TTC 10+++ Months Grads Thread

[sweetgrouch]

Decided to start the new thread seeing as the old one is filling up.

Thanks Buzz for the links.
You are a champ for expressing. My plan is to bf too but I really have no clue of it will take. My mum didn't bother with any of us and we all turned out okay. Tbh I feel a bit like I would be judged amongst my friends if I didn't. I think I will try and see how it goes.

Ele - I'm v happy it's a boy but would have been equally happy if it was a girl. Really am just grateful to be pregnant.
I'm 17 weeks and still puking but a lot less than before so just grateful for any respite really.

Euro - Clexane is evil but I have been told both by argc and FMC it helps blood flow. I'm on it twice a day and baby aspirin. They do a full blood count every month to check it's all okay.

Sweet - I will never feel like an instadiffers. Still haven't put my badge back on. I just can't have a badge that tells all and sundry that I'm preggo. I feel so weird and like a fraud. I actually can't believe they don't ask for prove that you are pregnant before giving you the badge! I wonder if it's ever abused?!

sea I have visions of fat men going around with 'baby on board' badges on BF all you can do is give it a try, its not easy and can take time but if you find yourself crying about it at 3am then its time to reconsider your options

sea - the instadiffer thing was more of a joke. I had meant to add that my instadiff SIL insists on getting all the preggo perks the second she gets a pre-missed period bfp. It doesn't matter what the perk, someone will abuse it especially fat men on the tube LOL.
I felt weird/fraudish the whole way through my pregnancy. I went to visit work today and some people hadn't even realized I'd ever been pregnant because I had been so quiet about it. So even though I never quite managed it, remember that you aren't a fraud.

BF was really hard for me at first, it did get better, but we had bought formula in advance and had agreed that if it was too difficult or just wasn't working we would start formula. I agree with buzz it isn't worth doing if you find yourself sobbing at 3 am. TBH I don't really see what the big deal about BF is, I feel that what's most important is that your infant thrives. The main reasons I am BF are financial and for convenience less stuff to tote around

Wow to the mega-post. Spring is finally in the air and I have been out and weeding like a mad-woman. Thankfully mini has finally taken to his stroller .

lol to fat men walking around with baby on board badges
But I do think the badges will be abused. I have seen a lady in skinny jeans and a crop top wearing one. Granted she could have just got her bfp but still.
Sweet - it's interesting you say some people at work didn't realise you were pregnant. I have told my boss who have now informed the board but none of the staff know yet and hr wants me to make an announcement or start telling people. I just can't do it and this is actually causing some stress. I just don't know how I can bring it up in conversation. HR offered to send an email to the whole office to congratulate me as a way of letting people know. I can't think of anything more scary. Why do I feel like this? I know it's irrational but the thought of telling everyone brings chills to my bones. I keep thinking what if something bad happens and I have to untell and deal with stares etc
Re bf I will definitely take buzz and sweet's advice. I have one mummy friend in particular who has already told me how you must do it for the baby's own good. I also mentioned in passing I would like to explore (but could well change my mind) about getting the baby in an early ish sleep routine and she told me it's cruel and irresponsible to do that and her kids love her because she allows them to take the lead and don't force them to be fed like robots. It's all a bit confusing for me tbh as most of my working mummy friends got their babies into an early routine. One hired a night nurse and managed to train her 8 week boy to sleep through the night. What do you grads think? I hope I'm not opening up a controversial topic as in RL it does seem people have v polarising views.

