We may have been Bitter, but we’re no longer Barren! Get your *PESH* in here! All ready for the BESH clusterdiff of 2015 year of the *CuntCushion* (with added tea tree for those sore fanjo moments)!

[MissHobart]

BESH Graduates having a moan about the lack of Gin whilst actually being over the fucking moon to finally have a reason to not be able to drink it! Anything goes, especially asking the wiser CRESH for their sage advice on the horrors and amazement to come when we get the the biggest WIN in history! Bring your baybees here!

Oh poor little poppet. I hope he finds out what ails her soonest (and that you can both get some sleep too). Is it wrong to suggest a little gin in both your milks??

Poor buglet! Hope she is doing better today.

How are the rest of you hags? I'm ok apart from extreme weariness, and being ravenous and then unable to eat more than a few mouthfuls. Felt so grotty before dinner that I had a sip of GFBW's fizzy wine and wish I hadn't now - I could do a whole glass! Mmmm the bubbles.

Bleurgh is how I feel. Soooo tired but the damn snoring/sleep apnoea makes my sleep very shallow and ultimately not very satisfying plus I wake up with a raging hangover and a mouth like gandhi's flip flop every sodding morning! Gah! It got so bad that I had to move to the spare room (result as it's cooler!) as my poor TWH wasn't getting any sleep either and it was affecting his work. We are going away for the next few days and will be sharing a bed again which will be lovely but I need to get a bunch of extra pillows for us and ear plugs for him if we're going to be in with a hope in hell of not killing each other. Oh the romance eh?!

In other news my bump continues to grow nicely I'm quite proud of it now. Well done baby!

Evenin', hags. It's violently windy here. My garden furniture upended! Madness.

Bugs, how is buglet? I really hope she is doing better.

Fab, how many weeks are you now? It must be nice to see the bump coming in properly. I'm looking forward to that bit - at the moment, I just feel pudgy. I imagine a bump might make the arse and hips look a little smaller. That might be wishful thinking. I keep seeing petite women with lovely neat bumps everywhere. I fear that will not be me, certainly not if I keep consuming bread and cheese at the rate I am.

Fizz, I have cravings for fizzy drinks as well. Obviously, champagne is the dream, but I've found that sparkling water mixed with a bit of orange juice is a nice alternative, and sort of kind of not really but a bit tastes like a mimosa. I really miss booze. I'm aware that makes me sound like a lush. Anytime we go out for dinner, I CRAVE a glass of red wine. Just that, at dinner - I'm alright the rest of the time. But I do miss my wine. It helps that I can't have rare steak though - not having a glass of red with that would be a total travesty.

I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. Today I am 12+3. I am menkul, but excited too.

Good luck with the scan bad.

How did you get on today, bad? Hope all is ok.

My scan is on Friday and I am a little menkul about it.

Thanks for the well wishes, hags. There is a baybee in there, wriggling away. Measuring at 13+4, but they won't change my dates. I guess it has Mr Badb's genes (he is very tall; I am quite short - my consultant laughed a little when she saw us standing next to each other). Next scan is at 16 weeks. Hoping to get the Harmony results next week. Midwife took bloods and urine, and gave me lots of pamphlets. I'm up only 1kg, which was surprising to me. I feel massive.

fizz, the pre-scan menkul is really hard. I'm passing the cod of calm to you, but I will probably need another one tomorrow, once the immediate relief has passed. My friend (IVF success) said that the menkul never really goes, and she is at 34 weeks now and being monitored weekly. Good luck for Friday, hag.

bugs, hope buglet calms down for you soon. Teething is hard on everybody.

Hooray for a good scan, bad! How is mr bad doing? Does it seem surreal to both of you? It still does to us. Scan was all good here this morning. Very strange and a bit emotional being back in the same ultrasound unit that I had been in for each of the ectopics. Lovely lovely sonographer who said all the right things. And I didn't have to explain at length about the ivf/ dates etc as I have read some women on here have to do. And gave us some pictures for free! The fluid measurement was very good, which is reassuring, though will have to wait for the bloods to get the full picture.

What is your plan for telling people?

fab and bugs hope all is ok with you, and that buglet is suffering less with the teeth. Such a bad bit of evolutionary design, eh?

Hi, hags! Good news here: harmony results back early. All low risk, plus...girl! Somehow I'm not surprised, though really I had no idea. So...seems a bit more real now! Three weeks to 16 week scan.

How are the rest of you hags doing?

Brilliant news - you've definitely got a real baybee in there!!

I'm now 24+2 and developed Cankles at the weekend. Oh the indignity. I did however manage to do some salsa at a wedding and apparently Twh and I still managed to look elegant despite the ever-growing basketball in my tum so that made me happy!

I also love my GP. Went to see him a week ago and now have an appointment next week for an overnight sleep clinic regarding sleep apnoea (due to my increasingly loud snoring snorting and choking in the night and excessive tiredness during the day) and the physio next week for my gammy hips. Well done to him!!

Fizz how's it going?

