Due in Sept '07 - part 5 - '.... Half Way to Heaven......?'

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Hope you all don't mind about the new thread. We've been AGONISING over the name

Mrs Fish and Laksa - you're wee babies yourselves, celebrating 2/3 years of marriage! I've been with my other half for 20 years a few months ago. For the record, we didn't celebrate. Our 14th wedding anniversary is later this year. He bloody better spoil me then!

Actually to be fair he can pull out the stops when he wants to. I was pregnant with ds2 on our 11th anniversary. He planned a weekend in London for us. He booked the theatre, got a private box, took me to The Ivy for dinner and introduced me to George Michael all in one night. That was a night to remember. He says he'll never be able to top that, so that's why he doesn't try anymore! I might start dropping a few hints!

Anyway, congratulations to all of you that are/have been celebrating.

hello all,

feeling pretty tired today, was up until 4.30am waiting for dh to get home. He'd been at a conference all day and rang at nine to say he was going out for dinner with the guys from the conference. He then proceeded to get very drunk and his phone was out of reception, so at 2am I called him to see if he was ok, phone not responding, I called him non stop until 4am when he finally called absolutely trollied saying he was on his way home. I didn't have a go, it wasn't the time, but I was in tears most of the night freaking out, thinking he'd either been mugged, killed or gone off with another woman. Needless to say after three hours sleep he's feeling terrible and is really guilty. I've told him he owes me BIG TIME.

I don't mind him going out with his mates, I don't even mind him coming home pissed out of his head at 4.30am, I just want him to call me occasionally so I know he's alive still. I always think of that terrible story of the lawyer who was shot dead yards from his home by two scumbags who just wanted his mobile and oyster card. I know a few mates who've been mugged and beaten up when they're pissed as they're easy targets. I worry soooo much!!

Rant over!!! The upshot is I'm exhausted, thank God I spent yesterday cleaning like a mad woman, as the place was a tip, and had nothing more stressful to do than take our winter duvet to the cleaners. Might have to spend the rest of the afternoon dozing on the sofa!!!

Kinki - your 11th anniversary sounds AMAZING!!! Wow, hard to top that! Last year on our first we didn't really do anything. Money was tight and I think we just had a nice meal at home. A bit sad really. This year, the baby is due a week before our second anniversary, so we could well be either with a teeny newborn or I could be in the hospital pushing like hell!

Chatty - so sorry this is still dragging on for you. It must be so awful for you to be in limbo like this.

dh is home early, looking like poo so I'm going to do my wifely duty and make him a cuppa. Have a good afternoon everyone, take care xxx

Chatty - no wonder you need to rant! It all sounds awful - you seem to be bearing up remarkably well.

Waiting for culture results but not really worried. I've had 2 weeks with no medication so at least that was a bonus if I need to get antibiotics.

Need to get ds1 off to swimming...(and am out for a couple of hours tonight, hoorah!)

mrsmar - i totally agree with your rant. Why do they become allergic to their phones. If it were us who went missing the fbi would be after us.

Just to add to stat's we are 7 yrs married this year - has flown - in some ways

Mum back at hospital today and told it was the type of cancer that will respond to chemo and herceptin so recomended it before radiotherapy. It seems to be one thing after another. She will just be finishing chemo as we give birth so really bad timing -but maybe I'm just being selfish. We'll see...
Love to all

Oh dear, my mum has cancer too, we found out last year, unfortunately it isn't curable, treatments will only postpone the inevitable. Please don't ask what type it is as I can't remember the name and I feel too guilty for forgetting it to ask.
Good luck to your mum.

I feel for you seamonster and ccpink - my mum had cancer years ago. Hopefully both mums are bearing up well. I should imagine the thought of new grandkids give them hope and encouragement. But it must be hard for you both coping with the emotions of a serious illness in the family on top of pregnancy. Please remember although we can't help practically, we're all here for those times you want to offload.

My dad had cancer too a few years back. His outcome was a billion times better than my mum's, because he made a full recovery and at 79 years old is now fighting fit and healthy. Tbh, he's in better shape than me at the moment!

thanks for the support ccpink, of course my worries fade in to insignificance alongside what you must be going through. I do hope your mum responds well to the chemo and herceptin. The chemo may not be as bad as you think, my friends mum had three courses to fight myeloma earlier this year and she wasn't sick at all. Unfortunately the chemo didn't help as myeloma is incurable. It sounds like your mum is getting great care, I'm sure you're not being selfish at all. It's so much to deal with. I hope your mum manages to cope with the chemo as much as possible. The excitement of a new grandchild is such a great thing for her to look forward to.

CCpink I really hope that your Mum responds well to treatment. I can't imagine how stressful this must have been for you so with you well x

MrsMar I hope you feel better after your rant! I can understand what its like to worry when they're out on the lash - I have been fretting at home on more than one occasion imagining all sorts. Being pregnant has turned me into even more of a worry wart than usual.

