June 2016 #7 - We're still waiting for the second trimester "bloom" but healthy babies and stronger kicks all around!!

[nehagarg]

Here is the next one people.

Stats here!

docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1oTx71GeTR-ilVPTpIhNhutAwZPqNyYNEyIDwO80PmKQ/edit#gid=0

None of my family or DH's have mentioned coming down when the babys born yet, an we haven't talked about it yet either. 28 weeks today, its gone so fast but yet 12 weeks still feels like a really long time away to be making plans for visitors when he's here.

Had my AntiD injection yesterday and the midwife felt my abdomen. I asked her if she could feel what position he was in and she told me he was head down but back to back. Wish I hadn't asked now! I know he still has plenty of time to turn front to back though, but couldn't help having a google yesterday about back to back labour. Got the whooping cough vaccination today and then midwife again on Tuesday, so will see what position he's in then and if he's still on the 90th centile.

Yes, visitors who need entertaining in any way are out!!!
I was told, I forget by whom, that there are three key supports a new mother/family needs:
Good caring medical support (so midwives and doctors you really trust), peers (friends, NCT group you click with etc) and an "elder" (often your mum, but could be an older midwife, or friend or similar- someone who has lived through it, and is now far ahead in their life). If you have one out of three you will just about manage, two and you are fine and dandy, three and you are absolutely set!
I do think the mother-baby pair needs looking after to begin with (and that means help with housework, shopping, adult meals etc, not just holding the cute baby) and extended family is the traditional way that has happened, so if that is not right for you it is worth thinking about how that support will happen, especially if your DP can't take much time away from work, or is especially rubbish without much sleep.

Hmmm I wrote that hours ago, not sure why it suddenly popped up now...

Violet* Really try not to worry. I had a back to back labour and it was fine. If anything easier than my first. And besides there is soooo much time, it's only after 34/35 weeks that they even really start taking much notice.

Thanks everyone for your ideas/sharing experiences. I'm lucky that DP will be taking at least 2 weeks off as he has no teaching responsibilities during the summer (hurrah!) and think I need to stick by my guns and set some ground rules and find some local hotels/b&bs to signpost visitors to.

I feel sorry for those of you with families causing you stress. Last time my mum and MiL both came within the first 2 weeks (not planned until baby arrived despite being a flight away) and I really needed them-much more than I thought I would. It was really for the cooking and cleaning and thus freeing me to look after the baby and DH to look after me! It was invaluable! But they are both super helpful and not offended if I was tired and snappy, and seemed to 'get' that I was having a hard time and needed help (I really did find the first few weeks soooo hard-I don't think everyone finds it as bad-but I really struggled).

I found that most people who were parents themselves were very aware that they couldn't stay for more than a couple of hours, and other women in particular were sensitive to the fact that I needed help and the unsaid rule of bring food :) Inevitably the baby will need feeding or start crying at some point and most guests will take that hint to leave rather than waiting around (DD used to take an HOUR to feed!). But I would have no qualms in telling my own guests it was short visits only, or getting DH to give his visitors a nudge out the door lol

Older people that aren't parents can say some strange things. Many would comment that the baby only slept fed or cried.... And several were too afraid to hold her which I didn't mind!

Had a growth scan today at 28 + 4 week they said baby is small and is in centile 1
And also I'm carrying more fluid then I should so have go back in a couple of week . They tell ypu not to worry but it's so hard not to x

Oh Clarish so stressful!!!!! Very hard not to worry! Xx

Oh no clarish that sounds tough. Fingers crossed for you for next week (and that the week goes quickly too!)

samba I'm always too scared to hold people's babies when I visit them- I dread being offered a cuddle, it's very hard to say "no thank you" without offending the parents! But I'm much happier sitting having a chat with the adults with the baby safely with someone else, I really don't want to hold them! Hmm, I hope having my own makes me more of a baby person!

Sounds tough clarish good that they've picked it up though and can make sure you are both ok. Stay away from google it won't help (voice of experience)

I think it's a confidence thing mollie DS was the first baby I had any real experience with so before him I wouldn't want to hold other people's as they seemed so breakable. Now I love a baby cuddle if one is offered!

I know it's easier said than done Clarish but try not to worry. And I second ignoring Dr Google. I had too much fluid with DD, they kept a bit of a closer eye on me, but I had a normal pregnancy and delivery. And DD was fine.

Re: visitors - our parents and our best friends visited in hospital and that was really nice but then we asked for no visitors at home for 2 weeks while we enjoyed a baby bubble which was bliss!! My sister did actually visit on the 2nd day we were out of hospital and I was really weepy, struggling to feed and was in the middle of a midwife home visit. It really stressed me out and I won't allow it this time but my sister didn't make it to hospital and thought she was "missing out". I think she knows now that she was intruding though.

After that, my mum came to stay for week 3 which was lovely because she really helped me get up and about after my c sec.

Week 4 and beyond we allowed one set of visitors per day and ushered them out after an hour. Everyone was really understanding actually.

