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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

September 2014 - we're over half way there!

999 replies

HippyJess · 29/04/2014 01:11

Shiny noo thread with only 4 full months to go! Where did the time go?? Grin

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RedToothBrush · 29/05/2014 16:07

Cindy, ring your GP surgery. They can issue one - you don't have to see the midwife directly to get one. They should be able to do one without an appointment.

Teabiscuits, I really do believe that its a very personal thing for everyone, and what works for one person isn't going to work for the next, yet this insistence that one course of action fits all prevails. For some women, a homebirth is going to be the very best thing for anxiety and I totally support choice and various options being the solution to dealing with problems of this nature as much as allowing access to ELCS.

At the heart of it, is the clear need to listen and work together with doctors rather than have decisions made about you and despite how you feel. Women should not be processed, but cared for as individuals.

I am therefore very dubious of the many hospitals which promotes the fact that they are 'committed to reducing the CS rate' or are 'proud of their low CS rate' as it doesn't tell the whole story about the care women are receiving there. Instead I much prefer the ideal of 'women centred care', which removes this judgment and suggests that a woman is at the heart of every decision made, not the hospital's statistics.

A CS is not a good thing, but nor is it a bad thing. Its a neutral thing which, when used, should be appropriate for the needs of that particular woman - not over OR under used. To achieve that, you need cooperation and information rather than politics and targets.

cookielove · 29/05/2014 19:35

Hello all, sorry to hear some of you are having a tough time.

Argh just had a meeting with the landlord and we will most likely have to be out of the flat by March next year!!

gonna buy this maternity pillow, looks lush and had great reviews

Nazly · 29/05/2014 21:05

Redtooth thanks; that was really interesting; I had no idea how things work here; where I come from, you simply choose between the two and it is all based on what you want...

To be honest I am very nervous about VB, extremely nervous, that's why I did some research in advance but my impression was you can't go for CS on this basis, obviously I was wrong.

What also terrifies me is hearing from so many people that unless it is a matter of life or death you will not get a CS in the hospital and I have heard so many times that women had a very long painful time trying to do VB only to end up with a CS after hours and some times days being in hospital...

I don't want to be terrified and go to delivery room as nervous as I am, but I feel there is no other option. To be frank thought of different tear levels, forceps and all other interventions that could come with VB is more scary for me than CS...

Britishseamonkey · 29/05/2014 21:14

Sorry to hijack - maybe someone can point me in the right direction - how do AN threads work? I didn't really discover mumsnet until dc1 was born, and now pregnant with dc2 - due sept 25

EllaBella220 · 29/05/2014 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoolCat2014 · 29/05/2014 21:27

Hi Britishseamonkey - they way it works is you say hello, tell us your due date and if your'e team blue, pink, or yellow (don't know gender), and join in the fun :)

Thanks everyone for your support - Going to see GP tomorrow. My heartbeat is pounding i my ears. It's really really annoying!

petitverdot · 29/05/2014 21:29

I think I'm weird in that the more grim and gruesome birth stories I read, the less stressed I feel about it! I think it's because I've seen so many ladies come out the other side OK (if not unscathed) with a baby they love to pieces, and if they can get through it, there's no reason why I can't Smile

topmammy · 29/05/2014 21:47

Congrats on being team pink Ella Grin!

You're not alone in fearing doing the birth bit..... I pretty much think about it at least once a day. It's so hard to imagine what it'll be like since I've never done it before. Terrified I won't be able to cope with the pain and I'll turn into a raving loony. Blush. Having seen one of those demonstration pelvis' and babies and the position they need to be in to get through makes me gulp a bit too!

But i do agree with petit too, even people who have difficult births come through the other side - and then tell us all about it! Haha. I am looking forward to meeting my baby so so much though, so I try to concentrate on that bit :)

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2014 22:10

Nazly or anyone else, if you have very severe anxiety, to the point that its affecting your day to day life (eg: dominating your thoughts or giving you nightmares for example), please talk to someone about it.

I can't guarantee the response you get if you come right out and suggest an ELCS as it is very dependent on individual hospitals and individual staff you come across, however you may be able to access perinatal mental health support at the very least.

I was very dubious about it, but its helped me in the sense that its alerted them to the fact that I need additional support. I've personally not gone down counselling route for various reasons, but it might be appropriate for you. Making the perinatal mental health team aware of my problems has at least given me the opportunity to discuss aspects of care that I don't think I would have otherwise. Depending on how open minded your hospital is, you might be able to discuss alternatives and potential scenarios/plans which take into account your anxieties.

If you did feel that an ELCS was right for you - and I really don't think its right for everyone with anxiety - then going down the mental health route is generally the way to do it anyway. To give you your best chance at getting one, right about now would be the time to get the ball rolling.

The NICE guidelines on maternal request CS are particularly aimed at women suffering from anxiety. It IS considered a medical reason to have an ELCS in the UK. My consultant midwife has made a point of stressing that he regards my preference for an ELCS is a medical NEED.