Congratulations to everyone celebrating wedding anniversaries! DH and I only got married last December - this was a honeymoon baby. We were married on Friday December 8th and if dates are correct I was preggers by the following Wednesday. So, when we celebrate our first anniversary our lo will be all of 3 months old!

Hi to anyone out there, just thought I'd pop along and see how you're all doing.

hi seamonster... I'm here!!

crikey pennypops, that was fast work!

Hi all, its typical just as i have started to buy summery maternity clothes ive had to drag all my wintery clothes out!
Looking forward to seeing mw next week as its one of the mums from school which will be nice.
Hope everyone is feeling well
Sophie x

Sorry, had to check on dd! She's asleep now though (again, needed changing in the middle)
I saw a really nice top at school today, red flower pattern on a white background. (I didn't want to ask if it was maternity as I don't know who she is and it may have been A MISTAKE.) It may have been next so I'll have a look in a mo.
Felt like chatting to 'others like me' ie pregnant today, but no-one in rl is pregnant so here I am!

Aw! There are quite a few of us pregnant at work at the moment, I'm one of the later ones, most of them are having their babies in July and I'm v jealous! Still I do have one bit of good news, my gp has written me a sick note so I don't have to work night shifts anymore! yipee! I was due to start another week of nights in three weeks, but instead I'm doing a lovely selection of day shifts, including down at Wimbledon for a week!

I know what you mean about asking if something is maternity, there are so many tops around this summer I wouldn't dream of wearing if I wasn't pregnant, because they just look like maternity clothes, they're very pretty smock top type things, but I've been asked before when wearing something similar if I was pregnant when I wasn't and it is awkward!

Had my first NCT class last night. It was good and other women much nicer and less blond/rich/thin than i was expecting. I am the second last due date so i was a bit jealous of the others. So much info to take in and DP wasn't there as he is still away. Other DH's were all a bit keen and sincere, ol' grumpy guts is going to have get perky with it if he's going to hold his own - he's gonna hate it poor man.
here's to a lovely weekend for one and all.
s
x

thanks for kind words. I hope you are right mrs mar about chemo being ok for some. She sent me an e-mail today saying she was upset that she didn't think she'd be well enough for birth?!
We'll have to see.
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I'm absolutely pooped and can't wait for the end of term

That's ok cc... My friends mum was given Thalidomide bizarrely which I think meant she had none of the sickness associated with chemo. Of course that's what thalidomide was used for in the 60s, to stop pregnant women suffering with morning sickness, only with tragic results. It's fine for anyone not pregnant though. I'm sure she'll rally when she sees her new grandchild!

Sophus - glad to hear the NCT classes went well. It's hilarious that all the blokes were so ernest! I'm dreading taking dh to my antenatal classes, he hasn't a clue. I think he'll faint when he sees the giving birth film and run a mile when they bring out the forceps, and he doesn't even have to do it! TBH I think he's going to be pretty useless all round during labour, whenever I've had any kind of injury or sickness to put up with he always starts banging on about mind over matter and other such crap he reads in men's fitness magazines. I've tried telling him there 'aint no mind over matter when there's a big baby coming out of your fanjo!!! Oh well, I'll have to devise some clever task for him...

I'm so sorry to hear that some of you aren't having the best times at the moment, I hope everything improves for you soon. It seems a bit insensitive to come on here with good news after the last few posts but I just had to say, I had my scan today and it's a girl!

Rhubarb - congratulations - a girl!!!

glad NCT was good Sophus - maybe your DP will appear all keen to when he is put on the spot

ccpink and seamonster - sorry to hear about your mothers' cancer. Puts all my worries into perspecitve.

Sorry CCpink and Seamonster. Hope you are both managing the news ok and are not too stressed. My thoughts are with you both.

Hope everyone is OK.

When is everyone going on mat leave? Mine starts in a month.

Think im getting Braxton Hicks but don't really know what they feel like, should have asked MW really. My mind goes blank when im with her and I have the opportunity to ask questions...

Seamonster and Ccpink I'm so sorry to hear about your mums

Edie I'm starting maternity leave on the 27th June and can't wait. My work is very busy and with a 3 year old as well I'm finding I'm getting really tired. I'm literally counting the days!

Rhubarb90 - congrats on another girl!

Is anyone not experiencing Braxton Hicks? Or am I particularly weird in this respect?! My baby is however very active and doesn't seem to stop kicking, I'm starting to feel a little bruised!

