Accidental antenatal club

[Guyropes]

Hello to any one else who has got here by accident!

I am starting this thread to share the ups and downs of accidental pregnancy with other people in similar positions. also hopefully to get a bit of reassurance from anyone a bit further along than me that the life changing stuff that has to happen in a short space of time to prepare for the new baby is a) possible, and b) positive!

So I am expecting #3 to a new partner who I don't live with, in August. I do live with my 2 dd's who are primary aged and very keen for us to have babies together. He is older than me and has teenage boys. Who have resisted his new relationships post divorce, but who are more grown up now and accept he might want companionship in his old age! (Now that they have got girlfriends of their own!)

So, anyone else out there finding it hard to believe that this is really happening?

Yup!!

We weren't trying, but I'd come off the injection a few months before so we weren't actively trying to stop it either.

I've had surgery twice this year and been really I'll with crohns stuff, so didn't think my body could do it.

I only did a test to rule out pregnancy, as I'd been feeling a bit strange. For weeks I'd had all the textbook pregnancy symptoms, sore nipples/boobs, sheer exhaustion, morning sickness (wrongly diagnosed by gp over the phone as norovirus), strange moods, massive increase in appetite. And my crohns symptoms disappeared over night!

So I did the test, not really paying attention, setting about running a bath and clocked the positive symptom out the corner of my eye. I screamed, swore a bit, shouted on dp and run straight to tesco for another 4 tests. All bfp ??

Contacted mw, got booking in app sorted and decided to have a private reassurance scan to give us some idea how far on I was (periods hadn't properly come back after injection) was over 12 weeks!!!

I am now 28w and expecting a baby girl ?? have c section booked for 2nd March 2015. Can't wait!!

Yep, me.

My husband and I weren't planning on kids until later next year at the earliest. I work in a special school for children with autism and LOVED the class I worked in, which is very physically challenging, and I knew pregnancy would mean I'd have to come out of the class. We were also hoping to go to Florida next year (big rollercoaster fans).

Then I was told I was moving class, was absolutely devastated and immediately thought, nothing is really stopping us having kids now (daft, knee-jerk reaction). We risked it only once, at a time in my cycle when it should have been completely impossible for me to get pregnant. Husband thought I'd tricked him into it until I showed him my chart which proved that it really shouldn't have been possible. I found out I was pregnant really early on, after my period was late. I wasn't that regular though so the test was just to rule it out, I really thought it was impossible.

I've found it really, really hard. The upheaval at work, combined with pregnancy hormones and coming off my anxiety meds, has all been a bit too much and I've really struggled with antenatal depression and anxiety. I can't do the things I normally do to relieve my anxiety (drink too much wine and ride rollercoasters), and I don't really feel like myself. So I'm not exactly helping with positivity am I? Sorry! I'm really hoping though that once baby is here, that will take over everything, and the things that get to me at the moment won't seem important anymore. I'm 26 weeks now and due in March (waving at Gudgy from the March thread and FB). Good luck!

Hi gudgy! Congratulations! I had a student once with crohn's MDMA she calle in to see me a year or so after I left, she looked so different I didn't recognise her!she was pregnant, and really well and healthy through it. It's a very strange thing that it is such a relentless condition but it subsides during pregnancy. You sound like you've coped with your change in circumstances really well, despite the big shock! Lovely to meet you

Mine was an accident for sure..

Me and dp were careful or so we thought...i had a couple of weeks where I was so tired and felt so ill but passed it off as coming down with a bug... Dp jokingly said 'are you sure you're not pregnant' and I laughed it off don't be stupid... It played on my mind and I took a test.. No denying it was positive.. I threw it in dps face and spent 3 days crying and refusing to look at or talk to him.. He was and is very supportive... We spent the first trimester of random uncontrollable sobbing and him just holding me..

We haven't had the best pregnancy in other ways such as family deaths, moving house and a few other things.. I don't think I would have managed without a supportive dp.

I'm still terrified about becoming a mum.. And we've had ups and downs, pregnancy hasn't been easy with constant sickness and spd where ita hard to get out of bed and off the sofa. I'm due on Tuesday and there's a mixture of happy and sad feelings.. But I am very excited to meet my ds to be.

