Due February 2017 - thread #7

[topmammy]

Thread #7 for a very chatty bunch!

(Sorry I accidentally used the last message on the previous thread... hope everyone finds the new thread successfully )

Kiki have fun

Shell my bump definitely changes size (smaller today than yesterday) sometimes just between morning and evening

I am having a horrible headache. It started yesterday and is just getting worse. Should I be concerned or is this normal?

Also, how old do babies need to be before they go in the sleeping bag thing. The seem too large for newborns / mosses baskets or have I just not seen the right thing?

London my sister definitely used sleeping bags from the beginning, but not sure what type she had.... Her baby will be 15 months when mine is born so I'm guessing I may inherit some stuff. Will definitely make things easier if I do!

Thanks for the new thread topmammy.

Place marking for now but definitely going to try and be better at keeping up with the thread!

London, we used sleeping bags from very nearly the beginning, but we never used a Moses basket as DD was in a bedside crib, which is a bit bigger. We had a mothercare bag in 0-6 months and 2 Aden and anais bags in 0-6 as well.

I used sleeping bags from about three months, once DS had moved out of Moses basket, mainly because they were a bit bulky for the basket. You can use them from birth though, depending on size of baby, as long as their head is big enough not to be able to slip through the neck hole into the bag, which was straight away for DS, but he had (has) a massive head! They recommend putting the baby feet to foot, so at the bottom of cot/crib/basket, so we folded the excess fabric at the end of the sleeping bag under his feet so he was still at the end of the cot.

My HR department just told me they are updating their maternity leave policy (which is extremely generous) but they currently give no fully paid paternity leave. I actually find this really regressive. There aren't a lot of women who work in my firm (or industry but particularly my firm). I think part of that is the culture and encouraging men to have greater participation in family life would actually do more to help women. Am I being naive?

I'm lucky as my DH is civil service so get generous paternity and shared parental leave. I know he'd be devastated if he couldn't take a good amount of time off to spend with the baby and I wonder if more men don't feel the same. Child rearing isn't a women's only issue after all!

I used blankets until DD was a certain weight- about 8lbs I think. That was because it said on the sleeping bag a minimum weight baby had to be but I'm sure you can get smaller ones.

I've got a gliding crib to have next to my bed that DD used but I still can't decide whether to get one of those side car type cribs instead. In my head I imagine popping baby in the sleepyhead and then sliding it across into the crib attached to the bed. And then baby (and toddler) sleep for 10 hours straight . Haha!!

DH's company only gives the 2 weeks @ statutory pay as well, it's not great. Their mat pay is only statutory too. They made a discretionary exception for DH though as he's pretty senior so he just took two weeks off and they didn't class it as official paternity leave and he got paid full pay. Those two weeks led exactly to the day he was going to start annual leave for Christmas, so he ended up with four weeks off. That won't happen this time and if I have a section I think I'll struggle to be able to cope with DS after only two weeks, so he may have to work from home.

Thanks Wispa and top. I think I might get a sleeping bag suitable for spring and see how big the baby is. Her due date is Feb 19th so really by the time she's a month old all the seasons will be changing!

Interesting twocats. That's great they made an exception for him.

There have been studies that show the more involved men are in the beginning the more involved they stay. If they don't get stuck in early for a decent amount of time, they see themselves as helpers rather than co-primary care givers. This just puts more strain on mum. Also, men taking time out makes women taking time out seem less unusual.

In Scandinavia my DH told me that women get 3 months, men get 3 months and then both mother and father get 3 months they can share as they like (including taking it together). If the men don't use their quota the allowance is lost. I think that's a great system. I wish we could be that progressive here, it would do so much for wider equality.

Finally succumbed and went maternity shopping this morning. Drove to the nearest Next which, according to their website, stocks maternity (and is 35 miles away!) to be told they don't stock in store anywhere anymore! Surely this can't be true? Luckily a H&M and New Look on the retail park too so managed to get a couple of pairs of jeans and some stuff for work.

Those who have done this before, can I have your opinions on the following please? Baby is due 3rd Feb. We have a show booked in London (live in Scotland) on 14th Jan. This is the second time the show has come to the Uk and the second time I've had tickets. First time I had to cancel because of illness and now, potentially, because of baby. My question then - is it too risky to go? I know we couldn't fly but that's ok. I reallllllllly want to go!!