However, I do know that a lot of women are struggling to get their case taken seriously though, and its not uncommon to come across a lot of hostility to it from HCPs. I don't want to put you off, but I think how hard it can be should be mentioned. Ultimately though if you are pushy and persistent, can show you understand the risks and are willing to put up a fight then eventually it is usually possible to get one agreed. I've only seen a couple of women on mumsnet refused and had their appeal also refused; the vast majority do get the outcome they want. The big thing, is it can be stressful and uncertain process in its own right and you may need to be quite committed and certain in your choice.

There are quite a few threads about it in the childbirth section, if you want to read up a bit more or ask questions to a few more people. There are a few people on their with experience of the system which is different to mine. The full NICE guidance is available here. The relevant bit is from page 96 with the key recommendations found on page 102. (Be warned there is some flaws and ommisions to what NICE say which are important and should be considered - most notably their data on risk is restricted to women having their first child and there is no comment on risks for subsequent births)

I don't like to 'advise' anyone one way or another too much as its such a personal thing and I don't think there is a 'right answer'. But feel free to ask questions, or ping me a PM if you want.

Teabiscuits · 29/05/2014 22:23

DH and I weren't planning on going through childbirth again as we were so traumatised by our last experience (which was caused by plain old bad luck).

But obviously, we have had to.accept the fact that we are going to be doing it again one way or another, and just talking everything over and being completely honest with each other has helped us no end. I also went to see my gp, who got me on a course of cognitive behavioural therapy to help me cope with how I was feeling, and we went to a birth reflections service.

Without help from all these people, I would be an absolute mess, but now I'm feeling quite positive about the birth.

I would suggest if you are feeling anxious, talk to your health professionals, and get as much help and information as you can. I'm lucky enough to have a lovely midwife, but it was only the 4th gp I tried who did anything other than try to give me tablets, so don't give up if it all falls on deaf ears to begin with.

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2014 22:39

Agree with you teabiscuits about the fact you might need to be persistent. It took a few different approaches before I got support I needed mainly as the GP didn't quite know herself what options were available/suitable for me.

topmammy · 29/05/2014 22:39

I think it is rather 'behind the times' now for HCPs/society to try to block women from choosing how they want to give birth. I'm guessing it has something to do with cost though too.

For me a CS fills me with more anxious thoughts and feelings than a VB. Also terrified of having an episiotomy. So my fear seems to centre on being cut into. I know that the mental health people will be at one of my antenatal classes soon so will be interested to see what they have to say. I think my fear is at an ok level at the moment.

Basically I just want to sneeze and have the baby pop out! That would do nicely!

xxmissbrightsidexx · 29/05/2014 22:52

Get your bumps out ladies :) ain't seen any pics for a while xx
Here's mine 24w 1d xx

KatharineClover · 29/05/2014 22:55

I agree that it is important that women should feel able and supported to choose a birth that's right for them.
After a tough set of circumstances first time round, I am now in a place where I feel excited and empowered to prepare for about another VB. I am getting great support from my doula. And my natal hypnotherapy CDs have been well with the 20 quid they cost!
Just wanted to say to the ladies who have been made anxious by other people's birth stories: birth is the most momentous thing you do in your life, and for some people the way to deal with that momentousness is to talk about it with others to try to explain how huge it is, and this can sometime mean lots of emphasis on certain elements to help them to process their experience. I found Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth a really helpful counterbalance to these stories, as (although a bit hippy!) it really does normalise, rather than sensationalise, what birth is like.
Xx

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2014 22:58

Political pressure too topmammy, not just money. I know of one London hospital which had one of the highest rates of CS in the country. They currently have a 'blanket ban' on maternal requests (which would include someone like me) because its high rate was regarded as unacceptable by the media and politicians. Its awful, and isn't solving anything as women are either suffering as a result or being forced to go to another hospital with a more open policy. Its a complete abdication of responsibility.

There is a real need to get the message across that anxiety should be taken seriously as a medical issue issue in pregnancy/child birth and that there is a really wide range of levels of anxiety and indeed ways to treat it. Not everyone is the same, and what your anxieties focus on differ wildly. It shouldn't be dismissed as 'well everyone gets scared' in the same way you wouldn't dismiss depression as 'being a bit down'. There is no shame in admitting it, if you are struggling. No one should suffer in silence. Everyone is deserving of support, if they feel they need it.

topmammy · 29/05/2014 23:09

Yes I think you're right about the political aspect Red. That's just reminded me of something my mum, who is a MW, said about how the CS rate at the trust she works in is lower than one nearby, suggesting that they are all trying to lower the rate. Seems like a bit of a competition between hospitals! Not that my mum is anti CS though - she had 2! As I understand it though, if you had a CS first time round, perhaps as an emergency, then you can choose an ELCS for subsequent births. Or at least I think that's what my mum did.

dontevenblink · 30/05/2014 07:53

I think it is totally normal to be nervous about the birth, as it is totally the unknown, especially when it is your first. I was petrified when I was pregnant with DC1 as I just didn't know what to expect - so much so that when we went for the tour of the birthing centre and delivery suite I pretty much had a panic attack, and DH got really concerned! I was also really nervous when I was pregnant with DC2 too, I think knowing you are going to have to go through a lot of pain is a pretty scary thing!

