November 2015 Thread - Teams Yellow, Pink and Blue selection has started!

[tootsroots]

For all those lovely bumps incubating until last few days of Oct and all November, spilling possibly over to December for the super comfortable babies- come and chat, rant, vent, chant, glow, sweat, watch nails grow whilst doing antenatal pilates/yoga/sleeping/eating/navel gazing and over analyse to your hormones content!

Optional - FB group is up and bumping, PM me with email to be added.

Pregnancy's a funny old beast. So many so called experts, you get all sorts of opinions and advice. I know it's in no way similar to your worries Guy and Abbey, but last time I put on a huge amount of weight through sheer gluttony, failed to breastfeed and had PND. This time I've heard that I needn't worry about getting fat again because I should enjoy my pregnancy instead, and I know that formula isn't poison so it's ok if fail to bf again. I know that those two things directly contributed to PND, but I've even been told that I won't have time for PND with two small kids

People are full of shit

Guy a good friend of mine is a twin. She and her sister were 5 and 6 lbs respectively, and delivered naturally at term (38 weeks I think). You know your odds, but I think it's important to hear positive outcomes too.

Abbey how early was your first? Don't worry about the lack of mobility! Ds was 10 days overdue and has been slow to do all physical things. No rolling until 5 months, crawled at nearly 11 months, walked at 16 months. Has just about cracked jumping at 27 months. He developed the other way - he's quite gobby . Just saying, doing these things late, regardless of gestation, isn't anything to worry about.

My anxiety is stillbirth. Someone very close to me experienced one last year at the same gestation my ds was born at. I was with her in the hospital for awhile while they got the induction going and it's hard to relax and enjoy this pregnancy sometimes. If I've been busy and not focused on baby moving for a few hours I make myself lie down and count kicks for a bit. The process has also made me terrified of hospitals.

No not at all Abbey. My view has gone all scewed because I'm so paranoid. DD was a lovely 8lb and prior to my concerns about tiny premie twins, I would have said that 6lb was tiny! Gestation is important too of course and all babies are different. My friend wasn't being unreasonable, I was. It's all relative isn't it?

My friend's 31 week-ers are doing really really well. Just shows that the outcome can be positive even if the journey is really hard.

Let's hold hands in October and cook our babies as long as possible.

I'm sorry about your friend Welcome.

austen sounds like you're organised! My BIL brought round a cot a few weeks ago as DD is still in her cot bed, although I'm considering whether she needs to move into a proper bed now, I don't think so (she's only 2). But if DS turns out to be as long as DD was as a baby then a cot is going to last all of five minutes. Tricky.
Re: Bounty when I went in to have DD I actually met a super nice Bounty rep. I'm not sure she should have been in the job, just for that. I just said a very blunt no, no explanation or anything, and she quietly slipped away like a little ghost. I felt a bit bad then, I'd been all geared up to potentially shout a bit but nothing. I really hope one day Bounty are a thing of the past.

Gosh sorry, xpost, missed a few posts there. Welcome, that's awful, I'm sorry your friend went through that, and that you went through it with her. That's one of my darkest fears.

When I had DD, she got a little distressed during the failed induction and was subsequently delivered by EMCS at 1.40am by GA. The whole thing was an absolute nightmare. Unfortunately at the end of the surgery I had a major PPH. It took me and DH a long while to come to terms with what happened (the major PPH was nearly missed - when they discovered what was happening (I was covered by a sheet so silently bleeding heavily without anyone noticing) there was a big panic situation which my DH saw). We kind of find ourselves thinking by default that this time round it's definitely got to be fine, and I keep (possibly cruelly) telling myself that I'm not entitled to anything, just because of what happened last time.

All I want is a healthy little one at the end, and for me to still be on the planet. That will do.

