Due February 2017 - Thread 8!

[DottyA]

Sorry all - I accidentally used the last message in thread 7. Hope you can find this one!

I'm a girl with mostly male friends, so I don't expect I'll get a shower! I don't mind though, it's not really my thing. I like the idea of a nice afternoon tea with my female friends, or even a mixed group. When my friend was expecting a couple of years ago, we went for a picnic with OH's and other friends (her little girl was born in May). That's not going to be a winner in Jan/Feb, obviously, but we can go somewhere cosy for a nice meal/indulgence I'm sure!

Shell everything i've read says there can be so much variation in when people feel movement for the first time, from 14 weeks (typically for second timers), to 23 or 24 weeks, caused by a number of factors including where the placenta is, BMI, general baby activity (e.g. baby could be sleeping/still during the day and active at night when you are asleep!). Have you had your 20 week scan yet? I found I started to feel it properly a couple of days before my scan and then more since.

Some great information about managing bottles, thanks :)

Somebody upthread asked about antenatal courses. I've provisionally booked a place on an NCT course, but I'm dithering about whether to go ahead with it. £180 seems like such a lot of money for something I'm not sure how much benefit I will get out of it. I know a lot of people say to do it to meet people in the same situation, but i'm such an introvert I don't know if I will want to meet up with virtual strangers after the birth! I was going to do the NHS one, I think I was supposed to book it at around now, so I should dig the paperwork out!

shell I've felt more movement since my 20 week scan as well. DH could feel some other night too

kiki I also have a mixed group of friends, more male than female, which is one of the reasons why a traditional baby shower isn't for me, but a get together with all my uni friends would be amazing as we are all still very close. I don't see much of them since I moved out of London, despite still commuting in each day, since I have to head home most evenings to pick up DS so don't have the option of after work drinks (and I'm always exhausted these days!) I regret not organising something like that last time.

Amazing shout on that breastfeeding starter kit Sausage - I've just ordered one online too. Such a good deal! I have asked for it to be delivered to my local village store next weekend .

Of course, now I've done that, the boy will hate breastfeeding and not take to it!!

Shell, as marjory and witch both said, I only really started to feel flutters and flibs about three or four days before my scan - early last week, basically. I am now feeling almost daily movement, but like I think I said, it's not at all routine or regular, if anything it tends to seem to be in reaction to what I've just eaten!

Thanks ladies... 20 week scan on Thursday! Not coming quick enough!! Think after yesterday Iv just had a fright and panicky xx

Shell I completely understand, you heard about your former colleague too, right? I was terrified (and of course upset for my friend) over the weekend. I think it's completely natural to be a bit scared by news like that, but we have to keep in mind the statistics and so on.

I bet you can't wait for your scan! Do you know if you're having a boy or girl already, I can't remember ? If you don't, will you be finding out? It's so nice to see them again up there on screen!

Kiki twocats most people I know have mixed baby showers these days and even though I have no control over my guest list as my friend is throwing it as a surprise, I'd be shocked if partners and all my close male friends weren't invited.

shell my baby seems to go nuts if I drink cold water. There is definitely no rhyme or reason to it yet. My cat just came and sat on my bump though which I really don't think she liked! I think regular movement isn't expected until 24 weeks or something like that, especially for first time mums.

A friend from Pilates told me her sonographer told her she was unlikely to feel much movement because of where her placenta was so I'm sure there are a million totally benign variables involved.

shell I'm sure all is fine, as others have said every baby is different and we're all at different stages too.

I just had my 20 (22) week scan and everything went very smoothly, so exciting to see everything looking properly babyish and chubby, we didn't see the face though, and made sure we turned away for the gender tests, has anyone else opted not to find out? I feel like the only one! We had a doc do the scan who seemed v professional, Harris research centre is so good, we're going to miss it as having to move now that we've moved

Re baby showers, I'm the same re going to other people's but don't really want to have one, we've already had the wedding this year, too much attention in one year for me! How far before baby arrives do they normally happen in North America London and Wispa?

London when I phoned the midwife yesterday, about my itches saga, I mentioned movements and when I should track (mainly because I was upset and a bit freaked out by my old colleague's news about her still birth). Apparently the Rosie team don't officially count until around week 28! I think I'll just download an app as time goes on, and start to try and feel patterns and routines myself.

Piano I think around 7-8 months is pretty normal for a shower but it can really vary.

One thing I find unusual about showers in the UK is that they sometimes are out somewhere that the guest has to pay for food and drink. A shower in the US is typically hosted by a friend or family member who pays for food and drink for the guests and therefore its also normally held at home so its not too expensive for the friend hosting. Its more like a house party. I've been invited to some baby showers where I was expected to pay quite a lot for the day out (more like a hen-do) which would be very unusual in the US. Still to each his own!

Kiki that's good to know. I won't worry about consistency of movement before then.

