Due March 2007 - No. 3

[novadandypowder]

Ahem - allow me....

Sponge - what are you studying?

I think that I am hormonal!! I don't want to do all that 'fun' stuff. I like doing it with other people's kiddies . I think that I am also dwelling on all the support I had at home with dd and it feels like I won't have that here. I certainly don't have my mum or dad who (in hindsight) were brilliant.

Go revise, Spongecake. Fly through your exams (((hugs)))

certificate in accounting, am halfway through a degree. are you doing ou as well?

You have been all hugely reassuring. Thanks.

I feel very overwhelmed by being PG, have cried all the way to work and back and was teary all day... SO unlike me! I never cry!! Bizarre because I consider myself very capable and independant, (which translates quickly into being very selfish I guess)
Yet have never felt as stressed as this. I guess motherhood sorts out the weaklings hey ?

I have been desperate to feel the first maternal twangs, and actually have only felt incredible anxiety and fear and have nightmares of not coping.

Friends and family are well meaning, but sometimes dont help. Its hard to turn around to them and say, actually I am crapping myself so please shut up !

Finally, just to finish my list of woes - How do you guys get your DH involved ? At this stage I will be lucky to have him to take two weeks paternity leave ! He is so involved in his job, which is what happens when you sell your soul to global corporate UK, but I dont see the long hours changing and I am already gearing myself up for 'one life long nag' at him to get home on time.... How are your DH's involved ? I'd say on the whole DH and I are very happy, but clearly the dynamic is about to change ? I am so worried about that too.... 14 years of marriage about to be sorely tested.....

Gawd, another mammoth post..... sorry for taking up all the air time. Sound like a complete self absorbed nut.

must admit reading Enid Blyton, Winnie the Poo, eating ice cream and making tents out of sheets again all are worth looking forward to....

Sponge - not at the moment. I did do an MSc a couple of years ago whilst PG with DD (Urban Regeneration)- very tiring (as I'm sure you'll agree) but worthwhile and helped me progress in my job. I also got funding to do a PhD after that - £11k per. year no less, but had to turn it down as I couldn't afford not to work full time. Actually, I could have, but got offered a fab new job with more cash so took that and had to put the studying on hold. I have been "about to do a PhD for three years now and its become a bit of a standing joke really. Now I'm PG again, can't see when it will happend realy

Probably when I'm 50!

I really admire you, as I'm absolute crap at maths !

Kiwi - your probably too tired at the moment to fancy doing all that energetic stuff anyway

Onilly - I had a huge row with DH today abot how he's just carrying on as normal and acting as though I'm not even PG [angry. When your DH sees himself in your baby, he'll go all gooey and proud etc

I'm also hormonal like you both, was off work today and really can't face it tomorrow. Am feeling ultra fragile. Am supposed to be showing the local council's Director of Housing and some other big knob around our estates tomorrow and "talking us up" - all I feel like doing is having a good cry actually . Am considering not going in.....

Trouble is that once you're there, everyone expects you to perform at full strength and they don't really make allowances. If you burts into tears at work they'd get the message, but you'd feel a real plonker wouldn't you?

and I'm crap at tping too!

oh god Fatfox, in my super self indulgent selfish moment (been having lots of those lately) I forgot about your day today, how are you feeling - have you plotted due revenge on the NHS yet ? do you feel better ?

Yup - you have it. Its got to be hormonal, I cant explain it any other way... but coping at work, especially when hiding under your desk is not an option, is a whole new skill set I am learning. Opting out today probably would have done me good...

I say bunk off tomorrow.....

In retrospect, think DH and I are due a long, very hard reality chat..... feel he needs a coupld of life changing moments to occur... (other than not much sex at this moment!)

typing

I've decided that I'm not going in to work tomorrow. I am tired and I have had a cold for a few days now.

My dh is the opposite of yours!! He is so looking forward to this arrival. Over the weekend I suggested that he went and bought a telly which he has been going on about for ages. Instead, he said that was £500 we could use towards a buggy. I have never ever known him to be so self-less (if that is the right word).

Wishing you all a restful night's sleep and that we are more able to face the challenges of tomorrow

Evening ladies,

I tried to go to bed, but can't sleep. Too hot, too uncomfy, too itchy, too everything! dp is away and has been for a week. He is due back tomorrow night. I am used to him going away as he works in the UK, but this has been really tough this time - just not got enough energy to deal with ds fairly all the time. Have been a bit of a crap mum this week. On the up side, we did have a lovely day yesterday. I took him swimming and then out to lunch at the beach. It is still really hot here, about 33 today.