Anyone only feel their kicks really low down? My bump is quite big and sticky-outty so I'd have thought I'd feel higher up by now, but no. I was actually expecting anterior placenta as I thought that must be why, but it's a low posterior. I guess it must be baby's position and she just isn't moving. She was head down with legs bent right up by her head, so I suppose the kicks are down there too! Seems weird having this big high bump with only movement very low down!

Dear all,
This also fell off my active threads but am BACK! As (reluctant, but definite) expert on anxieties in pregnancy seen SO SO many doctors (my friend is one and v sociable and so met loads through her then also mine at UCH) and found out lots of things you won't read on NHS websites let alone Bounty crap that will be hugely reassuring. Firstly, of COURSE things can and very sadly do go wrong but the stats for all of this are very low and these docs said that they are ethically and legally obliged to almost overstate risk rather than offer anything that could be seen as false reassurance in case they're later challenged. This applies to drinking in early pregnancy (source of all my worries) as much as it does any other risk. The outcomes for preemies are improving ALL the time, my goddaughter was born at 30 weeks and the psychologist working on her ward has reassured her parents that the latest research shows that in tests of 7 year olds there is no discernable difference in outcomes between preemies and others - the only challenge is they take a bit longer to catch up but they do catch up. And those were kids born 7 years ago, not now! You've all been so kind and supportive to me - be kind to yourselves, there is no rational reason to look forward to anything but a successful albiet not massively fun birth and healthy happy little person at the end.
We're going to be ok :)
Dixie - 22 weeks and right with you. All kicks seem to be at knicker line even though bump starts right under bra. Still more sort of flutters at mo but in truth was pretty tummy heavy before and apparently this has an effect on when you feel them...
xxxxxx

Hi all, gosh lots of worries about tiny babies. Anyone else worried about the opposite? Mine was measuring very large at the 20 week scan and I'm worried about having a massive baby - both the risks of natural delivery and also whether I'll come under pressure to be induced early/have a section due to size.

I'm interested that others are feeling low kicks as well. Mine are low down but then my bump is low too so I thought it was that.

TakesTwo we were also measuring ahead at the 20 week scan. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. My DH is from a family of 6 footers so I'm hardly surprised.

I completely agree Sleepless. These anxieties are normal, especially given what each of us has had experience of to date. The odds of my baby having the same complication as my sister's baby did are miniscule. But obviously, you just don't see these things coming, and they're very traumatic.

Kicks here are generally a few cms below my belly button, with some lower and some higher. Some feel huge, like a whole body roll, and can be seen if I'm lying very still. Amazing!

Hello all. Lost this thread but found you all again!

My bump is high but feeling all the movement very low down. Interesting that others feel the same.

I am feeling rather overwhelmed by the enormity of it all at the moment. Not just that our lives will change forever and nothing will be the same again but also practically wise, I've not bought one single thing. Not even an item of clothing. Everyone else due at a similar time to me seems super organised but everytime I think about it I get overwhelmed and bury my head in the sand! I have a really good list a friend gave me of essentials so I know what to get but I get so confused by all the brands and different types of each thing!

Sorry this must seem so trivial compared to others worries. I think I'm anxious in general and projecting it on to this.

dixie I get low down kicks too, it started much lower but have moved up a little now. I still don't get anything above my belly button. I think what's the point of this bump if you are all the way down there baby?!
Sorry folks are having anxieties, I think we wouldn't be human if we didn't. It's good we can share them on here, I know I would drive myself crazy if I didn't!
Ok, I have the bounty app but only so I know which fruit or vegetable my baby is the size of on a weekly basis. But they come into hospital?? And do what?! What do I need to be prepared to say no for???

Guybrush thanks I also know someone that had 7lb twins, can't remember gestation but think it was around 37/38. And she still didn't get a seat on the tube towards the end!