sea - I was terrified something would go wrong and I would have to untell people too. So I understand the fears. You also get the inevitable awkward questions - some people who noticed asked how long it took, others asked if it was a mistake and finally my favorite was if I was worried the baby would die or have birth defects because I work in a laboratory. I wish I would have relaxed, laughed at them and tried to enjoy being pregnant a bit more.
We started a sleep routine around 3 weeks. Baby sweets would wake up the second we tried to place him in his bassinet and Mr. sweets had gone back to work so I was dealing with it on my own, I was exhausted and something had to change otherwise I would have been a mess of tears. We started simple, just getting him in PJ's and placing him awake in bed. I would rub his belly and wait for him to fall asleep. If he cried, I would pick him up and start again once he was calm. I would always wake up for night feedings. He slowly started to do longer and longer stretches and now does a consistent 9hrs/night. He wakes up happy and sucks his hands or coos. It worked well for us, but I think it is very personal.
My SIL does the baby-led thing. Their nearly 2 year old won't sleep in her own bed and doesn't sleep through the night. She will not pick up her pacifier to soothe herself and they are always tired. Quite honestly, that wouldn't work for us because I am someone who really needs sleep to function. I get weepy when I am exhausted and feel I am not as good a mother.
But like with BFding, I don't think there is any one way or right way to do things. I think you have to figure out what works for you and your family.

sea tell your friend to take a running jump, she sounds needy and insecure, you don't need people like that 'giving you advice' it is totally up to you, alot of people follow Gina Ford who is all about routine, I have been quite lucky that we sort of have a routine and BB sleeps around 11 hours with only one feed in the night. We have a kind of routine but would like something more structured but it works for now, I do think some kind of routine is needed if you are going back to work

I agree with sweet you will need your sleep, its hard to function on hardly any sleep and it can break you. I know someone who got a night nanny to help with her little girl who wasn't sleeping for more than 1.5 to 2 hours, turns out she wasn't getting enough at each feed so was hungry.

You want to be a mum not a martyr, happy mums = happy babies

Thanks sweet and buzz for your advice. It does sound sensible. You both sound like you have very good babies who got into an early routine. I think I'm a routine person. Most of my mummy friends advocate a routine and the importance of sleep. Only a couple are completely child led and interestingly both have kids refuse to sleep in their own rooms. Anyway, I will have to see nice baby gets here how I feel but I know I function better when there is order and routine in my life.
Sweet I can't believe you had colleagues who ask if you were worried about baby dying because you worked in a lab. How v insensitive. It never ceases to surprise me how insensitive people can be. I do want to try to enjoy this pregnancy as I don't feel I have so far. Will make more of an effort from now on.

sea - the colleague who made the comment is a bit socially awkward. Looking back it may have been genuine concern - he spent all 9 months of his wife's pregnancy worried that the baby would be a mutant I just realized how weird that seems.
I hope you do get to enjoy being pregnant.

AFM - baby sweets has now done two full walks without crying. It turns out that he didn't like to be lying down.

How is everyone else doing?

sea I felt the same about announcing it. I told our office manager (who carries out our HR function) at about 13 weeks and then gradually told more people. In the US last week, there were departmental meetings and dinners at which I was toasted and congratulated. It was a lovely sentiment but made me feel uncomfortable, even though I now have a sizable bump, so there is no hiding it.

And I agree with buzz about your friend. There are many ways to raise a child. Anything that results in a healthy and contented child and a mum who can get by is the right one, imo.

As one of the last of my set of friends to have kids (thanks infertility ) I have seen a variety of different styles of child-rearing. I have seen some things I like more than others that I want to copy and others I want to avoid. But regardless of the differences, the children are all doing well (but some of the parents are finding it easier than others).

sweet the insensitivity of some people astonishes me.

AFM, I'm back home after my 4th long haul flight in 3 weeks. I'm grounding myself for a while now. It was a bit much. I did get upgraded to Business on my way back though, which made an enormous difference to comfort levels on a night flight, so thanks BA! I'm still wrecked from the jet lag though. Zzzzzz.

hello everyone.

good to hear you have sometime to rest and stay in one place now Euro the travelling must be tiring.

ele so lovely to hear that Hamish is doing well.

sea never-feeling-like-an-instadiffer - me neither. the worst is, I have now started to worry about when it is here and requesting to MrFree that we replace the blind with hanging blind cord in the baby's room with curtains. Or veto-ing his plan to make his own bedside crib by removing the side off a regular crib, adding a board, pulling the mattress over the gap and stuffing the resulting gap on the other side with cushions - like the picture -
Likelihood of newborn rolling face into side cushions - very low.
My paranoia levels - very high. I am never going to be a cool go with the flow parent.

