October 2013: The Fourth Trimester - the bit no one warns you about!

[roxvox]

Stats sheet here

New arrivals here

Key:
SC - still cooking (pre EDD)
SFW - still f*ing waiting (post EDD)
OWT - on way to theatre (CS)
IP - induction in progress
SWIL - somewhere in labour
LIT - lost in transition

Yes I have the same issue georgie, she only wants me for one thing! Take it as a compliment, your boob is your ds's happy place!

shooting that is shocking! It would be slightly more understandable, but still out of order, if she has fed him, and then left him if he cried, but why the hell has she withheld his feed? It would be the last time I would handover my baby, .

roofio yes all would have been better options , but I am sure you will feel a sense of achievemet when you get home tired, stressed and wet

So much for expressing giving me a break - DH feeding the bottle while I sit downstairs with the telly on loud to drown out the cries. I think C is getting drowned by the flow from the bottle, despite the fact that they're newborn teats and is crying as a result. I can't bear it - I'd rather feed him myself to be honest. I know it's a good idea to get C used to tr idea of a bottle but I find it physically painful listening to him cry.

Anyone else feel that they want to take over when DH is in charge? He had him in the sling earlier and C's head was lolling all over the place and far from getting some sleep I couldn't settle for worrying about it :(

and before anyone feels dp is entitled to some time to himself I'd be inclined to agree if he wasn't going on a night out with his mates tonight!
Anyway, yes feeling nicely smug with myself about getting out on our own. got a bargain sling too. all the rest were £40 but after rooting through them all found a random turqouise one reduced to £15!! also bought H a little xmas jumper in next to cheer myself up.

So sorry your night was so awful flyer Glad DP had A for a bit. have you got any more drs or feeding appts coming up?
After thinking wed turned the corner yesterday I is back to her spectacular vomiting today, weve bought a new bouncer today that someone recommended so hoping that will help and quite pleased as we saved 15 pound by using the mothercare price match.

roofio well done you for getting out and bonus on the bargain sling!

Loving all the smiley photos on fb! cant wait till I smiles and hoping all the vomit and screaming wont be so bad.

Oh and mrsH I do exactly that. he doesnt seem to have the same reaction to stop her from crying and I hate hate hearing it. hes offered to do the night shift a few times and I just lie there awake until he gets her to sleep anyway. Isla refuses to take from a bottle too so makes it extra hard work. hope you managed to get some rest xx

DP was up for the maternity nurse idea. He said we should have one in twice a week or more until things improve. Feel a bit like a cop out.

Its not a cop out at all flyer. Sleep deprivation is a torture method, and though all new mums are tired, you've had it really rough. Its amazing what a night or two of decentish sleep will do for you xx

Not a cop out at all flyer u have worked very had over the last few weeks I struggles in my first two weeks and my baby only wakes once sometimes twice a night so I'm amazed u have lasted this long u have done amazingly well and if u get plenty of rest it will help u be the best mum u can be :-) x

Been reading everyone's posts during the long nights of feeding. My LO is nearly 4 Weeks and is real snacker. We've had one night of 3 hourly feeds and sleeping in her Moses basket. However, the norm is 1 to 2 Hrly and cosleeping. Unlike with ds1 I can't face the hassle of settling her in the basket. Anything for more sleep!
flyer my heart goes out to you. Had similar nights with ds who is now 2. Hours spent walking him up and down stairs and the odd early morning drive! Just to reassure you it only lasted a few Weeks but in that time I felt I was literally going mad through sleep deprivation. I used to work a lot of long night shifts and thought I would cope fine with the lack of sleep but caring for a newborn in a demanding phase is on a whole new level. In hindsight I really wish I'd asked family or friends for help as think it triggered some pnd. So if you're even considering organising extra help I'd say go for it!
mrsh last night I expressed a bottle for dh for the second time to give me an early night. was woken by her screaming and was then presented with a screaming wet baby to feed as he hadn't screwed the teat on properly and it leaked all over her! So annoying. Now trying to motivate myself to express one for tonight. Really can't be arsed after last night's fiasco!
Wishing everyone a more settled night and hope the fireworks don't cause too many probs xx

I know several people who have used maternity nurses... They didn't regret it. You will know in your heart if it's worth it!

flyer I am so sorry to hear about your night last night. A screams during late night feeds, but for 10 minutes at most, and I find that stressful enough. I hope you have a better night tonight and definitely don't think that getting some help in is a cop out at all!

Those of you who are breastfeeding on demand; do you feel like you've established any sort of routine? It seems like A (5 weeks) sometimes will happily go for 3 hours between feeds, but often starts rooting after just an hour. I'm not sure when things are meant to be more predictable?!

roxvox I'm curious too. 3.5 hours between feeds is probably the longest LO will go, but it's not consistent and often wants to feed every hour too, like this evening! Would love some form of routine.

flyer take the help! You never know, with their experience of lots of babies they may be able to suggest other ways to settle A.

Evening...

Well after last Saturdays decision to only give ds ebm/formula and not put him to the breast I was rather upset. So, I said I will give myself a week off, keep expressing to maintain supply and, if I felt ready, to try him on the breast again. It was hurting me, he was frustrated and it just wasn't working for us. Then, tonight, I felt calm. He wasn't quite ready for a feed but close so I latched him on, he did it well and it didn't hurt! He's how kicking
away quite content next to me whilst I pray that this isn't a fluke! It's gonna take some doing to get my supply to where he needs it but the fact it isn't hurting means I won't be scared when he does want it!

flyer you definitely need a break. A maternity nurse isn't a cop out at all, it's about saving your sanity.