Amie, so sorry to hear about your granny. My granny died last year. She was 103! We were really close and I found it very hard. She was definately ready to go though, she'd been a widow for 33 years - all seem a bit unfair really. I'm glad your grandparents were together for so long, but it must be hard for the one that's left. Hope your grandpa is ok.

We have just got satellite tv, after 2 years with no telly at all. In just one week I have become completely obsessed by watching scary birth stories, which seem to be on 24/7. They are very graphic! Anyone else subject themselves to this?

All the time dixia. I only like the happy ones though. I don't like the American ones, too much intevention, far too clinical.

Fatfox and Onilly, my dp has never shown the slightest interest in any of my pregs. He doesn't refer to the fact that I'm preg and he has no idea how preg I am . He would deny all this of course. He has never read a preg book, been on an antenatal course, nothing. He gets more involved when I am too fat to move, e.g pulling me off the floor, pushing me up the stairs etc . Alot of men find it hard to connect until the baby is born.

Apparently the news going around the school playground is that I'm expecting twins , don't know how that one came about. I guess by next week it'll be quads. Oh, how they like to gossip !!!

Just been watching a prog about prostitution in Iran. What a jolly prog. I am a coward and stopped watching because it was too damn depressing.

Fatfox, how is the bleeding today?

Mr. Kittywits writing:
Kitty, why didn't you tell me you're preg? How did it happen?
Why did you eat all the cake tonight?

Well i guess that really was Mr Kittywits, I can't imagine that Kitty was still up at that time!
dh is also different, he seems to be in his element when he can worry about me. He is overcaring to the point where he worries that I have to sleep all the time, sit down all the time, go off work sick all the time!
I made sure when i was pg with ds1 that he felt my belly a lot and after ds was born i was pretty much bed bound for 4 days, he stayed at the hospital with me and did all the caring for ds. It think that was really important for him. He also came to every ante-natal appointment and comes (almost) every doctors appointment with us. After he went back to work he was less involved and i was doing 90%, but I kept him doing stuff as much as possible. Now ds worships dh, vice-versa! Its really lovely. Things are really great at the moment, I wonder how we will readjust again after the twins are born.

I made a mistake last night of getting dh to read some of the twins websites with me (can't get those tv programs you talk about) he had a sleepless night worrying about all the things that can go wrong ! I need to know the details, but for him its better not to know!

Sorry this is a long post, but I'm in a bit of a muddle today, I'm having the amnioc. and feel unsure of my reasons. The only reason being is that I have no other indication whatsoever of 'abnormalities'. The quality of the scan hardly showed 4 legs and 4 arms and no triple test for twin prenancies. Before I thought it was important, but now knowing that this test showing something 'wrong' is a much, much lower probability than something else going wrong in a twin pregnancy it seems like an unecessary risk and stress for me.

Leo, it was Mr Kitty, he always comes on MN before he goes to bed!!!!
Sorry you're in a muddle about the amnio. I can't advise you what to do. You have to weigh up the risks and in the end go with youngut instinct. If it's telling you not to take the risk then don't do it. Gut instincts are usually right IMO. Let us know how things go xxxxxxx

Wow, I still haven't let dh loose on MN yet!

Well I've got the morning to think about it, going to have breakfast now and a bath, relax a bit.

Leo - good luck whichever you decide on the amnio

Yes, good luck leo. You musn't question the decisions you make. You could keep changing your mind and feel guilty either way, but I think Kitty is right. You will naturally fall at the right decision for you. Anyway, I'm babbling. I hope it goes well - try to relax. I think its a good thing you don't get those Twin pregnancy and birthing programmes on the TV. It is enough to put anyone off! Today they have a lady giving birth by C/S with twins that look like they will be 8lb each! She is bloody enormous!

Anyway, that doesnt help I'm sure - shut up me.

leogaela if your instinct is telling you not to go for amnio then don't... I still wasn't sure when I got to my appointment yesterday but had it done despite feeling I didn't really want to (not that there was any pressure from the consultant, who was lovely) and have felt more anxious since. So much so that I have realised that I wasn't actually worried at all beforehand. Whatever the outcome, I wish I'd stuck to my first instinct. I am now back to the franctic dashes to the loo every few minutes to check for blood, when I thought all that was past, and I could have 2 weeks of it..

I'm also worried- as I wasn't before- that they will ring and say it's got Downs, and then have to make a decision.. I'm thinking at the moment it's better not to know. DH left it entirely to me because he didn't want me to feel I'd been pushed into it, but I knew he was worried about the possibility of a severely affected baby who would still be totally dependent on us when we retire (he's 45). They really need to find a way of predicting how severe the disability rather than a blanket Downs diagnosis.

