Apologies for the massiveness of this catch-up. I've tried to highlight names, so no-one has to wade through the whole lot (although there is some Doctor Who at one point!)
Congratulations, nickelbabe, jinglebum (I did laugh at your ordering kitchens while in labour! 
),Falalababy (another well'ard woman - well done!)
aethelfleda, thanks for the reiteration of the mother-of-two children advice. I'd heard it before, but the specifics about feeding's being more settled at 6-8 weeks
kri5ty, how is the colic/screaming going? I hope it's easing a bit. If it turns out to be reflux, a friend of mine, whose two had very bad reflux, said carrying them about in the sling helped, as they were upright. It was hard on the back, but easier on the ears, heart and of course the baby!
Sorry you are having the colic, too, Sleighbells!
msb, hope you got your Christmas decorations up and that DD2 is settling a bit.
seven, don't worry about your DS's wanting his daddy and not you - that's actually brilliant! Not only is DH useful (
), but he and DS can bond, and the fact that DS is calling for his daddy actually means you have done a good job, and DS is not afraid of losing you. Last night, DS got his granny first (I dind't hear a thing), then called for me and got me at about 3, then called for daddy immediately afterwards, as though he knew he couldn't call for me again. I felt a bit sorry for him, but was grateful, too!
fusam, mopsytop, Tinselperion, DarcieandSnowball, if it makes you feel better about the pains, I probably had about a week's worth of on-off teasing pains, which may have contributed to the speed of things. Keep a pad on your bed!
Oh, Oimistletoe, poor baby! What a start! Your decision not to tell some people, though, sounds wise and kind; you're great parents already - forgoing potential comfort in favour of your child's future happiness.
at figgy's "Yum Yum Cervix tea". Sorry it wasn't pre-laced with antibiotics for the infection - grr...
AirofHope: a 1-handed game I once played with DS on the floor (while I was busy with sth else) involved stuffing cars up his trouser legs and getting him to stand up so they all rattled out. It kept him happy for a good 20mins! If you can't manage the floor, there's stuffing them down his elasticated waistband baggy trousers as he stands next to you (as you feed Hope).... Or read a book. Which is more educational. 
lovely pics, everyone!
Mmmcheese, I have a bump, too, and have actually hade an important philosophical discovery about it: it's called the Bump and Baby Paradox - sounds like the sort of thing which migh get the TARDIS into trouble, doesn;t it?! Let's just be proud of being intergalactic disruptors, all of us...
LittleMissHumbuggery, speaking of paradoxes, maybe it would help to change your name, as you seem to be piling up the bad vibes, with the teeth troubles and headaches and craving for naughty things (which you're clearly unhappy with)... 
Are you sure you don't want to be a LittleMissXMan?!
Brilliant responses, CherryPi, especially the sarky one about the high pain threshold!
KateKringle, your dad is a star, for his sensitive anti-news-demanding!
Good luck for tonight and tomorrow, chocolateyclur. I really hope the experience redeems the past for you, as that's a horrible regret to have hanging over you. Wishing you the best interventions tomorrow, and especially that, with this being planned, it all works out better for you.
(Hohohomouse, that's so kind of you to hold hands. I can't imagine wanting to update a live birth thread during labour - that's dedication! ... oh, and have jus seen the business about the refund - good that you have some means to vent! live-birth away!)
Sorry for typos; I;ve been writing with DD on my lap after she fell asleep during a feed and woudn;t show any more interest. Breastfeeding is still a bit painful as she has DH's rosebud mouth (which looks odd on a man with such a leonine head) and it doens't seem to open wide enough to get the big mouthfuls of breast that DS used to get. ON the other hand, due to DS's neonatal jaundice, we didn't really start bf properly with him till he was about a week old, so I guess we missed this very-newborn stage. I am most certainly persevering, though, as I am too lazy to bottle feed
DH and my mother still haven't recovered from the shock, though thanks so many of you for asking! My mother is still tormented by what-ifs about an alternative birth, in which she was alone during the day, with DH out at work and DS awake and rampaging around (probably scared witless, despite all my bedtime stories about Mummy's tummy squeezing and pushing the baby out into the bright, bright hospital/ambulance - I was covering scenarios, you see)
I'm feeling a bit relieved, actually, that I didn't have to go up to St Thomas's on the train (or - ugh - by mini-cab), festively laughing contracting all the way ha ha ha ha. A midwife came out to us about an hour after DD was born, and delivered the effin' ENORMOUS placenta (which DS later nearly stepped in), so we never went near a hospital, despite the two ambulances obligingly parked outside (protocol seems to be one if needed for mother and the second if needed for baby).
The bedsheets were a gory mess, but thankfully, adages are true, and blood is thicker than water, and it didn't make it through the mattress topper. After the stitching was done (I finally learned how to use gas & air properly, having thought it useless with DS, as I clearly wasn't desperate enough for it that time), I had nice clean sheets and lay down for a sleep with Helena. DH joined me later (poor man was emotionally knackered).
I guess I would have to plan a homebirth, for any hypothetical "next time", but, equally, any risk factors would mean I'd have to have an early induction in order to be sure of getting into hospital, so I remain a delivery-method agnostic.