Bugs, how's buglet doing with her teeth? Hopefully she's feeling better now and getting more sleep, and hopefully you are too? X

Great news, bad! Must be a big relief. And well done on your elegant dancing, fab even if the sleeping isn't quite so ladylike ;-)

Nothing much to report here. Waiting for the next couple of days in case they ring up about the 12 week blood results, but hoping no news is good news. If I don't hear by Friday I can assume all is well and the letter will come next week. I'm itching to tell people now - and to start planning work stuff, which I already feel guilty about.

I allowed myself to do some online window shopping for maternity clothes. I still feel a bit like I will jinx things if I buy anything! But might have to surrender and at least get some maternity tights before my current ones cut me in half...

Omg night time is definitely not the time for romance with the noises I make! Thankfully I have an amazing husb who finds my preggers bod attractive or I reckon I'd be out on my ear! Lol!

Exciting news that you're thinking about moving into mat clothes Fizz - that will definitely help with the making it real thing as will making an announcement as then it's out there! Although be warned ladies, once you do that your tummy and its growth or lack of will be public property - thankfully I haven't had a twins comment yet but it's only a matter of time! Thankfully I'm ok with the tummy stroking but some people find it weird and intrusive. Remember it's ok to let people know you don't like it if you're not up for it!

Yay for Buglet, boo for bust up. Is that with your mum? I know you've had 'challenges' with her in the past! Is everything ok?

Woo, yay on the teething relief for buglet (and bugs). Hope the bust up blows over quickly though. Families, wha'?

Fizz, any news on the bloods? I hear you on the maternity clothes - I'm basically living in stretchy harem pants when I don't need to go into work, and wedging myself into my jeans when I have to.

fab, glad you are getting sleep and hips sorted. Fair play on the salsa dancing, cankles be damned.

I couldn't feel less attractive at the moment. Seriously, I'm so bloated. All my underwear feels about two sizes two small, and I've started wearing pyjamas in bed (never used to) because I can't bear to look down at my tummy. I know that sounds terrible, and I should not be feeling this way about something that is amazing and very wanted, but I have a history of problems with eating and body image, and I'm really anxious about these changes. Mr Badb is great and reassuring, but I feel so...gross.

Also, I'm meeting a friend for dinner later, and I'm dreading it. This is a very good friend of mine, but I'm a little pissed off with her at the moment and I feel like I need to say something, otherwise I'm just going to nurse a silent resentment. Should I say something, hags? Here's the situation: a group of us - four couples - always go to this festival together, and have done for a number of years. We rent out 'luxury' accommodation (hah!), with two couples in each unit. For various reasons, it didn't seem like it was going to happen this year - one couple in particular ruled it out for financial reasons, and everybody else seemed blase about it, and nothing was decided. Every time we met up though, there were discussions about it back and forth, going/not going, and I made it pretty clear that I was up for going if others were, but no plan was forthcoming. I assumed it was not happening, and that was ok - I enjoy it, but not so much that I would go by myself - part of the thing is the group dynamic, iykwim. I found out a few weeks ago that two of the other couples - one of whom is the friend I am meeting later - had got together, decided they were going, and not only bought their festival tickets but booked one of the units to stay in. They didn't ask me and Mr Badb if we wanted to go, or even really announce that they were definitely going, just sort of organised it amongst themselves (this is very unusual, as we have always done this as a group). I'm really upset as I feel like they did this because it was easier and cheaper for them to go as a group of 4 rather than 6, due to the way the accommodation is set up. I feel really hurt that they would rather save €100 per couple on accommodation than include us. I've been friends with this girl for over 10 years, and just feel really shit about it. Now everything is sold out - though I likely wouldn't go now out of pure stubbornness anyway.

Am I being completely mental? I feel really excluded.

How did the dinner go Bad? Did you say something? FWIW I think YANBU to want to have been included - that just sounds mean of them to me

I know exactly what you mean about the fat thing - I felt blobby for ages and although I was definitely getting bigger my baby bump just wasn't showing in the way that other women were and it did my nut in tbh. Even at 18 weeks I didn't really feel like I looked particularly preggers. Thankfully that all changed by 20 weeks and now there's no doubting I've got a proper preggers tum yesterday though I felt fat and horrid but today I had my 25 GP appointment and for the first time he got the tape measure out to measure my tum - very exciting! Everything is measuring exactly as it should so I'm going to try not to moan about being fat for a few weeks and just tell everyone my bump is exactly as it should be, so there ner! I think the anxiety stems from the fact that I'm going to an old work reunion tonight and I haven't seen some of the gang for 10 years since I left. That was when I was 32, prime of life, size 10 and now I'm 42, size 14 and with a big baby bump to boot. They'll all think I look ginormous compared to when I last saw them but I'm healthy (apart from just scoffing a baby bel and wondering what I can eat next) and so's Fablet so what the hell right??

Fizz, any news?

I didn't say anything, fab, because I'm a wimp and hate confrontation. Interestingly, she didn't even mention the festival once. It's bizarre, because everybody knows that they are going. It was the elephant in the room all night. This makes me see that she knows it was a bit sneaky. Ugh, I'm still annoyed by it. Also, thanks for the empathy regarding the whole weight thing. My mummy friends (from my hometown) are very 'the beauty of growing new life!', so they don't get it.