Hi all, I know its Sunday and sunny but am feeling very depressed today. DP is being so lazy and its getting me down. I have a DD who's a year old on Saturday. DP does nothing to help out, hardly ever has. Won't change nappies, won't get up in the night with her - nothing. I get up at 5am when she wakes up and he lies in until midday (he works for an airline so his hours are all over the place), but no excuse. Am exhausted due to the pregnancy and so so tearful. Have confronted him about it and his explanation seems to be that he has his job and I have mine. Don't know how I'm going to cope with 2 children under 18 months old virtually alone (may as well be as I feel like I am)

Trinity1

What you are going through is absolutely awful. It is not fair to say that the kids are your job and yours alone. I guess it depends on just how much this is upsetting you (and rightly so) but I think the only thing you can do is confront him again about it. Being pregnant is hard enough without the support of a partner/husband. You are going through the most challenging time of your life and you need him to pull his weight.

Sorry to hear you're not feeling too great Trinity. I don't know if I can say anything to help, but I understand because I've got a lazy dh too.

What got me down (and I mean 'got' because he daren't do it anymore) was when he used to say "that its your job (childcare, housework, decorating etc)". Like your situation he'd say he goes out to work, that's his job, and all the child/house stuff was mine. For years he'd say this, and I never quite knew why it would rankle me so much. Then I fugured out the rather obvious reason, and in a fit of rage I told him and ever since he hasn't mentioned it again. This is roughly what I said:

"Yes, these things are my responsibility, BUT IT IS NOT MY JOB. If it was my job, I would be salaried, at a minimum of about £6 an hour. I would have a start time and an end time. Regular breaks, and an hour off for lunch. I would have a manager to tell me what to do and/or staff to delegate to. If I wasn't feeling particularly well one day, I'd probably take the weeek off sick. May even throw the odd sicky from time to time. And spend those days in bed, under my duvet. I'd have about 5 weeks paid holidays a year, where I don't have to think about work at all. If it was a 'job' I'd enjoy adult company and conversation. I wouldn't have to kiss my colleagues bumps when they hurt themselves or wipe their tears away when they are sad. Nor will I have to wipe their bottoms. I would physically not have to bend down to accomplish every task with them. I'd probably get some respect and kudos from my colleagues for doing a good job. I'd get apr's from my manager to guide me on my way. Maybe a payrise or promotion for a job well done. If I get all of this starting with the salary, then I know this is a 'job' I do, AND YOU WILL BE LEFT TO DO YOUR SODDIN JOB WITHOUT INTERUPTION FROM ME. Give me all of that and I will do my job. Until then shut up and accept I do my 'responsibilities' as best I can, and if I need help from you to do it I will bloody ask. And until you provide me with a salary and everything else you will bloody well SHUT UP AND HELP ME. Discussion over."

This was quite recently, so its still early days, but it is working a lot of the time. I have two more tactics if you're interested. The next one is to shame him. I've been ill lately and my neighbours know this. Dh would not cut the grass for the last 6 weeks, it was about a foot long. I got fed up waiting, so when he was out I (unwisely) did it. Four neighbours came out to ask why I'm doing it and not dh and I told them he's not bothered about it. On his return I told him. We had some heavy things that needed moving, so I got my 79yo dad and 7yo ds to help me. One more thing to move and my friend's dh has promised to help. Dh is suitably very embarrassed. Finally I caught myself saying something really bad just yesterday. He came to me and said "I'm sorry I've been so lazy" to which I answered "sorry I've been a bit frigid lately" (bit of a low sex drive lately which has been frustrating him). And then (I've no idea where it came from - honest) I added "maybe the two things are connected". They are not, but its given me an idea, if things don't continue to improve. Yes, I know I'm a cow.

Not sure what your answer is Trinity. Keep trying to communicate with him. Good luck. And happy birthday to your dd! Sorry about this being so long, but lazy dhs really get me.

OH Wow Kinki!!!! I'm so impressed! And of course you are totally right too, if it was a job you would have certain inalienable rights and they would be protected by law, there would health and safety regulations covering all aspects of what you do, as well as a salary! As I'm still working full time and will be working full time again after my maternity leave, I'm hoping my dh will never throw the old "that's your job" line at me. To be fair, he's never done it in the past, but what you've said is a great way of putting it and I will shamelessly steal it from you!!!

Oh and the shaming thing works every time. I hate nagging, and would rather guilt dh in to doing something than nag, he caught me lugging an empty suitcase up to the loft the other day, and insisted on taking over and putting a load more stuff up there I'd needed moving. That was the plan all along and it worked a treat, he even spent 20 mins in the loft tidying up and sorting out a few things up there! Bargain!

I hope your dh continues to behave, and Trinity, I hope you manage to sort things out soon. I'm at horrible old work on a lovely sunny sunday, so I'm hoping the guilt thing will work again, as there's a load of stuff to do at home. I could always start hoovering at 11pm when I get home and he'll get the message!!!!!

Enjoy the sunshine everyone!!

Kinki - That is brilliant, good on you