be to give me time to let go of the idea of having a daughter. I think I mentioned on here the other week that my SIL found out the sex of hers (a second boy) at 20 weeks for that exact same reason. I hate the term 'gender disappointment' because I wouldn't be disappointed by ANY baby I had, and if this one is a boy then it will be extra wonderful for my DS. It's more 'gender wistfulness' for me I guess?!

@ladycarlotta I too don't know if I could hold it in for 20 weeks. The trouble is that we haven't even started discussing names, and there's no way we're going to have a boy's name and a girl's name sorted by two weeks' time, so I would have to keep up a pretence for that discussion. I reckon I could do that easily - it's more being caught unawares by a mention of boy/girl that I might struggle with. I've been told by many people that my face is no good at hiding my thoughts!

@Angelmiracle that seems weird to me about the flu jab. I've had mine already, and I've been told to make an appointment for whooping cough after 20 weeks. Maybe check with your GP surgery?

@Wineandchoccy hilarious!

@VillageFete no wonder your head is swimming; you've got a lot of emotional trauma going on. I'm going to be 100% sexist now but in my experience of teaching 9 and 10 year olds at primary school, little girls LOVE babies and small kids. Yeah, she may lose interest in him for a bit when she starts senior school, but only as much as (or probably less than!) she'd lose interest in a sibling a couple of years younger. By the time she's 18 and he's 9, she'll be taking her boyfriend to see his football matches, I bet you! Lovely to hear all the stories on here of close siblings with large age gaps. There's 4.5 years between my brother and myself (I'm older), so not as much, but I loved playing with him until I was about 11. We weren't particularly close when I was a younger teenager - I was far too wrapped up in my own boring world - but (maybe partly because we lost our mum), we have ended up extremely close. We call each other for advice!

@wordsmithereens so glad to hear that the conversation went well with your mum - that she listened and that a compromise was reached. May I suggest that you actively plan things to do with your DH on those first couple of days that take you out of the house (ideally ticketed events for which you buy just two tickets!!!!). Otherwise it might be very easy for you to go all soft-hearted once she's here and, if she doesn't get round to planning anything to occupy herself, hanging out with her out of guilt! Good luck with your scan!

You ladies are a great bunch, thanks so much for your kind words. I guess I just have a lot going on and it makes me so sad that I can’t enjoy my long awaited pregnancy. My best friend doesn’t acknowledge it, which is completely understandable, I don’t blame her, she’s facing her own mortality and sees me bringing a son in to the world as she’s contemplating leaving hers. I guess i’m scated too. We are like sisters. I don’t know how i’ll live without her, she was supposed to be Godmother to my son.

Maybe if I do get lucky and manage to have baby number 3, that will be a much more enjoyable time.

big hugs to you, @VillageFete, you've got so much going on. Easier said than done, but don't worry about comparing the shape of your family to others - sure, there are more typical ways of doing things, but love is love. Whatever sibling relationship yours end up having, they will adore and enjoy one another so much, and the baby will inject a new little dynamic to all your lives. I promise it'll be super. My youngest sister is 21 years younger, which is very different again, and my rship with her is nothing like the one with my brother who is 2.5 years younger, than me but she is such a source of joy and bonding for all of us. You're a family, nothing matters beyond that.

@wordsmithereens glad you could iron stuff out with your mum. Enforcing boundaries is so draining, so good for you.

@badbadbeans yep, 'gender wistfulness' is about right. Having cogitated overnight, I'm really glad I found out yesterday - I think if it had carried on with me being convinced it was a boy, and that was important bc of my grandfathers, I might not have handled the surprise of it being a girl that brilliantly in the drama of birth/post partum. It's not a big deal now but I think if my mental health was at all wobbly I could have built it into one. TBH though, just managing your expectations and not clinging to any particular narrative might have much the same effect.

also @Melissa112, I came too late to this thread to catch up on your discussion about anxiety, but all the sharing and advice was so good. I must bookmark the page. Big hugs to you and hoping you're feeling a bit better.

@murphyrocks we're also board game fans - this place had 850 games to choose from apparently! We tried two we'd never played before - Patchwork, which was fun and easy to pick up, and Forbidden Desert, a collaborative game where you have to work together to excavate the parts for your flying machine during a desert storm while chance cards make the sand move about and cover things up again. That was great. We've always enjoyed board game nights, but I'm thinking it's worth fully committing to them for when the baby comes and traps us in the house.

@VillageFete sorry you're going through such a difficult time with you're friend. My mum had my brother when I was 13 I can honestly say it was the best thing thats ever happened to me as a child it's my happiest child hood memory. I used to rush home from school to help look after him I loved it. I think have a newborn sibling when you're a bit older gives you a whole set of new life skills and having little ones around when I was a teenager makes you a little less selfish and more responsible. I think you'll see your daughter will thrive. Me and my brother have always been close and as adults now you don't really notice the age difference. My brother was only 8 when I had my first baby which has been great for my older two, he's training to be a teacher so he helps them with their coursework and has been more like an older brother to them. My daughter is now 16 and is so excited about this baby I'm really hoping she will get the benefits I did. I completely understand your worries and wanting a close age gap but honestly larger age gaps also have benefits and will bring new dynamics to your family. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

@ladycarlotta yes we have forbidden desert, and the original game it was developed from forbidden island which to be honest is a 'tidier' format which we prefer, although dh and I aren't great on working collaboratively anyway! 😂 I can recommend lots of good games for 2 people once you're a bit trapped by baby if you're interested! Currently slightly obsessed with the new star realms cards which we got last week on kickstarter. We're such geeks!