October 2014 - thread 6 - BLUE/PINK/YELLOW the finding out begins!!!

[sazzlehopes]

The fun and chat continues! We are heading over halfway ladies. Old thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2052958-October-2014-thread-5-Bigger-bumps

Thanks ladies. I'm really sad about it but have to try and remember he had a good life. He was a bit like my best friend for a while - got to hear about all my teenage angst! I was at the horse races yesterday (oblivious to the fact he wasn't alive any more) and I bet on a horse cos he looked just like him. (Only 2.50 each way) and he beat the odds and won me £60!

My bump is pretty sizable now. Given up trying to hide it. But i too have anterior placenta so movements are only felt sporadically - and usually in the late afternoon / evening.
I too am battling a cold trouble and been feeling rough for last 3 days. Got a semi lie in this morn before husband had gone on a stag do and leaving me in charge of ds and the potty. Today I'm trying not to ask him to go and see if he takes himself. He hadn't gone for at least two hours now so dreading the accident that is to come!

Interesting about everyone's MIL. It's actually my FIL that annoys me!! And my SIL is quite hard work but MIL is fine!

I'm 18 weeks and not entirely sure if I've felt any movement yet. Maybe some flutters? If it's not obvious to me, does that mean it isn't the baby? My scan is two weeks from yesterday and I am so excited to find out! And also see the baby again. I've been loving all the MIL tales on the old thread. My MIL is mostly really lovely - already knitting things for the baby - and I can't imagine having someone be so rude about me as some of your MILs have been. She lives in another country and wants to come stay after the baby is born, and I do worry that will be a bit awkward. We barely have enough space for a baby, let alone visitors. It's her first grandchild though so I kind of understand why she'd want to come visit.

Oh! And names! Such a source of contention for me and my husband. We've tentatively agreed on both a boy and girl name but I can see us both changing our mind once we know the sex for sure.

On that note, did anyone else get a guess at their dating scan? The sonographer asked if we would find out at my 20 week scan, and then asked if we'd like him to guess. We said yes, and he said it looked like a boy, according to the nub theory. Anyone had any experience with this? We keep thinking of the baby as a boy thanks to that, but really don't mind either way. I just wonder how likely it is that he could tell. (He stressed that he was guessing and so don't go buy all boy things, etc.)

My consultant guessed boy at my dating scan too, so I automatically say him now! Will know for sure on Monday.
I don't think baby movements are always obviously baby at this stage so I wouldn't worry xx

Thanks for new thread Sazzle

Sorry about your horse Fedup

Dp says there's no point in middle names but I'm another whose mum used it when I was in trouble and it worked so want todo the same!

As for first names, ha! Dp driving me mad on that too. He claims we should not discuss names now because baby shouldn't be named until we've seen them and know what they look/seem like. Now I agreee, match a suitable name, but I think we need a shortlist first! I do NOT intend to name my child from scratch whilst I am sleep deprived and hormonal!!! Dp does just get these ideas in his head and is so stubborn about them!

Just another thing that I am hoping he will ease up on over time.

A lady in my pilates class told me today that her dp didn't want to know the sex but she did. She then agreed to not find out. Now she's 24 weeks and regretting it. I am SO finding out!

Fedup - that's so sad about your horse. Was he an old boy? Can you keep his shoes or something?

I have loads of questions at the moment as the bump is beginning to grow. Anomaly scan three weeks today.

How seriously are you all taking the sleeping on the side thing? I love sleeping on my back and it's mega comfortable. The midwife on Thurs suggested starting to sleep on an incline on my back with a pillow underneath the upper spine but I kept on rolling off and it wasn't comfy. I can sleep on my side but tend to start off on my back and roll onto my side in the middle of the night.

Do any of you come from families who use family maiden names from the past couple of generations for middle names? I do but when I told my husband he was very ??? . I haven't taken his name but the baby will so I quite like the idea - all my siblings and my parents have this pattern.