Hope the reunion goes well! I've never gone to any of mine, fair play to you.

fizz, how goes it?

bad I agree, I'd feel very narked and a bit hurt if friends had done that to me. I suggest you have a glorious time doing something much better and post lots of photos on Facebook. Or do a rain dance

All ok here. No call from the clinic, so working on the assumption all is fine. I told my boss today! She was lovely about it. I was nervous as we have a very busy year ahead, and I've only been in the job a year, but she reminded me that there's never a perfect time and that she knew there was a risk when she hired me. I explained a little of how long it had taken to get to this point. I feel a bit evangelistic about telling people about the mcs and ivf, but I need to find the right balance between saying it and not going into the gory detail! Must remember that people are not that interested in my gynaecological history!

In other news - I bought some maternity tights yesterday. I don't do trousers apart from one pair of jeans, and my legs are not fit to be seen, esp at work. Omg the tights are hilarious! Massive front panel. But alluringly comfy to wear. I have temporarily solved the risk of them falling down by putting a massive pair of post-op granny pants over the top, superman-style. S'all glamour round these parts.

I didn't believe that getting bigger would help maternity gear stay up but it does so you'll just have to get bigger fizz! I would thoroughly recommend getting some maternity over the bump leggings - they're awesomely comfy! I can practically tuck them under my bra they come up so high and make the bump feel lovely and snug

Well done on telling the boss! This shiz is really getting real right?? I'm the same - stupidly evangelical and struggle to not go into the nitty gritty - it's a challenge getting a middle road isn't it.

Bad, it makes it even worse that your friend didn't mention it but I would second fizz and say definitely find something fabulous to do and take lots of pics to post on FB. It will make you feel better - especially if they've gone down the route of not mentioning it as that means they won't be able to post either. Mwhahaha!

So after my moaning, all my ex work colleagues told me my bump was neat and small apart from my old boss who said 'hello Mama Cass!' Anyone know who she was? The extremely over weight lead singer of the Mamas and the Papas!! I told her off and she did admit she'd only mentioned the Cass bit as it ran off her tongue and was very remorseful! Anyway we all had a great time - it was one of those companies where everyone got on really well and even after all these years we're all still chums which is lovely. Struggling with the hangover this morning - I feel hungover every morning but it's worse after a night out - seems so unfair doesn't it. I was on Virgin mojitos all night!

Evening, hags. Had a call from the clinic today with the blood results - not brilliant news. Risk is 1 in 110 of having Downs - the NT was fine but hcg is high and Papp-a is low. We have an appt on thurs to talk about options and I'm in touch with the place where we had our private scan as they offer the harmony test. I feel such a mix of things at the moment! On one hand I can rationalise that it's less than a 1% risk. I'm also really cross that it has taken this long to get the high risk result - I thought we were out of the woods; they said that we would hear within 3 days if high risk.

I don't think we would terminate if Downs is confirmed, but we might, and would want to terminate for other non-compatible with life abnormalities, and I feel like every week that goes past makes that prospect worse and worse. And then there's a worry that even if everything is fine genetically, the low Papp-a increases risks of growth problems and pre eclampsia. Gah! None of this is helped by the fact that I've had a killer headache for days and am feeling sorely sleep deprived and emotional. Someone slap me with a fish!

Oh Fizz, cockles of comfort, squid shrug for your shoulders and razor-clam of reassurance for you at this horridly stressful time. The Harmony test should be able to give you more accuracy as it measures the fetal dna in your blood - it's amazing what they can tell from that information. If that comes up with a high chance of abnormalities will you go down the amnio/cvs route? I totally understand the dilemma - Down's brings with it the scare of how will life change etc but Edward's and Patau's are such horrible abnormalities that, before we had the results back from our harmony test, my mind was pretty much made up to terminate if it was high for one of those as it seemed too cruel to do anything else. But as you say the longer it goes on, the more your body is growing which makes any decision harder and harder. It seems so mean that our bodies are supposed to miscarry unhealthy/chromosomally abnormal babies and yet they let things like that slip through - it doesn't make sense does it.

All this said of course, the tests aren't diagnostic ones so it's difficult to know without an amnio/cvs for definite. If you had one of those would they also be able to tell if there were going to be any growth issues? As if you haven't had enough stress with your fertility 'journeee' already? Fuckit Hag, I really feel for you and am also mad as hell that they've let you wait all this time before telling you. They're supposed to come back to you quickly if there's a potential problem ffs. I can't remember where you are based but the fetal medicine centre in Harley Street is excellent - the guy who heads it up pioneered the Harmony test and I can really recommend them.

Clutching tight on to a toe and wishing all the best for you (plus please take some paracetamol for your head and go to a woo needles lady to help with tension and headaches - that should really help you). Also please have a head stroke too as these are exceptional circumstances.

Oh, fizz - here are all the fish. I second everything that fab has said, which is all very wise. And I would also 100% recommend the Harmony - our results came quicker than expected, as well. However, there is still two weeks of waiting, which is not easy.

Take care of yourself, hag.