October 2014 - thread 6 - BLUE/PINK/YELLOW the finding out begins!!!

[sazzlehopes]

The fun and chat continues! We are heading over halfway ladies. Old thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2052958-October-2014-thread-5-Bigger-bumps

Hope all is well mum2.

I have a question about conceiving.

Me and the boyf thought we'd just 'give it a go'. We were both pretty ambivalent about it to be honest, so when it happened within 3 weeks, we were genuinely in shock. I think I was in shock for about 2 months really. Considering we're both old, I thought it would take us ages/not happen at all.

Since then we've heard about various friends who are younger than us, and possibly overall healthier than us, who are having real problems conceiving. We sort of feel a bit guilty really..

... but then we remembered that last year we were on a health kick for proper health reasons. I hadn't eaten sugar since about March, I'd been doing my normal exercise (running, swimming, pump etc), and was having tests for coeliac disease, so was gluten free, the boyfriend had given up booze since the summer (it was a challenge - I had to give up sugar, he had to give up booze), and was also running three times a week in preparation for skiing. He's dairy intolerant, and hadn't been cheating at all.

We then went skiing over Christmas and drank loads, ate what we wanted, smoked a bit, and did a fair bit of shagging... then it was new year and rainy and shitty at home, so the same - booze and shagging. Getting pregnant must have happened then, but it was all a bit unhealthy.

Did you do anything different in order to conceive? Do you think what we were doing anyway, might have made a difference? It's not a big issue, and I'm not going to do anything awful like advise friends etc, but I'm just interested.

Mum hope things have calmed down.

Binky I agree a MLU in the hospital is the most reassuring to me too. We have that here and I've been told that even if I get assigned to consultant care I can have the baby in the MLU but a doc will sporadically pop over to check my progress.

Goats me, my sis and cousin have all got preggers for each child first shag. We're all mid 30s - the female body can get more fertile as you age for a wee window as its desperate to pass on its genes. I find a night on the lash a few days after unsafe sex (so that when you get a BFP you're like "oh no poor little thing!!!") has worked both times. But no we didn't do anything special to try to conceive. Other than the obvious !

Oh and I would LOVE to be on a MLU, but am high risk for several reasons, so it won't happen. Even though at my hospital they are only 2 floors apart.

That's a shame Goats some trusts are more strict than others.

Goats in regards to conceving i think your success is a result to how stressed you are!

You & your boyfriend where obviously relaxed when your baby was made.. No diets/ pressure of exercise etc you where doing something that made you happy eg shagging and boozing!!

I was off my pill for nearly 2 years until i got bfp but in those 2 years i had so much stress of a family being ill and taking care of her plus trying juggle my own family life

My gran died in october and i got pregnant in january and i beleieve it was because i no longer had the stress/anxiety of worring about the state of her health and running up and down to hospitals etc

Even though im still grieving because i loved her so much- i no longer have to worry about that dreaded phone call, my stress levels have been reduced dramatically!

Think some couples trying put to much pressure on themselves that it actually prevents it happning because they are so stressed out about it

Interesting talk of conceiving. I know plenty of people who conceived first month (all late 30s or 40) and some who took months. The first month ers were all quite shell shocked/ambivalent. I know plenty who needed IVF (including for second/subsequent children). We needed IVF/ICSI to have our first after trying for 2 years (from age 29-31). My husband has a low sperm count due to previous cancer. Since then I've conceived 3 times (with one mc) and with this pregnancy we shagged once (I'm 36, will be 37 when this baby arrives). It made this pregnancy very surreal at the start.

But I personally hate the 'just relax' camp. It puts 'blame' on the couple, usually the woman, for what is basically a numbers game (X% conceive within 1 month/3 months/6 months/12 months etc). There may well be a medical reason, there may not. But being told to relax can cause more stress. I used to blame myself for failing to conceive (which of course I can now see was silly). Conception is amazing, I remember our IVF consultant saying it's amazing anyone conceives naturally it's such a complicated process!

Ok, mini rant over!

Pusscuss hope you're not boiling too much! CA sounds a lot hotter than NJ.

Mum2 hope you're feeling ok.

Sazzle I had a vbac for dd after an emcs with DS. The vbac was fab! Even though I needed an episiotomy (they were trying to get the ventouse attached when I pushed dd out). I had started in birth centre but transferred to labour ward due to meconium in my waters. I had wanted a vbac all along as DS was just two when dd arrived and I needed to be able to lift him into his cot etc. I am aiming for a vbac again this time and have lovely supportive midwives (vbacs are not as common in the US and it really depends on your obstetrician, which you choose as it's a private insurance system).

