October 2013: The Fourth Trimester - the bit no one warns you about!

[roxvox]

Stats sheet here

New arrivals here

Key:
SC - still cooking (pre EDD)
SFW - still f*ing waiting (post EDD)
OWT - on way to theatre (CS)
IP - induction in progress
SWIL - somewhere in labour
LIT - lost in transition

Gah, my baby has stopped sleeping during the day. She is a dream at night so I know I shouldn't complain, but its virtually impossible to get anything done.

I agree that the life changes with your first are very overwhelming, I remember vividly wondering what the hell I had done and why I thought I would be a good mother. The baby phase is very short, though it doesn'taeem it now, and you do get something of your old life back - until the second one.

I've braved soft play again this morning, and then park this afternoon so have sat ds in front of the telly guilt free. I've been trying to make a carrot cake for the last two days - might just give up and buy one.

Another one here pining a little for my old life. I miss dp and actually spending time with him. But I do feel like it's slowly starting to get easier. I've quite enjoyed the last few days and motherhood is starting to have the nice warm fuzzy feeling I thought it would. Saying that, there are times late at night when I would still kind of like to give him back.
I still have and always will have guilt over giving up bf but as time goes on I can see what a tiny part how you feed them is of their lives and your parenting abilities. It also helps that all the mum friends I've made so far all gave up pretty quickly. It's sad really that there is obviously a lack of support etc but it does make me secretly feel better about it!
Hv coming here again tomorrow. She told sil yesterday that her 9mo was "too tall"!?!?! Ha, what exactly is she supposed to do about that?!??

mon have they given Eliana something for the thrush? H had nystatin drops which did work but kept making him sick!

to those in need, Bridget, Nat, soup. I don't think there are any among us who haven't felt some combination of inadequate, guilty, overwhelmed, disappointed, envious, anxious or sad these past few weeks. It is hard to admit some of those feelings.

Flyer fingers crossed the last few days of feeding going better have moved things in the right direction.

Excitement here, my bednest just arrived and at the same time my best friend and Thomas' godmother called to say she is pregnant again, due in May. So pleased for her after miscarriage earlier this year and that Thomas will have another friend about his age.

Just wanted to say thank you thank you to everyone. (And thanks for the flowers chick - here's some right back . ) I do dip in and out randomly, but have found this whole feeding thing so tough and hearing about everyone's varying experiences is so so helpful.

A friend of mine has asked if she can come and see the baby tomorrow, which is fine. She then asked if she could bring her mother, who I've never met. Not sure me in my PJs with my baps out is really what she needs to see would I BU to say no?

Not at all imp say no if you don't want a stranger in your home at present .

So A Bear (her nickname) is 4.40 kilos that's 10g over birth weight woohoo slowly gaining but hey it's a gain and we are heading in the right direction finally.

I'm going to try baby massage my hv said its good for helping with wind etc and babies love it.

I don't know how you with two do it. If I ever decide to have another it would have to be when A bear starts school I would struggle with a toddler and a newborn.

flyer I've been doing baby massage with H and it's been helping, makes him trump lots anyway! Search for anti colic massage on youtube and you'll find lots of good moves to do on her!

Hooray flyer! Well done A

Did everyone's DP/DH take time off after the birth? Because mine is self employed, he changed his hours to help with the morning school run for the first two weeks but didn't take any time off. Life is so full now with school runs, yard runs (dd1 has a pony), tennis runs (ds1), all of the shopping, washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning and trying to fit a newborn in too.

It's a good job that Amelie is easy going otherwise I would be insane by now. I am struggling with the tiredness though. There isn't time to sleep during the day and although the baby is very good, she still needs feeding once or twice through the night. I am so tired and can't wait for things to get easier.

Yeah flyer

Roofio a paediatrician once told me that DD was too tall and her head was too small my response "so should I pull her ears apart and put books on her head" resulted in me being visited next day by HV to check for signs if a breakdown!

