April 2007 - Ladygarden? Ladytropicalrainforest more like

[Katy44]

CFK - I couldn't resist!

I agree Liath - I didn't write one with my 1st - didn't have a CLUE what to write!! Just went into it blind and had a v.controlling, bitch of a MW, so not a good combo!! 2nd time I wrote a thorough one, amittedly, the Consultant read it, had a little giggle and ask me if it was ok for him to bin it!! (DD2 was pre-term and an induced labour - not what I had invisaged for sure!!) I am having a homebirth (hopefully) this time and will be sure to write my wishes v.succintly for the MW etc

Any ideas what to put in it? I have no idea what options are available to me IYKWIM?

Lots of baby books have examples in them, or you coul just google it. I'll drag a copy of my last one out when I get home this evening and let you know honey!!

thanks... I'm just going through a very panicky hormonal stage at the moment, I want to know everything, and be 100% prepared.. I know its daft and I keep having to remind myself that the only thing that a baby truely needs is food and warmth and love... everything else is optional!!!

Nutty girl - I am thinking about what to say about your MIL and finding it quite hard.

Several things, firstly like all the others have said she sounds like a right cow and try not to let it worry you.

Secondly and this might sound harsh - but it rarely gets any better. Just remember that YOU are the one having a baby, and it will be YOUR baby and not hers. You are going to be a mother in your own right.

Its better that you get used to it now, cos you will have a "lifetime" of it,and it will only be even more upsetting after the baby is born, ie birthdays, xmasses etc and you feeling that the other one is "preferred". Make your stand now and it will help you in the future, she will prob respect you too more in the long run. This has been bugging me all day she sounds like a nasty piece of work and yo are best shut of her.

PS I don't mean get used to it. This is not acceptable by any means.

I mean that she sounds like such a cow that she is unlikely to change, and once you get used to the idea it will help you in the future. If it was me I would tell her exactly what I thought but that is cos I am quite outspoken.

God this is really bugging me, what a cow.

Blimey, its taken me most of the afternoon to read through all the thread.
Will try to remember what I wanted to say (although my legs are firmly crossed at all this talk of episiotomies/tears/forcepts/ventouse/epidurals etc)
Nutty huge hugs to you about MIL comments, please dont pay any attention to someone who is just trying to be hurtful. I hope that you have a lovely time with your own family.

MIABT I am with you on the the cut and slice option after previous deliveries. Thought that I was the only one in this particular boat, to hear that you have a cold - yuck when this pg so hope you feel better soon.

Opinions I have been enjoying a glass or two of wine at the weekends aswell. I didn't in the first trimester but find it such heaven now I did with other three and it didn't do them any harm. They seem to change all the rules on these things with each pg

Birthplans are a MUST, I loose all sense of rational thought when in labour so its great to have something that you have written when you are able to communicate clearly!!!!
Something which I have found with labours is that they become less painful which each child, I had no pain relief at all with number 3.
BUT.....the afterpains are worse. I would advise all you second timers to pack painkillers in your hospital bag. It was the best piece of advice that I was given so I thought that I would share it with you all.

Ah yes - Painkillers. Painkillers are good!!

Bum, my internet just crashed and I lost my post!

Anyway, what I was saying was that I am in the no birth plan camp as mad as that may sound. I just went in with an open mind and a go with the flow atitude. I know you don't have to stick to them, and on many occasions it is not possible to, but as a control freak, I thought if I wrote it down and didn't stick to it, I would have failed iyswim. Sounds mad I know.

I am going to adopt that atitude again, and just see what happens on the day and go with whatever is best for all parties.

Sounds like a rant - not meant to be!!

Hope you are all ok. xx

Can you take any painkillers? Nurofen is usually my preferred choice, or can you only take paracetamol still at that stage?

As far as I'm concerned there is a plethora of dugs available even if you are BF. Gotta go - BOSS!!!

Depends if you are bf SOL
I think that they recommend paracetamol or paracetamol with codiene for something slightly stronger. Although they might have changed the rules on that aswell

Agree that brithplans are not for everyone but it does depend on what you put in it. Mine was quite vague with the exception of dh wanting to tell me what type of baby it was, dh NOT wanting to cut the cord (squemish), Vit K for baby and skin to skin contact as soon as possible after delivery. So quite simple but still gave me comfort to have it in writing

Birth plan not britplan

God I'm so tired. Work is manic at the moment and it's all I can do to keep up with this thread!

