September 2014 - where we enjoy happy scans and a healthy 2nd trimester

[TheOnlySeven]

Welcome all regulars, lurkers and anyone else who wants to enjoy a positive pregnancy :)

I'm similar to you Bex - I'll finish for the summer hols when I'm 34 weeks. Then I'll start maternity on my due date I guess...(. Does anyone know if legally I could request mat leave to start after the due date?! Sounds crazy I know but due date is 26th August and I wouldn't be back at work until Sept anyway!)

I'm planning on going back for a couple of weeks before the summer hols in July to get to know my new class for September, and to get paid for the summer hols.

I have read that if you take 6 months or less off they have to give you your original job back as if you'd never left. Any more time than that then you have to be given a job back if equal status/pay etc but it doesn't have to be exactly the same. I'm hoping to go back into teaching Year One as having a young child and teaching a year group I've not taught before fills me with dread But what will be will be.

cen I was going to use my holidays to finish early but I really like the idea of dropping down to the 4 day week. Will have to talk to my boss see what he says

Topmammy, there is a ta in my school with same due date as you, and the office manager told her because you have to start maternity either side of a holiday (you can't start in between) she will have to start her maternity in July when she finishes! I was shocked and I can't see this being true. A friend of mine has an August baby and I'm sure her maternity started the day he was born in August, not in July. I don't think you can have maternity start after your due fate though, although of course don't take that as gospel. I'm hoping baby doesn't come too early lol!

Gosh that does sound unfair. I'd be straight on the phone to my union about that if that happened. I work in a private school so hopefully thongs will be more straightforward as far as mat leave like any other business. Starting after due date I know is definitely a long shot though lol

To be honest topmammy, our office manager is a bit of a cow and she's particularly good at her job so she's probably very very wrong. I'm sure my August due teacher friend started in on due day so don't worry too much. It may well be different again in a private school like you said. I'm now wondering if I should go back after 6 months to ensure I get my job back

I stopped at 33 weeks last time. I was supposed to be starting a new job in a new hospital with nobody I knew and I couldn't face turning up there heavily pregnant. I also nearly fainted on the ward 3 times in the last week I was working, and was still managing cardiac arrests etc. Physical work. I had some bleeding and a lot of palpitations, and my doctor told me I had to take it easier, and I told work this, and despite doctors notes etc the shifts were still 9-10 hours nonstop with no breaks no food no sitting down and sick patients desperately needing me that I couldn't ignore. I felt very crap about stopping so early, and lots of people loved telling me how they knew people who worked till 40 weeks and then gave birth at work and were back within 3 months, etc.

But, once I had had some rest and done a bit of crying, I had the loveliest couple of months, saw all my mates, did all the things I hadn't had time to do in years with all the shift work, and was so rested and ready when the baby arrived. I had a good labour and bags of energy for the newborn phase (was out running again at 5 weeks!!) so I don't regret it.

I had a year off. Going back when baby was 10 months old was HARD. I was still breastfeeding (well I still am) and it was just, tough. But I got through.

This time I will have to work later for financial reasons (I am only part time now) but I'm hoping because I'm part time it will be manageable. I'd like to aim for 36/7 weeks. I'm going to take 9 months or a year, depending on what I can afford.

i had such a lovely day yesterday. DD slept 6.30pm-6am which was fab and my first proper night's sleep since the weekend. We spent all morning singing and dancing, when normally it's 5am and I'm trying to keep my eyes open, not throw up, and usually have the tv on…

We all went out to the market and bought lovely cheap fresh food (have been doing too much expensive online shopping of late), had a play in the children's library and the park, me and my boyfriend did a bit of clothes shopping and had some coffee and cake while she slept in her pushchair, then all had lunch in a cute cafe, it was great. When toddlers are on top form they are just magic and we have the best time, she is so fun and hilarious and adorable. Was just really nice to spend quality time as a family.

Then I had a bit of a rest in the afternoon while DP looks after the child with beer and football,ahem, and when she went to bed I actually cooked properly for the first time in ages. Unfortunately I was feeling a bit queasy again by the time I'd finished but actually managing to cook a whole meal (seafood no less) without going green was a major achievement. Oh and I had a naughty glass of wine. Haha.

