Due in February 2017 - thread #9

[twocatsandatoddler]

New thread - hope everyone finds this! I'll try and post the link in the old thread if it will let us go over 1,000 posts.

Wiz I think i've finally settled on a Chicco Next to Me for nights, if I can find one second hand, a snug-type moses basket for downstairs daytimes, and a cot for when he's big enough.

The only reason I'm considering all three is because our cot should be free from a friend, or at least only the cost of a nice bottle of thank you wine! Plus both the basket and next-to-me will be second hand if I can find suitable versions. I'm seeing a moses basket tonight, but want to check brand/size/straps etc.

So hopefully it'll cost us £120 ish for the stuff, but then we'll get mattresses/bedding from fresh and new. That's the plan, anyway! We'll see how it ends up being executed!

London I haven't changed my name. Our children have my surname as a second middle name with DH's surname. We were not keen on hyphenating and his surname goes with more names.

When baby is born they officially have your surname until they are registered. That was enough for me.

Btw my inlaws do not understand/cannot/will not comprehend that I haven't changed my name which has caused confusion on the postnatal ward both previous times when they've turned up asking for Mrs Husbandssurname.

The surname thing is so contentious! It's been a source of a few arguments between friends' families where the couple have different surnames.

I deliberated for ages over taking DH's surname when I got married, as I love my Dutch maiden name and my heritage, and double-barrelling would have been too much of a mouthful! But DH was married before me to a nasty piece of work interesting character (she was already having an affair before they got married and invited the other guy to their wedding at the last minute), she never took DH's surname and I thought it would be a nice gesture for me to take his name so he knew I was fully committed to the marriage (not that I view not changing your name as a sign of not being committed btw, it just felt right for me in this instance!).

We've got a Baby Bay cosleeper crib that will be used again this time.

No idea name wise, there is one girls name I like that DH is really keen on and has all but decided is the one but I'm not sold. When DD was born it took me a little while to get used to her name even though I love it and can't imagine her being anything else.

I want to get a next to me crib as well but not sure when to get it. Does anyone else feel like they are doing ALL the organising for baby stuff? My dh hasn't done anything unless I've asked him to. I'm planning all the appointments, sorting out what to buy, what we need, looking at birthing options. He's just totally oblivious to it all.

Sparkles that sucks, have you told him you don't feel he's involved enough?

I can't complain about DH. I've picked out most of the furniture etc because he's been busy with a new job. But we have had a couple of shopping trips together for clothes and equipment, he helped pick out the pram and has been making time for all the appointments. And he's been really looking after me, cooking dinner every night, breakfast in bed on days off, and is currently cleaning the entire house

Sparkles - same here! I spend ages researching things, ask him to order it as he has Amazon prime and he 'forgets', then acts hurt when I get exasperated as we've "got plenty of time". Except not if we want to split the cost!

Sparkles, thirded! Or maybe fourthed!! My OH is excited and happy and that's all very lovely, but in terms of actual stuff we need and options - I'm looking at it all, making choices, then having to source the items or being shot down for suggesting new things. My OH hasn't done any research thus far, but irritatingly has quite a number of opinions about how much we should (or rather shouldn't!) be spending .

I know that's the wrong emoticon, but the narrow-eyed expression is often how I spend my time when we discuss baby furniture!

Oh, helpfully, because men are good at looking after us little women you know, he also has been told by other male friends that the epidural's the way to go, therefore I should definitely make sure I ask for one of those. When I said I was interested in the birth centre, and maybe the pool, he looked at me like I had another head!

I know he needs to feel involved and is getting that through speaking to dad friends, but honestly! .

Mind you, he has looked after all of the cat stuff recently including litter tray, and he is helpful in lots of other ways! He's just a shit organiser, and easily swayed by the views of other bloke friends, understandably.

I did all the baby equipment research first time round as well, DH just wasn't that interested and I was happy to obsess over it all and choose the stuff I wanted. He was helpful in other ways though and got involved in the antenatal classes etc

Glad I'm not the only one! I brought it up with him and he exploded thinking I was saying he doesn't care and he's so stressed already etc. sigh. He's good at doing the housework and giving me massages and cooking dinner and generally being very loving but I'm the one who's 'in charge' of it all, he's never look something up or Google cots or anything. Maybe it's a female nesting instinct? (Not that I'm into gender stereotyping but I'm desperate!) I'm the one writing all the appointments down, keeping track of everything and then having to relay it all to him. I blame the mothers....spoilt boys....

Maybe I'm just expecting too much?

Oh! I meant to ask another question, and I apologise for a bit of a TMI question but I am suffering !!!!

Thrush.... . I know it's common.... I went to the chemist today and they confirmed Canestan cream is fine, I don't need to go to the Drs or anything.

Have any of you second-time mums or even first time ladies used it for thrush treatment and is it reasonably effective? This has literally struck over the past couple of days and I feel like I am throbbing thanks to itchiness. I think it's just sore outside (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, no one needs to know this!!) but I want the quickest fix in the world, if possible!!!