Hi coaster girl congratulations to you too! It's not surprising you're having a bit of a tough time adjusting with everything else going on. Sounds particularly hard having your dh think you'd tricked him... Good job you had your chart to show him. i do Hope it's been ok getting past that without internalising any guilt or suspecting him of any ongoing resentment.

I am lucky that my bf has been clear that we both participated in the deed which made me pg, so it's a joint effort.

My ex however very much held me responsible for the conception of our first child, and this was a cause of ongoing anxiety for me, and was one of many things which came between us.

I hope this thread will be a place to talk about the difficult things too... It feels hard on some of the ante natal threads as people seem so 100% thrilled to be pg, and while I am deeply happy, I am also very worried about the fact that we don't live together and it's going to come as a huge shock particularly to his sons.

Gudgy, that should be a year or so after SHE left, and I've no ideas where the MDMA came from!

Hi biscuits, good luck to you! Being a mum is great! Sounds like you've been through it on this journey. Sounds like such a shock when you found out, but I'm so glad for you that your dp has been so supportive. Let us know how you get on!

Sorry I should have made that more clear. My husband wasn't seriously thinking I'd tricked him, he just didn't quite get it until I showed him visually. He is incredible. He's my rock (sounds cheesy but so true). Things have been really difficult, I have other issues alongside anxiety and the pregnancy, and have had some major meltdowns and he has never wavered. I don't know what I'd do without him. He knows that I didn't particularly want to get pregnant either and that I genuinely thought it was safe then. And it was ONCE! (Depending on what I feel like, I either see that as really bad luck or a bloody miracle, considering how hard it is for some people).

The Crohns thing is interesting. Gudgy and I have discussed this elsewhere actually. I have very severe IBS which is also vastly improved due to pregnancy. I can't take the only medication which has any effect, which really scared me, but as it turns out I haven't needed it. I think that pharmacologists need to take notice of this effect and somehow find a drug that replicates it!

Me too im 18 weeks with baby number 4 my 4th boy :)

I got took off cerezette back in november last year due to constant bleeding, every single day. So we went on to be careful. But in september this year I was cleaning out the cuboard when I come across some amazon cheapies that was left from when I fell preg with my son, I dont even know why I took one as I hadnt even thought in my head it was possible, but something was telling me to. It come positive as soon as dye moved down. Shocked wasnt the word I cried and actually thought I couldnt go through with it. But now im really excited, ive not told many people at all though, my dad doesnt know either. I know il get lots of judgement to be honest as il still be 24 when this babys born and its obviously my 4th.

Congratulations :)

It really is amazing how it manages to go completely! You'd think the powers that be would come up with some magic medicine that mimics whatever the pregnancy does to crohns and other bowel symptoms. I havent felt so good in years!

Hi coaster girl... I'm so glad your husband is so supportive to you. I guess that little word 'tricked' hit a bit of a raw nerve with me! I wouldn't wish the experience of having an accidental pregnancy resented on anyone!

Also glad to hear that ibs improves in the hormones too...

Hello mum of 3!

Hope you're doing ok... Sounds like discovering your pregnancy was a real shock, like a few on here! Hope that as you progress and tell more people you are pleasantly surprised by their responses. I guess it will be a relief to be open about it soon anyway.

Guyropes I recognise you from the August antenatal thread. I understand about not quite fitting in with the 100% thrilled sentiment....

I'm due August with DC 4. I have 2 dcs by exH 1, DS 2 is my exH 2's and this is ex H 2's too. Fairly complicated. Contraceptive failure, and I stupidly let myself fall back into bed with exH 2 a few times. He's spent the last week trying to convince me to terminate and saying he loves me etc. Today he realised there's no way I will do that so he has been utterly horrific and will have "nothing to do with me or this baby". Ever. Again.

Probably a blessing in disguise. Terrified of being pregnant and single mum to 3, and then a single mum to 4, but also so excited and happy. No idea what to say to my mum, or anyone else for that matter.

Hi waves, nice to meet you properly!
I'm really sorry to hear your ex h has been so unpleasant this week. Have you got any rl friends to talk to? It's hard when your feelings go up and down so much! The first 2 weeks were the worst from that forme, feel a bit more stable now but utterly crappy. How many weeks are you?