We had a quick look at prams today - dunno, we quite like the Bugaboo Bee because it is lightweight but they all seemed such a massive cost for what is basically plastic and fabric. Didn't you used to be able to buy an old banger for £500?!

New meltdown topic from me for a new thread.

Today I will mostly be thinking, what the hell are we doing? Away for weekend with friends who have a weird looking 6 month old kid. He's pretty well behaved and cheery, but fuck me it's all so boring. Everything takes hours to do, it's one massive faff. All they talk about is the kid and how great it is. I'm sure they're genuine but from the outside it's like they're trying to convince themselves.

I've changed my mind, instead of a baby I want to go on a round the world trip.

goats bit late now!
You don't turn into someone different when the baby arrives & it really is one of the best experiences in life. Maybe your friends are just a bit overwhelmed by it right now. My SIL has been to Thailand twice, America & all over Europe with her yet to be 1 yr old. It is as easy or as difficult as you want to make it & if you were adventurous, fun loving people before your DC you will be after. I've just been surfing with my 3 yr old. Her 9 month old cousin arrived to join us in her bicycle wagon pulled along by her Dad, followed closely behind by her Mum on another bike. That could have as easily been a picnic with wine by the sea or a barbecue & a crazy disco kicked off by my loopy DD! It really can be as much fun as you allow it to be!
Granted you can't take them clubbing or rock climbing at the start but there are lots of cool things they can teach you about life that are far better than those things. Don't panic, it will all be great. :)

goats and excited I'm fedup of people telling us how our active outdoorsy life will change when we have the baby. We have friends that have hill walked with their 6 month old and other friends who have taught their kids to surf/ climb as soon as they can walk. We're going to be that kind of parent!

I can imagine though that for the first 6 months it is all just about baby though as they cant do that much and you're still getting into a routine. I'm sure it will all be worth it. I can't wait!!!

I'm going to stop telling people any of my plans for the rest of my life. It's constant 'you won't want to do that with a kid', 'haha, that's what you think now... I was naive too' etc.

I don't think people realise that they are being massively insulting/patronising. If my boss makes it to my mat leave date without a punch on the nose for saying this sort of shit, he'll be lucky.

Thanks for your opinions! Reassuring.

Ohthegoats - you can still do stuff, just with a bit more planning! My parents took us everywhere - to India for a month at five years old, to Africa as a newborn (to live). They had the idea of the baby fits into their life rather than having to change their lives. Perhaps they were lucky and we were easy babies! Travel is so much easier now - cheap flights, good trains in Europe and you can do more self-catering now through those sites like homestay etc where you rent someone's flat for a week or so.

I had a similar meltdown today in John Lewis because there is so much baby...stuff. I mean how much does one tiny person need. Our aunt and uncle were joking we're not going to even buy it toys as we want to be all minimalist!

Well he was 22 which isn't bad for a horse. Sadly, when the vet came out to him on Thursday morn be couldnt get up as his back end had suddenly given way and then started to breathe very heavily and was basically dying. So the vet gave him and injection to make it quicker. This all happened when I was away (and he lives with my parents now) so I didn't know until he's been taken away, other horses who have left us I've had a bit of their mane or something. Just gutted as was going to go and see him on Tuesday but didn't in the end and was going to go today. I left it too late :(
Probably sounds ridiculous but I wanted to tell him I loved him. Not seen him since Easter and feel terrible :(

goats it is different but you can still do lots of the same stuff just have to be more planned about it! Ie it's harder to be spontaneous with a child. And our son is pretty well travelled for a two year old! It all depends how you want to do things when the baby comes along - my life isn't too different apart from I try not to have a mega hangover as those are impossible with a child!!!

Goats like the others have said it'll be as easy or hard as you make it. It just sometimes requires a bit more planning for, than the spontaneous baby free version.

Our DD has been dragged just about everywhere long and short haul. It took a bit of research to organise her yellow fever jab before we went on holiday to East Africa. She actually looks forward to packing her own case.

