Hi all,
Sorry for disappearing!
Thank you very much for all the well wishes and nice messages, I really do appreciate them all. The last few weeks have been the toughest of my life but it's all been worth it to give Emily the best chance of being in this world.
I've finally got round to writing up some of the things that have happened although most of it is becoming a big blur that my body is keen to forget!
At around 28 weeks I started to notice I was gaining weight rapidly - my face, hands, feet and legs started to really swell. I mentioned it to my midwife at my 28 week appointment and was assured the amount of swelling wasn't anything to worry about, but to keep on monitoring it.
I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right but all the blood and urine tests came back clear so I assured myself it was just part of the joys of pregnancy.
At 30 weeks, I met with my Health Visitor and explained I was still getting the swelling and now the baby's pattern of movement had changed. She encouraged me to see my doctor for second opinion (in hindsight I should have just called the Labour Ward but end result would have ended up the same :/) My GP checked my blood pressure and it was high, but advised no action was needed (?!) unless I started to get headaches.
The next day I started to get a headache that wouldn't go away with pain killers - so I called the Labour Ward and went to hospital for a check up - blood pressure was high but the other warning signs for pre eclampsia such as protein in the urine and blood were missing. The midwives and doctors who checked me said I was doing the right thing and told me to carry on monitoring and if I still wasn't happy to come back.
I was checked again at my 31 week midwife appointment so I convinced myself I was being paranoid and that all these things were a normal part of pregnancy.
4 days later, on a lovely Monday morning, I was driving to work and had a car accident. I went to A&E as a precaution to check the baby and I were OK. I had another blood and urine test taken and baby was monitored. I was sent home and they took my mobile number just in case any of the test results were unusual but was assured this was unlikely. I was feeling alright, if a little shaken - but fully expected to get a call saying 'everything is alright, don't worry.'
A few hours later I got a call back saying that they would like me to come back for further tests as a precaution. The next day I had further blood and urine tests - this time though they found high levels of protein in both tests - I was referred to a consultant and diagnosed with pre eclampsia.
They performed a scan which confirmed she was still with us, but there was reduced cord blood flow and she weighed around 3lbs 13oz. I was told that day that the pregnancy was unlikely to make it past 34 weeks without risking me or the baby - every day to towards 34 weeks was a bonus.
I was given two doses of steroids and the consultant discussed about needing a C-section, outcomes for premature babies, monitoring ... Aside from the swelling and the occasional headache, I was feeling OK so I was a bit confused and skeptical when they said - the baby is going to be here in two weeks and this is going to escalate quickly!
But by the Friday I had been admitted to hospital as my BP had reached dangerous levels, and by the end of the week I was on the highest dose of blood pressure medication they could offer me and was on two hourly monitoring.
The next week and a half was a blur of 2 hour BP tests, baby monitoring, blood tests and medication just trying to eek out an extra day. With medication, cord blood flow had improved so we were just hoping that she carried on growing and had a respectful birth weight.
Monday 16th was our target date - just shy of 34 weeks, and thankfully she held on in there. Hearing her cry during the CS was without doubt the biggest relief on my life and being discharged from hospital without her no doubt the hardest thing I've ever done - but she's in the best place right now until she's strong enough to come home.
If something doesn't feel right, please do get it checked out and if you're still unhappy get a 2nd opinion - don't wait until the next midwife appointment. Sudden weight gain, swelling, floaters, headaches.. The warning signs for pre eclampsia were there and the hospital and MWs took my concerns seriously every time. They would rather test you and put your mind at rest than have you sit at home worrying - is there something wrong?
By the time my 34 week midwife appointment reminder had come through, beanie was already here! If I hadn't of gone to hospital that day, and knowing how much BP medication I was taking just to get a 'high' BP reading - I'm not sure either of us would have made it to that appointment.
The CS itself was fine - worst part was getting the canula in as I have rubbish veins. The morning of the section, the anaesthetist came round and put the canula in and also took bloods (difficult as I was nil by mouth since midnight so my veins had disappeared, in the end he used an ultrasound machine to find my veins!!).
The consultant also visited me in the morning, went through the risks and went through the final paperwork for the operation.
On the way down to the theatre, I was accompanied by a midwife and my DH, and wheeled down in my hospital bed. Once in theatre, the staff all introduced themselves and we chatted whilst they got ready for the op. I then was asked to sit on the op table, they sprayed my back with a cold spray and I was asked crouch forward. Needle itself hurt but above all else felt weird as he couldn't quite get it in position (took about 10-15 minutes to get it in).
Once in, my legs and bum started to go warm and they got me to lie down on the table. One thing I couldn't get over was that you don't lose all feeling with a spinal! So I could feel someone touching my stomach or leg but I couldn't feel pain or cold! So they end up doing a 'leap of faith' test where they spray your arm so you can feel the cold spray and then do the same thing on your leg and stomach - where you can feel the gush of air from the spray touch your skin but you can't feel the cold.
The tugging feeling when they were pulling the baby out was uncomfortable but nothing too scary. I am the most needlephobic person ever and hate the sight of blood (will faint!) but I decided to keep the curtain down when the baby was born and it was the best decision ever. She looked incredible - nothing too gorey and she looked beautiful!
