April 2013 part six...what does the third trimester have in store?

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Thanks ladies - I've suggested the one pot approach before, he refuses. I've presented him with a spreadsheet before, clearly showing what comes in and what goes out, he refuses to look at it.

Funny how he can't possibly afford to put in even an extra £50 a month but can afford several £10 bottles of wine a week. Last week he bought a bottle each of cognac and Armagnac and they were both empty within a couple of days. Grrrr.

He just left for work. Apparently he's accepted the offer and we're moving as he doesn't want us to be held back due to my 'irrational hormones.'

I want to nest, get things sorted for the baby and nursery, look forward to mat leave and I feel he's taking this all away from me. He just won't listen - very stubborn and shouts over me.

I have my mum coming up on Friday, maybe she'll talk some sense into him.

keys sorry to hear your house fell through, what a stress.

Hope everyone has a good day xx

Ratbag I'll join you with the possibly huge baby! I'm not measuring over according to my fundal height, but at 30 weeks the baby was measuring on the 95th centile and was estimated at over 4lb already. I have another scan next week (34 weeks) to see how big he's gotten and 'think about how he's getting out' (quote from consultant)!

I'm not too concerned, as I know it's not an exact science, but DD was 7lb 7oz, so I was expecting similar. My friend's second son was 11lb 6oz and she said the birth was easier than with her first, but I'd rather not test that theory!

I was worried it was all the mini eggs I've eaten, but consultant said its nothing to do with my diet. I've actually only gained 12lb myself, which is odd!

Heck I hope all the "big" babies turn out to Ne regular sized.

keys social care ended up calling me yesterday and she's bringing me a new cane at lunch time, I'll end up with 2 now haha. But at least I'll have a spare for the next time I break one. I've had a cane for around 5 years and broke it 6 times! Social worker says I use it too much :-/.

Saw my mw yesterday and asked her about cs versus epidural and she has made me an extra appointment to speak to my obs about it. She was really nice and said she'll support me in whatever decision I come to. She also said they can probably get the baby out with a ventouse instead of forceps if they let her come down low enough.
I'm really wanting the normal birth now. Because I never knew it was an option I've never thought about it but now it is an option I can't stop hoping for it. I know there are risks with it but its what I want, providing the risks to the baby aren't increased.

Morning all, I hope everyone is feeling ok who was feeling crap and all these baby's turn out to be smallish
Thanks for all the cars seat advice I think im going for maxi cosi but brother is being dispatched with a list of questions today-bless him and my eldest brother is taking my car to be serviced-they really are awesome. They need the car seat as Alex will have to practice sitting in it in a few weeks while they monitor him to make sure it doesn't trigger any apnoea episodes. His Cpap is constantly being reduced now and he's going to be on plain O2 by the end of the week they think. I'm so excited about the possibility of trying him at the breast too , he has been given a dummy to try to encourage the suck reflex but he keeps pushing it out! Literally every time or turning his head so it falls out....stubborn boy. He is so beautiful.
I know a few of you asked about my ex dp I hope you don't think im being rude by not answering but right now he's not a consideration and I can't waste time thinking about him.

magic you might want to start a thread in relationships, stating what you've put here - you'd get some excellent advice, and I'd imagine it'd go along the lines of...

Erm, why does your husband expect to make life changing decisions such as accepting an offer on your house, without any regard or consideration for your thoughts and opinions?

Especially as he does not plan on sharing the financial burden of such a decision. How does he get to opt out of paying his fair share of the cost of his child, his home and his living expenses? What if you decided to do the same? Your mortgage wouldn't get paid and your child would live in a cage at home while you work, presumably?

FYI, in 1998 I was still in high school. My living expenses have increased significantly since then...

My DH and I have a spreadsheet our living/household expenses. This includes everything, we don't bicker over what is mine, or his, and we each pay half into thus joint account for bills. We put some into our joint savings account and We then put what we each have left over into our joint spending account.

What each of us earn is irrelevant, and this will naturally fluctuate with payrises, mat leave etc, but the point is, we share the cost of living, and do so easily and happily because of marriage is a partnership of equals, an we care about, support, and love each other.

Sorry for the rant, this is probably an inappropriate place, but i am just so for you , and that you even have to ask if you're being irrational or hormonal

Everyone else, lovely catching up, will add vaseline to my bag!

We now have most things and the flatl looks like a branch of mothercare! Can't wait to start mat leave and sort it all out!

3 weeks left at work!
32 + 5 today

Mama that's amazing, it is wonderful that you're already at the stage of thinking about just oxygen and trying breastfeeding. Truly amazing, you must be so happy and proud!

