Due February 2017 - thread #7

[topmammy]

Thread #7 for a very chatty bunch!

(Sorry I accidentally used the last message on the previous thread... hope everyone finds the new thread successfully )

Oh and of course my DH!

Evergreen the lower suffocation risk is why I'm looking into it as well. However, I have to say they are quite funny looking when you first see a baby in them!

london I hate the 'babysitting' thing too. I'm also really surprised at how many of my friends' husbands defer to their partners for parenting decisions when they're out and about with the kids - DH is just as capable of deciding what DS would like to eat from a children's menu or when he needs a nap as I am!

In some ways we're traditional because It was me that took 11 months off with DS and am planning a few years as a SAHM mum after #2 and he works full-time, but that's because that works best for our personalities. It doesn't mean he has any less parenting responsibility when he is around. And I definitely think it's about time we changed legislation so that dads who want to take time off for childcare have the same rights as women, because just because it wouldn't suit us doesn't mean I don't think it would be a great thing for another family.

I think we're quite similar London....also married at 25 & judging by ur '83 we're prob the same age. My dad's a real feminist & has pushed me to think beyond my gender from a young age. He has always done all the family ironing & food shops and my parents shared the cooking and cleaning so I'd never consider anything less different for my own relationship.

Yes Ready I'm and '83 vintage :) I can't say my dad was a feminist but he always encouraged me to think of myself as capable of doing anything I wanted. His mother was a very strong figure.

Twocats I totally support choice for everyone. I think men should just have the options available. I don't think a 50 /50 split of anything is necessarily what's best for a relationship. I can't say DH and I split household duties 50/50 we just do what we prefer and what plays to our strengths I do painting and decorating, he does laundry. He pays the bills and I do the gardening. We are all individuals so just finding a balance both people are happy with is what counts.

Gosh we're a busy lot! I'm glad to hear my nipples hopefully won't be ruined.

I'm absolutely shattered today after being at a trade fair and walking about 15 miles. Back and hip pain, what a treat!

Found the new thread. Completely agree that paternity options are not fair. DH will only get 1 week at full pay too and due to the nature of his job it is not a given that any annual leave he books will be approved. He could book leave now and would likely get it but there's no way of knowing when baby will make an appearance!

Hope everyone is well.

I feel like my baby is trying to come out via by left rib cage! I guess its stretching pain but got its awful. And my head is pounding. Out for dinner tonight with our best couple friends who we haven't seen in forever as they've been travelling in Italy for a month.

Going to finally announce the pregnancy to them which is exciting. Anyone else and I'd be cancelling to go lay down in bed!

readyfortwo Its really interesting that you were involved in the legislation. We are also really keen to share parental leave. I work in an industry that is male dominated and have never worked anywhere that offers over and above SMP. However, DH works for a university and they do offer enhanced maternity pay but SMP to male members of staff. They incidentally have a predominantly female workforce so cannot claim that it is an incentive. I think they pay full pay for 26 weeks. I am planning on taking 5 months off and he will take 4. He is intending to challenge the policy, even though it may not benefit us, both on the grounds that it encourages discrimination against female employees but also because it discriminates against those in a same sex relationship.

I'm sorry i am so rubbish at posting in general, I do read the thread avidly but I'm not a great writer in life! Also i have had a very trouble free pregnancy so far, so very little to report and it hasn't felt all that real! Now that I'm starting to show though i think it is beginning to sink in for me.

I'm both excited and terrified in equal measure!

Glad to hear it Boomkapow, my last workplace only offered statutory too so we have no 'expectation' of getting enhanced pay this time....but if it's offered then it should be offered to everyone!

Boom I also work in a very male dominated industry. Most of the other women in my office are assistants and HR [hmmm]. While the mat leave policy is very generous, there are so few senior women that its virtually irrelevant to their bottom line.

The thread has moved on to new topics since this morning but just wanted to say thanks for the sling recommendations!

Such a catch 22 situation it seems. Offer more equal maternity/paternity leave opportunities and more women would probably stay on in work and get promotions etc but the people at the top now are mostly men so there doesn't "seem" to be enough demand (or inclination) for changing things.
If I had a different job instead of teaching maybe I'd feel differently but at the moment I can't see myself going back full time for many years if ever; the huge workload and stress and relatively poor pay would be really difficult for me with 2 children at home too. I know people do manage it but Im part time now after having DD and still work at home every evening almost and at a weekend during term time so it's pretty intense. I will be poorer but happier staying at home more. However I'll be keeping my eye out for other jobs while I'm on leave!

Thanks Fenella what do you mean by three sleeping bags? 3 sizes?
Hehe London quick to google image a pic of baby in tog bag

I am quite the feminist I make it my life mission to make sure young girls get it in their heads that they can do whatever they want

But I will be taking 1 year mat leave and go back to work for a bit and then go part time or be a SaHM for a while. It is better for us. DH's job comes with the house where we live

cinderella and topmammy, I was hoping to hear that I should still go. My MW said the same but said to take maternity notes just in case. I think I'll keep the tickets, see how I feel at Xmas and decide then. I know I'll be able to sell the tickets if I decide against it. Annoyingly, I had tickets for the same show in Glasgow at the start of Jan but sold them as it is midweek and I thought it would be too late a night with work he next day

Having read everyone's posts I think I need to start doing some research and making some lists! I've decided which pram I want and looked at some baby clothes and that's it. Haven't even thought about blankets, snow suits, muslins, feeding etc. Or maternity. No idea what I'll be entitled to as my contract ends in April and OH is self-employed.