First trimester is nearly over!! onwards and upwards!!!! it can only get better...

Gush I feel a bit nervous now... I was thinking of working till 38W (but using my annual leave to get the last two weeks off) ; then start my mat leave on due date and get 6 weeks full off, then use KIT day to work part time for one month, then stop mat leave but go back to work part time (mornings only) for another month; and when baby is 3m+ old go back to work full time, but only work mornings in office and afternoon from home until baby is 6month at least

I work in desk job where I could easily work from home partially without causing issues for business, but I am not sure if my company agrees to this yet

I am also not sure if this is reasonable or doable at all? What do you think ladies? This is my first and I have no idea how I will cope
I am counting on both grandmas btw to take care of baby when I work; they both live abroad so counting on them on coming and staying with us for a couple of months each in turn... (Haven't discussed with them yet though!!!!)

Am I being totally unreasonable you think? And underestimating my emotional feelings as well as how much work is involved after birth?? I don't want to tell my boss sth that wont happen; ours is a small specialist company, it would be hard to recruit last minute ...

P.s. I am planning on breast feeding too for first six m!!

Can't help with mat leave as I dont work. Ds1 is too sick for me to even try and get out for work as he's in hosp at least twice a month and ill at least 2 days every week and up and down in between.

Don't feel too pregnant right now. Have a lot of kidney pain still. This bloody infection hasnt gone :(
need to ring epu for results.

I just think it's really hard to say nazly. Some women do do it.

My work is 100mph and physical and I don't really have any option to adapt it. If you were working from home, or at a desk, I'd imagine it would be very different.

Births are variable. I was walking about the same day but I had a completely straightforward labour; if you had a section or other complications you might be in bed for a week or so and getting back on your feet would take longer.

Women are very variable too. Some miss work and want to get right back into it, some really struggle on being away from their baby for the early months.

Babies are very variable too! Some sleep, some don't. Some are easy going and placid, some cry a lot more. Some only want their mum, some will go happily to anyone.

Breastfeeding exclusively would be difficult with a return to work at 3 months. Not impossible at all, people do it, but you would have to be very organised and research the hell out of getting a good pump, etc. You would need work to be accommodating of expressing (which they are required by law to do, but sometimes the reality doesn't match up). I think you would need good support to do this; friends who breastfed or a group you went to to encourage you.

I found breastfeeding tough emotionally returning to work at 10 months. Mostly the night shifts. (I stopped night feeds around 14 months).

I think getting the grannies on board is a brilliant idea no matter what you decide to do. The more people the better where newborns are concerned I think!! Is your partner taking any time off at all?

I do know some women who went back early and managed - they were in a bit of a daze I think, but they did.

Weebrain, that's difficult... If I had a difficult physical work like yours I would stop as early as possible definitely... I couldn't bear fainting at work and bleeding, etc... You did well to stay up to 33...

But I am sort of more concerned about going back to work too early after birth... A couple of my friends told me I am being unreasonable and totally optimistic about my abilities and emotional stability after work...

Nah I'm not worried Bex, your office cow manager is wrong. Unless your TA has a different type of contract or something e.g. term time only that might change things possibly. I hope she is getting some advice about it, I feel sad for her! I've just checked the citizens advice website and it says you can start your maternity leave whenever you want, unless you are ill with a pregnancy related illness in the 4 weeks prior to your due date then in that case your employer can start your mat leave automatically at that point. Otherwise they have no say on when you start.

Hope you feel better soon isitme You're really going through it at the mo by the sounds of it

Oops, thanks weebrain for your second post, very useful ...From what you are saying it is difficult for me to make a reasonable decision right now... I guess I will just have to make a decision , tell my employer and then hope for best- if It needed to change because I end up having csection or baby would have (hopefully not) problems, then I will have to change my decision later whatever the consequences... I hope I wouldn't lose my stat pay because of wrong decision though...? If I give notice I will come back early and then can't, what happens to my stat pay?? We count on that financially...