Oh no clarish. How stressful. Its very hard not to worry. I was told my baby's head measured in the 2 centile and they asked me to come back after 4 weeks. When I went back he had picked up his growth and was measuring normal. Babies have growth spurts all the time. Please try not to worry though no amount of people telling me that stopped me from worrying.

Bought my first and only little vest today. Friend has given me loads of hand me downs so I didnt really need any but this one was so cute so I couldnt resist.

Is anyone else here completely unprepared? Or haven't bought a single thing or even stopped to think about birth plan? Reassurance needed. am following instincts and going with flow. It's my first...

Yep billi have bought nothing! Was the same with my first. Infact she was early and we didn't have a buggy etc, was no stress. She also didn't have a nursery but they don't go into it until 6 months.

billi do not fret. Last time I was overseas until 32 weeks. Then I moved house at. 34 weeks. So only started planning & acquiring anything after that. We didn't have a nursery. Never did and won't this time either. Going with the flow is good practice!!! ( Have you considered Hypnobirthing? Helps going with the flow hugely)

Remember Babies only need their mummy and mummy needs a supporter - helpful if it's daddy &/or a great woman. And that is pretty much it for the first few weeks!!! You don't even need a cot or Moses basket as baby's like to sleep next to a breathing warm human.

However if you want somewhere to put baby down for a while I can recommend a cocoonababy (John Lewis deliver but I got mine on a back pain or reflux website site) which comes with a sheet and then all you need is a sleep bag suitable for a newborn - we liked the little green sheep summer sleep bag last time. It had elastic acted top so no risk of smothering. Also ordered online.

We didn't bother with a baby bath. Best decision. We did get this terry cloth hammock thing though which meant I could put him in it whilst I faffed in the bathroom We always bathed with DS until he was about 10mo. On one occasion only we washed him in the kitchen sink!!

If push comes to shove daddy can rush to sainsburys or boots and buy a few white vests, baby grows and nappies when you go into labour plus breast pads & maternity pads for you ( I forget the best mat pads but there is a thread about it on here - they need to be the smooth huge ones rather than skinny & a rippled top). .

We didn't need Muslins but the best advice I got was: don't buy white ones as you lose them in bedding (!). Best we bought were multi functional - extra large coloured ones from John Lewis (online!!) - used as sheets, sun protection, picnic rugs and now as super hero capes :)

As for the birth - are you doing Nct or pregnancy yoga? Anything like that will help you prepare and you probably don't need to do much more. My birth plan was a work of art based on my Hypnobirthing practice and stuff I read on MN. Was very helpful and the MW did read it but I wasn't a slave to it.

My local hospital does not offer a tour but last time I got one. If yours does offer one best to book now.

MN has a thread or 10 on what to pack in your hospital bag but tbh I didn't use half of it!!!!! Pack snacks and drinks tho (for you and daddy ) unless your hospital has a M&S downstairs. Hospital food can be dire.

Clarish - Thinking of you. Babys come in all different shapes and sizes and have growth spurts at different times. Try not to worry xx

Regarding DM's - mine is still pissed off with me after I didn't tell her I was pregnant until the 3 month scan. Our relationship has completely changed. So sad but she's pushed me away so much because of it I've had enough now and think, fine! She'll grow to regret how selfish she's been.

On a completely separate note, please can I have some advice! What do babys wear in the summer?! So for 0-3 month clothing should I be looking at shorts and t-shirts or do they mainly live in sleepsuits? I've been ebaying like mad! But now think I may have got out on the sleepsuits!! Do they just sleep in them?! #naivety

Mine pretty much lived in sleepsuits until about 3 months so I have loads this time round again. I have bought a couple of bundles of summer clothes which have shorts, tshirt and rompers so hopefully he'll be kitted out well enough. Can always send DH to the shops afterwards though.

Yes my DS born in March lived in plain white sleepsuits for about 3 months then when it got warmer he either wore rompers or a little pair of shorts over a popper up vest. The girl equivalent would be little bloomers over vests.

Emma your mum sounds similar to mine, she was very put out that we didn't say anything and told everyone at the same time. We had a huge row last summer and we didn't speak for almost a month it got to the point where we had to agree to disagree and she even asked me if I'm having this baby because of that. I actually still can't get my head around her comment it makes me think she sees this baby as a punishment.

Re summer clothes I've had a July baby and sometimes just kept her in bodysuits and a loose cover in pram or bed, just check hands and feet are not chilly

Hmm.. Helpful thank you. Think I may get some more t-shirts and shorts in case it's warm. I've got about 10 sleepsuits from eBay! I haven't got any vests yet. Any recommended brands for a multipack of white vests?

EBay purchases... So far

Emma - I find t shirts on tiny babies annoying because they bunch up - I prefer bodysuits/vests that popper up.

Emma Asda living does good quality multipacks for cheap. I got a few from there in newborn and month old sizes. Planning to get DH to run downstairs for more once the baby is here and we know for sure what size he is.

That wardrobe looks very well stocked. All of mine are sitting in a drawer for now awaiting washing.