Hello can I play? I'm due 25th October with DC2. DS1 will be 2 years and 2 days on my due date. I've barely had symptoms this time (v different from last time so I'm wondering if I'm team pink this time?) though the fecking heartburn has just returned . We didn't find out the sex last time and won't this time as DH announcing in tears "its a boy!" and placing him on my chest was THE best moment ever. I'm not sure if I'll actually have an October baby as my son was over a month early but fingers crossed I get to join your club as you seem a lovely bunch.

I've felt movement at 15 weeks this time but I think that's because DS1 wrecked my stomach muscles so its easier to feel . With him it wasn't until 22 weeks and lots of first timers don't feel until even later. Both pregnancies w/are anterior placenta. I'm still sleeping on my tummy . I got utterly sick of side sleeping by the end last time I'm delaying as long as I can. MW pals have said that's cool as long as its comfy.

aGoat we were the same and some things haven't changed a jot. Lots of bits of our life are much improved but some are harder - I'm a wanderlust junky but once they're out of the first few months where they sleep all the time / anywhere I didn't want to admit it but we've found long journeys harder . At 18 months a car journey of longer than a couple of hours is a grumping riot unless done after bedtime. However we moved house (and flew) when he was 12 weeks and that was piss easy. Sling, boob, = sleeping baby. BUT we will travel again. I've got a dream to book us onto an overland tour of the Serengeti once the youngest is 7 - Dragoman overland do family expeditions! We do a lot of hiking and once they stop pooing and wrecking outfits every half hour (and especially if BF as you don't need to worry about keeping feeds cool) its totally feasible.

I found babies can 'shrink your focus' for the first few months you go from being a worldly outward focussed person with hobbies and interests into one whose focus is a creature less than a foot high whose sleeping habits overrule everything in your world and as a result your chat is, well, boring! It depends on the baby but i know with a prem with reflux (hell!!!!!!) everything went topsy turvy for a wee while. I know DH was v overwhelmed at the realisation that DS relied upon us to stay alive - it might be your pals aren't boring obsessives but overwhelmed? That passes. The first time you dump them on DH and leave the house without them is weird and guilty and great!!!.

I'm still really good pals with my November 12 MN antenatal thread mummies and we Scottish mums meet up regularly. Is anyone here from up that way?

Sorry for the essay.....

Welcome Yellow it is a very friendly neighbourhood in Oct! :)
I know there are def a few Scottish Mums to be with us & some from more exotic climes, we have Mexico, America & Europe as well as UK.

Calfig & 4 pints of water & camomile tea seems to have helped my constipation a little but, oh my, the wind is crippling! I did not have any of these issues with my DD! It seems I have lurched from extreme nausea to headaches & constipation, which in turn make me feel sick! This pregnancy lark isn't too glam for me!

** I meant the rest of Europe...

Excited I too am more bloating than blooming. My farts in the first trimester could stun at ten paces.

Goats, I too am sick of people telling me what I will feel and laughing at my future plans. When I said we'll be going camping next summer I got the eye rolls and "you won't think that when he/she has arrived" comments. I'm sure they're wrong. I've seen plenty of families with babies on campsites. Just put it down to the fact that they have no imagination or sense of adventure.

Checking in to the lovely new thread...after midnight and I'm still up after dinner at friends' house. Latest I've been awake for months!

Pebble my exBIL kindly told DH when I was preggers that "the first 9 months is utter hell". Cheers w*nker! It was not.

We would have happily gone abroad this summer with an 18 mo if we weren't saving pennies for mat leave and I wasn't being watched for prem delivery risk. As it is we're going camping and I'm only slightly bricking it at the thought of my crazy climbing toddler escaping the travel cot and making a break from the tent to the lochside! We were still going to festivals at 7 months preggers last time. I think some folks who got really disillusioned by the reality of having kids versus their imaginings like to piss on the bonfires of parents to be.