I will talk to grannies soon, am very confident with my mum doing her shift, as she listens; but not as much with MIL who hasn't been around babies for 35 years and normally does what she likes to not what she is asked to do!! on a positive side she is over the moon with the news, Thanked me so much for giving her this gift (!!!) as she was getting disappointed of having grand children!!!

If I was counting on nursery it would have been much more difficult by the way, nurseries around here are around 1k per month full time!!! Shocking!

Short message for once: weebrain your day yesterday sounds like a dreamy one :) nice

Isitme, that sounds very difficult, I hope he gets better and the infection goes away soon

I'm planning on finishing at 37 weeks but using AL to work 4 or even 3 days a week over the summer. I get SPD though so am expecting to be struggling by then. School hols are easier for me as my dd's are old enough to be more helpful - walking the dog and even doing dinner occasionally so I'm relying of that getting me through the last couple of months. I will take the full year and then go back pt - somewhere between 2 and 3 days a week.
If I'm honest nazly, I don't think I could go back that soon. I left dd1 for the day when she was 9 or 10 weeks old and the organisation that was required was huge. I found I couldn't express as much as she would normally feed and although I has been expressing and freezing for a while to build up stores for the day, I couldn't have managed that on a long-term basis. Also, it was just horrible leaving her. She was still very tiny. I know women do manage it but just wanted to give you the heads up that it wasn't that simple for me to do.

it's bairn not brain… though to be honest I do have a wee brain right now too

Yeah, sorry my post wasn't that practically useful. I just wanted to say it's not impossible and not be discouraging! and I know people who have done it. but also highlight some of the things that might come up.

With regards to return to mat leave, you can have up to a year off and they have to keep your position for you (this gets abused sometimes, but that is the law). If you were to tell them, for example, you'd return to work november 2014, then changed your mind and wanted longer, I think you have to give them 8 weeks notice. You would then get SMP as usual. It's not set in stone but I think you do have to give them notice.

You can go off on mat leave earlier than you planned at any stage so from that point of view it would make most sense to name the latest date you are aiming for - much harder to extend it if they've already got someone else in to cover you.

My mum stayed with me loads when my baby was wee and she was so so so helpful! we called her The Witch because of how she could get her to sleep… :)

I was the same fairypants, going to a child free wedding at 5 months, I spent weeks expressing enough for a day off, and then DD didn't drink any of it… also I got drunk and miserable and had to express every few hours in the toilets. No fun! After 6 months once she was weaning it was much easier to leave her.

But I think it is different if your daily routine includes expressing, i was doing it as a one off.

Thank you. Ive had it for a while. Im worried that it will end up effecting kidney function as its been over a month! I want the right antibiotics otherwise It will be an iv antibiotics job which means hospital stay
they have said they will ring back today. While I was on the phone ds said mama your boobs hurt
he over heard me tell dh.

I live close to my family so with ds2 I had some help from mum its hard as she has a family to look after too (lil bro is 2 years old) so she has her hands full
if my mil was here (shes abroad) she wouldn't let me get up! I lm spoilt by her might trt and get their visas sorted to come over to help? Its realistic isnt it?

Ooh sorry weebarin, what was I thinking :) please blame my poor english, even after 10 years education, living and working in the uk full-time I still do make stupid mistakes...

It is a bit difficult for me understanding what is involved in breast feeding with no experience; I have bought a book about breastfeeding and going back to work and searched some electric pumps for expressing... My current plan which my boss my not approve of, is to work half day from home until baby is 6m, I should be away for four and half hours each day max ( after baby is 3m) then hopefully back home to have lunch and feed the baby and work from home afterwards... I am hoping by 3m little one will have a better feeding routine a few hours apart? I have a very busy work though, so am counting on grannies to help a lot even when I am home; otherwise working from home will fail!!!

Isitme do you have any previous kidney issues? My mom has and I know how difficult it can be to control infections sometimes even if u r not pregnant... Hopefully you get it sorted soon x bless ur little one btw x

Yup naz I have kidney problems.

