The March-ers 2019 #6

[Angelmiracle]

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Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3354202-The-March-ers-2019-5

@frenchgal lovely scan pic of your little boys face 💙💙

Just want to say a massive thank you to everyone for their kind words regarding my anxiety and for sharing their thoughts and experiences. While it's comforting to know I'm not alone, it's not nice to know that others are going through or have been through these feelings too.

@Badbadbeans the way you have described the anxiety fixing on something has really made me realise exactly why I'm feeling like this. You are completely right. Before this rabies thing I have had a really bad pain in my left shoulder blade for 3 months. Dr Google had convinced me it was something serious and I worried about it until i went to the doctors last week. Since the rabies thing the back pain hasn't been half as bad...but anxiety has just shifted towards another target now. It's a horrible cycle and I know that only through getting help can I truly be rid of it, or at least feel better. Thank you for sharing what you went through.

@Angelmiracle I'm sorry to hear you're also feeling anxious. I know I'm in no place to advise you speak to someone as I haven't followed my own advice, but I do think it would be worth speaking to occupational health and I hope they'll be able to help with your feelings. I know the feeling about not feeling able to do the job, despite no one telling me otherwise. Sometimes I feel I'm just pretending and someone will find me out and realise I don't have a clue. The thing is, I know I do have a clue deep down and your promotion just shows that you do too. You should take comfort that no one has said anything negative, I'm sure you are more than capable

Thank you all once again. I'm going to bite the bullet and make sure I get this midwife appointment. It sounds absolutely awful but the past few days I've felt really disconnected from the pregnancy and the baby. Almost as if I'm scared to get attached because I feel as if something terrible is going to happen to me. I feel a bit better than yesterday about the bat thing but every so often I have a mini panic that at some point I'm going to get rabies symptoms and that will be it. Wish my brain would stop this!!

Gorgeous pic @frenchgal and congratulations on the boy!
Thanks for the kind words @wordsmithereens I had a dream day with DS yesterday. When we are not both exhausted, he is a great little buddy to hang out with! I hope your worries about being a mum have passed.
@melissa112 I’m no expert but I did have anxiety after DS was born. I couldn’t go out on our balcony because I was so worried about dropping him and I had some OCD type symptoms (had to hang the washing up a certain way or bad things would happen, etc). Someone told me that anxiety can be linked to a magnesium deficiency, which I found interesting as I was on extra magnesium during pregnancy to prevent early contractions and then stopped just before the birth. I need to do more research into the link but it could be worth looking into.

@melissa112 just to add to what everybody said but also to say- it's not your fault. There is no reason to feel ashamed, if you could turn off these thoughts you would. There are very good non medical treatments to anxiety, have you thought about starting hypnobirthing ? (I am totally not advising for a drug free birth, that's up to you, and personally will get an epidural but have been advised that hypnobirthing and meditation can help relax while getting stressed and anxious during pregnancy).

Hi everyone, just been reading through and catching up. @melissa112 and others who are struggling with anxiety, I hope you get the support and advice to help you, do not ever feel like you're alone.

And congratulations to those who have had scans recently.

@Wineandchoccy really hope you have good news this week, when is your appointment?

Arrived home from holidays late Saturday night/early hours of Sunday morning. Felt so relaxed and recharged and then yesterday afternoon having done a load of ironing and wardrobe sorting in prep for moving, had one of my headaches make a return. Went to bed in agony and woke up not being able to lift my pounding head off the pillow so had to call in sick on my first day back. Which has made me feel incredibly guilty. I've slept in and succumbed to taking paracetamols and it seems to be easing. Thought I'd seen the last of these heads. Really don't cope well with them (obviously!)

@Shampooeeee that's interesting about the magnesium link. I shall have a look into it and see if there are any foods to add to my diet. I'm willing to give anything a go.

@frenchgal thank you for saying that. I do worry that it's my fault and I should just be able to stop myself feeling this way but I really can't. I will have a look into the hypnobirthing as well, even just to see if some of the techniques will help me in general.

@ballanj sorry to hear you are struggling with the headaches. I think you've done right to call in sick, please don't feel guilty. Hope it continues to ease throughout the day

So sorry to hear so many of us are struggling with anxiety of some kind at the moment. Hope nobody minds, but I thought I'd fling some potentially useful info out there in terms of sources of support that may be available in addition to directly speaking to your midwife.

There are so many different roads to explore, and tools to try, so don't ever give up hope. Personally, I have literally been as low as it can go, and I am still here - and I could never have imagined being where I am now at the time.

Mind have a great list of contacts here on all perinatal mental health areas (and also good general info): www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/#.W7ycU2hKjIU

Several people have mentioned meditation/mindfulness and personally this probably helped me the most with anxiety. I've heard lots of great things about www.headspace.com (app), and the Mental Health Foundation also have online courses: bemindful.co.uk/

Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World (Mark Williams) is a great intro book to the concept.