The lack of imagination thing went both ways for me though. I hadn't quite realised what a trippy space cadet I would be on sustained broken sleep having only got wild nights drinking to gauge previous sleep deprivation on. But then we're not a normal case DS1 has reflux and cow's milk intolerance and until that was diagnosed and medicated he would be coughing up blood, stopping breathing and screaming for 4-18 hours a day and only sleeping if held upright. This was every day from 6-10 weeks old (until we got meds, I stopped formula top ups and eating dairy and the HV stopped dismissing it as colic) - something I couldn't have imagined.

I would never tell anyone to expect that and certainly wouldn't say "woooo you'll never sleep again" and all that balls.... We sleep well except when he's ill or teething (sadly he has two molars coming at the mo - hence I'm up and likely will be for another couple of hours) and have lots of adventures. Your baby your rules.

Sorry to hear about your horse FedUp, losing any beloved animal is hard, especially when having been in your life for so long.

I went on a 13 hour flight on my own with DS when he was 6 months old.. Friends thought I was mad, but to repeat what others have said the life you lead with your baby is your choice. It depends on your personality (and your baby's to some extent.. Especially when they get older). It was hard work but manageable.

I have insisted on middle names for my children as I don't have one, and have never liked my first name (which is 1 syllable so cannot even be shortened.. ). My parents did that on purpose so others couldn't shorten/change my name,etc.. It would have been nice for me to have a choice though, which is what I want to give my children.

Goats, I also had a meltdown yesterday, though mine was more 'what on earth were we thinking in having a second DC!' DS is really hard work at the moment, and at 2.5 years old has started pushing over heavy furniture and throwing things when having a tantrum. He has major speech and language delay so has more frustrations building inside him than most toddlers as he can't make himself understood. He has also taken to waking up at 5.30am every morning, refuses to stay still for nappy changes (not fun when trying to deal with changing a poo filled nappy when he keeps rolling onto the carpet or trying to run off and climb onto beds.. It's a battleground and exhausting... Not sure how I'm going to introduce a newborn into the mix, deal with the sleep deprivation, and look after a very demanding and active toddler who doesn't listen or do what he is told.

People were also doom and gloom when I got married! Saying my life was over then - particularly men at work who just clearly don't like their wives! But I've loved bein married and loved being a mum! It's what you make of it really.
Also in my NCT group there is one who the babies are her LIFE and it's very hard to have a conversation about anything other than babies and that is Dull. The others all talk about other things - even more so now they are older (Although most have seconds now) and we get on as friends rather than just women in the same situation. Although I am the one famed for hosting very drunken dinner parties on a a regular basis!!

Can I delurk again? DC2 new EDD of 1st Oct.

12 week scan looked very much like a boy, but midwife thinks its a girl as the foetal heart rate is always between 145-160. I have names for both and no strong preference but just getting excited about finding out! Should be revealed at 20 week scan on 16th.

Anyone elses mw been making predictions on foetal heart rate?

Hi yellowwellies I'm a Scottish (well English living in Scotland) mummy to be near Perth [waves]

There's a few others on here too.

Also with travelling we will regularly be driving 5 or 8 hours to visit family. Flying 12 hours to Africa at least once a year to visit PIL and already have plans for a trip the Maldives in 2 years with baby for our 10th wed ann. So our baby will just have to like travelling!

All of the doommongers from the first time round come out in spades the second time. As we'd let them down by enjoying and coping happily with 1DC we are being assured that the second will really wreck our life / marriage / sex life / sanity / finances (delete as applicable). It says more about them than the reality.

Sometimes I do panic about having two especially watching my wee boy climb something stupid and think 'argh what if I was mid clusterfeed / wriggly shit smeared newborn nappy change'? The only thing I know is a certainty is this wee one will need a playpen to protect them from a 'loving' sibling and the dog when I nip to the loo. Who am I kidding there'll just be one more being in the loo with me alongside dog, cat, DS!

On gender I was utterly wrong all the way last time, his heartbeat was right in the middle. The wedding ring test, folks looking at my bump etc all said girl. Only the Chinese gender predictor chart was right. This time that says girl!