Morning all, still ok here no more BH thank god!

magic I'd hit him with a shovel too! The way we work our finances and have done since we lives together, is we have 2 joint accounts one account my wage gets paid into, and pays all the bills, nothing else. The second DH wage gets paid into which pays for everything else. DH earns more than me now that I'm part time, but I have potential to earn more. (But don't think I'll ever work FT again!)
I moved when I was pregnant, it was so stressful, never again I think you need your comforts around you when your bringing the baby home, not searching for XY&Z !

ratbag take no notice of the predicted weight, DS was supposed to be 7lb+ he was 4lb 7oz! So massively out. On my last growth scan the mw said that this one is not skinny! Well we'll see in 5 weeks!

Magic, I ring today and tell them I'm not selling, if he wants to move let him go and pay it all himself, honestly. This really is awful. :(

magic I really feel for you, you dont need this stress so late in your pregnancy. I agree with what everyone else has said on here.

Me and my OH have had our own issues about money the last few months and its something we continue to struggle with. OH is not working at the moment but is still contributing as has savings. In fact he has paid for a new car only this week. I have been stressing about me not earning what I used to (only getting statutory maternity pay) and usually all the bills come out of my account. So we have agreed to get a joint account and pay all the bills from there so we will be jointly responsible for everything- at least then he can see what all the outgoings are which I dont think he realises at the moment.

I think money is something we will always struggle with as we have such differing opinions on it but thats just something we are going to have to work out.

On another related subject, does anyone know when your employer needs to notify you of the amount they are going to pay for Stat Maternity pay? I would rather see it all broken down now than wait for maternity leave as I work for a small company and dont trust them to get it right!

jorich - I've been trying to get the same but there's no requirement for them to do this. They should confirm your mat leave start date 28 days after you officially notified them, but the nat policy should cover the entitlements, but amounts will depend on you're earnings and how many days in the month. I got them to confirm the dates of which I'd be paid different aspects (incl AL/bank hol accruals as i'm on a contract and not going back, but not amounts.

Anyone on here in HR and know more?

magic surely he can't buy or sell anything without your signature. As ratbag said, just ring and tell them and tell OH you've done that and why and come back to it all in 6-12 months time....

magic sounds like he needs a good slap! If he's not contributing what he should be he looses his right to decide to make decisions that are going to affect you financially. Sounds like a tricky and frustrating situation though, we pay exactly the same amount into a shared account to cover mortgage/bills/foor/household expenditure - whatever each of us has left out of our salaries we spend on what we like without having to justify it to the other.

Silly question but can anyone tell me how many nappies a new born will get through in a day - not sure how many I need to buy to gte me through the first few days.

leluella at our NCT on Saturday they were suggesting 8 per day!

Magic another in the queue to hit your husband over the head with a blunt instrument. I advise a seriously hormonal outburst myself - I would have one of epic proportions in your position. I earn quite a bit more than my OH but it all goes into one pot and we don't spend significant amounts on ourselves without agreeing it first. I would be really cross that he expects you to cover the costs of the baby and would refuse point blank to move. Good luck with sorting it out - stick to your guns girl!

Rat and sneezy fingers crossed you don't have humongobabies. I had a 3D scan at 32 weeks where they predicted 6 - 7lbs however a friend had a prediction from the same clinic of a 6lber and hers came out at 9lbs!! Midwife does not think my boy is big but on the other hand my belly has definately grown since the weekend so anything could happen.

Great news about Alex too!

Hope all suffering worries/aches and pains are doing OK this week!

34 weeks today - 3 weeks left at work - yikes!!!!

magic The bloody cheek of it!

Everything that has been said on here so far is very sensible and I agree with the suggestions that you ring and make it clear you are not selling/moving etc. Take back some control now otherwise you are setting a precendent for future behaviour.

However, I would like to address the other issues you touched on in your posts. Sorry if I have got this wrong but firstly, you don't sound very happy in your relationship at all and secondly I feel that you may be suggesting a possible drinking problem for your dh. I don't want to speak out of line or pressure you to talk about anything you don't want to, but if you do want to elaborate on what you have said anymore then please do. Or jst tell me to shut up...That's it really

mama can't wait to hear when you have that little boy by your side permenantly. Well done on not letting anything less important than yours and your childrens health sap your energy, that's the best attitude ever.

I have my growth scan tomorrow which I'm quite looking forward to.

The midwife measured me on Monday and muttered something about measuring 35, I presumed she meant weeks However, she did say this was all academic and they are very rarely right.

I shall report back what the scan says tomorrow.

31+6
T-8.1 weeks and counting
Also 2.1 weeks until I am more pg than I have ever been before due to prem birth (already managed to keep my waters in tact longer than before).

magic, another vote here for whacking your dh with a shovel. Stick to your guns, he is being totally unreasonable. Money can be such a tricky thing in relationships. I earn a lot more than DH though not definitely megabucks and we combine salaries to share costs. We're mortgaged up to the eye balls so most of the time we're pretty skint but we muddle through.

