It's the dream combo of carbs and couples massagers, welcoming pukey newbies and teffrifying norks, it's GTTs a go go on JS Grads 41!

[ThursdayLastWeek]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the 41st grads thread... celebrating the success of Just Shagging in getting us viroids upduffed!

For those that don't know, a 'viroid' is from the original JSing thread 1, where someone was trying to type ladies (in reference to all the JSing ladies), but their phone decided to call us all viroids instead!

The name stuck and we've been the JSing viroids ever since.

The 40th grads thread is HERE

The thread we have graduated from is HERE in its 55th outing. WARNING: they're all a bit kerazy not to mention randy!

There is also a Just Mumming thread HERE
for once your babies come along, or to keep up with the graduated graduates!

There is also a private facebook group (so it doesn't give the game away in your news feed!)... if you want to join to see photos of new babies etc, just ask in-thread!

HERE is the stats list, please update your own spot with any updates.

Yes but it's not your fault darling, if was his choice. Why don't you plan a nice new tradition that doesn't involve him?

Oh molly I'm so sorry. Glad you are living with your parents so they can support you xx

(and what a compete arse he is )

Molly I am so sorry, agree with everyone else he is an arse.

He's lined up flat viewings tomorrow. Jesus this is moving fast. Sorry, totally derailed the thread you guys should be enjoying your babyness. Going to lay low for a while, love all you viroids

Oh Molly, so sorry to read that. Bloody hell. I think him giving his two pence worth about he he'd like the future to be isn't something you can think about now. Can't imagine how you must be feeling but for what it's worth, if he's left you while you are flipping pregnant he's a humongous turd. I'd put in of those turd emoticons with eyeballs in here if they worked. Hope being around family and friends helps you through what must be an awful time.

Molly I am so so sorry to hear this. You are beautiful and kind and funny and interesting... He is obviously very unhappy in himself. I have been both sides of this as DP and I both have children from past relationships. First off, you call the shots with access and you are obligated to give him very little. I recommend mediation if he pushes for more than day visits. The mediators will help you each assert yourselves and come to an arrangement that benefits the best interests of the children. We also have a really good book. I will find it on Amazon and link to it for you. The most important thing for your children is routine and stability, which split custody will not provide. We tried with DD and it was confusing and disruptive for her. If I am honest I gave XH a lot of leeway in the beginning and I now regret it as he is very irresponsible. I felt awful ending my marriage but looking back I now see how miserable and toxic it was for me and I wish I had set out on the path of healing sooner. It does get better, I promise. Sending you and a big hug. PM me any time

Molly don't feel like you need to step back unless you want to. We don't have rules about what we talk about. We're here for you if you want us

Thank you everyone. Sky all help much appreciated no idea where to begin with anything. I don't want to deny him access and have my kids resent me but they're going to be so little. How can I send a newborn off on visitation but equally how can I have him in the house? Lots to think about so tired but bet I don't sleep. Can't eat much either, going to go to doctors and see what they recommend

Here is the book i think there's an ereader version too you could download for ipad or kindle. You don't have to decide anything right now. Your children need you most of all as you are primary care giver. If he wants to see DS can you have a family member with you to support you? I will get you a link to mediation services too. How it works is you both talk to them separately and then they facilitate a conversation with your ex. They can really help you sort out what is best now and then you can go back as much as you need to.

You might qualify for free mediation in your circumstances. Here is a website that can tell you more about how it works and how to get a referral sorted.

How have your family reacted? Are you getting enough support IRL?

Thanks sky I'll look at that tomorrow. Family being amazing. His dad has just messaged me with what should have been a nice 'sorry this has happened' message but he finished it by saying 'keep in touch and don't ostracise us' which rather ballsed up the nice intent. Nothing from his mother. She's probably doing cartwheels. Shame I still have to deal with her as mother of her grandchildren, could have been the one silver lining!

Molly I'm so sorry. I gave never asked my mum who was at my birth so o wouldn't worry about that. Also, this happened to my mum when she was 8m pg with my db (DSD was cheating). She listed father unknown on birth certificate. In their situation they got back together and she was able to reregister birth with father. Just an option for you, it will at least inconvenience him to have to prove paternity before pursuing custody and buy you some time not having to worry how to give access to a newborn.
Tbh I imagine he won't have a very close relationship with either of your dcs as they are so young now. Certainly your newborn will have no memory of him at home so it will be a strange relationship. That is his doing, not yours but in the long run your kids won't want to suddenly start living with him half the time because they reached a magic age.