I agree evenhope... the possibility feels so vague. We (dh and I) disagreed on the blood test - I felt it was better not to know but I had it done anyway. I'm not sure I could go through with an amnio!

Hope you feel better and your mind clearer after your appt Leo.

I have stayed home today but only after my boss made me feel about 2ft tall. I was surprised because my job is so independent of everyone else in school. It's lovely to be in - I went back to bed once my family left and have the day to do as I please. Bliss

Hope that everyone is feeling well today.

yeah there's plenty of people with Downs who live independantly, work, find partners etc. And as kids are as delightful as any other child. But it is extra worry and it might be good to know in advance. Not that I'm bothering. You don't need extra worry either.
With ds2 there was fluid spotted in his kidneys at the scan, what a nightmare. Once he was born he was on antibiotics for 6 weeks and ended up having to get that test, can't remember its name but there was a tube inserted in his penis and pumped his bladder with coloured water to test for reflux. A tiny baby, It was horrific. there was nothing wrong with him and we had all gone through so much rather than risk kidney damage!
So given a choice I choose blissful ignorance and if there's a prob I'll deal with it then.

My dh just feels that he has to hunt and gather for me when pregnant. (he is captain caveman) He never changes a nappy!

Kittywits your dh is funny!

17wks 2

Hi, I have to admit that DH is not ignoring the pregnancy, and is supportive. He has wanted kids forever and I have held out on him. He has been to all the appointments etc, and would gladly give up a telly for a pushchair, and does run around me like a princess (when he is home). He actually is an amazing hubby. However, he is a driven, clever and very ambitious man, we have enjoyed his career, having travelled and relocated around the world, several times with his job. However he thinks he is superman, and can cope with having children without changing ANY of this work pattern. This is the issue which I am struggling with. Getting home at 9pm just cant be acceptable anymore..... I just hope you guys are right that when kiddo arrives the penny drops and he radically changes gear. Or else I fear he will be a very absent dad and I will almost be raising this kiddo without him around... TBH this is really the nub of whats freaking me out.

Leo, please let us know how you get on. I like Kitty's advice and maybe peace of mind will be worth it ? Knowing which ever way cant be a bad thing ? I think you have been amazing how you have been coping with twins. I slept on my back last night and all is well

Today I am meant to get my Quad Screening results back..... Chapter V1 !!!

Fatfox, how are you today ?

Eids, how are you ? Any news from DH ? Friday not too far away...

Onilly if your Dh is clever he will hopefully work out what is important in life. And you can lay it on thick that kids grow up really quickly and you can't get those precious times back etc etc. I do have this problem abit. Though I'm used to managing with the kids on my own for long stretches, it is do-able. Then when dh is around he's great with the kids and we have loads of fun. There are times when I don't feel as positive though!

I guess time will tell for you and dh Onilly... you should keep talking to him about your concerns and how you value his input so far. I was amazed to get an email over the weekend from an old friend who has had a wee baby after after her and dh have spent years being very driven and successful in their careers and personal lives. She was saying that they now realise that nothing is really that important, other than their baby, and they are both alot more relaxed about work etc. It was lovely to read.

Morning everyone.

Amie - I'm so sorry to hear your gran passed away. I hope you're coping ok.

Eidsvold: hope the time flies 'til Friday.

Well, it's 11:20, and I'm sitting in bed with my laptop, taking full advantage of our new Wifi thingy. Hoorah! Mumsnet in bed with a bacon and egg sarnie! It doesn't get any better than this. (I'm choosing to view sarnie as 'brunch' btw).

Caught up from Thursday now. Onilly: my DH is very career-driven too (and also very wonderful). He's working really hard at the moment: think he's worried about suddenly having dependents: it's a big thing. I worry that he'll be late home after baby comes, but I think my 2nd trimester hormones have well and truly kicked in. Ever time a new worry occurs, I just think 'la la - cross that bridge when we come to it'.

La la.

That childcare thread was interesting. In fact, quick poll: who's planning to work after they have this baby? I've got my own little p/t school, and am planning to teach 9 hours a week from when LO is 6 months. 3 hours on Sat morning (when DH is at home), and the other 6 hours split over Monday and Tuesday when my Mum will have LO.

It's all pretty neat, but only because I've sort of geared my life towards having kids, and took over the business with this in mind. I was one of those girls who always wanted children. Remember 'helping' my Mum at the playgroup she worked at in the school holidays when I was 5. A little boy fell over and hurt himself, and I rushed over and put him on my lap. I cuddled him until he stopped crying, and can still remember how fantastic it felt. That's when I decided I wanted to be a Mum.

DH has a rare medical condition that means he doesn't produce any sperm naturally - at all. We (he) went through lots of treatment to get this far, and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world right now.