We had our second NCT class and again it was great although slightly worrying at times. We had a life size plastic pelvis and a squidgy baby doll that we had to deliver through the pelvis. Let's just say it was an incredibly tight squeeze [sticks head firmly back in sand and carries on in happy denial]

32+0, exactly 4 weeks until I finish work and 8 weeks until baby's due - yikes!

magic not much I can add to the advice you've already received from the others. I heartily agree with JH you really need to make a stand now for the sake of your current health and future well being. I don't wish to speak out of turn either but it sounds like your OH is acting like a complete bully and showing you and your baby no respect or consideration. Please please please try to find the strength to stand for what you think is right for you. I think you may be surprised to find just how much support you can get from your friends and family, but they need to be supporting you not fighting your battles for you. I really hope your OH wakes up and I realises just how self centred he us being but I suspect it will need you to stand your ground to realise how he can't just get his own way every time. If you are paying the lions share you actually have the upper hand here, you just need to believe in yourself xx

Just had 31 week midwife appointment, all good except mw thinks the baby's head is beginning to engage already!?!

Mine too jj! Had my 31 week appointment yesterday and she was like Oh, baby is head down already! I am a tad worried it'll pop out sooner rather than later. I have been having low down pains when I'm busy, especially at work. Apparently that's because I have an 'irritable uterus' and its a sign I'm overdoing it! If it happens, I must rest....always happens at work though! Today I tried harder to sit when I could and it was better. If it doesn't stop after resting, I have to ring the ante-natal assessment unit!

Well done jaq! You've done well to get so far..
mama that's awesome progress :) I'm so pleased for you and Alex!

31+1

Hello all. Currently rocking two sore arms! Went for whooping cough jab and the nurse said she may as well do the 'flu one while I was there - great!

jj MW said this baby is engaged too (no surprise to me as I've been getting lovely shooting pains in my cervix). She was surprised as she said it's less common for second and subsequent pregnancies before labour, but I think they can pop back out again as it's not my first. Did you feel like the baby was engaged?!

Just read all your advice and would like to say a very big thanks to you all. So pleased I'm not going bonkers

I have made my feelings known. He is incredibly stubborn so once he gets an idea in his head, he gets fixated. I think in his head he's doing the right thing for me and baby, but quite frankly, he's going about it arse over elbow. Need another chat methinks. We are happy, just the money think makes me very resentful as he won't consider any other option. Drink used to be a far bigger issue years ago - back then we were talking 3/4 bottles of wine a night on average, plus spirits. I nearly left him over it and that was a massive wake up call for him.

Exciting to hear about potential size of babies - I'm hoping for a neat 6/7 pounder seeing as I'm pint sized myself, but will see what midwife suggests on Monday!

So cute to hear about Alex too.

again.

sneezy been havin those shooting pains too and wondered if it was cos head was engaged although wld b a bit as this is dc3 and only 31+5.

Been overdoin it a bit 2day, busy in work, did a weeks shop in sainsburys after work and been gettin bh all nite, feel like I'm proper waddling!

In other news...discovered this evening tht 5yo dd has thread worm!! Any tips?!

Taking her to Dr's first thing 2moro obvs! Dr Google tells me tht whole family need to be treated but medication not advised in pregnancy.

jj ss & faith baby Candy is 3/5 engaged now, from 4/5 at my last appointment. (from what I understand the measurement is amount of head still above the pelvic bone?) Does this suggest babies will show up early then?

enjay no idea about threadworms I'm afraid, but I do remember having them as a child. Or at least I remember being told I had them and thinking it was the worst thing ever. Hope it's a quick easy fix and your DD isn't feeling too rough

34w!

magic I hope you manage to sort out the finances and get things back on track. DP and I have a joint account and pay in a percentage of our wages that totals a bit more than we need to pay the mortgage and the bills each month. I think there are many ways of sorting out finances but I do think it is important that you find something you are both happy with.

Interesting to read about all these babies who are engaged already. Mine is sort of star shaped - almost like it is stretching out and clinging on! One week today gets me to when DD1 arrived, but we have 4 weeks from today until DD2 arrived. I we stick with the pattern then we have 7 weeks...

I have a growth scan and a consultant appointment tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing the baby this late. I was meant to go and have a blood test before tomorrow's appointment but totally forgot until I saw the form in my notes on Monday as MW appointment. Was going to go today as DP took the day off so I could have gone without having DDs with me but then I forgot until this evening. I might get up and go at 7.30am tomorrow as DP is off again. Not sure when I can fit it in otherwise unless I leave it until after I finish work which would still be a few days before my next appointment at the diabetes clinic.

As for threadworm, enjay but yes, I guess you take her to the GP and boil as much laundry as you can!

Hope all others are well.