I have never been to a baby shower or had one for me. I doubt anyone would do one for me this time. I'm hoping for a post baby party where I can leave OH at home with bubs and go out and have a bloody good drink!!! Although with weight loss, exhaustion and everything else she might be 6 months before I manage it.

London I just threw a surprise shower for a colleague and we went out to dinner (but it had a prix fixe which I negotiated to 15 quid a head). I provided the decorations and desserts though. I think if I'd hosted she would have suspected haha!

I'd like a shower but not sure if my friends will think of it. We'll see!

Thanks for clarifying london. I've mainly been to house-based ones with games etc, I can imagine not quite as easy to organise those in a public place.

I've always been a bit dubious of them as a friend had hers quite early as she was going back home (Oz) to have the baby, the shower was at 6 months I think, but she had complications and lost the baby at 8. I'd be happier to celebrate once the baby arrives.

We're planning to buy all our own stuff too and tbh, if the British don't quite get that it's about support and gift giving and more of a hen-do event, it's kind of lost its meaning... But I'm sure your friends will do it properly knowing your a bit of an expert

Piano having one quite late tends to be the norm. Its a balancing act of making it far along enough that things are likely to go okay but not so late the mum to be is too heavy and uncomfortable to enjoy herself :)

I don't really care what my friends do-- I am mostly just touched that they are going to the effort and trying to surprise me. And I love parties with my friends!! Between us we host quite a few good small house parties a year and lots and lots of dinner parties so I'm just excited that we are all going to get together and share our excitement one last time before the baby is born.

I'm still planning to go to my best-friends NYE house party even though I'll be close to 34 weeks by then

We didn't find out the sex piano and I'm excited that we didn't - I did with my first two DC but it's my first baby with my DP and we both decided to have a surprise We had fun on Sunday picking out neutral baby stuff!

I've never been to a baby shower, don't really expect to have one either but my close mum friends (neither have had a second baby) did mention early on that we should have one. Will see if anything comes of that! I'm a bit confused by them tbh, if you have a shower does that mean you don't get any gifts when the baby comes or are people expected to give two lots of gifts? Sorry if that's a stupid question but it really is quite a new concept to us English folk. I've asked a couple of people & no one seems to know!

In the US its one set of gifts (at least from the people who came to the shower) ready.

Grandparents tend to get you more but I think that's true in the UK as well-- my mom is buying things throughout which seems to be fairly typical on this thread.

With the showers I've been to, it's been more about an opportunity to get together rather than gifts. There's usually been a collection beforehand for a joint gift, which people are free to contribute to or not. Then the mum to be has been asked what she'd like. I don't know how normal that is but I think it's a nice way to do it as there's no pressure. If it's a close friend, you might well want to get them something else personal after the baby's born as well as chucking in a tenner for the shower gift...

ceecee what you did sounds lovely.

Dotty I've been to showers like you describe in the UK but only for casual work colleagues not friends. That said, I've not been to lots of in the UK as they still aren't that common here and most of my friends haven't had babies yet.

I'm not sure there are any norms in the UK-- people seem to be making it up as the go along which of course is perfectly fine.

London - I think us Brits have assumed that the US type of showers have been a bit 'grabby', but the way you describe them makes them sound really lovely - I hadn't thought about the supportive, co-operative side to it but it's obvious now you say it!

I guess it's a bit like wedding gifts - different groups of friends have their own way of doing things. None of my friends would dream of having a gift list at their wedding, but my sister and all her friends did. Just different ways of doing stuff.

Quite a few of my friends have had baby showers and I love them. My sister and best friends are organising me one for December which is lovely

My best friend who just had a little boy had one a few months back and they hired an area in a nice pub for the afternoon. The my provided prosecco nibbles and cakes and then if anyone wanted anything extra they could just buy it. A few of her close friends clumped together to get her something big but everyone else just bought her bits and pieces. I think quite a lot of people asked if she needed anything which was good.

Is there lots of difference between bottles and sterilisers then?? I'm quite confused as to which is the best

Also I haven't been feeling lots of movements yet (21+1 today) but my scan on Saturday showed a healthy little boy so I'm not too worried. My little one is always asleep during scans so maybe he's more active when I'm sleeping!

Ragdoll I don't think it makes any difference which steriliser you use, it's down to preference (cold water vs microwave vs steam). We used a cheap Boots one which we set up as a cold water steriliser with Milton tablets at first (better for breast pump bits which can't all be steamed) and then used it as a steam steriliser for bottles later.

Bottle-wise, I'd just get a few to start with, and see if the baby gets on with them, and then buy more if you need them, they're easy to pick up in large supermarkets or Boots - I sent DH out to stock up when we needed them. I spent over £50 on bottles and teats in the end which would have been expensive if DS hadn't been keen and I'd needed to fork out the same amount on a new brand!

Sorry previous post should say we used the Boots steriliser as a microwave steriliser later.

I meant sterilisers and bottles together I realise that I need to buy both but just not sure what the difference in brands is!