May 2018 thread 3, 12 week scans and heading towards the 2nd trimester

[Whatamuddleduck]

As the 2nd thread is full I've started this one. Hope everyone finds it!

I think I'm feeling movement. It's pressure and a weird rolling sensation down near my pubic bone. I'm sure it's baby rolling around!

Nausea is getting worse, still taking the anti sickness tablets, don't really want to increase them but I'm struggling. I'll be 16 weeks on Monday, next midwife appt is Tuesday so I'll ask then if there's anything else I can try.

I've put on so much weight from the constant eating. By the end of the day my bump looks about 6 months gone. But it's not bump it's just chubb!

I've not been on here in a while, hope everyone is doing ok. I could do with a bit of a handhold myself.

DH had what we thought was flu, but deteriorated to the point of being sent to A&E on Sunday. Long story short he is now seriously ill and although will recover, they're talking months. I feel horribly selfish in that while I'm desperate for him to get better and no longer be in pain, all I can see is months of exhaustion in caring for a toddler, DH and growing this little one. 😫

At the moment I'm trying to juggle hospital visits, DD, building work at our house and looking after our pets. I am feeling horrendously guilty for not giving any of my family, including baby, enough time or care!

Oh Cathster what a nightmare you have had . You aren’t being selfish at all. Can you call in any favours for specific help, eg someone who could take over the pets for a while (I mean coming over and walking dogs, not housing them iyswim)?

Oh Cathster - so sorry you are having such a tough time. Could you get the grandparents involved for a bit to help? Maybe come and stay to take some pressure off? Or farm out your toddler to them for a long weekend occasionally? Can friends locally help with baby sitting? X Hope your hubbie is soon on the road to recovery x

Cathster, so sorry to hear your DH is so poorly. I hope he recovers quickly. In the meantime take all offers of help and try to look after yourself too. Don't be afraid to ask for help either, people probably want to help but don't know where to start - maybe someone you trust end who knows your building plans can take over liaising with builders, friends would take your toddler for an hour or so for you to catch up/go to hospital/have a nap!, friends would make some meals for you to take the pressure off etc.

Thank you everyone - I'm currently staying with my parents so they're doing a great deal of childcare for DD and all the cooking, washing etc so takes a massive pressure off. She misses her daddy and her own home so much though that when I'm around she's desperately clingy and whiny which doesn't help. I feel so bad for her although everyone keeps telling me she won't remember this. I certainly will!

PILs also helping out a little with the building work and pets but obviously MIL is at the hospital a lot too. DH is recovering but incredibly slowly. He'll be in hospital at least another week if not more. I'm burying my head in the sand regarding our income for the next few months as he doesn't get enough sick pay to cover this. Just great when we have a new baby to prepare for and wanting to save for when my income drops!

Bloody hell Cathster that's a lot to deal with! It must be overwhelming at the moment, I hope things get easier as time goes on. Will your husband need care when he comes out of hospital? You may be entitled to some assistance, carers allowance, esa, pip. Also check if your life/health insurance has cover for a situation like this.
What awful timing. It's NOT selfish to be worried about your exhaustion levels, don't feel bad about that. Being pregnant and wrangling a toddler is HARD, and that's without a sick husband and living away from home. Go easy on yourself, this is tough, make sure you have someone to rant to and offload.

My phone tried to auto-correct your name to catheter, I'm glad I spotted it before posting!

Blimey Cathster that sounds beyond stressful! Glad you have support from your family, hope your OH makes a quicker recovery than they predict!

Quick question to the May 18 club, what are you Maternity leave plans? I'm tempted to work until 39weeks as I live a 10 minute walk to work and I can't really see me using the time off wisely (would probably bum around feeling guilty that I'm not cleaning/decorating!) Think it would be best just to work through! Anyone firmed up their plans?

Really sorry to hear you're having a stressful time cathster glad you're getting support and hope your DH starts feeling better really soon. Be kind to yourself, pregnancy is hard enough without everything you're going through.

Thanks for the thoughts on baked Camembert, I checked google but wanted to make sure with you guys.

I haven't thought about maternity leave yet but would be interested to hear what everyone else is planning to do.

I am thinking about working to 38 weeks and then taking 10 days annual leave before starting ML on my due date, but obviously it depends on how well I’m feeling. From others who have done this before I may be being optimistic, but my job is very sedentary and March/April is a very quiet period in my job

for everyone who is struggling.
My sickness is starting to ease off slightly (at almost 14 weeks).

Considering getting back on my bike for a quick ride tomorrow. I was a keen cyclist before getting pregnant but haven’t been on my bike for 10 weeks or so due to sickness. Feel nervous about getting back on. But sure I’d still be cycling if I hadn’t had to stop due to sickness.

Re mat leave I’m planning to work until 38 weeks then take annual leave for 2 weeks until due date. Then start Mat leave. However this depends on my boss letting me work from home for the last couple of weeks (3.5 hour a day round trip commute into central London). If boss won’t agree to me working from home I might realistically have to finish earlier.

Will I still get my full allowance of annual leave for 2018, even though I’ll be on mat leave for half the year.
?

How much paid mat leave do your employers offer? Think mine is 20 weeks on full pay then statutory, which I think is quite good.

I'm currently planning on taking 2 weeks leave at 36 weeks and starting mat leave at 38 weeks. Plus using up 8 days of leave by going down to 4 days a week from 28 weeks. I'm spending a lot of time driving at the weekends as my sister is terminally ill and I want to be with her and the kids when I can. Anything I can do to cut down working days means more rest and more sister time! I get 8 end full pay, 18 end half and the smp. Not great but better than nothing.