I've been reading your baby on board badge stories with interest and glad I no longer work in London.

I was supposed to have a check up today but it has been moved for a second time as my doctor is sick. I haven't been checked for over a month now and whilst I feel fine and feel movement now and again, I'd really like some reassurance from the doctor. I will be 25 weeks tomorrow. Maybe if they try and move the appointment again I will ask to see another doctor at the practice. We've decided on a pram and how we'll work out maternity leave. I just need to see if I get my request approved now. We've decided we'll definitely start to purchase stuff after our holiday at the end of May when I will be around 30 weeks.

euro - glad to hear you got bumped up. I can only hope the same will happen to me and the family unlikely I know next week when we fly transatlantic. I guess the perspective you get from watching other people go through parenting before you have to is one benefit to not being the first to have children. The awesome hand me downs are the second huge benefit .

free - Mr and I were very freaked out at the beginning, we were worried that we would somehow hurt the baby. We've started to relax and enjoy being parents more and more as the weeks have gone by. We are getting increasingly laid back although the DIY side crib would still freak me out. From discussions with my friends, I think most first time parents have an adjustment period before they figure out what works for them. I thought I would be very scheduled and extremely cautious, it turns out I follow a general routine with way more flexibility than I would have thought possible for myself.

Sweet - your poor colleague. I must say that I do worry about the baby and if everything is going to be okay. I do have quite a lot of irrational fears. The recent news about the mum who allegedly killed her 3 children had me worrying about disabilities for at least a few days. I don't know if it's normal to have these worries during pregnancy but they seem to pop into my head all the time.
I hope you get bumped up to business class!!! Not easy with babies though.

Euro - It sounds like you have been doing a lot of travelling. HR insisted on sending an email to all the company. It was difficult for me to say no. I think they wanted to stop any - is she or isn't she type gossips. I was mortified when the email went out - she had a picture of a stork and everything. [embarrassed face]. I totally get the feeling uncomfortable thing. I don't know why but every time someone congratulates me I feel weird. I don't know where this weirdness had come from but this is what's stopping me from wearing that damn badge as well. I don't know how long I can hold out for tbh.

Free - I think it's sensible to buy baby things and it's really normal to worry about things. I really dread how paranoid I am going to be. I have refused to buy any baby things but I have started looking for a birth doula and a maternity nurse as DH insist we need help the first month as all our parents are far away and we have no clue what to do with a baby. The shocking thing is everyone I have called is booked up. I am struggling to find anyone available already. I can't believe how busy these people are. I am only 18 weeks. Yes - the joys of the London commute. I still haven't put my badge back on but a guy in a priority seat asked me if I wanted to sit down today. I must be bigger than I think I am. I thought I still looked like I just ate too many cakes. Apparently not. It's actually v interesting to see who stands up for pregnant ladies. There were 3 in my carriage today. It was really busy what with tube strike etc. One lady came on with a badge, very heavily pregnant - no one stood up for her. The man sitting down in the priority seat was dozing off and a middle age lady standing in front poke him until he was awake and made him get up for her. I notice older ladies and older men are the only ones that seems to notice pregnant ladies. Young women are actually worst then young men. I haven't got to the stage where I feel I really need a seat yet so have still not put the badge back on.

Ele - How's little Hamish? Is he better?

Buzz - How are you?