So..

You lot have persuaded me, 3rd timer or not, I must write a birth plan!

Witch hazel - must get.

Have been looking at slings - totally confused as there are so many to chose from.

Talking of meet-ups - Don't forget next Wednesday at Jump in Bristol all you South-West Bumpettes!

Brain feels like it is in a million pieces. Leaving now!

YvieE - pmsl re getting the baby out! It does truly amaze me that they do and why we are all happy to go through with such madness!

Morphine, pethidine, paracetamol, codeine, voltarol .. all fine I believe...thank goodness! Think have said before that voltarol suppositories are fantastic

Getting hungry....

YvieE - I had that same problem when I went to have the coil fitted - told I had a very neat and tight cervix - that was after I had one baby too! Which for the record was a relatively easy, straight forward delivery, in fact both times my cervic dilated completely so I wouldn't worry about it!

I can't remember what everyone else wrote...... but I did feel for you nuttygirl - I can never see the point in getting your own point across if it is mean - it doesn't change anything and hurts everyone. If people say insensitive things to me - I usually feel sorry for them to having to live as one so bitter! Anyway it is your's and your DP choice, your baby and your love and that all that really matters.

One thing that I would say about birth plans is that in my experience I wish that I had even thought about an emergency c-section and how I would like things to be handled. Since my 1st birth was pretty straight forward and my second pregnancy indicated nothing unusual (ie baby's position), no one even suggested I gave a c-section a thought. Unfortunately DS was brow presented and I had to have a c section which resulted in a general (long story!) - afterwards so much happened that I wish didn't but could have been easily prevented if I had a birth plan for this senerio. Just my experience......

Finally I am so pleased that I have not just had a baby - the weather where we are is so yucky especially around 9am and 3.15pm to coincide with the school run!!!!! I couldn't imagine having to go out of the house with a newborn - roll on summer!

Hi everyone,
Bramshott, thanks for the advice - I checked that with HR and if I go into labour early the rest of my leave will be cancelled. Suppose it depends where you work, but mine seem quite good with that sort of thing! Glad that's what it was.
nuttygirl - I can't get over your MIL's comments . Although if she thinks more money = better parents than that probably says a lot. Is it worth bringing this up with them, as you're obviously very upset, or are they unlikely ever to listen to reason? (i.e. do they know how much they've hurt you and don't care or are they just incredibly insensitive?)
Birth plans - is there any chance we could share these - maybe on a new thread set up specially? Or are they really quite personal? I've read the books and know what they recommend writing, but I'd appreciate feedback on mine / seeing some others so I can see what's likely / reasonable, and what they're going to put down to me being a naive first timer!!
As a first timer, I really appreciate all the birth stories, I don't know many people in RL who've given birth recently and so it's nice to have some REAL experiences (not the usual textbook "expect your labour to be painful...but it will be a useful pain )
I do have one friend who had a baby about a year ago, she recently told me like she felt like she was going to die - at the time I was shocked, but I'd rather be told than have her underplay the pain to spare me - if I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask (and wou;dn't read this thread!)

BBCFK - i want to book a cottage in pembrokeshire, we went 2 years ago to a lovely little cottage and really want to go back again in july, would normally want to try somewhere different but this place was so well equipped and enclosed garden and things and i think taking a 3 month old baby its best to play it safe. But not sure now if we can afford a hol as dp is planning on moving in april but as ive not been working i wont get any sort of maternity pay at all and we will be SKINT! Still trying to work it out so we can though, would be lovely to get away for a week.

Have to go do tea, will come back and try and remember what else i was gonna say later!

Hello hello, well the thread has run away with itself, or with you lot , again and I am holding on by it´s coat tails..

I actually gave a lot of thought to birth plans while I was still in my 1st tri!! I read a lot about antiquated medical systems here in Spain that really freaked me out and the only way I could gain some control was to read as much info as I could find on the kind of birth I would like.

I have a ton of stuff printed off and notes made so just need to sit down and put it all together coherently. I don´t think it has to be any lengthy or complicated, I just needed to have that much info to make sure it was all clear in my mind. Unfortunately most of the refs I have are in spanish but I did see one today when I was looking into birthing balls that might be useful for other clueless first timers. birthing naturally go to the bottom of the page and you´ll see some links to sample birth plans and other info.