Welcome sorry to hear about your friend, that's my worst fear too.
DS wasn't that early - just turned 36 weeks (35 by my dates) but as I wasn't in labour at all and it was emcs I have a feeling he would've been a late baby. He can only roll one way at the moment and can sit but can't get up / down to and from sitting, so he pretty much stays where I plonk him. No one seems that worried though. The doctor did give a deadline of him sitting before 9 months, which he did with a few days to spare (can babies do this on purpose? ). He didn't smile for 4 months or laugh until about 7 - that was a looooong 4 months! Still it's nothing compared to those with long term problems, which he luckily seems fine for so far.

My kicks are low down too,but I do have anterior placenta. Last time was like Alien when I had low lying placenta. It's pretty weird to not feel much, but easier to sleep, so swings and roundabouts

Genni, can we help you get started? I think it feels worse when you are anxious about something and it all still lies ahead. Once you start ticking things off the list, everything feels more manageable.

Don't forget that shopping for baby stuff in UK you pretty much can't go wrong. There are lots of different options but none of them is ever perfect and all of them are really pretty good, so you could do a lot worse than just sticking a pin in a list

If you tell us what your rough budget is we could pick one or two items to get you started?

Abbey dd was lateish for all her physical milestones - crawled at 10 months, walked at 15. Now she runs and climbs just like any other toddler and I would say her speech is slightly above average if anything. So they do catch up!

I think our uteruses (uteri?) Are still quite low at this stage. When the midwife listened to the baby's heartbeat it was really low down, way below my belly button. I guess the top of the bump is everything else being shoved up out of the way?

I never saw any bounty ladies last time around, that's probably because it was Christmas. The bounty packs were in a pile in the corner of the ward, I just pinched lots of the mini sudocrems

Speaking of drinking and anxiety this morning I woke up in a panic as I had a dream I drank a rum and coke, but then realised the coke was actually wine so I had drunk way too many units!

Thanks Snozzberry you know I have a feeling he'll crawl or get on the move somehow as soon as the new baby is here!

genni I've still got loads to get too, even though it's my second we borrowed a lot from family that we need to return. You have lots of time though. I found it easier to break it into chucks as that's how my brain works e.g. sort out sleeping, then sort out feeding etc.
I had very little ready for DS as he was early as I was going to do it on maternity leave and most places do online next day delivery, and if you're near a small supermarket, or chemist you can't really run out of essentials. I live next to a Boots lucky for me and they do next day delivery to store including bottles, clothes etc.

Would love to see what is on your list if anyone has one to hand as starting shopping tmrw.... Budget middle to credit card max I suppose :).

Also - having felt all cheery this afternoon now in need of reassurance myself and Cbt lady has said can seek some reassurance just not daily (was hourly!!) some of you know was super anxious about early binge drinking before knew was pregnant over weekend at about 2.5 weeks after conception. Anyway, no need to go into boring details of all that but just wanted affirmation that as now FOUR docs all said no need to worry - uch doctor said she "promised" no risk of harm, friend who is doc also said no risk, her boss who is professor of obs said more chance would be hit by bus than have harmed bubba (googled stats on this and is about 6000 to one lifetime chance though dh pointed out was basically cautious turn of phrase to just say no need to worry) and private doctor we really can't afford at fetal medicine centre also said no risk of harm at all. The thoughts that cross my mind from time to time when anxiety returns are - what if ultrasound dates wrong and was more pregnant (assume docs would factor this risk in to advice if so certain though) or what if docs just being reassuring (been told this is v unlikely as ethically and legally against all their codes), what if the docs are wrong or don't know their stuff, (assume wouldn't give confident answers if not confident and must have seen cases like this and read literature loads though) SO two questions: one, do you think this is just sheer anxiety now that I need to keep working on managing or would any of you still be nervous (lots online from usa gives different advice but think our docs as good as any) and two, do you think best to just assume all grand as per scans etc or remain slightly cautious about risk so as to be prepared at birth? Will love and care for him no matter what, more myself am thinking about managing. Know this is probably all crazy just grateful for your views as you are in the same boat!! Thank you!