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is also often a first line treatment and there's a lot of self-help stuff out there:

moodgym.com.au/ (An Australian based online programme)
www.getselfhelp.co.uk - a lot of worksheets and therapy resources, mostly CBT, all completely free

In many places, you can also self-refer to IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) services on the NHS - but I suspect midwife referrals would speed the whole thing up massively!
www.nhs.uk/service-search/Psychological-therapies-(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

For anyone who's working, it's worth checking out whether your employer has an EAP (Employee Assistance Programme), as you can often confidentially self-refer for therapy or phone counselling through these much quicker than on the NHS (@Angelmiracle, definitely ask OH if you have one as part of your return to work!) HR departments should know about them, but they're often poorly signposted within companies.

I also increasingly find self-compassion stuff useful, Paul Gilbert is probably the biggest name in the field and has written some good books.

Reading Well audit books based on NICE (NHS gold standard) guidelines, and have a whole selection to pick from: reading-well.org.uk/books/books-on-prescription/mental-health

And finally, there's always Samaritans on 116 123 - you honestly do NOT need to be suicidal to ring them, they will listen to you blather or ramble about anything, completely without judgement, no matter how inarticulate you think you're being. They won't give you advice, but they're great for those moments when you just feel you cannot ask a friend/partner/etc because it's too late, and it's just too overwhelming to be alone with what's in your head. And they're 100%, totally, completely confidential.

Sorry for the massive info dump, but I figured if there's anything in here of use to anyone, it was worth posting.

@wordsmithereens thank you so much for taking the time to put all that info together. My childminders daughter started doing meditation classes and I told her I would definitely be interested in learning how to do it! Yeah we have EAP with our department I was never really sure what services they provided. Will definitely ask OH more tomorrow.

Do you think it is acceptable to let my manager know by email I am pregnant rather than phone him? I feel more comfortable with emailing!

@Angelmiracle I don't see why it wouldn't be (though it might depend a bit on your relationship with your manager - how do you usually communicate best?) The good thing about email is that it gives people more time to process, I think. Nothing beats face to face for a more human discussion though, in my opinion, you always lose so much non-verbal stuff both over the phone and email. (I know when I'm very anxious I have a tendency to read into things, eg.) Perhaps you could keep it brief and factual and ask for a face to face meeting as part of your return to discuss the pregnancy and how it might impact things? OH may also have experience or advice, so it sounds good to have a chat with them first.

Hope it's a good process for you anyway and that your manager is supportive. Whatever happens, try and be kind to yourself in your own head. You're definitely not alone in going through these feelings, and in 5 years' time, this moment will look completely different!

@wordsmithereens I think you are right and I will discuss all with OH. I thought I'd be best telling LM in case OH put it in their report to him after they assess me. But I will explain to them tomorrow. He contacts me by phone every 2 weeks usually but this is 3rd week since I've last heard from him. Just need to stop worrying and hope tomorrow helps with that a bit!

I appreciate your advice it's good to talk it out!

Lovely 20 week pic @frenchgal 💙 I've another 4 weeks to wait 😁

Thanks for your comments too @melissa112 I know that it's true I just have to make myself believe it. Will have a good discussion with OHS. GP advised they are there to help!

Ah, I see why you wanted to contact him directly then. I think it'll help OH to know cause they may want to risk assess the pregnancy element as well, depending on how that's handled in your organisation? You can always see what they say, and still send him an email in parallel afterwards saying "oh may also mention this in their report, but I wanted you to hear it from me personally that I'm pregnant" or similar.

No worries, I certainly don't have all the answers but I know how useful it can be to bounce stuff off another person - even if it just makes our own ideas clearer to ourselves!

Ahh thanks @hidcat waves furiously how are you getting on??

Thanks also @angelmiracle & re Friends ref, glad to be of service ;) how nice to have a due date buddy!!! Although all that hopping about must be infuriating for you, hope it sticks this time!

@tearexx interesting topic, the flu vac is the only thing I'm officially allergic to & stopped having it at school at 13. First babe here too, mentioned to lovely midwife at booking in when it came up and she seems quite happy to leave it (had flu for the first time in my life last Christmas and it was VILE but hoping lightening doesn't strike twice?!!) - If you have confidence in your midwife then I'd go with whatever they say x

@WhatALearningCurve how lovely, huge congrats - and good luck with the naming :/ !!

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I cut my granary toast quite thin then spread with peanut butter (a good brand, not sun pat) or almond butter (and a scratch of raspberry jam if feeling decadent!) usually buys me about 6 hours, so filling and slow release. If you're feeling really angelic the almond butter on apple slices is loooovely. We buy the 1kg Pip & Nut one from Ocado/Amazon, lasts forever. Oh haha just seen @badbadbeans is another nut butter lover!!

@Jenfur prob stupid question but do work know you're preggo? You'll pretty much have to be the one who turns the lights out if so - you have a lot of protection from redundancy as long as they know! Fingers crossed for you anyway.

On clothes - thumbs up to Gebe over bump jeans from ASOS (cheapo leggings are AWFUL though, see through and shapeless - not the area to economise on :/ ) and John Lewis maternity support tights, very comfy. White Stuff "tunics" (I'm 5'2 so they are dresses on me) are also very bump roomy. Have a black tie thing in three weeks and treated myself to the Seraphine silk wrap dress with 20% off, hasn't arrived but hope it's nice. Just couldn't face trying to make a black maxi skirt work with "a nice top" and feeling shit and fat. Have a black tie evening wedding in Italy one month after babe is due so hope it will double up and justify its price...