Can everyone stop being so organised and knowledgable please?!

It's okay Scotty. I'm feeling neither knowledgeable or organised! I don't have and haven't decided on a single thing... 15 weeks today.
Is that ok or do I really need to get a move on?!

evergreen I meant "the", not three...

Nasch, if you need to get a move on then I definitely do...18 weeks today

Scotty I wouldn't plan to go. Last time I was so exhausted and uncomfortable by about 36 weeks that I didn't really want to go anywhere.

We won't be sharing leave but my DH will take 3 weeks off at least. He gets 1 week full and 1 stat, so the plan will be 1 week of paternity leave then 2 annual leave.

We are a very traditional household in that I'm basically a SAHM (who works a zero hours contract to maintain continual employment on her CV), but that's only because in my job the pay is peanuts and with the cost of travel, childcare, and dog walker I would not be taking anything home and I at least get a bit of income and time working just 5 days most months because they're weekend days with no expense other than off-peak train travel! When we both worked full time DH earned over 3x my salary, so while we have lost income with me being home we could not afford for him to have taken shared parental leave.

Same here wispa, DH earns twice as much as my 4-day salary and doesn't get enhanced pay whereas my company mat policy is quite good (12 weeks full, 12 weeks half then statutory) so even if he wanted to do shared parental leave it wouldn't make sense financially.

Although the reason DH earns much more than I do is because in recent years he's done very well whereas I've stagnated in a role with no progression and didn't move when I otherwise would have been looking for a new opportunity because I wanted to qualify for maternity pay and I knew the role would fit around childcare. We have the exact same degree (same uni, neighbouring colleges but never met!) and met when we were training for the same accountancy qualification at the same firm so sometimes i do feel frustrated that I'm now in an inferior place in my career, but I also think I'm doing the right thing for the family, and if one of us was going to sacrifice career it would always be me because he's always been more driven than I am anyway. Not because he's male, but because of our personalities.

twocats, I would be frustrated in your position, too, but definitely get what you mean about different personalities. In our case I am technically more educated as I have a masters degree, but it's in art history and I work in heritage/museum education, which is just sooooo poorly paid because we all do it because we just love museums. DH is a forensic accountant at one of the big 4, so really, there was never going to be anything near to career equality between us!

I've got a first class English degree and PGCE. Hubby has got a few average grade A Levels and of course no student debt, yet earns nearly double what I could ever earn. Pah!

I have a similar arrangement to Wispa. DH earns a lot more than me despite me having an MSc and professional qualifications-so annoying! I'm on a zero hours contract which means I bring in a bit each month but can also be a SAHM. It's what I wanted because although I'm ambitious to a point I've never wanted to get into a more managerial role because that would take me away from the more technical aspects of the job which interest me. Hopefully I can go back one day but in the meantime I'm happy. DH only gets two weeks leave on statutory pay. It's a completely male dominated environment so I'm not surprised it's so bad.

Had to skim through as the thread is moving very fast!

Home birth. I like the idea of one but decided its not for me. My reasons are pretty shallow . I've had one pretty straight forward birth but the labour was pretty long (16 hours labouring in hospital after 8 hours at home). Had her on the hospital bed using gas and air and she just needed a rub after the birth, I needed a few stitches. Second was extremely straight forward, contractions started around 6am, I dropped dd1 at my parents at 9.30am and got to hospital at 10am, was 5cm on arrival, gave birth in the birthing pool at 2.26pm and used hypno birthing methods and the pool for pain. Had a few stitches but nothing that the midwives couldn't sort if I was at home.....so, what I'm saying is I would feel confident to have a home birth, but, giving birth is darn messy. The actual giving birth isn't to bad actually, its the bit after. My friend had one and dripped blood on the carpet afterwards on the way to shower. I don't want to ruin my carpets lol! I liked that at the hospital I know that absolutely none of the mess is mine to deal with after. I also like that the birthing pool is huge and the ones you have at home aren't anywhere near the size. Another things that puts me off is that I'm higher risk of having larger babies. My others being 9lb2oz born at 38+4 and 9lb3.5oz born at 40+5. There's a good chance this one will be bigger and I feel better knowing I'm at hospital if they did get stuck. For me it just seems the easier option to go into hospital to have baby, its a personal choice though.

I've been a sahm since I was 31 weeks with dd1. I was made redundant. Was gutted at first but now I'm glad it happened. I miss my job sometimes, I loved it (was headchef at a local) but the hours aren't ideal for a mum tbh. My average working day was 11-10 and I just don't see how that would be doable anymore. We are by no means rich but dh earns enough to pay all the bills and we don't go without. We don't go abroad on holidays but get an English holiday each year and go for plenty days out. I do the bulk of cooking, cleaning and stuff with the kids which I don't mind. Dh does lots with the kids when not working and we tag team at bedtime etc. Our plan is for me to stay home until the youngest is at school and then I will get a part time job. I have qualifications in food cooking and processing and also catering so will be looking for something in that industry. Tbh my ideal job would be in a school kitchen as my holidays would be the same as the kids. An afternoon job 3-4 days a week would also work but I'm not to sure what I would do in the school holiday's. Will cross that bridge when it comes I guess!