November 2015 mums to be! Here we are! Our bus is decorated with scan pics, our appetites are beginning to heal, and spring is in the air!

[Focusfocus]

Here is the new thread for November ladies! Let's smell the flowers, regain our sense of taste and keep chatting!

That's worrying, because I know the sex. Its a boy. There was an element of surprise for me there because I think I had sbconsciously always imagined myself with a daughter. I went to an al girls school, all gorks college, had no siblings, all female teachers, I never really knew men till I was 19 ish. In my head for some unknown reason my child was a girl. She had a name, and I totally related to her.

I think I'm just settling down to the fact that she is a he!! And I worry at times because i feel I don't know a thing about boys. Mind you - I'm not a "girly" person, rather a shabbily clothed academic geek who has holes in her trousers. So my image of my daughter was far from pink ribbons or shopping or spas, it involved lots of libraries and cricket matches. Which applies to a son just as well!

Sgh. I do feel guilty about notvfeelng real yet and hope I can develop some maternal emotions soon.

And I am 16 weeks today and not a flutter or bubble in sight!!

I know what you mean Focus. Although I'm excited, I'm not equating pregnancy with actually having a baby at the end as yet! It all seems a bit abstract and unreal... and I've not got a bump or felt movement so it that adds to it!

Thought I felt a flutter the other day but I think I just needed a poo

Hmm. Have started feeling mildly achey and twingey along the base of my mu bump, right over the bikini line. Hope it's nothing. For one, I'm in meetings, teaching and interviewing people all day. Secondly. I seriously hope nothing's wrong. I need a poo too but haven't had success in that department today yet. Urgh.

Hi everyone,

Focus, I so know where you're coming from. Had the same with DS. Everyone around me were so sure it would be a girl and I kind of convinced myself and had very strong instincts telling me girl. When we saw a penis at the 20w scan I was so shocked. It hadn't even entered my mind and it took me a few weeks to get used to the idea. I don't think it was fully fledged gender disappointment as such, but I think like you I had subconsciously imagined myself with a daughter. DS is now 3,5 and needless to say, I would not swap him for the world. He is awesome and funny and he loves singing and dancing and does often get mistaken for a girl with his long hair! I was imagining a world full of football, and cars and star wars but that is such a generalisation.

I'm so bored waiting for this pregnancy to progress. We don't have 16w appointments here, so nothing happening until end of June now when I have next scan. Then after that, another 7 weeks before I see the midwife again.

If anyone else wants to be added to the fb group, drop me a pm with your email address, or your name + a brief description of your profile pic and I'll add you!

Yeuch got sent home from work today. I can't stop sweating, it's so gross. Had the Dr yesterday, all fine think it's just a viral thing. BP etc all ok. Hate feeling this ill it's rubbish.

Think I might get a scan after the 20 week scan, just to make me feel a bit better!

16 weeks today

This will sound awful but I didn't really bond with DS until he was a couple of months old. I was so confused after the birth I wasn't sure he was mine or where he'd come from! And then because of the premness I never got the early smiles that term babies give you to keep you going through the early months. Anyway it's now totally fab and I feel so guilty I ever felt that way now, and he's happy, big smiles for everyone. So just in case anyone feels that way I was told it was normal as long as it's short lived (although of course watch out for pnd etc)
I realise that might sound bonkers. I knew I was having a baby but I was at my desk one day then....baby! I thought I had maternity leave to mentally adjust to it, or even perhaps during labour but it was all so quick it was a bit like "that's my baby? What?"

Totally echo all the feelingas about not really feeling pregnant. Think in my case obviously affected to fair degree by general anxiety (see earlier!) but think bonding etc has to be something that comes later, totally normally esp with first for it all to feel a bit abstract and unreal at this stage I'm sure

Oh good, I've been feeling like this as well. Was starting to panic that there was something seriously wrong with me. I just don't feel any kind of bond - I know I have strong feelings towards the baby because each time I had bleeding in the first trimester I was full on distraught at the thought of something going wrong, and even now at 16 +3 I feel very anxious at all the (in my head) hurdles that are still to come. I just don't really feel anything else. I can't relate the squrimy wriggly bundle that we saw on the screen at the 12 week scan with an actual baby who is growing inside me.

I have a question though - we absolutely don't want to find out the sex, I especially really want it to be a surprise. So of course we'll make that clear to the sonographer at the 20 week scan - but will we be able to tell ourselves?! Is it really obvious to the untrained eye whether it's a boy or a girl at that stage?

I really think it's totally normal to feel like that focus and nothing to worry about. It would be almost strange if you did feel a huge connection to your baby. Your son is going to be a person! People are so complex and bizarre and there is no way that can be relatable yet.

I didn't feel love for dd the second she was born. Definitely didn't fall in love with her. I felt protective of her, but she just felt like this weird helpless little stranger. The falling in love bit happened gradually and now she is my whole world.
I feel exactly the same as you. This time I have the added complexity of feeling like... how can I possibly have babies in my tummy that are not dd? How on earth will I love them as much as I love her? It seems impossible. But it didn't seem possible with her before I met her.

Don't overthink it or you'll drive yourself insane. Just assume that you will feel this inconceivable love for your child and it will be amazing and terrifying. .

I was surprised at how much of a stranger DS was when he was born. I didn't realise it would be me getting to know him and not the other way around! It was a difficult birth so the first week or so was about survival but the love gradually grew and now he's my best friend and my whole world :) excited to do it again.

