Due February 2017 - Thread 8!

[DottyA]

Sorry all - I accidentally used the last message in thread 7. Hope you can find this one!

Sorry, maybe my response isn't clear!

I don't think the brand of steriliser makes a difference, but bottles can be quite different. Some are designed to be more like nipples, but I'm not sure how much of that is just marketing! Friends found babies just liked some brands more than others. That's why I'd advise buying a few of one brand, seeing how you get on, and then buying more of that brand or another one depending on how the baby likes them.

You don't need the same brand of steriliser as the bottles, we used Boots steriliser but Philips Avent bottles.

So steriliser wise it doesn't make a difference just what you want?

Do they normally come all together when you buy them or is it seperate? Are there certain bottles that are better then others?

It's probably cheaper to get them together if you get a deal, and then the steriliser will be designed for that brand of bottle, but it's not necessary to have the same brand.

I planned to breastfeed so we didn't get any in advance, but when DS wouldn't latch so I needed to express DH just went out and bought a steriliser and bottles so we just used what he'd picked up in a rush and it worked fine for us. Brand-wise I've heard good things about MAM and Dr Brown's bottles, but most people I know used Avent or Tommee Tippee.

kiki actually can't wait for my 20 week scan! Hoping I can breathe a big sigh of relief!! Only two more sleeps then half a day at work to get through haha.... we are on team pink! I found out today the girl in my work had to deliver her baby and had a wee girl who they called Robyn... such a tragedy!

Dotty yeah, I totally get where the misunderstanding comes from but that's definitely the spirit of it. Second showers weren't common util recently because the idea was to help you set up for your first. Even now, I'd say people don't buy big gifts for second showers for that reason unless there is a huge age gap or something. At my cousin's second shower, they just asked everyone for diapers and nothing else! Some second showers are nicknamed 'sprinkles' for that reason. Also, in the US, only close friends and relatives attend-- it would be seen as grabby to invite people who aren't super close to you and aren't likely to be a big part of the baby's life.

The gift giving is very much like weddings, where the gifts traditionally were designed to help the young couple set up their first home together.

At a traditional baby shower for a young couple, most of the gifts will be stuff like changing mats, bedding, bottles, bouncers etc. Grandparents will often buy the big stuff like the pram or crib. Of course, there will be clothes and toys too but mostly lots of practical things which is why people register in the US as its much easier when sorting out those types of presents.

Late to the replies as London basically already got there, but yeah, showers are usually pretty late in pregnancy and at someone's house with cake and maybe canapés and drinks, ones I've been to back home all had men/partners invited as well. And I would normally give a baby shower gift and not a new baby gift, and maybe it's just because I think it's the norm, but I would prefer to get things before the baby is born so I can actually sort through things and make sure I know who gave what to do thank you cards and be able to get all that done before the baby is here. When DD was born all of DH's family gave us gifts then and I had a slow recovery and was fairly dazed and then had a screaming colicky baby and it was a huge chore to do thank you cards and I completely forgot what who had given what for quite a few things. It's not the end of the world, but it was an added stress when I really didn't need it.

Oh, and I doubt they will throw me a surprise one as the weekends we are there are quite booked with thanksgiving, then staying downtown in a hotel, then cousin's wedding and we're home. It would be nice though. My friend who is due 20 Jan and I have decided to have a nice day out with our mutual friends over the Christmas period and have 'hooray for babies' afternoon tea and maybe spa.

Is anyone struggling like me to shave the downstairs???? I can't be a contortionist anymore with my massive bump and I think it looks like I've only half deforested not the look I was going for!! There are massive areas I couldn't get to in the bath.

Divadee I'm not quite there yet but I can tell it'll be soon. I can't easily see my lady bits which means I only notice its time for a tidy up if I happen to walk by a long mirror naked. I've been shocked how overgrown I've gotten without DH objecting and still fancying me

Mine needed a Strimmer london let alone a razor!!! I'm surprised the same as you that himself has still wanted some sexy time. It's neater if a bit ragged in places.

Haha Diva not quite yet but it won't be long. I always get waxed though so I don't need to reach down there myself. I've been going to the same lady for years and she's amazing. I'm the same this pregnancy as I was last time in that my leg hair has stopped growing but my bikini area has made up for it and gone crazy!

I'm like a wookie monster this pregnancy friendly it's growing everywhere. Including my belly alarmingly!!!! But the hair on my head that should be luscious and thick is falling out loads!! Luckily I have a lot of hair on my head!!

