Christ, it sounds like there are plenty of managers out there who have a problem with pregnant women's bodies. Unbelievable and I'm actually really angry for you both.
Re. breastfeeding. Twiglet I found it hard too. It was important to me personally to do it, because my mother fed me til 14 months and for whatever reason I have enjoyed outstanding good health all my life. That doesn't happen to everyone but because I've so rarely been sick in my life, I felt that it would be a bit selfish of me to not at least try to do the same for my baby, if that makes sense. However, I was seriously not relishing the prospects and probably didn't look into it enough while I was pregnant - too focused on labour, which I think is understandable and common with your first.
What went well:
It started off really well with DD crawling up and helping herself to my boob several minutes after birth. Once on the postnatal ward, a midwife showed me how to feed lying down on my side which was such a good thing to happen after 48 hours of being awake. For the few hours I was in hospital I was pretty shameless about ringing the bell and asking for help every time I needed to latch the baby on. I'd recommend that. Also, on the vanity front, breastfeeding zapped my uterus back in within what felt like a few days.
What didn't go so well:
- Nobody really told me how often breastfed babies need to be fed. The midwife said every 3/4 hours, which is a big joke to be honest (although I'm sure some breastfed babies can last that long - mine certainly couldn't). In those first few days, I'm not sure that I fed DD often enough, she was sleepy, I was exhausted, and sometimes I copped out by not waking her for feeds.
- She lost quite a bit of weight. My milk didn't come in until day 5 and that was scary.
- It was sore. Very very sore for the first 2 weeks, then sore for 2 weeks after that - starting to get less sore by 6 weeks.
-She had a tongue tie which went undiagnosed and was only cut at 14 weeks. Her latch looked perfect, but my nipples were very sore.
-She fed all the time and I found being the only source of food pretty hard to adjust to and a big responsibility. She was a poor sleeper too (unless in bed with me) and I blamed breastfeeding. My peers' babies who were formula fed slept for much much longer periods in their own cots, and could, apparently, self-settle. This was unheard of in our house for a long time and I got a bit bitter about it and wondered why I bothered breastfeeding at all - seemed like a total mug's game!
But gradually it became really easy. By 3 months it was totally easy and I was beginning to see how handy it was. I could go for coffee and cake with friends and if she started whimpering could just stick her on the boob and she'd usually feed and fall asleep, meaning I could take as long as I wanted. By 6 months it was actually enjoyable. Many people stop at 6 months and I considered it, but I'm so glad that I didn't because from about 7-14 months, when I did stop, it was just a really great, nice, parenting tool, and the pressure was off on me once solid food came into the picture. And she started sleeping a bit better too.
So, all in all, I'm very glad I did it, and I'd like to do it again for the same length of time with DC2, though I feel it will be harder when there's a toddler to look after too, so I'm not going to be too hard on myself. If it's important to you to do it, do try to read up a bit about what's normal in the first weeks so that it's not such a shock to the system. It really can feel like you're taking up a new, very hard and very physical, sport. And if it doesn't work out, well, really, this is western Europe and the baby will be absolutely dandy on formula :)