September #4

[Frillyhorseyknickers]

I couldn't see one - hopefully I haven't duplicated...

A weekend of centerparcs and I'm marshmallowed out!!

frilly it was my understanding that maternity leave had to start 2 weeks before your due date.

Cali mine last time started on my due date it only has to start earlier if u have the baby earlier well that's how I've always known it to work in Scotland anyway

Loulou ok must be an Irish thing: you have to start 2 weeks prior, it's a way to ensure that you get some bit of "rest".

Oh really cali I suppose it kind of makes sense I finished at 36 weeks last time because of a/l and by the time I had ds I was absolutely demented lol

I was going to work till 38 last time and gave in at 37 due to my vision being affected. Give yourself some time to relax. It will be the last "you"time you get in a long time so treat yourself. Im working till 37 again this time trying to use annual leave and delay the start of maternity pay as much as possible

Anyone in the UK, Aldi's baby event is on from today. I was hoping for clothes (there weren't any) but there were cot sheets, muslins, high chairs, stair gates, bottles, changing mats, dummies and a few other bits and pieces.

frilly that sounds perfect, I started mat leave on my due date last time with my first, but had a weeks' holiday before that and worked from home for the week before that, so should be fine.

Having a disagreement with DH on how to give birth. I've been swinging between elective section and giving a VBAC a try since before I get pregnant (had emergency section with DS). He would prefer I have an elective and I think that's the way I'm leaning. But have my VBAC clinic appointment today and he says last night, don't take no for an answer! I said I'd like to hear her out and get all the pros and cons of both..he got all grumpy and huffy because I can't make my mind up! So not speaking to him this morning and now in the waiting room for my appointment...will see what she says..

I just worry that I'll feel like I've missed out if I don't at least give vaginal birth a try, but I do think that a section would be better for us, I think I'm just terrified of something going wrong...

Can anyone help with child maintenance payments please?
My bf has a child from previous relationship and has led me to believe it's paid direct to mother, however the review has come through and that seems to suggest they can change their minds and opt for direct payments or continue doing it via the assisted way and pay an extra fee as before. I can't remember the correct wording used but basically that means that the governing body takes the money from him and not direct from his bank to hers - is that right? He does tell some porky pies for goodness knows what reasons, and this seems to be another?!!
Also, he's said he's stopped paying it this year because she won't let him see the child (with me getting pregnant) but I imagine that's not true either because the governing body would of come after him?
Very confused!!
I don't support him not paying BTW, and as far as I understand it's the law to pay regardless of whether he sees the child or not, so please don't shoot me down for this post 😪 I'm confused and concerned and just want someone who's not in my RL to help.

Thanks hummus. We have an NCT nearly new sale fairly near us on Saturday so planning on going to that and then Aldi afterwards - just hope there's good things left by then as it is popular!

Good luck olivers. That's a tough decision to make and its yours not your dh's. I hope he's supportive if you decide to try for a VBAC. Is he saying go for an ELCS because he doesn't want you to be disappointed if you try for a VBAC and end up with an EMCS?

Nut, absolutely no knowledge or experience to share but perhaps you could contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau? I'm sure they would be able to explain impartially how it all works.

Nutcase my Ex and I agreed maintenance payments on our own and he just transfers money into my account each month.

However, I think there are several ways of arranging it through the child maintenance service. You can pay them a fee of £20 and they will work out exactly how much he should be paying. Then he makes arrangements to pay it himself into his Ex's account. Or you can pay them a percentage of whatever he owes her for them to take it direct from his account/wages (I'm not sure which).

You're right, he should be paying whether he sees his child or not, and if he doesn't see his child then I think he has to pay more, as they calculate the payments based on how much he would be contributing to her welfare when she's with him (ie, clothes, food etc). He also shouldn't pay any less when you have a child I'm afraid..

Thanks Travel, I'll be honest, DH's primary reason for the ELCS is so that I don't end up with a "Bucket Fanny" (his words, not mine!) and part of me does agree with him! But he's also been watching some call the midwife and one born every minute with me which has scared him silly I think. He sees the comparison of women in pain during labour with ladies going in for elective sections and thinks it's a no brainer! His point is as I have the choice, why put myself through potentially lots of pain when I could turn up one morning and have a lovely surgeon whip the baby out..this is his first, so he hasn't seen first hand the recovery process from a section, it is by no means the easy way out and is very painful afterwards, but I coped well last time, so think I will go for an elective.

My main reason for wanting an elective is that I'm scared if I try for a VBAC I'll end up with an EMCS anyway, so why not just go straight in all fresh and clean and after a full night's sleep?

I'm probably 80/20 leaning towards an ELCS now. Midwife I saw today said they would support me whatever I decide. She's booked me in for a GTT at 28 weeks as my BMI is borderline and so was DS's weight at birth..