And for those consultant-led/MLU etc, you will still get fantastic midwives on labour wards. Consultants will be involved for making decisions (eg emcs) but will not be in the room all that much. You don't get all the lovely 'home from home' vibe of birth centres, but mostly they're nice rooms with lovely midwives.

The NHS is really fantastic. I still miss it. The US seems so unfair/skewed to favour the middle class/well educated.

Flip thanks, that is good to know. I am a big lover of the NHS and think we are damned lucky to have it. Of course you get the odd case with something being handled badly, but I think people forget it is free, generally has excellent staff and the largest employer in the whole of Europe!

We fell preg within 3 months for our ds but it took almost a year and a half for this baby. I have no idea why, I tried everything and nothing. It's difficult to say relax when you really want something. I know plenty that have gone through Ivf etc and I admire them as it looks bloody intense. Who knows what the secret is....there clearly isn't one. Everyone is different and it is such a complicated process. I just feel very lucky to now be on these boards rather than the conception boards!

Glad you told him so, Excited! The cheek!

I can understand why those who have hospitals far from the birth centres have concerns. We're really lucky ours is attached to the hopsital so any problems you just get wheeled up there. I prefer the idea of the BC but as a first timer it is reassuring to know it's just there if anything went awry.

Mum hope it's just one of those things that disappears as quickly as it came about. Glad you've got some recommendations to follow.

Ah conceiving! Seems so long ago! I took folic acid and we stopped using contraception, that was it. After I had mc last year I did start using Ovulation tests but that was more because I was interested to see how my cycle was after that (I'd been told it might go haywire for months.) It did not surprise me at all to learn that when I was horniest the ov test would ping up it's simley face!! My body def knows what it's up to on that front ha ha!!

The doc said there were white cells in my urine but only a small amount. She prescribed antibitotics (3 days worth) just in case it is a uti causing the abdominal pain and spotting. I picked them up from the pharmacy and just took one...then read the leaflet which states in 2 places that it should not be taken during pregnancy! I called the doc and she is writing me a prescription for amoxicillin and has said to stop taking them to be on the safe side although her reference guide says it should only not be taken in the first trimester...

still have tummy pain but hopefully it will all.amount to nothing at all...roll on 20 week scan please!

I had one proper period after coming off the pill before getting my bfp. We expected it to take longer as we're a bit older this time around im 33 he's 37...apparently we were wrong! My friend had been trying for 5 years before they managed to conceive with IVF...its swings and roundabouts really!

Mum2 glad you're home and all is well. Most drugs say not to take in pregnancy simply because they've not been widely enough tested on preggers ladies (due to a lack, quite reasonably! of the updiffed wanting to take part in drugs trials) rather than due to any real danger so don't worry.

The wee hospital on Orkney I had DS1 in was technically a consultant led unit as there wasn't a MLU on the island. I didn't see a doctor other than when they gave me steroids for his lungs (he was early), when discussing the air ambulance (and being offered a drug to prolong labour so I could get to the mainland!!! My response "only a bloke would suggest prolonging a back to back labour" ) and when I needed the ventouse at the end.

You can have a great MW led, active, relaxed birth in a mainstream labour ward - it doesn't automatically mean being strapped to a bed being continuously monitored (my only real labour fear - I found the pain MUCH worse lying down).

And don't be scared that stats suggest consultant wards are more dangerous - they handle higher risk cases therefore their stats seem worse. If you can keep the actual doctors at bay (they are taught what can go wrong in labour, not how to labour without intervention, so see every situation as one needing their expertise) you can have a chilled birth in a situation that gets your oxytocin flowing in any labour ward

A caveat on that last sentence... the oxytocin can flow on any labour ward as long as your DH isn't a pillock like my cousin who insisted on watching the footie during the birth of his DD2 and then wondered why his seething Mrs wasn't feeling enough of the love hormone to progress!!!! A twat of a partner can sadly ensure a shit birth wherever you are.

Glad to hear you're home and ok mum, must've been a worrying time for you.
I came off the pill in June and we agreed to just "see what happens" in a bid to not stress ourselves out about it, and conceived in December, just prior to a very boozy New Year week down the Lakes, oops. We are both fairly fit and healthy, but I do agree that it does seem to be your luck sometimes! I have a health-freak friend who conceived after +4 years of trying, she and her DP had been checked out and told there was no reason why they shouldn't be getting preggo, it must have been a very frustrating time.

