Hi all,
Sorry I've been very quiet, think last time I posted was at 12 weeks, but I have been lurking.
Ive suffered from depression in the past, was hospitalised 9 years ago, but I've managed drug free since. I do get periods of depression, but I am capable of managing them, JUST!
Around the 11 week mark I was feeling low, I was getting terrible morning sickness, still hadn't slept properly and it was affecting all aspects of my life. I attributed it to the pregnancy and so started to resent the baby. To the point of hoping nothing will show up at 12 weeks. I couldn't tell family or friends this, I fear being sectioned again, and felt it insensitive to put up here so I struggled alone.
16 week midwife app, I broke down. I'd been stockpiling painkillers for a week, thinking I couldn't go through with this pregnancy and if all was healthy I couldn't continue. I look back at this thinking "how over dramatic" but that's how I felt.
Abortion or adoption were not an option as DP is over the moon about this pregnancy.
My midwife referred me to GP which led to a psych consult.
I'm now undergoing counselling and on antidepressants (which makes me feel like a failure because I'm 'drugging' my baby). But I am feeling more positive.
I'm lucky to have such a supportive partner, but I must say its you guys that have really helped.
Reading things that I'm going through has helped me to see I'm not abnormal.
Thank you all. I hope I can contribute more in future.
belager