As they were sewing me up, I was too busy having baby snuggles to care. Daddy got to trim the cord and it was all very nice and relaxed. About 10 minutes after she was born though, I started to feel sick and started vomiting on the operating table. I went to a recovery bay next to the theatre (standard practice) and the baby was taken to NNU by the midwife. I started vomiting again and didn't stop vomiting on / off until a good few hours after the operation. The midwives were great and gave me 3 rounds of anti sickness to try and calm things down.
The next day - they make you go for a shower. What they don't tell you is .. for the love of god, please take someone with you. They give you morphine before you go - which, for me, is like being in that uncontrollably drunk stage where everyone is your friend and the walls are talking to you... and then put you in a shower room alone in a bathroom without windows. From talking to other people and based on my experience, you are likely to faint or feel like you are going to faint. About 30 minutes in, after clasping to the toilet because I thought I was going to pass out - my DH turned up and he helped me get showered and changed. I honestly have no idea how I could have done it without him. Seriously - if you end up with a CS and get asked to take a shower after taking oral morphine, take someone with you and have a cold flannel and glass of water on standby!!!
Day 3 happened - take it EASY and make sure your DH knows Day 3 is going to happen. Knowing Day 3 would pass is the only thing that got me through Day 3. I felt so, so fine during the day. Then around 5pm I started to feel low, then I just couldn't stop crying - ended up phoning my DH in tears and spent hours chatting through how I was feeling. Things changes so quickly and I thought I'd avoid it given how tough the weeks before had been. I was very, very wrong! Lots of chocolate, hugs and support needed. But it will and does pass!
In most cases they will discharge you after 2-3 days post op. Because of my pre eclampsia, I was in hospital for 6 long days. It took a good few days for my BP to come down - but the thing that improved it most was coming home and getting some sleep. I was being woken up every 2 hours for BP checks and every 3 for expressing - I was a medicated walking zombie for the first few days walking back and forth to NNU with expressed milk for beanie. Thankfully my DH convinced me that this regime was madness and i really needed sleep.
First few nights away from hospital were really tough and leaving the hospital without her was unbearable. Sometimes people say that in moments of terror they hear a scream and then realise its them that is screaming? I got to the car and howled - I had been so strong but I got to car and just mentally broke down. It took a while to realise that person who was crying and making all that noise was me.
Once home though, I was managing 8 hours of sleep a night and having lots and lots of night sweats. The night sweats allowed me to shed the water weight (I'm now within half a stone of my pre pregnancy weight, I've lost around 2 stone in water retention, baby etc) and BP has started to return to normal. In fact, I was on 400Mg of meds 4 times a day... right now I'm down to 100Mg x 3 and will likely need to reduce it further - all within the space of less than 2 weeks.
Bleeding has been OK - although it has been start and stop. Establishing my milk supply has been the tough part - hand expressing every 3 hours to start off with, before the hospital lent me a medela lactina machine to pump. Beanie is only just getting enough energy to bottle feed - although she is starting to get the hang of it now. Yesterday is the first time she actually latched on properly to the breast and stayed latched on - every day is really small steps but all progress is good.
Baby wise, she lost weight for the first week which is normal newborn behaviour - she gained weight this week but is still under her birth weight. She has another weigh in tonight though so I'm really hoping she has gained again so we can take her home next week.
Hospital bag wise - I'd definitely recommend packing two bags - one with your baby's stuff in and one with your stuff in.
I bought loads of stuff based on the hospital list of things to bring - lots of it stayed in the bag but here's the minimum stuff I used :/ breast pads, maternity pads, wet wipes, seriously big pants, shower stuff (unscented stuff personally and something you know is definitely not to going to react with your skin - nothing worse than stingy bits making contact with highly perfume ouchiness - I ended up using Johnsons baby stuff), hand cream, cotton buds, tooth care (toothbrush, paste etc) EAR PLUGS (oh god, seriously - nothing worse than hearing multiple women in synchronised labour ALL NIGHT LONG WHEN YOU ARE CLIMBING THE WALLS YOURSELF!).... headphones so you can listen to music, cash - for hospital TV, food cart etc, controversial this one.. but CROCS are the best - sorry, screw you flipflops, crocs are amazing - perfect for wearing in often disgusting hospital showers ..., something to entertain yourself - magazines, ipad, whatever you like, shower robe, some nice PJs - ideally a baggy night gown that doesn't cling to your bits, nursing bra (ideally no wires), if your planning to express or breast feed - lanolin, phone, phone charger, some boiled sweets, change of clothes etc, camera.
Baby's bag - vests, baby grows, blankie, cotton balls, nappies, muslin clothes, hat n scratch mitts, baby's first teddy :)
Feeding: bottles and formula/bottles & pump - unless you're planning to use the hospital's one or BFing.
Be fully prepared that everything you bought is rubbish and all the people around you are rubbish too :P And nothing prepares you for Day 3 so take it easy.
I miss my bump though, and still feel like I was robbed of the end of my pregnancy. When your pregnant you can't wait to meet your baby, but when your baby gets here much sooner than planned - I just miss the closeness of feeling her kick and move around, or feeling her hiccup. Next time hopefully I will make it to term and get to have that feeling for a lil longer I hope :)
And some perspective is needed - I've seen some SERIOUSLY SMALL and prem babies in the NNU and they are fighting away.
Also, I can see on FB some real life crises going on - with family, houses etc that you are dealing with on top of being heavily pregnant :( That's a lot to deal with - sometimes it takes crises to realise how strong we are and that hopefully too these tough days will pass and we'll look back and smile that we got through them )