Due Feb 2019 - we’re halfway!

[MakeLemonade]

Thread 8, let’s do this...

Thank you every one. My scan is at 4.15 so I have a while to wait :(

@Baby160P
Oh bless you it's so sad isn't it and that's so lovely you still keep in contact with that other family & they still message you :) I'm like that with my first nanny family!

It's just such a shame when the parents do put work first I get they have to earn money but just sometimes they should stop and think.
I have mum & dad at home today! Well mums taken herself off shopping :/ and dad decides to set himself up in the kitchen to work!! The worst place ever. Obv the kids are so diff when the parents are around and it just makes my life a whole lot harder! Thankgod I finish at 3!! Xxx

Sorry you're having a hard time @Baby160P. Hope things improve for you soon.

Good luck with your scan today @Alicejj8x.

So I had to go to the GP for an embarrassing problems this morning. I've been majorly constipated in this pregnancy and felt like something was coming out my bum (other than poo!) Saw female GP this morning and I have two rectal skin tags Apparently they are very common in pregnancy and made worst by constipation. They should hopefully go in time but I'm mortified! So pleased to have an anonymous forum like this to share these things. The joys of pregnancy!!

Scan at 3.30, can barely concentrate on anything. There’s an incredibly moving article on the bbc about stillbirth which I stupidly read this morning and now I’m even more anxious.

I think tbh it’s quite easy to judge... I work 4 days a week. My daughter is in nursery / with grandparents between 7:30/8 - 6/6:30 each day. That’s not because I put my job first - but I have to work! It’s real life. I adore my daughter but my job is important. We will look at potentially a different arrangement childcare wise after number 2 but the hours will likely be the same and if I change jobs possibly longer in some cases / more work at home. That’s reality for a lot of people - it doesn’t mean we don’t love our children!

Ps. I RARELY get any proper child free time anymore and yes I have totally been guilty of putting her in nursery on a day off to have a rest / break!

I think it comes down to quality v quantity a lot of the time. Just because someone is around their children more, it doesn't follow that they're necessarily giving them more attention or a higher quality of care. I think there's this fallacy that stay at home mothers are all baking and doing craft work with their children and 'making memories' 24/7 when in reality that's often not the case

My mum was a single parent who worked full time in a high-powered job, and I had childminders after school and also went to afterschool clubs during school holidays. But the time we spent together, we both made the most of - and she was able to give me opportunities that I would never have had otherwise. And it gave me a work ethic and appreciation for a career and a strong role model. And I also had a wonderful relationship with my grandparents, which endures to this day (sadly only my gran is still alive).

Working is important to me. I've worked hard to get where I am and I'm determined to not lose an important part of me when my baby arrives. I want to do things for me to, that give me self-worth and engage me, and for me that's continuing to work. I'm very determined to not become someone who is defined solely by being a mother, and for me, keeping working and developing my career is an instrumental part of that.

Totally agree @celebelly it’s very easy to do as well by the way - you’ve had a baby and lose your sense of ‘self’.

This is a very polarising discussion and everyone is entitled to their own view but it’s much harder to have a qualified opinion until you’re actually in the ‘working parent’ scenario imo.

@powkin I read that article too and it's very moving indeed :( Someone in another Feb due group I'm in had their baby yesterday, at just 22+1. He was born alive but obviously the odds are incredibly slim and it was quite a shock to see the post announcing his birth. I'm dreading seeing the post saying he hasn't made it. I had a little cry and gave our little girl a good talking-to, telling her just to stay put until I tell her otherwise. All we can do is hope for the best and try to take comfort in that healthy babies are born every day and there's no reason to think ours won't be one of those. But it's tough.

@Since2016
No one said nothing about the parents not loving their kids at all

Us as nannies see it from a different side. Like I said I understand parents have to work to keep the families going but the jobs I've been in personally have shown me that they unfortunately do put their jobs first way before the kids

I.e today the mum could of spend the day with them
But she has chosen to go clothes shopping

@Wames80 @Fredthespider I mentioned pelvic girdle to MW yesterday. I didn’t find it v helpful tbh. She just said it is “normal” and said to google it / look on nhs website and gave me a number for physio.