Sleepless it sounds like anxiety to me. I say that as a fellow occasional sufferer. I know how my mind latches onto something (I have been known to convince myself that I have various rare cancers ). The problem is, no one can say with one hundred percent certainty that your current fear isn't going to come true. Just that it is very, very unlikely. But you still fixate on the tiny chance that it will. For me, I tend to get specific anxieties, but they come at times when I have a lot going on and I think they are just a reflection of my generally anxious state of mind. So it is best for me to focus on my general state of mind by trying to relax (by taking days off work, going on holiday, meditating or whatever else I fancy doing). Pregnancy is a time when you have to deal with a lot of uncertainty and I wonder if it has just crystallised for you into a specific worry about drinking?

Sorry for the waffly post!

Sleepless. It is totally the anxiety driving your thoughts. I know it is exhausting to keep fighting it but you are doing so well.

I agree with Snozzberry, I get anxiety too, and had PTSD after DS's birth (unsure if the two are related but I think they might be) and I imagine all sorts of stuff happening to DS if I'm having a bad day, like dropping him down the stairs. It's weird, like an intrusive thought that won't go away. Pregnancy really doesn't help as it's out of my control really.
Anyway, to answer your question I think most doctors are very risk adverse, so they tend to tell you theres a problem when there might not be, rather than the other way around. So the fact they say it is fine, means its fine.
If it helps I used to work in children's charity and this is purely from my experience, I'm no doctor, but the kids with FAS didn't have mums that had the odd drink, they were alcoholics throughout the pregnancy.

I think you've absolutely nothing to worry about sleepless. I've only known of one baby born at term who was tiny and needed extra assistance beyond usual things like oxygen and light therapy, and his mum was a heavy smoker and drinker throughout. OTOH I've known lots of people who didn't know they were pregnant til nearly 3 months in, who continued to go out drinking now and then. All their babies were fine.

Shopping lists are hard. We have so much from last time and it's making it harder in a way, having to be so selective.
First time round my essentials would be car seat, cot, sling, boobs/bottles, a few nice bits of clothing but mainly plain supermarket stuff, muslins, maybe cloth nappies for a bit later on. This time round I've bought a new sling and some bits of clothing, the only things we're missing are a cot and bouncy chair. I think we're getting a standard cot and taking the side off so it can be used as a cosleeper.

Non-essentials but nice to have are buggy, moses basket (use buggy for daytime naps), swing (use buggy or bouncy seat), sleeping bags (use blankets) and changing table (change baby on floor, bed, atop chest of drawers, on your lap).

We were given so much we never used. Shame really.

sleepless I think you have overcome lots of anxiety very well. You should look at how far you have come to help you. I believe like the others it is anxiety driving your worries. I understand though your need for reassurance. So, true story and not an urban myth... A colleague of mine went out drinking on a Friday night and in the morning had bad stomach pains. She went to the loo and her waters broke, she went into labour then. She had no idea she was pregnant ( having been so ill myself I don't know how this is possible but it is) she had smoked and drank throughout. Her baby has no signs of any issues apart from being small when born. I'm not saying all babies born to mothers who drink are fine, however like others have mentioned it takes more than a night out to cause effect. Just wanted to tell my story to help in anyway with lightening your load.

sleepless, it is really just anxiety. You should try and put it aside and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, low down kicks included! I have to say, you sound soo much more positive than previously, you are obviously doing a great job of rationalising your anxieties, keep it up :)

laura, Bounty women prowl around the hospital, pouncing on you when you are unprepared and really should be having a nap/learning to feed/bonding with your baby, and get you to agree to having a photo done of bubs. which you kind of think you should do, and it might be nice, but then they take ages over it, and make you give them your contact details so they can spam you, and then you feel you have to buy the photos, and in the meantime you've missed your only slot for having a quiet nap, or lunch has been and gone, or you've missed the drugs round! Anyway it's just a way of getting money out of you and you are tired and vulnerable and not thinking straight and it's just a bit wrong to inflict on people in a maternity ward!