Obv I'd go to the Drs if it doesn't help or if it gets worse, of course...

I thought I'd dodged too many annoying pregnancy side-effects, too!

Kiki I had to go on pessaries for a week as thrush in pregnancy can be hard to get rid of. See how you get on but if really recommend a pessary as I thought the cream only soothed the symptoms? Best to see your gp...

Ah, that's useful to know Sparkles. I'll see how I go with the cream, and keep in mind I might need an appointment. Yeah the pharmacist was really nice and said it's very common, so to just see how it goes. He (it was a guy... joy! Good job I have a high embarrassment threshold!) did point out the benefit of GP for if any further treatment is needed, thanks to the maternity exemption on prescriptions etc.

Kiki I had this last time and it cleared up with just the cream from pharmacist so hopefully it will for you too. Another of those lovely pregnancy surprises!

Twocats and gumboots those are really interesting perspectives. I've never thought it was weird that I didn't change my name and the in-laws don't seem to care. Out of my 6 closest couple friends, only 4 of us are married and out of us 4 only 1 woman has changed her name. In my office, there isn't a single senior woman who has ever changed her name after getting married so its probably just the environment I'm in.

DH and I have been together for 13 years and married for almost 8 so commitment isn't even a consideration. I've just never thought about the pros and cons of having our child have both of our names and I'm genuinely surprised both DH and his mom have repeatedly suggested it.

The middle name thing might be a good approach though!

SBS-- I definitely am making the appointments but that's in part because the medical staff make them with me immediately following my previous appointment. DH has come to everything though.

I have also taken the lead about buying things for the baby (doing the Which? research and learning about stuff) as well as booking tickets to things like the baby show! However, if I ask for DH's input he gets fully involved and has come multiple weekends with me to try things out like the pram, sling, car seat etc and assembles everything once we buy it like the cot, changing table etc.

He's definitely pulling his weight-- if anything, I like being in charge of picking things as its easier than us both doing it and after so many years together we tend to have a divide and conquer approach to tasks.

He has been doing the vast majority of the cooking since I fell pregnant and all the looking after the cats etc. He started reading a book called Daddy Natal as well recently but apparently he finds the tone a bit patronizing! I kind of wish he wasn't as now he's telling me what to do a bit more which I find mildly irritating...

London I hope I didn't come across as judgemental about not changing name on marriage - as I said I deliberated over changing mine, but it just felt right to me for us to have the same surname. Its a personal choice I made for myself, DH was happy for me to keep my name, and I stil go by my maiden name professionally.

In Holland you're actually not allowed to change your name legally, and very few women do socially (in fact most don't get married). So my passport is in my maiden name as the Dutch embassy legally can't issue my passport in my married name, but my UK driving license is in my married name, which is a bit confusing as legally in the UK I'm one name, and in the Netherlands I'm another!

I changed my name, but mainly because my maiden name was one which nobody ever spelled or pronounced correctly. We are mostly settled on a baby name, we have a shortlist and will see what she looks like.

DH has been so good about research etc. Sometimes a little too good, as it's embarrassing when he knows more than the salespeople and also it means he dither over decisions which I cannot handle! But bless him, he's a good one.

We had a long chat about my expectations re family visiting etc after the birth and how I need him to be gatekeeper, mainly because I am rude enough to just disappear with the baby if people show up unannounced.

Oops posted too soon. Obviously I've no idea how I/we will feel after the birth but I feel like I have to put up some guideline boundaries now to mainly stop MIL showing up at the hospital while I'm giving birth!

Twocats it didn't come across as judgmental! I totally get the desire to have one family name as a sign of unity.

I just meant that me changing my name wouldn't mean anything to my DH at this point as we've been together for so long now this is just our status quo. Its also never been contentious with him or with the in-laws so I found other people's view quite interesting.

That's crazy about Holland though. What last name do children typically take in the Netherlands given both parents keep their last names?

Ceecee I have the same concerns following our weekend with the in-laws!

I mentioned to MIL that my mom intends to come for about a month including a week before the birth. My mom and MIL get on really well and we've all spent weeks at MIL house together before for holidays.

MIL said she wanted to come up too for a good stint at the same time as my mom and joked we'd all be fighting over the baby and we'd be like that scene in 3 Men and a Baby where they are all pushing pram together.

The idea filled me with horror! I love my MIL but if my mother is under my feet I can tell her to leave me alone and I know she'll just go read a book. I don't want to have to host my in-laws with a brand new baby. I want to sleep and feed her and do not much else and I think I'll feel pressured to get dressed and have the baby on display etc more if there is a house full of people. Also, I'm really nervous about having to reject unwanted advice.

My DH keeps saying I can treat his mum the way I treat mine but that's ridiculous. Psychologically no matter how close I am to my MIL it just isn't the same. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. I want to nurse in private and make mistakes in private!

Ah London that's exactly how I feel about it! My mum will clean, cook and bugger off if I want her too. She'll also be concerned for my wellbeing and be there for me. MIL wants to cuddle the baby and probably be waited on. I love her but to her I am a womb now!!!