Oh damn, I've previewed this message so can't scroll back... Will catch up and post replies!

shooting I'm mad too at your mil, how awful. I hope you told her how she practically starved your son!

Sounds like lots of babies suffering from reflux. Dd was a very sicky baby so I feel your pain...!

roofio we all have Christmas jumpers here, to wear on Xmas day. I'll take a pic. Even dh has one!

I think routine with a very young ebf babyis very rare. Although hv will have you believe that babies should be feeding every three hours, that's actually more of an average over the day, ie 8 feeds in 24 hours. I had this convo with a nd counsellor with ds, and she basically told me routine won't happen until they are older. ith nd you don't know how much they are getting, so a feed at 4am when you are full of milk and they are starving may well keep them going for much longer than a feed at 4pm when boobs are less full and so more effort to get a big feed. Plus I know this is obvious, but its their foodand drink, and I rarely go 3 hours without a drink. I think about 3 months is when they get a but more predictable. I've given up on the 3 hour thing now, and expect to feed every 2 hours - longer is a bonus, and if its shorter o try nor to sweat it.

Not sure that's remotely helpful .

Terrible typos, apologies!

Glad it's not just me wondering MrsO!
Thanks bowlfull. I didn't really expect much routine yet, but did kind of think I would jibe how long I would have between feeds instead of it being erratic. The HV always says "Is she feeding every 3 hours?" so I guess I thought that was the norm. If what she's doing is normal then that's fine though! Hopefully she'll be more predictable come Christmas so I can plan alcohol around feeds

flyer hugs this sounds so stressful and so exhausting... was it bowlfull who said she had similar few weeks with her first baby? So did I with DS1. We had a few weeks of hell when he was 1-2 months old. He wouldn't settle at all, cried all the time, even when held, and we didn't know what was wrong. It was heartbreaking and I was going mad. But it lasted only 4-5 weeks and then he became a very happy and easy baby. Like a switch. No idea what was wrong and what changed. They go through stages and, hard as it is to believe it now, she is nor going to be like this forever. And there is nothing wrong with getting help - you are in it for the long run, you will have years of being a mum and need to remain sane and save your energy. Hope you have a better night tonight. xxx

shooting at your MIL... hasn't she had a baby herself...?? It's honestly so simple... you feed them, you change them... must have been the same in her times? I would be fuming too if I were you. Hope your DS1 and DH get better soon!

By the way, no period since Nov 2011? With DS1, I got mine one month after I stopped BFing. I'm planning to BF for a year this time so hoping no period for a year... especially in the summer months!

I have such a baby brain... wanted to respond to other posts and my mind is blank now...

Also, MIL coming tomorrow for a week. Arrrrgggghhhh

Thanks everyone, I wondered if it may have been me overreacting. Anyway, she did help enormously by having him for those few hours. Ds1 has been in bed since 6 so expect that means a 5am wake up but I don't mind so long as he's better!
flyer def take the offer of help. I'd love a maternity nurse and baby b is no way near as problematic as your A.
Good luck tonight everyone, hope babies are feeling sleepy!

also, meant to say earlier - I second everything bowlfull said about routine and feeding frequency. Exactly the same experience here - no routine and predictable feeding times until about 3 months and wouldn't stress about this 3 hours thing. It's a guidance and some HVs are like robots, just repeating the same mantra and forgetting that babies are human and different. We also have days when we eat less and days when we eat more etc... I just ignore them and go with my instincts and his weight.

georgie babies definitely smell milk on you. And they also associate your own smell with feeding. I remember when I did NCT course our trainer said that newborns' sense of smell is far superior to ours.

MrsO your post made me laugh! My snoring pig has been banned to the spare room a couple of nights ago where, I expect, he shall remain for months...

soup lol "sleeping like a baby"!

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time flyer, hopefully things will start to improve soon.

On a completely different topic - is anyone else's baby going bald? C is now nearly 5 weeks old, was born with not very much hair to start with but has now gone almost completely bald on the top of her head. She still has a tiny bit of hair at the front and lots at the back (from crown backwards) and so looks decidedly odd! Hoping it's not just her.....

Kiwee going bald is normal, baby J looks just like his daddy now.

So baby sound asleep but I'm awake thanks to my gorgeous toddler setting my alarm to go off at midnight, I am not a happy mummy tonight

flyer so sorry you're having such a tough time. I would definitely look into getting a maternity nurse to help with this stage/phase.

I've been reading but sorry not posted. Wanted to say congrats to dontworry and slippy. Slippy that was terrible treatment you got at Tommies. Will you ask for a debrief with your midwife??

Just fed up with dh at the minute. He can be so moody and childish. He's being short with ds and saying I'm being short. And then after smirking at me trying to do too many things at the same time he comes out with "you should have married someone nicer" . Of course I'm mad so I say well we can be unmarried if you'd like! Then he says I'm being nasty and hurtful . He started it!! Now I'm feeding dd and he's putting ds to bed. Don't want to see or talk to him tonight. I'm sure it sounds childish but I'm fed up. He's the poor victim in all this......

Sorry for me me me rant

Kiwee and jelly, M is losing her hair too

She's had three clapham! Next time she has him I shall provide written instructions for her. If there is a next time.
Same here re routines I spent hours trying to get ds1 to have proper naps etc when he was tiny and he just was so unpredictable. Every day was different until all of a sudden at about 6 months he decided naps were a good thing and he set his own rhythm. Expect it will be the same with this baby. One thing I did learn was to ignore all advice and not read those bloody books on routines and sleep!