Bridget don't beat yourself up, I have never successfully bf any of my kids and they all perfectly healthy. Sending you a big hug, I was very down for not feeding DC2 it takes a while but you will get there - promise xxxx

Bath time - babies are not really dirty so when I on my own DD goes in shower, DS goes in bath and baby is either laid on floor next to me, left in his cot or sitting in bouncy chair. Baby J gets bathed in kitchen sink once others are in bed at 7pm or at a convenient time during day

Wicked - we live parallel lives

dh is self employed too. He (luckily) was already off on the day she was born (at 2.15am) so did the school run that day (which was a friday), and then took the saturday off too, when he managed to juggle some stuff around, but went back to work on the sunday, and it was back to reality for me on the monday morning, although he was planning to be in to do the school run, a cow needed a caeserean and we were up, and fine so we did it.

days are manic - today for example, take ds1 to the bus stop for 7.30 am, then make sure dd1 and ds2 have everything, (lunches pe kits etc, have a shower, and feed baby, breakfast ds3 and dd1, then do school run for them.

finished off OU assignment and sent ten mins before the cut off deadline!

went and mucked out ponies,

picked up little 2, took dd2 to dancing class,

popped to the supermarket, and picked up ds1 from the bus stop!

still have dinner, bath time and reading books to do!!!

and same as you Lucinda usually wakes up twice in the night.......

but I wouldn't swap it..... just wish there was 2 of me so I could get some sleep!!!

flyer in a weird way I am finding two easier than when I had 1 when DS was a baby. Certainly being more confident with the 2nd is part of it, but emotionally I'm finding it easier. When I was on maternity with ds I was pretty down most of the time - I felt quite isolated and honestly, I find very small babies pretty boring and so felt quite unfulfilled and demotivated. This time around I am so busy, which I like, and have to be organised and stick to a rough schedule, which appeals to my anal nature, so the days just fly by.

Haha, crossed post with cazboldy - feel like a complete lightweight

bridget if you're there I hope you can learn to accept ff your baby. We're all doing what's best for our babies and there's no reason for you to feel bad about it.

nat I hope you can feel better. I admire you for what you're doing and it's totally normal to be emotional at this time. Take care of yourself.

I've been told by everyone to take it easy and sleep, and not to worry about getting anything done. It's all crap, isn't it? I took Joshie out for less than 3 hours today and then spent the afternoon feeding him and napping. Well I've missed 2 parcels and a very important message from DH and another from a friend. DH is annoyed with me. Today's lesson: don't sleep.

I was just googling random stuff (as you do when you're stuck on the sofa bfing and can't reach the remote to channel surf through the adverts), and I read that the tiredness really hits you around months 3-4 because the post partum hormones that get you through the early days will be all used up. Second time Mums - is this true? I'd like to be mentally prepared if it is?!

I don't get to sleep during the day either. I don't usually get out of bed until lunch time (co sleep with A so she's in the bed with me until this time), but I am generally wide awake after DH gets up for work. I try to get out of the house once a day, yesterday I went to Tescos, today I went to Lloyds and opened a savings account for A. I have been more adventurous with my outings, and have accepted bfing in public (although will only do it when DH is around too). Else if there isn't a baby feeding room wherever we are then I go and sit on fen toilet and feed her!

I hope you're all doing well.

Bridget if your there - at the end of the day it isn't about breast or bottle. Its about nurturing and loving your baby, developing that attachment and being there to meet your babies needs as they grow. someone close to me was adopted and they missed out on that first year of love and nurture, didn't develop an attachment and has struggled through life because of this ever since - not because they were ff. Trust in your decision and enjoy your baby, they are only tiny once! I know its easier said than done and i am ff and have days where i wish it was different but my baby is happy and i am happy (most of the time!) x

Im thinking about going to an NCT bumps and babies group as i have no friends with babies! Im terrifed though and im worried about friendship groups already having been formed and just being left out ha which is crazy because im usually confident!! Anyone else been to any groups? was that first time ok?

Those of you with 2 or more DC's - i have no idea how you do it and i completely admire you juggling them all!! DP has been making noises about having another but im not entertaining it until DS is at least 3/4!