A question for you ladies. When did you start to feel kicks? And what does it feel like?

sea I didn't feel anything noticable untl about 23 weeks, I probably felt things before but just thought it was wind, not really sure how to describe it, some say its like fluttering but I can't relate to that description

I would also not rush to get a maternity nurse either, I think you need to see how YOU feel when the baby is born, it sounds like your husband is worried about how he will manage, I didn't want anyone else around at the beginning and just wanted to enjoy being a new mum with my husband. I had to tell my inlaws to piss off and give us some space to adjust, it also meant I had to get on things like going to a breast feeding clinic, I really enjoyed just talking to the other new mums and knowing that others were having problems made me realise that I was not alone

ele sorry forgot to say hello earlier

free BB is in her cot in our room I still get up to check on her in the night if she has been too quiet, babies are noisy things, they don't do much for the first few weeks so as long as nothing can obstruct their airways they are fine, BB is trying to start to roll but she is in no rush

sorry about the lack of appointments, they kept doing this to be around xmas time, its frustrating

sea I still feel awkward about being congratulated and people talking about the pregnancy. But as I'm the size of a small hippo, I'm having to get used to it! I would have hated the email. I think that was unnecessary.

I am wearing the badge. I tend to start late and finish late, so I'm not travelling at peak times most days and often get a seat anyway. Even if I don't feel I need a seat, I think people give you a bit more room with the badge. I travelled in at peak time this morning and stood all the way on the train (luckily only a short journey). Most of the carriage seemed to be full of forrin students who didn't get the etiquette.

I started to get "was that wind or something else?" moments around 19 weeks. I definitely felt the baby for the first time when we hit turbulence on our way out to our holiday at just under 20 weeks. I got occasional kicks that I could feel on the outside at about 21 weeks. I'm 23 weeks today and feeling a lot more now, although centime still sleeps lots between bursts of activity. The 20 week scan was interesting - the baby was going batsh1t for most of it and I could only feel one movement the whole time I was there. It wasn't like fluttering for me either, more like trapped wind moving along!

I agree with buzz about holding off on the maternity nurse. You might feel fine without one. I feel a bit like I want to hibernate with centime and mr euro for a while after centime arrives. Mr euro was talking about getting his mum over for a week in the first month. I have put my foot down on that one. A weekend is more than enough, and he accepted that when I reminded him I was likely to be a bleeding hormonal mess, possibly recovering from major surgery, with a small person hanging off my nips!

Joy was asking on the Conception thread about the next 10+er babies. I think it's:

Lemons - June
Mad - ?
Free - Mid-August
Euro - late August
Sea - early Oct?

I so hope that others join us soon.

sea like Buzzy I felt movement from about the beginning of week 23, but I assumed it was wind. It is only now, at the beginning of week 26 that I feel movement that I can definitely identify as the baby. It feels mostly like a little bubble rising under the lower stomach flesh. Big movements feel like a gentle nudge from the inside - sometimes 2-4 in quick successtion like feet stamping. I mostly feel it when I am lying down still in bed, in the morning or evening.

Thanks ladies for insights into baby movements. I think I have a little while yet before feeling anything. The doc that scanned me at the FMC said I should feel something at 18 weeks. I have had some odd sensations - it felt like a light scratch from the inside of my belly. When I lie down at night I have started feeling what I think is Braxton hicks - I get v tight feeling and my stomach feels rock hard. It only seems to happen at night and it seems awfully early to have it.

I agree with your thoughts about maternity nurse but mr sea is really putting his foot down. Buzz - to be fair to mr sea I think he is worried about how I will cope. He works for a small US firm and it's been made v clear to him that he will be extremely lucky if he gets 5 days off when baby comes. One of his colleagues was made to go back after 2 days. I think he is insisting because he thinks I will need help. I'm in two minds about hiring someone but I think I'm losing that battle.

Euro I'm due in late Sept. I agree I would like nothing more than to see all our 10 plussers on the grads thread.

Free have you managed to get seen yet?

sea - personally, I would try to get help at the beginning (in my case it would have been to have someone clean the house once/2 weeks and watch the baby so I could shower), the first weeks were really hard for me. Mr grouch got 3 weeks (including delivery), most men here get 5-7 weeks. I was very tired and the around the clock feedings were a challenge. For the most part it was just me and Mr and we live in the middle of nowhere, so I was stuck in the house. As for movement, I felt it quite early, but it was more of water swishing at first, then it was like a marble moving under my skin, and kicks came later.

free - my appointments were 5-6 weeks apart until the 3rd trimester, then they were every 4 weeks until 36 weeks when I had to go in once a week. The drs here like to see you as little as possible if all is going well. Have they told you when they will see you next?