My main points are:
want to try and do it without epidural but want it available in case!
Don´t want continuous monitoring if not medically necessary
don´t want any drips set up if not immediately medically necessary
don´t want any oxcytocin to speed up labour without prior and explicit consent
want to be able to move as much as possible (as long as monitoring allows) and choose my birth position
want dh to stay with me unless not possible due to medical intervention
want to touch/ hold the baby as soon as possible

and am making up a ´just in case´ birth plan for caesarean too

My birth plan was quite a generalised one. I had written that I would like to be mobile for as long as possible with minimal intervention. Also wrote things like I would rather not have an episiotomy/epidural but would be guided by my midwife if these things were deemed necessary (which they were). My midwife read mine fully which was good as I felt she understood that I was hoping for as natural a birth as possible. Ultimately I didnt get it, but I think by running through the scenario in my head, I was more relaxed when things got a bit more intense. I had said I would take her guidance and I did from start to finish. I was lucky because she was excellent, never did anything to me without fully explaining what was happening, and made me feel in control (even though I actually wasnt)!!

Dont know whether to write one this time or not. Probably will as I actually have more issues this time than last!

Forgot, I did put that dh wanted to cut the cord and also that I wanted him to tell me what sex the baby was not the midwife/doctors. Also wrote that I wanted skin to skin contact asap after the birth. Didnt get that either but I think its good to voice your preferences before the event anyway.

BBCK and Zazas I have to admit that I forgot about the cervix dialating ...I can't even blame it on PG brain (oh the shame)

LOL @ forgetting cervix dilating!!

DH was admamant that he DID NOT want to cut the cord when I was PG the 1st time, but after seeing what I went through to get the baby out, he thought it was the least he could do - He did it 2nd time round with no hesitation - and was sooo pleased he had done it!

Yey for Volatrol Suppositoires!! Add Diclafenic (or however you spell it) to that list as well - also v.good for after pains / stiches etc Make you feel a bit surreal and mellow as well - always nice when you've just had a baby!!

Erm. What other stuff??? Can't remember!

Best go and help DH with DD's ....

I'm back! Saw consultant today, well the registrar (is that right? Ive gone abit blank!)never get to see the actual consultant, anyway they have agreed to us having a scan in 2 weeks time when I am 28 wks to see if the CPC has gone now. Didnt think they were goingto at first but last time i was there the dr guy whoever he was picked up on my history of PND and AND and referred me to a psychiatrist and I think its this that helped convince them to give me a scan!! Also did a blood test to see if im aneamic (wheres spell check when you need it?!) and prodded bump alot. seems baby is head up and abit sideways, he didnt write it in my notes just drew a picture! But i think that makes it breech oblique. But still only early so plenty of time for him to move. Oh and the student type person measured my bump as being 31 wks, dr guy had a poke and asked how many wks i was then decided they'd call it 28 but bit of a big bump as im 26+1! Which is slightly playing on my mind as one of the things i read on edwards syndrome was larger than average uterus and baby slightly small for dates which he was at last scan whereas both my other too were always bigger than dates but I know its only a tiny thing and doesnt mean anything, i just have to wait and see what they say at scan.

Pesha - that's good news about getting another scan - hopefully it will be all good news and will set your mind at rest for the remainder of your pregnancy.

Nutty - your MIL is a first class cow. Why do MILs think it's OK to be so rude and hurtful? I'm sure they open their gobs without engaging their brains, and when did f'ing music lessons ever make a child's life complete? Silly old bitch-hag.

Has taken me all afternoon & evening on & off to catch up on this thread...you girls can chat.

Wasn't planning to do a birthplan, was more going to go with the flow really, but will deffo get some witch hazel and pain-killers so thanks for that advice.

Have to admit, like someone earlier (sorry can't recall who), am quite looking forward to the birth to see if I can handle the pain better, see how my body copes, find out if it's easier second time round etc. etc. Also will be going into it with eyes open this time as I know how my body behaved last time and how much pain I can take. I seriously remember thinking at the time that it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be (but I didn't tell DH that). DH on the other likens it to watching someone you love being tortured, so I guess I was making a bit of a fuss!

Anyway, ended up using TENS for entire labour (think it worked somewhat) and gas & air. Deffo didn't want pethadine or any of the really mind-bending drugs, but would have succomed (sp?) to an epidural if necessary. Ended up with minor tear, a few stitches, but no real dramas afterwards (no need for ice packs or valley cushions!).

Felt great afterwards, really proud of what I'd achieved in growing and delivering our lovely little girl.

And then the PND set in......... But hey that's another story.