Cathster I'm really feeling for you. Glad DP is improving and that you have support. What a nightmare, all you can do is get through the best you can.

Grr, bloody autocorrect. 8 weeks full pay, 18 weeks half pay and then smp is what I meant.

I am planning on going off work March time (at about 34 weeks), as I’ll have a full years worth of annual leave to take beforehand. I just get SMP so not great. @bunny you will get your full annual leave entitlement as you’re still employed by them.

Thanks everyone for the kind messages. It’s going to be a long time before DH is capable of normal life again, it’s scary how he went from being a health active person to this. No idea how it happened either!

Oh cathster - what an awful time your family is having. Little consolation at the moment but the timing could have been worse - could have happened when new born was about to arrive. Good that you have support of your family.

I get 9 weeks full pay, 18 weeks half pay and 21 weeks smp. I haven't thought about when to take mat leave yet as I haven't even told employer that I'm pregnant again. I feel quite awkward about it as I haven't been back a year yet!

I have discovered that in addition to annual leave I accrue bank holidays and the days that the office is closed between Christmas and new year, which is nice! My leave runs October to September (university) though so I will have taken half of it more or less before May anyway - obviously I will get the following year’s as well

Same here - I work for a uni too. Pretty good hey!

Ooo loved waking up to everyone's mat leave strategies! Im feeling better about working till the end now there are so many 38 weekers! Let the countdown begin for us all!

Good luck Elvie1, you will feel a weight lifted once it's done! Ive told my line manager and HR but have been advised to tell the Director personally. She's away atm, back Monday but is honestly the most hideous person - snidey, two faced, irrational, mean and generally terrifying!

On Friday I emailed her back regarding a work matter and tagged on at the end that I need to meet her Monday as I had some good news to tell her. She then barked back with a hideous email (5.50 on a Friday) about my supposed incompetencies on the work issue and completely ignored my request to meet. Being pregnant, tired and emotional, this had me in tears on the walk home. I'm wondering now if I even bother to tell her, if she asks I will just say 'not to worry, its nothing important' and then go tell people outside her glass office 😂

Inrainbows - I don't think you should have to tell her - you have told your line manager and HR, so you have done what you are obliged to do. Surely telling your Director is just a curtesy - something she clearly doesn't deserve! I think it's your line manager's responsibility to feed back to the Director.

Rainbows what a terrible bully your director sounds! Can you talk to your boss and/or HR about how to handle telling her? Can one of them be in the room when you do tell her if that would help?

On the mat leave thing I need to work it out, I started my job in August and I think maternity leave entitlement kicks in 40 weeks after you start the new job and, based on my due date, I'm 3 days short of getting the entitlement. I haven't spoken to my boss or anyone about it yet but I'm guessing I'll have to work as close up to my due date as possible as we'll need the income

Last time I'd planned to work until 38 weeks, office job I thought I'd be ok. But the commute got too much for me, walking to the bus stop, getting on a packed bus, delays, cancellations, needing a wee as soon as I left the house and having to wait an hour, walking from city centre to the office. My feet were too swollen for shoes, flip flops in January is no fun. In the end I stopped at 36 weeks I think. The effort of hauling my massive bulk around the place was too much! I felt really vulnerable, waiting at the bus stop with drunks and yobs.
This time I think I'll approach it in a similar way, aim for 38 weeks if I'm lucky, and stop earlier if I have to. At least I drive to the office this time with a 5 minute walk from where I park my car. Although I'll have a toddler to look after so likely I'll be more exhausted this time.
I'll only get smp so things will be tight. But during my maternity leave I'll hit 2 years of employment so I'll be better protected employment wise. My employer is a bit dodgy (naive and ill-informed rather than malicious) and seem to have no knowledge of employment law. It's such a small company, they really don't know what they're doing half the time.
I'm definitely feeling movement. Only when I'm still and quiet, but there's no mistaking it now

I finished at 37 weeks last time (although son didn't arrive until 41 weeks) but this was because he was due in January and Christmas seemed a good time to finish. I might finish at 38 weeks, or ask if I can work from home from 37 weeks and work until 39 weeks...hmmm. Lots to think about. I suppose the days will be longer in May so it will be light going into and leaving work so we might not feel as vulnerable.

I can imagine a long and/or tricky commute would make things a lot harder. Mine is only 10 mins by car and a 5-min walk to the office so I am remaining optimistic! My manager is also very flexible so if I needed to adjust my hours (start/end earlier or whatever) I would be able to. I do like the idea of using AL to cut down hours during the weeks before ML but I’m not sure that I will have enough left to do that

I love the mat leave posts!! I can't wait to finish now! My holiday year runs Jan to Dec and I have to use all my holiday in the year I accrue it and as I intend to take 11 months mat leave (get full pay for 6 months and then nothing as I am a Partner so statutory rules don't apply as not an employee) I will have 30 days holiday to take between 1 Jan and end April!! So thinking I will finish work at 37 weeks (end of first week April has bank holiday Monday for Easter) so last two weeks will be 4 day weeks anyway. Have 1.5 hour car journey to work each way so reckon I will be too tired to want to drive home late by then - usually don't get home until 8.30pm most nights. Might even finish before Easter and use up more holiday if can't face it! However want a 2 day babymoon at a spa midweek before go on mat leave and also now contemplating a week away somewhere in the sun with my mum in Feb (as hubbie will need to save his holiday for our summer holiday) so not sure yet how much holiday I will have left ...