Hope everyone is going well!

finally got to see the doctor today - everything seems fine so, hooray. next appointment in 4 weeks. euro that's right i am due mid august. my parents who want to visit a couple of weeks before my due date. they've been ill so feel like i should, on the other hand, I really want to be just me and MrFree should labour begin. trying to stay calm. off to yoga.

how are you all this week?

Excellent, free. I have my 24 week appointment on Thursday. My appts are 4 weeks apart at the moment and move to fortnightly later on.

I'm managing not to menkul too much about the blood flow issue as long as I can feel centime wriggling about. And he/she is wriggling quite a bit at the moment! So I hope I will last to the 28 week scan without feeling the need to get an extra one in the middle.

euro glad to hear you are managing not to worry too much. Have you or perhaps some of the other ladies started to prepare for birth yet? I've started to read a little. One acquaintance recommended a book by Ina may gaskin called Ina may's guide to childbirth. From previously thinking I'd be taking whatever was going in terms of medical pain relief, I now interested in looking at a larger range of pain management techniques. Of course on the day I may need medical drug intervention or a caearean - whatever gets us through it. Anyway just to say I'm feeling less terrified having read the book.

Hello! I haven't posted for aggeeees on here, in fact this thread fell off my list! I've kinda caught up and I have some thoughts from the other side...

...we've found that we have an incredibly wilful baby. Her will is much stronger than ours so we have become accidental AP parents!! I started out with the baby whisperer, I still like the "easy" mnemonic and found that useful in the early days but I soon came to realise that that wasn't the manual for our baby. I'm probably going to be "one of those mums" whose still bfing at 3 with a co-sleeper, but actually we don't mind. And I've given up work now so things can be a bit more disorganised here. She does have a loosish routine and is awesome with naps but illness, teething and development plus huge growth spurts every few weeks all play their part in undoing. I've read a lot of the Sears stuff and that sits with us well. It's not for everyone and I know that lots of people are probably quite about them. I must admit to having a chuckle at the routine I carefully mapped out for her when I was on maternity the other day and how should would be fully weaned and in her own room by now.... I think the best thing to do is to have no expectations and go with it. I wasn't expecting to be able to breastfeed but we're still going strong, perhaps too strong, 10.5 months in. All of my friends parent very differently but all the babies are very similar and adorable so the only advice I would give is do what works for your family. We couldn't imagine not having mini princess in our bed now; I couldn't imagine not breastfeeding. It's something we've been happy with but does come with compromises, equally as she wakes a lot and has done since 4 months, I'm glad I can now pretty much comfort her in my sleep. It's interesting because I don't hide what we do, but equally I don't go round telling everyone they should do it my way, it just comes up in conversation and I'm not one for lying, but the number of times I've been told I'm putting my daughter in danger, making a rod for my own back etc by virtual strangers, I've been quite taken aback. I just shrug it off. Everyone has an opinion (especially with babies), everyone also has an arsehole too

You'll all be amazing mums! :)

I hypnobirthed mini princess out, and would highly recommend Hypnobirthing. Again I know it's not for everyone but I found it useful on lots of different levels.

Any questions, I'm happy to field them, we're off swimming (mini princesses first lesson!) soon. Very exciting!

free I've just booked into a hypnobirthing course for July. I'm trying to go into it with no expectations. A home water hypnobirth would be lovely, but well over 50% of my friends have had sections and most have had some sort of intervention (induction, ventouse, etc) so I accept that I might well end up in hospital with the kind of birth I don't particularly want, but whatever gets us both through it safely. I think the relaxation techniques from the hypnobirthing should help however I end up giving birth.

princess you are so right about arseholes and opinions! You have to do what works for you.