They rang and said nothing has grown in your urine even though dipstick showed there was an infection. Im thinking stop the antibiotics as they arent helping anyway so by time I go on Thursday to see renal team a.b are out of system so they can get true result. I know its kidney pain as I can feel it when I wee too and the pain in kidneys and bladder.
I've not felt baby in days so im guessing baby is hiding away as we heard healthy heartbeat on thurs so nothing to worry about.

Thank you

Just catching up with all the news. I finally plucked up the courage to tell work that I am pregnant again, everyone was really excited about it, and boss just laughed, it was such a weight off my mind, so now I can just settle in and enjoy my final week of AL, before I'm back at work the first week of April.
I had my diabetic appt on Friday, and I don't have to have a GTT again- yay, as they just assume that I will have GD again- boo, so for now it's back to checking blood sugars 6 times a day, and watching what I eat really carefully. I do think this means I'll get growth scans every 4 weeks after 24wks tho, so I guess its good I get to have extra sneaky peaks. First consultant appt in 3 weeks too, as I've also had severe pre-eclapsia before, I guess it will depend how often they want to see me, last time in was once a fortnight.

I'm hoping to work till 36weeks this time, but had spd (amongst other things) last time so was signed off around 30weeks, I only work part time, and will have my whole AL entitlement to use too, so no doubt will be cutting down my hours probably around 30weeks.

Nazly I am in a similar situation where I will be returning to work after 4 months and using my annual leave to work 3 days a week for a further two months.

I don't have the option to stay off longer as I am the high earner in our household and a couple of months of half pay is all we can manage. Fortunately both grannies are being very helpful and have offered to do the 3 days between them so won't have to worry about paid childcare until I go back full time.

I expect it will be hard, but it's the only way to keep a roof over our heads so needs must. Ideally we would have had some cash put away to allow me to take longer, but fell pregnant by accident (although we are very happy about it, it wasn't great timing) so it's how it has to be.

nazly I think it depends a lot on your pregnancy, labour and baby.
In my experience I would not have been able to return to work at 3 months - either physically or emotionally. I had SPD in pregnancy and after, lost a lot of blood in labour and had a traumatic time, DS had tongue tie and colic. At 3 months post partum I was still anaemic (exhausted, tired dizzy), had lots and lots of feeding difficulties (feeds took 1-2 hours each, probably 10 a day), had mild pnd and was tearful even being in a separate room from my baby, averaging a max 3-4 hours sleep in 24. I think mine is an extreme case as I had a lot of circumstances combining to make it a very tough time for me.

On the other side of the equation, I have a friend who gave birth at the same time (straightforward, problem free labour) whose baby could drink a complete breastfeed in 8 minutes, she was back at work 4 days a week as a head of department in a school at 5 months.

Balancing families and work can be hard enough at the best of times without being asked to make decisions so early not knowing how you'll feel.

I'm trying to work as late as possible (37 ish weeks) so I can have more time off when the baby's here. I figure I'll be too fat by then to do much of anything fun anyway and as I spend quite a lot of time at a computer, it makes less difference to me about being at home or at work.

I'm telling work that I'm planning to take the 12m so I have maximum flexibility and I can always go back earlier by giving them 8 weeks notice. I figured that was better than going the other way & trying to extend. I appreciate that not everyone can afford that choice though - but I'm saving hard to minimise the strain of mat pay.

The joy of best laid plans though hey...I'm sure what actually happens will be totally different

My folks are more than happy to help with babysitting and whilst I'll happily involve them on occasions, I feel like they've already brought up their own kids and they should be enjoying retirement & taking it easy, not running round after a baby. I'd rather they had fun with their grandchild when it suits them, rather than the hard work of full-time childcare. Is that weird? I know it'll cost me a fortune, but I feel like they'll bend over backwards to help, but they're getting old bless 'em.

MIL would happily babysit too but we don't get along & I'm not sure I want our child to spend too much time with her as she can be really manipulative & competitive and I don't ever want our child to feel like it's not good enough (which is what she does to my DH). Having said that...whilst he knows that, he won't actually want to admit it aloud so god knows how we're going to deal with that conversation.

Hello :)