Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

Mother it's a really nice transition from worrying it will all go wrong to realising that it won't and that you have an actual little person on the way

I have just been on the scales and my weight gain so far is still 21lbs, which is within the normal range but is at the low end of normal. I have celebrated this by having an absolutely massive pain au chocolat for breakfast. They were BOGOF and I am tempted on the other one. Whadda ya mean that's not one of my 5 a day?!!

Do it cavort! Treat yourself! I've already put on 10lb which jmis too much really, I'm starting an exercise class next week though so hopefully that will help, I also think some of that 10lb is taken up by my boobs growth spurt which surely cant be counted?

jmis = is, see I even have fat fingers

I've been having a pret chocolate croissant for breakfast at least three times a week since I got pg Unsurprisingly have put on more than you cavort! However the midwife did tell me my weight gain was bang on last week. She clearly loves chocolate pastries too!

Janey I should hope you have put on more than me because you're about a foot taller!

Despite having tons to do, I am stuck in on a Saturday afternoon waiting for DH's new toy our new TV to be delivered. I thought it would be here by now, I mean, who is still out delivering at this time on a Saturday?! I have done all the housework and now have nothing to do but sit on my ass, stuffing my face on MN. I should have a nap as it's guaranteed to arrive as soon as I nod off.

Afternoon all! Have been AWOL as DP & I had a couple of days off work to go see cricket & then a hotel break where there was no 3G

I think I needed to step away from Mumsnet for a bit anyway as the January thread is all a bit worrying at the moment with people having a bad time. Sounds awful but it was starting to worry me that I'm not spotting or having nausea when I should be grateful.

The worst that is happening to me is that DP is being a bit of an arse. You'd think he'd be excited but he just doesn't want to talk about it. I think he's scared & worried how I'll cope if the worst happens so doesn't want to think that it's real until we have a scan. He's not communicating though & we're not DTD so it's stressing me out when I should not be stressing about anything! Anyone else find that their menfolk were negative cautious?

frog mine was the same so you're not alone. I wasnt even allowed to tell my parents till we'd had our early 9 week scan. He's changed now though.

oh and I came off the november thread as a) i couldnt keep up with it and b) everyone was saying you should be doing this or that and I found it too much pressure. You guys are my onpy thread now

Thanks mother. I've been "allowed" to tell my mum & dad but we haven't told his. I would tell them if my MIL wasn't incapable of keeping secrets & we want to keep it from SS until after scan.

Oh & you've also made me feel less antisocial about the Jan thread - there are so many people on there that I couldn't keep up at all. Feeling guilty today as I committed a couple of food sins yesterday. There was a 7 course tasting menu at the hotel & I switched the goats cheese course off the veggie option but they substituted a white chocolate mousse instead. Probably raw egg right? Well I ate it anyway . And the runny quail's egg. And the teeny tiny bits of well cooked octopus that were on DP's fish course. And had 1 sip (literally enough to hit a tastebud & not even a teaspoon) of each of DP's 4 matching wines. I am going to pregnant lady food hell right? Pls forgive me. It was just all too much after I sat through the world's most boring test match cricket on Thurs with nothing but Becks Blue to drink whilst DP got smashed.

Oh & interesting article in The Times magazine today about how a pregnancy bump has become public property & the pressure on women to have the perfect bump - goes along with what some of you have been saying on here. Don't think you can read it online without a subscription but if you're passing a shop or already have subscribed:

Not all bumps are like Kate's!

Frog - for what it's worth, I would have done exactly the same. No to goats cheese, yes to mousse and runny eggs, few sips of wine. I think you've shown excellent restraint!

I too briefly joined a July group but waaaay too many people to keep up with - much prefer our little group where you know who's who!

Frog I don't actually know if my DH was an arse in the early weeks as I was busy being too much of an arse to notice. I was the one who was scared and worried. I think it's easy to forget how all this PG malarkey affects the dads-to-be as well as the mums and the early weeks are not an easy time for them either. I'm sure he'll come round once he sees little Frogbaby on the screen.

And don't worry too about food naughties. There is hardly anything I have avoided food-wise as the chances of something actually making you ill are miniscule. I have just used common sense. And whatever you do don't ask Dr Google what you can and can't eat as it will tell you a reason why you should avoid absolutely everything. I also quite enjoy a sip of DH's beer or wine when he's having one although it makes me want the whole bottle. You deserve a medal for sitting through a whole day of Cricket sober!

Frog I never even tried with the Dec thread, firstly because there were so many people and second because (selfishly) I knew that there'd be a few (statistically) who would not make it past early weeks and I'd find it hard.

My DP was also very cautious and uninvolved at first. He didn't feel excited at all, only worried and put-upon, and we had a few unhappy moments about it all. He had a massive moment of relief at our early scan and I realised how much he's been protecting himself by not getting involved at all.

Random question...

Has anyone bought a steriliser?
And what are you all doing about breast pumps, bottles etc?

I haven't bought anything like that Janey. I have been advised that the early days of BF are tough and if you have all the FF gear in the house you are more likely to give up.