Also not feeling much pregnant atm although back to having some vivid and mainly horrible dreams. Four months on Thursday, ready to feel a bit more going on down there now!

@melissa112 just huge hugs to you, hang in there trooper x

@Angelmiracle my daughter is still unaware! Only my partner, one friend and select work colleagues know. I don't really know what she will be like to be honest.... she doesn't really like babies haha!

Also, can someone please explain abbreviations on here? As I have no idea! :)

Here you go @hanny24 www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms x

@frenchgal I'm sorry if it came across aggressive it certainly wasn't meant that way. I have actually done plenty of research on the matter and your claims that all anti vaccination claims have been debunked by science are incorrect. I don't want to bore everybody with reams of information on here but I will show a list of things that have been found in vaccinations during independent testing in Germany last year Nagalase, squalene, polysorbate 80, glyphosate (Roundup), e-coli, MSG, antifreeze, phenol (used as a disinfectant), formaldehyde (cancer causing and used to embalm), aluminum (associated with alzheimer’s disease and seizures), glycerin (toxic to the kidney, liver, can cause lung damage, gastrointestinal damage and death), lead, cadmium, sulfates, yeast proteins, antibiotics, acetone (used in nail polish remover), neomycin and streptomycin. And the ingredient making the press is thimerosol (more toxic than mercury, a preservative still used in many vaccines, not easily eliminated, can cause severe neurological damage as well as other life threatening autoimmune disease). These vaccines are grown and strained through animal or human tissue, like monkey and dog kidney tissue, chick embryo, calf serum, human diploid cells (the dissected organs of forcibly aborted fetuses), pig blood, horse blood and rabbit brain (1, 2). Also they were all found to contain Mercury. There are many other reasons backed by doctors and health professionals for not vaccinating so before you judge so quickly I would ask you approach everything with an open mind. I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn't just an anti vaccination band wagon promoter. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but they can be put across in a much nicer and informed manner

@melissa112 sorry to hear about your anxiety. I'll also echo everyone else in that I think you're safe from rabies and also yes you should definitely ask for help. Nobody will think you're a bad mum. Many women have times in their life where they need help and asking for help is not a weakness. You could even call it a strength as you have identified a problem and are seeking a resolution rather than ignoring it which will almost always make it worse. I hope you start to feel better soon and as others have said if you want to chat you can PM even if it's just for more of a distraction than to discuss any problems. Take care of yourself and bump x

@angelmiracle @melissa112 another thing I have found helpful when I feel things are all on top of me and I don't really know where to turn is meditation. You don't need to add much of a spiritual or religious connotation to it but if you can try and spend 10mins, 30mins an hour in a quiet darkish room and try to clear your mind and let go. Some deep breathing and relaxing tones if you wish. I know it's not for everyone but sometimes we don't realise how overloaded we actually are and spending those 10mins in quiet can sometimes provide clarity. HTH x

@frenchgal also your suggestion that vaccination was compulsory at nursery and school wouldn't effect me as I home educate all of my children. Only my eledest has been to nursery and first 2 years of school and she was vaccinated.

@1986mumof5 this is a group for support and advice. I do not wish to engage in a fruitless debate here. What you describe are conspiracy theories by people who have been convicted for fraud. I wish you well in your pregnancy.

As previously discussed in previous threats, I work in global health on maternal and neonatal health in Sub Saharan Africa. Hence all the travel (53 flights in 2018 and counting- airplanes is my other specialty!).

@frenchgal well maybe you should stick more to support and advice then as I was only voicing my own opinion and made it very clear. You, however, seem very closed minded. Unless you can enlighten me on the studies you have conducted yourself. I also wish you well in your pregnancy

ALL - really sorry about the negative messages on this thread. I hope no one was triggered. I hope you're all doing well.

With special thoughts to @Wineandchoccy, @melissa112 and @Angelmiracle who I know are going through difficult times.

Much ❤️

Thank you that means a lot @frenchgal x

@frenchgal you do not need to apologise on my behalf. I don't believe my opinion is negative and quite honestly it's you who has been negative. I come on here regularly to help support others and also give my own opinion on some matters. It seems you think your opinion is superior and your posts are very condescending towards me. I'm not fussed anyway I'm very secure in myself and my beliefs but you can refrain from apologising on my behalf I'm big enough to do that myself, however, in this situation I have nothing to apologise for

My 20 week scan is Friday and I’m feeling a bit nervous, mainly because I felt like the flutterings had reduced. I think it’s more likely I’ve got used to them as I feel a lot of tingling. I did some star jumps and then laid down on the sofa with the lights/TV off and felt some definite flutterings and a couple of prods behind my belly button that I assume we’re kicks. Feeling a little bit better!

Just catching up. A lot going on.
Hope everyone is keeping as well as they can and let’s all stay positive.
Finally bought the first thing for bub. Two different reusable nappies, to try not sure how things will work out yet.
Not quite the cute baby grow but one does have a very sweet print on.