@wames90 even

This makes me dread childminders tbh... I hope they’re not all this judgemental.

I enjoy time away from my kids, whether that be shopping/ holidays etc.

I also love time with my kids.

There’s a balance. I don’t think a childminder necessarily sees the true picture.

Stopping and thinking won’t pay my bills.

I think I’ll step away now, as I’m taking this too personally perhaps.

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking

I'm not a child minder

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking
Yes I think you are
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions Nd I'm not even getting into any arguments about what I think coming from personally my side of what I've seen

I've never said I don't understand the other side but from a nannies side it's just different to see

This thread is about pregnancy and supporting each other not who's right and who's wrong

I've been getting sore hips/thighs/bum overnight. I wake up several times a night and have to turn onto my other side. It's helped a bit by folding a duvet and putting it on top of my memory foam topper and putting a pillow between my knees, but it's still pretty achey and dreading it getting worse!

@alicejj8x but it was implied tbh!

Like I said - I RARELY get child free time so I honestly don’t see how using a day of childcare for ‘me’ time is wrong. Obviously we don’t know the individual circumstances of the family you work for.

All I’m saying is that until you are juggling work, childcare, friends, relationship and me time you really can’t judge. It’s such a cliche but I look back on some of the “I will never do that when I have children” statements I made / thought and laugh.

@cabbage me too - I was so worried about how the nursery staff would judge me when I went back to work when DD was 11 months. Ridiculous but it does make you wonder!

Stepping away now - the working mum / childcare arrangements debate is incredibly contentious. Its hard not to offend people quite frankly.

@Since2016
I think if you go and re read my post your see it wasn't ever implied

Exactly you don't know the family I work for and what I see on a day to day bases
So best for each person to keep their opinions to themselves if it's going to be like this

Like I've said it's a pregnancy thread not a Thread about who's right and who's wrong

I have nothing but respect for mums who go back to work. I'm lucky as I'm self-employed so can be flexible with hours and work from home (although there are other issues around trying to get work done from home when you have other stuff going on!) but I think women who balance child-rearing with their own career and interests are fantastic (and who I want to be! I'll come back in a year or two and read this and weep maybe ...)

On a more tangential note, I was actually reluctant to have children for a long time because I was frightened of turning into nothing but a 'mummy'. What has helped has been seeing friends who have had children not be consumed by it but keep their own lives, be it career, hobbies, interests in stuff other than children, etc. Conversely I have some friends who only seem to post stuff about their children on FB now, nothing about themselves or anything else they're interested in, like they used to, and I have the fear that that will be me and I'll be oblivious to it. Loss of identity is a big issue for me and I struggle with the thought of it a lot. I'm not sure there's a solution, really, I'm just rambling!

@celebelly thank you! It’s tough I’m not going to lie. I couldn’t do my old job (operational manager in a specialist hospital) with a young child at home because of the hours and the stress so I took the hit career wise for something more flexible. But second time round I will be more open to it again. The balance is HARD. When I first went back to work it was so hard, now I manage fine but it’s tough to balance it all.

Loss of identify is a big one. Esp in the hospital they call you ‘mum’ - everyone really and I found that a bit ‘wow’ I have a name?!! I just found carving out time is important - both for me and for my relationship but it’s a constant juggle and a learning curve!

Is anyone else having to do the glucose test? I have mine coming up in a few weeks and dreading it! I'm so hungry all the time I'm worried I'll flake!

Xx

@yakadee me 😧with a toddler in tow😑

@Since2016 - I'm so lucky, my mum is going to have mine or he'd have been coming too. Aww, I bet that's tough, I'll be feeling sorry for myself enough! Is yours first thing though? That's the only good part 😩

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking

@Since2016

We are not tarnishing everyone with the same brush BUT if you work in the same job as @Alicejj8x and with 'different' people you'd understand. Both parents don't necessarily have to work 💵 have 10 holidays per year to America, Maldives, Barbados and some the children aren't welcome on and don't even arrange doctors appointments when they're sick, trust me in the past I've been in hospital with a very poorly baby and parent we're unreachable and were in the pub.

Not all people are the same and do have to work but in this business you sure do meet some characters.

I'd saddens me!