Lots to catch up on so I haven't read all the thread yet.

poppyninja (I think it was you!) I'm rhesus negative and had anti d with my first. There was no mention of any problems with subsequent pregnancies though, and now in my second pg it hasn't been mentioned. Does your dp know his blood type? My dd ended up with the same blood type as me anyway so we assumed dh is the same too.

crying last pg I was eating half portions of everything, I only put 3lbs on through the whole thing because I got full so easily. made up for it by eating everything in sight while breastfeeding

stalphonos excellent news!

I had my 2nd dating scan yesterday and my second booking in app today (and despite me having my blood results with me she took my blood again because I've moved to a new area) seriously don't move house while pregnant, nothing seems transferrable so I've got to carry two sets of notes.

Focus, if it helps, on the sex thing, I adored my dd, always imagined/knew she was a girl, almost felt sorry (not quite the right description but the closest I can get) for friends with boys because they didn't get to experience what I had (makes me sound awful but hopefully you can understand what I mean - I'm not an awful person honestly!!). Then when we found out ds was a boy it took a lot of adjusting to emotionally. Like guy says, I could not imagine how I could possibly love another baby as much as dd, let alone a boy. But when he arrived, of course all my worries were totally unfounded. I adore him every bit as much as dd. I came to realize that the emotions I Hadley

Sorry, ds hit post!

The emotions I had been feeling came from the fact that the love you feel for your own child is a totally different thing and a different order of magnitude to the love you feel for friends' children (even those you adore). So it wasn't that friends' boys were less loveable than my girl but that I was bowled over by the strength of emotion one feels for ones own children (immediately or eventually), whatever their sex!

mrsscarlettbutler personally I couldn't tell the sex from the scan or scan pictures but I'd be careful not to show the photo to anyone unless you make it clear to them that you don't want to know as lots of people know what to look for.

I'm so glad people mentioned not bonding with baby right away. It was very abstract with dd too and when she arrived I didn't get that rush of unconditional love that people talk about. She was just...there. I loved her, but I was more concerned with meeting her needs and trying to get my head around the fact that I was her mum. It definitely developed gradually as we got to know oneanother. She's 6 months now and I love her more everyday. Her cheeky personality is coming out and she's so bubbly and playful.

With moving house and looking after dd I've quite honestly forgotten I'm pregnant a couple of times, and found myself focussing on the negatives (sickness, aching back) instead of the fact I'm growing a tiny baby. Seeing it swimming about yesterday helped and I'm looking forward to the big acrobatic movements later on. I used to love laying in bed watching my belly jump around.

mrsscarlett DH and I couldn't tell but I made the mistake of showing people my scan picture who helpfully pointed out the willy even though I didn't want to know - idiots! Hoping for a real surprise this time.

Just back from the midwives. As it's my second they didn't do heartbeat or anything this time. It was more a telling off about c section and how I've got no good reason to want another one. I'm a bit pissed off to be honest, felt like a naughty child

FFS Abbey, that makes me so cross. What's with all the shaming? It's your body.

Guybrush I had to have a section with my first (not that it matters if I'd chosen it) as my placenta was completely covering. I'd lost 2 litres of blood in 30 minutes so I had to have an emcs, no question about it. This is all on my notes and yet they treat me like some naughty girl that couldn't be bothered to push.
Then they were making me feel guilty as DS will be without his mum for ages. I'll be in for at least a night even with VBAC due to monitoring so he's going to be without me anyway for a little while.
I think I'll have a cup of tea and calm down

Oh abbey that's not really on! I hope you managed to stick up for yourself? I have a bit of a mantra about not listening to people criticize you for things you can't change. I will share this thought with those doing the criticizing given the need too! Alternatively, asking them what their objective is in sharing that thought/information can be useful (in your situation given you are pg and the risks are what they are (or aren't) the only acceptable answer I guess would be that it is to warn you of things to look out for, in which case you can have a more productive discussion. If there's nothing you can do to change things at this stage then there's no purpose to their comments and I'd have no compunction about telling them so!)

[gets down of pg, hormonal soapbox ]

Oooh ooh ooh! My baby's kicking!! 14+2

(At least - I'm fairly sure it was - it's a pretty distinctive feeling - how exciting!)

Abbey I wonder if they are motivated by the fact that csections are more expensive than vaginal births?

I think the risks are pretty comparable and if you've already had one csection that increases the risks of a vaginal birth, so if you prefer another csection then that's a reasonable decision, and if the midwife made you feel bad about that then I would be asking to see a different midwife!

abbey can't believe they were so negative, how unfair I have my MW app next week, really want to hear heartbeat even if it is my second!

If you'd had a vaginal birth with placenta covering opening, that would have been life threatening for both you and your baby!

So unprofessional to make you feel bad. Even if you had just decided not to push.

Tell them to nob off.

Thanks all. I wish I had told them to knob off! I was completely unprepared for the discussion, I thought I was having the 20 week scan, doing the VBAC course to get some information, then discussing it with the consultant at 24 weeks. I don't see the point in discussing it with them now if the 20 week scan might reveal I have no choice in the matter again.
I do think they perhaps have targets though

Ah, it's hard to decide isn't it? Which is better, abdominal surgery or squeezing a watermelon out your vaj?

There isn't a fun way to have a baby.
Best way is whatever safest option is.