And my dad left several times between the age of 4 and 10. We spe t every Christmas with my mum.

Hugs xx

Oh Molly I am glad you have your family to support you. It is nice that his dad got in touch, try not to focus on the rest of that message. They are probably genuinely panicked. DP's mother has only just stopped worrying that she's never going to see DSD again as she convinced herself the XGF was going to take DSD away forever and it has been like 3 years since they split. She even used it as an excuse to be horrid to me when we announced our pregnancy... She was really rude and then claimed she was worried about DSD and XGF! Seriously, some MILs are just impossible from any angle...

Molly I am so sorry you are having to go through this, especially whilst being so pregnant. I'm sure his Dad sent that message with the best of intentions and was just worried. I can't imagine how hard this is for you but if between you you can make things amicable going forward between you and your kid's Dad can be the better it will be for them; I don't know how possible this will be for you, and with a newborn you definitely need to be clear about what works for you (and he needs to respect that). This sounds more clumsy then I mean it to, I hope it makes sense and comes across kindly as it is meant too!

I'm glad that you have somewhere safe to be and call home and that you have good family and friends around you. We are here to handhold as much as you need to. Take deep breaths. And also have a glass of wine, it definitely doesn't count in this situation

molly please don't feel that you have to lay low, we want to support you. As honey said, there are no rules on what we can or can't talk about.

Yes don't lay low molly you realise if you were to start a new thread instead we'd all be there to get you through it so you may as well talk here!

Pregsomnia sucks. I was awake for a good hour and a half in the night!

Oh shut molly I've just read this. What a twunt! So sorry you are going through this. Please stay, we want to support you x big big hugs

No early morning crew today? Hope you all slept well.

Especially you molly, I hope you could at least get some rest and didn't have too bad a night.

I'm trying to organise my own get together in place of a baby shower for January. Want to go for afternoon tea and I've made a fb event but the place doesn't take bookings so I'm a bit worried it'll be busy and all fall through on the day. Will have to come up with contingency ideas. I know afternoon tea doesn't seem like a good idea with GD but I think one meal won't hurt. Planning on being careful over Xmas.

Hah cross posted with jelly and lil.

Sorry you didn't sleep well lil. Pregsomnia sucks indeed!

Morning all

Pregsomnia does suck but doesn't seem to be continuous (for me at least) so hopefully you will get some good sleep soon. And it will go away once you give birth and then you will be able to sleep all the time. Ha ha ha!! I have gotten used to much less sleep in than normal though which has got to be good preparation!

Urgh GD over Xmas is going to be a pain in the ass Pretzel, so many temptations! Gx you can get your afternoon tea sorted.

What's everyone up to today? Starting my last week of DIY today, sanding, varnishing and painting furniture - Yey. But after I've done that I can have a baby

JC how are you feeling? Ready?!

Shit Molly I don't really know what to say, other than don't feel you have to take yourself away from this thread. We're your 'virtual' friends too, so feel free to sound off, or ask for advice, or just have a moan. You don't need to go through this alone.

Xx

Oh molly what a twat! If he can leave you when you are this pregnant then you deserve better anyway. Glad you have family around you and please don't leave!

I managed to sleep through the night apart from changing positions every hour but have been awake since half 7. Good job I've got box sets to catch up on

Hey pud I'm pretty good thanks, definitely enjoying the rest that mat leave is giving me! As for being ready......not quite! Physically we have everything we need but I'm not mentally ready yet. We are going away for my dad's 60th birthday next weekend so it would be a little inconvenient if baby decided to arrive before then. I'm hoping I'll feel more ready when I get back but it's still not feeling real at the moment!

37 weeks today!!!

Hi everyone. Pregsomnia is the worst. Managed to get some sleep which is good but hated being in bedroom by self. He's coming round this eve to pick up some suits for work. Guess he'll do everything else when he has a flat. Just keep looking at DS and sobbing, he's so little and doesn't deserve this. He ran into the bedroom this morning and round to his dad's side of the bed then cried because there was nobody there. I know he won't remember but surely it's going to have an affect on him?

Sainsburys have got two pounds off lanisoh cream if anyone wants to stock up while I remember