And my brows are growing bushier. If I didn't know for definite this one was a girl I would swear it was a boy as everything is completely different to my first daughter. And I mean everything!!'

Despite my bump not yet being epic, I already can't see my lady bits unless I bend really far! So I also can't tell unless I'm drying off from the shower and in front of a big mirror that I might need a trim!

Sadly, wax - of any sort - seems to bring my skin around that sensitive bikini area put in really bad lumpy bumps, so I no longer go and get waxed, and just rely on the razor/tons of moisturiser. I need to do my bikini area out before we go away ... it's not a jungle, but I'd like to sit on the beach without feeling I'm accidentally displaying spider's legs out of the side of my bikini bottoms!! Mind, thanks to this baby, I have also developed a hairy belly (dark hairy too, despite the fact that my natural colour is a blondy-brown ) and thinking about it, I've noticed my shaved body hair - underarms etc, seems to be darker than usual and quicker at coming back through in terms of stubble .

Add all that together and I think I'll just sit wrapped in a burlap sack for the whole holiday !

Haha I was just thinking tonight that I don't think I'm going to be able to see what I'm doing now! I might have to get a professional to tidy it up for me but I hate getting waxed down there

After my moaning about not much movement I had a few proper kicks tonight which was just amazing! Now he's stopped and I'm poking him he keeps going

I have constant 5 o' clock shadow on my armpits and legs. But my head hair is still falling out! I do have lots of head hair though, so maybe if it all stayed in it would be too heavy...

We have our 20 week scan tomorrow - I'm really, really nervous! Everyone seems convinced it's a girl, including DH, so I'm now worried I will be upset if it isn't, even though I didn't care either way before! I'm being stupid, aren't I?

Sorry ladies just trying to catch up. Massive wobble last night with the stupid referendum. I dont want to open this for discussion here as I feel politics are better left out of this thread but just to say I am EU citizen married to Brit and I have been crying regularly out of worry.
But catching up here now. london I heard yoga is quite helpful to move the placenta but that it usually moves itself after 30 weeks or so. Google is evil.
Shell I have movement everyday now but too weak for DH to feel. I think it is lovely but also a but uncomfortable But it is not a lot of movement, it is maybe twice or three times a day just 1 roll or kick or whatever they are. Very subtle too. Dont worry, I think you start feeling properly by week 24. Shell my scan is Friday. I just cant wait anymore. I have had the feeling from the beginning that I am having a boy

I have sent my forms for the NHS antenatal class, I will take any of this free opportunities
I am sooooo worried about money now. DH says he has some savings and I am trying to save up lots but 2000 will go to Citizenship application and I am still paying for driving lessons and test and we dont earn a lot. Nursery will be 1500 a month with the extended hours so that is my salary gone so I will probably have to be a SAHM for longer and find work closer to home. DH is set on buying a new car. Oh dear. DH has 2 jobs and I work full time and I am not a big spender but...
My friend wanted to throw me a baby shower and I am familiar with them as I used to live in America. I love going to them but I am very uncomfortable being the centre of attention or getting gifts (hence 2 people at my wedding) so I said I would pass. I would love to have a day out with the girls though.
Still catching up on posts. I am up to 17:30 last night already

Oh, Ever - I know how you feel. I luckily have a British passport but was not raised here and am the only one of my family resident in the UK. It feels very isolating suddenly - I worry that with our baby on the way it will be much harder for it to get to know a huge part of the family now. And also I am scared financially - our family money is tied up in quite a complicated way, and not based/managed here in the UK, which has a whole load of implications that scare me too much to get into.

I keep telling myself that it's all going to be fine. I have no idea how, but it is. That's all we can do!

london thank you so much for the link re: cloth nappies. I need to think about how realistic air drying might be.

Despite being usually very logical and rational, the two posts here about losing a baby very late have rather shaken me up. I went to my scan vaguely convinced little one would have no heartbeat (actually everything was fine).

I think the posts have been a good reminder that there is still the second half of this pregnancy bit to navigate and little one isn't safely here until she's safely here.

Sorry you're going through a tough time evergreen. I'm also an EU citizen married to a Brit and I'm a little worried too. I've been putting off applying for citizenship for years because it's so expensive and there's always been something better to spend £1,000 on. I did the Life in the UK test a few years ago, it's just doing the form and the money now!

I'm giving up work for a few years and it'll mean a considerable change in our lifestyle as my salary is a fairly significant chunk of our monthly income, although nursery for two and travel into London would take up the vast majority of it. I'm a little worried about how we'll manage, but I think we just will!