If only we had crystal balls to see how our labours would go?! I dont think we get away scot free either way. Pain during or major surgery recovery afterwards. If you know you got on ok with the recovery last time I think I'd be going with the full nights sleep and a convenient day of my choosing too!

I have a GTT booked for 27+3. I was a bit annoyed as my BMI was just 30 and I was already 13 weeks so going by my pre-pregnancy weight I wouldn't have needed one. But now I dont think it's a bad thing as I am still over-doing the sugary stuff too often!

Travel I'm the same with the sugary stuff (she says munching on a chocolate chip cookie!) so I think it would be good to have the test anyway.

I have friends who have developed GD and managed it with diet, they ended up weighing less post birth than they did pre-pregnancy...I think I would like that!!

A BUCKET FANNY??? Lordy 🙄

Well you can tell DH that I'm going for my third and so far my DH has nothing but compliments about the sensation... but it could be that he's starved of it at the moment. Hunger is he best salt and all 😂

On a serious note, I can certainly understand your reasons for wanting a section. And now I'm in the predicament of childcare with no family around I'm wondering how it will all play out for us timing wise... DH wants to get an au pair in from 36 weeks since I went early before.

Olivers ok so I'm guessing it's the middle option where they take £20 and calculate it but he pays (or not as the case is now) her direct as I recall something being mentioned about £20 on the letter he got. Oh dreary me! He did think he'd have less to pay when our little one arrives. It's tearing him up not seeing the child and the guilt is getting unbearable I don't know what to do to help the situation 😬. Thank you for that response.

Today I've eaten about 4million bad calories. Whhhhy?!

I was not prepared for how much bigger I would feel (I know, how silly) and I'm just struggling when I catch a glimpse of myself.

You lose it again, right?!

Bucket fanny?! And you are considering having sex with this person again??

I'll be honest, having not had a baby vaginally before, I'm worried about ending up with a bucket fanny myself! He says it jokingly, and I totally get him, so it's fine and I'm not offended..

I must admit being about to sort out childcare is top of my list of pros...I also worry that I'd end up with forceps/episiotomy/stitches which presumably would be almost as difficult to recover from as a cesarean. It's the devil I know, so I'm going to go for it. But will still be scared I think, I imagine it will feel very different going in to be cut open without the "get it out of me now" I had before when I'd been in hospital for 4 days!

Nutcase I imagine it must be very difficult for your BF not to be able to see his child. But if he gets to the stage where he wants to take it further and get lawyers involved to allow him to see the child, then it would look better on him if he'd continued to pay the maintenance, I imagine?

Olivers yes, I've tried to reason with him but he's so hurt he can't see sense ATM unfortunately.

I reckon being asked was it Planned has to be on of the rudest questions out

Cali bucket fanny 😂😂😂 I do worry after number 4 I might need a designer vagina

Oh dear Lou. Agreed. We got asked if it was planned a couple of times when we first told people but I think it might have been the way we told it. We were a bit surprised to get a positive the first month.

If anyone is planning on going to an NCT nearly new sale I recommend it but definitely get there early and be prepared for organized chaos! Went to one today and arrived before the 12 noon start, queued to get in but not for long and snagged the fisher price rainforest play gym (£60 new!), a lamaze firefly and a mamas and papas dreampod sleeping bag for a total of £20!

Then went to Aldi and got the travel cot/ pack n play, some muslins, a fitted cot sheet and a cellular blanket in their baby event.

Crossing things off my list!
Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend.

Very grumpy here. Mid-yesterday my ribs started hurting very badly on both sides, it's apparently a pregnancy "thing". I also have a (now diagnosed) chest infection, and the combination of sore ribs and regular coughing is very tough. And (straight out of Grand Designs) the work we need for our new house is going nowhere but spiralling in cost.

I'm currently here waiting for removal men to show up, then I'm diving back under the duvet at our flat.

Glad you liked the Aldi event travel, I've not gone to an NCT sale yet but it sounds good.

Oh hummus, that sucks. I have a wierd ankle pain at the moment. May well be totally non-pregnancy related. I asked the physio who runs aquanatal about it after class and her response was: 'it's probably the relaxin. Don't do whatever it is that makes it worse.' Hmm. I got the impression that would be the response to anything!

Work on a house always seems to take more time and money than you think but I'm sure it will be worth it. I didnt believe it when we started our project last spring. I thought we would be smart and get it done by the end of the year. Still got a fair bit to finish.

22 and a half weeks now and can't believe I'm over the half way point already! Going on a two week holiday tomorrow then getting serious about buying things and getting organised when we are back.

I'm finding it really hard to find gender neutral clothes that aren't really boring - John Lewis seems to have the best selection online but I am yet to get in store to have a look!