I had a C-section due to two shoulder dystocias, and knowing exactly when you are going to have the baby and wondering what is going to happen, will everything be ok etc. is very scary too, I was in tears for the few days before my section, and the couple of hours waiting to go in I found really nerve-wracking, apparently I just kept going redder and redder! So I think whatever you go for has its issues and it annoys me when people refer to ways as the 'easy option' - every woman should be able make the choice. I would say though, despite two traumatic births I would still go for a VB given the choice, and I do find knowing I don't have a real choice this time a bit upsetting, but hey ho...

topmammy I had an episiotomy with dc1 and a bad tear with dc2 and I can honestly say I didn't really feel either, it was just part of the pushing pain if that makes sense, and I think by that stage you just want baby out whatever! Recovery was fine and quick too. I was really worried too before though.

polkadotdelight · 30/05/2014 08:31

This is me at 24+2. I think I pickef a flattering angle though! I might take a second one tonight because the difference in size between morning and evening is huge!

September 2014 - we're over half way there!
topmammy · 30/05/2014 08:51

donteven thank you, that's reassuring to know :). I can imagine you're right that at the time I will just do anything to get baby out.

Liking the bump photos. I might do one, not done one yet. In fact I don't have many photos at all of pregnant me! I'm planning on starting a photo album of baby growing up though, which will start with photos of the bump Grin My mum did something similar and I still love looking at the album now.

I'm not sure if it's actually possible but baby was kicking quite a lot last night as I sat on the sofa so I sung a lullaby to bump and rubbed it and she stopped kicking completely. So I think I might have sent her to sleep! Shock. Going to keep doing it so hopefully she'll be familiar with it when she's born :)

dontevenblink · 30/05/2014 09:00

You're welcome topmammy :)

I put this link up on the childbirth forum, I came across it the other day and thought it had a really interesting message about how important the mum is in the whole birth process and how they can be affected by traumatic births and should be listened to.

It also has a fascinating (well I thought so ;) ) video about 'natural' caesarean sections, its similar to the section I had here in NZ, I had immediate skin to skin, but I didn't have the screen lowered or the cord cutting delayed. I'm seriously considering asking them to lower the screen this time when dc4 is delivered, but I just know DH will veto this due to the risk of him passing out Grin. I really like the idea of making the C-section as much like a VB as possible, the less clinical the better :)

There is only 1 photo of me pregnant with each of my dc (possibly 2 with dc2) as I am always the one taking the photos. Might try and get some more of me this time as it will be my last...

ilovemonstersInc · 30/05/2014 09:21

I wish there was an easy option as id jump for it!
For me c section is as risky as vb as the reason I hemorrhage is the same for either and its easier to massage uterus on the outside imo and I dont want to have to worry about a wound to look after too as I become infected very easily and my scars turn into keloids. If the consultant says elcs is the way to go then will obviously go for it but if she says less risky for vb then thats my option.

I will be putting birth plan in place on the 11th x

StrawberryGashes · 30/05/2014 10:02

I've been having a lot of worry over the birth too. I had a big gap between dc1 and dc2 that I had forgotten a lot of the birth so wasn't that scared. This time it was only a year ago I gave birth so I still remember everything, and my birth was so intense last time (45 minutes from contractions to holding my baby) that I'm very worried of the same thing happening, I had a panic attack in the playground the other day thinking about having to go through it again.

whiteblossom · 30/05/2014 10:35

gosh am I the only one who thinks that what will be will be when it comes to the birth. We cant predict, we cant alter what will happen in advance, so stressing in (well) advance wont help.

All we can do is go with the flow, take each minute as it comes, have good support around us (dh/mw) and know that if we need more pain relief then its there. Remember there is an end to it.

I took this approach first time around and it was fine. I had a back to back delivery too so took forever! The worst thing was the exhaustion.

Though if you have had a traumatic birth previously then I totally understand any apprehension. In these cases knowledge is power, talking to docs getting counciling and preparing yourself mentally.

Don't get me wrong Im very keen to avoid some things in labour but I know that when the times comes if they are needed then they are needed and its all in the best interest of baby and me at that time.

I more worried about pushing out a bunch of grapes out of my arse at the same time!!

By the way these bump pics make me feel huge but I am two weeks ahead....

topmammy totally agree "achooooo... oh hello baby" Grin make up still intact and ready for my hello close up lol

whiteblossom · 30/05/2014 10:36

sorry I hope my post doesnt sound dismissive of those really worried and have serious issues.

velvetlilithi · 30/05/2014 10:41

Sorry ... Out of topic about childbirth, but what do you think about this BabyStyle pram?
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/331211085137?_trksid=p2055120.m1438.l2649&ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT

I'm still worried about buying used pram, so just want second opinion. Looks fine, just general wear and tear on wheels (but that can be replaced if necessary) and chassis, and for the price? Less then 1/3 of normal price and unfortunately, as much as I love my baby already, I can't afford to pay £600 for a pram :(

Can't decide between Silver Cross Classic and BabyStyle...