Our friends went into fostering as have been unable to conceive, 4 months later they got pregnant! Think sometimes when pressure is off it happens. We have been really lucky. It hadn't taken us long. Saw my friend today and she's still trying and has been for over 12 months.

Glad to hear you're ok mum, horrible thing to happen last thing at night. Hope you feel better soon. If it's any consolation, my doctor has prescribed me lots of drugs so far that are not supposed to be taken in pregnancy, but usually it's more that the benefits outweigh the risk (which usually hasn't been proven in any kind of study anyway). Better to take what you're comfortable with though. She gave me one for my tooth pain that the NHS website made sound like it would start armageddon.

We decided to see what happens as well, stopped taking the pill at the end of November, on the basis that I'd heard it could take at least a couple of years to get things back to normal. Most of December we lived the lives of monks as were staying in his grandma's house who has the ears of a bat. Then, conceived the first week of January, so a month. I also felt incredibly guilty as have friends who'd been trying for years, or who haven't been able to have them at all. Luckily, everyone's been really pleased. Especially my own mother who on hearing the news simply said 'about bloody time'. Even though we'd decided to start trying, I was so shocked when it actually happened. I think I bawled for about an hour. Not because I was unhappy, just because I was so shocked!

Just got back from my government midwife appointment. Wow. I got there on time, only to be told the midwife hadn't come to work today so had to make another appointment for next week. I joined a queue to make the appointment, for an hour and a half. Meanwhile, I passed out, not one nurse came to help. Got to the front of the queue to be told they didn't have appointments yet and to come back between Monday and Tuesday to line up again! I was there fore three hours, for nothing. So frustrating. It makes me so grateful that I'm in a job that lets me go to a private doctor here, but so sorry for the people who have no option. Meanwhile, they just spent millions of dollars planting some trees in our town centre. GRR. Rant over!

I also think its how your genes combine with your partners. With an ex of mine we didn't use protection for 3 years (not trying but not not trying IYSWIM?) and no baby (thank god he was a tosser but I was early twenties, naive and 'in love' ). Yet we've both got 2 kids in later relationships. I was a size 8 then so maybe my fertility was lower due to being too thin?

Or maybe my body was just screaming "noooooooooooooooo!"

lol was just going to suggest that Yellow, your ovaries must've refused to play ball out of protest :P

I've been pregnant 5 times and every time we fell in the first month of trying, except this time when it took 2 months. We joke my DH only has to look at me. My problem was keeping the pregnancy but so far so good! I did feel guilty as a close friend has been trying for 18 months now and nothing happening.
I did nothing particularly to fall pregnant took my folic acid and I did lose two stone last autumn but nothing else. (Put it all back on now and I don't think it's all baby.) Oh we did do the deed a lot! I think that sounds odd to say but really does help!

Furry I'm on number 5 to and also conceived in one month this baby we only did the deed once. Yet my best friend has a awful time falling pregnant in ten years of trying she had one miracle baby and now can't fall again nature is so cruel sometimes

We have pox spots. Lo jolly toddler is restored! Yey I've not quarantined him from nursery for no reason!!!! One less worry with the newborn

Good to get it out the way yellow!
We were getting ready to start trying in March so just slacked off on the protection the one time we did it in January..with DS we conceived in the third month so have been very lucky indeed.

We conceived DD literally the first time we had unprotected sex. Took nearly 18 months to conceive this one. I think the main difference, as someone else said, was stress levels, and the longer you try to conceive and fail the worse it gets. I agree though as well that it's so very unhelpful when you're told just to relax and it will happen. If only it were that easy.

We conceived second month with ds, first month when ttc for #2 but lost that one. Then a year of ttc hell to fall again then lose that one. Had one period then fell again with this one. Had us both on vits after first mc and then it really happened when I gave up trying really and booked holiday (that I now can't go on) and made some changes to my career plans that meant I can leave my job and took focus away from getting pregnant. But I could have killed any one who said 'just relax' or 'don't worry, I will happen'. Fuck offfffff! Anyone who has ttc for a while will know what I mean!

I was SO SURE it would take years, or never happen. SO SURE. We had holidays, festivals, gigs, more holidays, moving to a new city, a huge house renovation etc planned. We've still done them all, but for me it's been much less fun.

Tonight for example I've just dropped him off at a gig with some new mates. I'd love to be a position to meet new mates and to go boozing and dancing with them, but no. Home in bed because it's almost 2 hours past my preferred bedtime. Booooooring.