Bridget.....

Yay Flyer! Go A bear!

Nat I think everyone gets where you're coming from here. First timers would certainly mourn the loss of the old "easy" life as DC1 is such a shock to the system. And I totally get it re not meeting everyone's needs.... DD never fried as a baby... I met her every cue before then. There's just SO MUCH crying with the twins, while I see to DD or the other twin . But I keep reminding myself that I am only one person with two hands. I could be doing more than I'm doing... They are all fed, clean and loved. Tbh, none of them, not even DD really (she's just three) will actually remember this time, so I just tell them all, through the screaming, that I love them. A vague sense if being loved is all they'll remember... Plus I have the additional worry of twins with differing needs. V is b high ned (needs holding if not asleep) while H is super chilled. So V gets held more because she screams if not and I prefer it quieter! So then I feel guilty about H because he gets less attention because he "complains" less. But I keep yelling myself that I am in fact treating them as induviduals and responding to rbeir separate needs. Agree re DH - he can look after himself for this short time!!!

Bath time and evening cluster feeding generally..... Mine cluster feed from 5ish...

First cooking. Think one handed. Most simple pasta dishes and stir frys can easily be done while bf if prepped properly! For pasta, open the packed when you put away the shopping and deal with a peg (can be opened one handed!). For the sauces, the best things are the "cooks ingredients" frozen veg, like chopped onions, crushed garlic, sliced mushrooms etc - again, snip open and re seal with owgcwheb the shoping goes away. Eg tonight I did pasta with pesto, pancetta (the packs of cubed pancetta), mushrooms and creme fraiche, all one handed. Those fresh veg stir fry packs and fresh noodles are also a dodde one handed....

I feed DD (and eat myself) at 5.30 alternating the twin on the boob...

Bath time - twins first (every night) with DD "help

Sorry- "helping". They're on supports in the big bath. While I run the bath, they're on a towel over a changing mat on the floor. They get out and DD in - she plays while I dry and dress twins. Then they lie on the changing mat while I do DD (although V is often held for this).

Then all into DD's room for story etc, but I HATE this last bit as the twins start really crying for a feed/bed. Once DH us back got more than a night, I'll peel off with the twins after the bath and get him to do DD's story etc. by the time DD is in bed, it's 7 or 7.15, then I do into my room, switch the lights off and feed the twins, who go down any time from 8 - 9.30...

They'll then sleep for 3/3.5 hours then wake every 2 hours. DD did this until she was one!!!!

Rox - I am afraid it is true...I found four months absolutely the most difficult and shattering time with DD.....

So sorry about typos... On phone and tandem feeding. The idea is to open food packets and then re seal with a peg! Super easy to deal with one handed.

legally you are a legend. Have learnt so much from your tips and advise.
I really identify with what's been said re mourning the old life and missing dp. I love baby so overwhelmingly much but it's such a huge change and day 8 and its really hitting me. Also baby has gone from being super chilled to feeding crazy! So I feel like a slave to him. But just gave him his first bath and he loved it and it made it all worth while! Also I just seem to weep for no particular reason come 8pm. I really had no idea that all these crazy feelings would hit.
Well done flyer and Alexandra. Xx

No way are you a light weight jelly

meant to say earlier so pleased about A's weight flyer x x x

Where's Clapham - Michel Roux Jnr is back on BBC2

All I can say legally is wow! My H sounds like your V unless he's being fed or asleep he generally likes to be held most I can get away with is about 5 minutes, we've tried a dummy but if doesn't really last long he just spits it out. Today is day two of properly being on my own the hard thing is his awake times are from morning wake up so like 7am until he is fed at 10am then generally sleeps the rest of the day excluding feeding until 4-5pm so like yesterday I made pasta bake in the morning and put in the fridge till the evening when I could put it in the oven.

No one warns u how hard two is gunna be so they lol

I hope it gets easier and I stop mourning my old life as I really want to enjoy my new life and my new baby