Good luck for today Fenella!!

ever don't worry about having meltdowns, they're allowed, and I know this isn't the place for politics but I really worry about the whole EU thing too, despite being UK born. We have friends from other EU countries who live over here at the moment, I really feel for them in terms of uncertainty and so on.

ordinary one of those stories was a friend of mine. I'm like you, I'm normally overall logical and rational (with a small burst of consulting Dr Google every now and then, I will admit) and hearing it completely freaked me out and upset me, which is of course totally understandable. But you're right I think - I was basically sitting back thinking that was it, and I just had 20 more weeks to sit around and brew. I hadn't considered scenarios like those mentioned - despite the very small chances overall. When he's here and out and causing trouble and keeping me awake... I think then I'll relax (after a fashion!) x

Late to work today. Bleedin' cat decided to puke everywhere immediately after breakfast. They always seem to make themselves sick one or two days before we go away... I swear they know!!!

For those worrying about the stillbirth stories - I think the statistic in the UK is 1 in 200 babies. Which is still higher than it should be be, and high enough that many of us will know someone it has happened to, but it means there's only a 0.5% chance of it actually happening to an individual baby. Sometimes I find figures help put the worry into perspective.

I have a couple of friends who this has happened to and it's devastating so I'm not trying to downplay the horror of it, but think all we can do is keep track baby's movements in third trimester and get checked out at the first sign of any worries.

Friendly has posted a good link about Doppler scans, and I'll be booking a private one for later in pregnancy I think (already have one on NHS next week due to low PAPP-A).

Ever sorry to hear how shaken up you are by the referendum results and the additional financial stress its causing on top of the cost of having a baby. I'm going to do something my DH does that annoys me when I'm venting: give some practical advice! Please ignore if that's not what you are after and I'm sure you've already considered most of this :)

The Citizenship Question

1. The risk of EU citizens who have lived and worked in the UK prior to Brexit losing their rights to remain and work in the UK are very low. Given the other demands on your finances, it might be worth holding off on getting your citizenship until the negotiating position is clear.
2. Even if the unthinkable happened and the UK decided to deport EU citizens, the fact that you are married to a Brit, means you qualify for leave to remain. Also, the earliest deporting people could happen would be 2 years after Article 50 is triggered and the government won't trigger Article 50 until next year at the earliest so you have plenty of time to sort this out. I'm an American so I've been through the process. A close friend also works for the Home Office so if you want some detailed reassurance let me know and I'll put you in touch. Either way, I would wait to see how the Article 50 negotiations go before spending 2,000 GBP on citizenship as you can always do that later in the very unlikely event it becomes necessary.
3. Even if you decide you want the reassurance of securing your rights now, you don't need to become a citizen to remain in the country-- you can just apply for indefinite leave to remain via marriage which at least when I was going through this process a few years ago, was much cheaper (about half the price). You have all the same rights except you can't vote in certain elections and you don't get a UK passport but you can live in the UK forever and work here without restriction

Childcare Costs

1. Nursery with extended hours can be very expensive but an often cheaper alternative is using a registered Childminder. If you haven't looked into this, it might be worth taking a look. I have close friends that use childminders and its been an amazing experience for them
2. Also, thinking longer term about your career and when you can afford to go back to work, keep in mind that all children between the ages of 3-4 get 15 hours of free childcare, which might allow you to at least work part-time. Also, certain children qualify for this from age 2 and so you might be able to go back from then if you meet the qualifying conditions

www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-and-education-for-2-to-4-year-olds. Of course, this is only if you want to-- being a SAHM is great if its your calling!

To add to what London says, the 15 hours a week from age 3 is probably going up to 30 hours. It's rolled out soon in my area, although it looks like we probably won't qualify for the extra hours as it's means tested (the first 15 hours isn't means tested).

I think the 30 hours only applies if both parents work, but the 15 hours applies to everyone, working or not. I'll be using it for DS from Jan 2018 even if I'm not working.

Hey ladies!

fenella my scan is tomorrow also!! I'm also nervous about mine but I'm sure we will be grand! I thought I was having a boy and then found out I was having a girl..m I wouldn't say I was disappointed but more shocked!! I thought DH would be disappointed because he wanted a boy but he was over the moon!! All will be grand and you will be happy whatever the outcome!!

ever i know... I'm just a worrier and probably am feeling movement but not knowing it! Tey not to worry about money etc... don't stress 😘

ordinary sorry for posting about it... just had no-one else to really talk to about it! I have looked into an extra scan for the doppler scan at 32 weeks and found a great deal on it!

On a brighter note... what's everyone's cravings now??