I have told some close friends, for logistical reasons they needed to know early so we could change some plans . But I am also concerned about reactions from close family.

I have been with my bf for nearly a year now. We get on amazingly well and communicate fearlessly with one another. It is taking him a while to adjust, but it's possible for him to get on with his busy life and then drop into my reality now and again.

We both have kids and a speedy amalgamation of our households attracts neither of us.

Hope you're feeling ok today.

My pregnancy was accidental too, albeit a very happy accident We had planned on ttc during the summer holidays, but one April evening... I'm now 38+2 and we can't wait to meet our little surprise

Hi bilbo! Nice to meet you.. Are you due in march? There are a couple on here who are.

Biscuits! How are you doing?!!

I wanted to ask you all how you felt about antenatal tests.

I have worked with a group of interesting, high functioning learning disabled people including several with Down's syndrome of varying severity, over the last few years, and it's been great.

So I feel really mixed up about the tests. I am aware of so many positive aspects to ds, but also the potentially relentless nature of parenting a ds child. Since I'm not in an ideal situation to bring any child into the world, let alone one with special needs, what do I do?

I wonder how any of you coped with making decisions about tests, and responding to the results?

Hi bilbo, my maths is truly shocking! March indeed! Best of luck for a safe delivery soon!

Re testing: I work with children with autism, which has involved working with children with various other needs, including Downs. I love my job, and am very aware of the huge spectrum of difficulty within Downs, and indeed other disabilities. You can't test for autism, anyone has a chance of having a child with autism. For me, I could never terminate based on a diagnosis of Downs, although I can't say how I'd feel if there was a diagnosis of something more serious. I'm not against termination in general, and had a very early one a few years ago which I've never regretted. We decided to have the nuchal test, as it isn't invasive and could give us an idea if there were any serious problems. We probably wouldn't have had an amnio or CVS though. From what I've read, there would likely be signs of more life-limiting syndromes on scans. We just didn't feel there was any point having more testing for Downs, as we would have continued with the pregnancy anyway. As it is, our risk of Downs came out at 1 in 2100 and everything looks good on the scans. Sorry, I'm doing other stuff while writing this and aware I'm not being as clear as I'd like!

Thanks coaster... That's really helpful. Do they take bloods at the same time as they do the nuchal scan?

I'm in too... I was actually taking the mini pill after my last baby, I'm now 35 weeks with my 4th. 10,2 and 1! I am wondering how on earth I can cope! It's hard as people are brass enough to say 'this cannot of been planned' I normally just say nope it's my happy surprise! Some people are just rude and ask if we are just bored in the evenings!

Ah this is a good one for me to join . DD is 13 months and we weren't planning another for a couple of years at least. Contraception failure means I am now 14 weeks pregnant! Very shocked but extremely happy now I've come to terms with it, but also struggling with feelings of guilt over it not being planned! We tried for 12 months to conceive DD and she was so planned/wanted that I can't help feeling bad that this one wasn't conceived in the same way, crazy I know .

We decided to have the nuchal test (same with last pregnancy) but they couldn't get the measurement at my scan and don't offer a rescan here so having the quad test tomorrow which I know is less accurate, feeling a little anxious about it.

Guyropes yes they took the bloods right after the scan. Most people say that if they haven't rung you after a few days you can assume it's a low risk result, and that was true for me. I got a letter in the post after about 2 weeks.

I feel kinda guilty about this baby not being planned. We have friends who desperately want kids, and are having various difficulties. I've had a very easy pregnancy physically and it just adds to the guilt. I feel like someone else should have this experience.

Hi dani and gottobeinit... Thanks for joining us on here and your comments. Yes, I feel guilty about this pregnancy too, as I know my best friend would love to have a child, but her bf doesn't want to... I already have 2 gorgeous dc, and although I wanted a big family, I still feel this is more than I deserve. So thank you for sharing those feelings with us.

Thanks for the info about the nuchal results coaster. I think I need to not get too psyched about the scan, what will be will be.

Good luck with the test tomorrow, GotToBeInIt... Hope it goes smoothly. You must be due beginning of July?