Apologies for broadcasting and not asking after everyone, already broken my promise to try harder - the thread moves so quickly!

twocats - my husband's company only offer 1 week at full pay so he is planning to take a second week as annual leave potentially. We are quite lucky as he works from home 1 day a week as it is.

london I'm very lucky because my DH is the most hands-on dad I know. I'm the primary parent mainly because my hours at work are shorter so I'm around more to look after DS, so as a result I tend to organise the doctors appointments, take him for shoe-fittings, make sure there's enough nappies etc, but he does half the nursery drop-offs/pick-ups and at weekends he does as much childcare as I do, if not more. If I had to go away for a week and leave DS with DH I'd walk out the door without so much as needing to leave him with instructions. It's great!

That sound really ideal twocats I know that's my DH's hope so fingers crossed it works out as well for us.

Scotty I don't think the chances of you going into labour at that stage are massively high, though there's certainly a possibility! I guess you have to think about how you'd feel if you end up giving birth away from home.

In the link below, you can put your dates in and it works out your chances of labour on any given day. I'd probably risk it based it - you have about an 8% of giving birth before 38 weeks. But your chances of giving birth on the couple of days you'd be away are much lower than that.

spacefem.com/pregnant/due.php?use=EDD&m=2&d=22&y=17

Thanks for the link Dotty, I'll take a look. My OH is a very proud Scotsman and I don't know that he'd forgive me if a have birth in London! Then, if that does happen, there's the journey back to consider

Booked my gender scan 😀

Togbag?? I thought I would use a blanket.
So for newborns what do you use?
So confused

I'd still plan to go Scotty. I did have DD at just past 37 weeks but I think it's more common to go overdue with your first anyway. 14th Jan is incidentally my birthday and what I plan on being my first day of maternity leave

I would still plan to go scotty

My DH and I feel very strongly about the shared parenting stuff London. We actually worked on the original legislation (which allowed you to switch once). Personally I believe it's the only way we will ever achieve gender equality in the work place.

DH took 3mths last time, statutory pay only and he is just as capable (if not more so) of looking after our son. He has lobbied at work for men to be offered the same enhanced package as women, but the employment lawyers are currently hanging their hat on the argument that in some sectors they struggle to retain women post-childbirth so they offer it to women as a way of trying to retain this specific group. I think it's tenuous as if women are the only ones who can get the additional pay then you're basically forcing them to take time out of the workplace, but unfortunately the courts are agreeing at the moment.

I'm in the process of challenging the policy at my workplace, which again pays enhanced pay to women & not men. Obviously it makes no difference to me financially, but I think it's so important that i couldn't let it be. I have more chance of succeeding too as the US business has already taken steps to even up there policy.

I have no doubt that thoughts such as 'she's a 30ish woman with a ring on her finger so bound to have kids soon' still factor in recruitment decisions, and certainly where you have instances of a couple working within our business currently the man is being actively encouraged to stay in work over the woman for the period of mat leave- so you're basically reinforcing the inequality rather than 'actively encouraging women back to work'. So far I've got the HR Director reviewing the policy, but if she comes back with any of that legal argument crap I won't be letting it go easily.

Ready wow, what an interesting history with all of this.

I've done the same with my HR team today having reviewed the policy and have offered to provide research. I know they want to be woman friendly: 28 weeks full pay is the new policy and they offered flexible working etc upon my return.

But leaving men out of the equation is just totally backwards in my view. Fathers also need flexible working and zero paid leave sends the very clear message, men belong at work (and conversely women belong with kids) and so we are only offering you any leave because its the law.

Yes, it's such a tough thing to change but rhe gender pay gap is very clearly being caused by women taking time out of work to look after kids so the only real way to address it is to get men taking as much time out as women....which means actively incentivising them with paid leave! Not sure society in general is ready for the mindset shift yet either, but I'll continue fighting the good fight

I think you are right about the mindset of both men and women on this Ready. When I hear women saying their husbands are 'babysitting' the kids I always think-- would you describe the time you spend alone with them as babysitting?

Anyhow, I'm very traditional in many respects: married at 25 after starting to date my DH at 20! Basically a child bride among my London friends. It no small part its the brilliant men in my life (friends and certain colleagues) that have clarified my thinking on issues of equality :)

evergreen - the tog bags are three baby sleeping bags. They apparently have a lower SIDs/suffocation risk.