If I can't manage to BF for whatever reason I will just send DH out at 4am pop to the shops and get some FF kit. In today's 24 hour society it shouldn't be too much of a problem to get it at short notice and i've done some research on which stuff to get.

When BF is (hopefully) established I hope to start expressing after a few weeks but I will dispatch DH to get the relevant gear at the time.

I was thinking the same re bottles, pumps etc. But am sure someone told me I would prob need a steriliser from day one, but I can't remember why

If you do need one I can't think why either? Maybe if you need nipple shields, but you will surely try without first anyway?

I have requested on my birth notes that I want to see the BF consultant before leaving hospital so I will ask her and get one on the way home if I need to.

I saw a friend yesterday with a new baby and she had the cutest little cosleeper she'd got much cheaper from Germany. She'd then bought this sleepy thing to go in it from john Lewis, kind of like a baby shaped cushion and she said it was around £75 and had 5 out of 5 on every review. If anyone is interested, I'll find out the brand and how her first night with it went. It looked good, the baby looked so comfy in it.

Her little girl who's 4 was so lovely when she found out about my pregnancy, gave my tummy a "kiss for the baby" aww. Was good to take some time off worrying about my cervix and the baby growing, I cancelled my Friday night out as I am terrified to move at the moment in case it starts opening and it's literally making me so anxious, I randomly cry about 50 times a day! Poor DH! He had tears in his eyes last night too when I was talking about it, I knew he was just pretending he wasn't scared for my sake!

m.johnlewis.com/mt/www.johnlewis.com/sleepyhead-deluxe-bed-guard-white/p231482924

This is it!

Oh poor Alex

It must be massively worrying, of course you are anxious. I think though that you need to take the positives from your appt with your second specialist - who bothered to scan your cervix. He said your cervix was within normal range and that you didn't need to do anything, but agreed to keep a very close eye on you with fortnightly monitoring. So for now, all is absolutely fine, and you are in the same position cervix wise as anyone else. I know how awful the worry can be, especially given conflicting advice from two different consultants, but remember that the guy advising the stitch didn't scan your cervix (so didn't have as much to base his decision on) and didn't come so highly recommended as the other guy. If you can try to make yourself relax just a bit, and take each fortnightly scan one by one, I'm sue it will all feel so much more bearable. Plus the stress can't be any good for either of you (you or baby that is).

For now, your cervix is closed and normal, and you haven't been advised bed rest or anything. You are pregnant, and all is good right now, same as for the rest of us. Know it's easier to say that than to believe that though!

Big hugs xx

Thanks janey he said it was borderline but impossible to tell accurately at this stage, but I've since googled and it seems that you lose cervix as the pregnancy develops so starting with 3cm this early means I can't afford to lose much, I think another half a cm before it's danger territory. He did say the scans aren't accurate for measurements and it's hard to tell how the scar tissue will react. He said if I'd lost a baby late before, he'd put a stitch in now at this length but it's so hard that it's such a factor as of course no one wants that to have to happen before they say "yep, definitely incompetent". I'm telling myself I'm being monitored and the second consultant is better than the first who just felt it and said short, but it's really hard to relax having been advised to have the stitch by the first guy. It's so confusing as most people/studies online say 3cm is too short as this stage but then some say it's ok, how the hell do I know which is accurate?! I know I should choose to believe the more positive studies but it's hard, I keep telling myself at least they are looking, feels like a lot of trust to put into the second opinion guy!

Sorry will bore off about my cervix now!

Hi Alex, what a tricky situation to be in! I tend to agree with Janey, you are ok at the moment and you're being monitored so you are in safe hands.

We went into mothercare today for a look at bedroom furniture and prams. I cant remember who said they have the mothercare orb but I have to say it looked lovely! Personally I was rather taken with the Mothercare Movix, it was lovely to push, had a nice big basket and seemed to tick all the boxes, it doesnt come with a car seat but is compatible with 3 makes so we can find one which fits in our new car when we get it. I didnt try folding it etc but its my current fav.

Really liked their nursery furniture too, have a feeling they could be doing rather well out of us

Ha mother I was like that with mamas and papas. May as well have walked in and said "yes, I'll have one of everything please". And worryingly i suspect the only reason it's mamas and papas we got everything from, rather than mothercare, was because it's nearer the car park .

haha janey its odd isnt it, I just felt comfortable, nobody pounced on us but there were people around if we needed them, put me at ease. Think we have found the pram at least.

Alex you aren't boring us about your cervix. We all realise what a big thing this is for you.

Mother I have no idea where you find the list, but both Mothercare and M&P have outlet stores dotted around the country which are worth a visit before you pay full price if there's one near you. There is a M&P Outlet near me which has saved me quite a bit on their normal store prices.

I think I can add gardening to my list of activities which really aggravate SPD. After spending all afternoon in the garden I have now completely seized up and in lots of pain. Work is going to be fun tomorrow.

Are all of you third trimester ladies sorted for a name yet? We have avoided the subject for a while after we couldn't agree, but I raised it again while we were in Cornwall and DH said he is 'coming round to the idea' of calling her Elodie, which I would also like. We're not definite yet but i've got my fingers crossed that we might finally have a name.