December 2011 - Support tights time!

[BeeMyBaby]

Had no idea what to call it, sorry. Just googled third trimester and that was the recommendation...

I am fat. And while this was not a problem in my two previous pregnancies, the PCT have decided folk like me are the new enemy. I have had two perfectly uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries. I am fit, my GTT came back fabulous, sugars at the very bottom of the 'marvellous' stretch of numbers for both blood tests. My BP is a rather spectacular 110/70 and I am not a housebound crippled lump. However, because my bmi, a ridiculous waste of numbers, puts me in a lovely little box I get to go through all the hoops they have decreed will cover their arses. I wouldn't be 'permitted' to have a planned home birth if I wanted one. I am not permitted to use a birthing centre (it closed down alas, one less argument to have:( ) I have to have a consultant, I will have to have a growth scan at some point and I will have to fight for a birth that involves as little intervention as is medically needed. I feel like a pariah, purely because I am five foot eight of lumps, bumps, curves and wobbly wobbly bits.

Sorry. Can you tell it has been bugging me? If I had any of the signs of high risk pregnancy I would understand, but I defeat their little list of 'stuff fat people have/do' at every turn. And still they bring on more hoops.

I will enjoy arguing with the consultant! as short of sectioning me they cannot force me to submit to monitoring and an epidural unless I want them/deem they have proven them necessary. If they try to tell me I have to just because of my weight, Vesuvius is going to look like someone opening a bottle of excited pop compared to my eruption...

LMF your PCT is being crap. Last time my BMI was 41 when I got pregnant. I had to be consultant led and had a growth scan at 35 weeks. I was also told I needed to have a pointless meeting with the anaesthetist due to my size, thankfully I had DS before said meeting. I did have pre-eclampsia last time, however I've since discovered that I'm more likely to suffer pre-eclampsia due to my family history of high blood pressure (mum and grandma) so if had a healthy BMI of 22 I probably would have got it anyway. This time my BMI was 30.5 so still technically obese, I'm waiting to see if anything gets said about my weight.

Today's newest pregnancy complaints are sciatica in my left bum cheek and stress incontinence (I promise I'm doing my pelvic floor exercises!) someone please tell me it'll go after she's born.

LMF you have my sympathy. you've had two pregnancies without complications - what gives them the right to treat you like this? Can you imagine if you were a first-timer, you'd probably be terrified and let them bully you because "they know best" and you have to put your trust in these people. Grrrr! You stand up for yourself missus! Good on you.

30 weeks today! Another milestone passed. Baby still beating the living daylights out of me. :)

Hey Ladies,

Sorry not been the best poster so much going on.

Re tearing, I was lucky I didn't tear - think my bag of waters was a cushion

I've been signed of work till Monday because of my foot. Also quite snuffly so the couple of days rest is good.

My cousin (who I'm really close to) went for her 12 wk scan yesterday, they could see a sac but no baby - was a much wanted baby and shes already had a previous miscarriage. Don't know what to do or say as we're having a healthy pregnancy.

Hi darcies, nice to have you back, but sorry about your foot and snuffles. What are they doing about your cousin? I know it's very rare, but twice in the last two months there have been stories in the Telegraph where women were told "there's nothing there", only to get a second opinion and find a healthy baby there after all. I certainly wouldn't want to raise anyone's hopes, but the idea of aborting a healthy foetus by accident is just .. well, horrendous.
One of my SIL's, who I am close to, became pregnant at the same time as me. It was a complete surprise to them, they have 3 DDs - 1 of whom already has a DS of her own. But after he initial shock/surprise, they were delighted. My BIL has brain tumours, so they thought it was impossible.
We were delighted, we could go through pregnancy together - at the same time. But a few weeks after telling us she miscarried. :(
BUT... this is the important bit, don't feel awkward around her, or avoid the subject - she'll be gutted for herself but will still be delighted and excited for you.

Thanks Oimissus Shes going for a rescan in 7days. I know she'll be happy for us and will still love the baby no matter what, will just be awkward at first i think.

LMF so sorry you have to fight for the birth you want but you could employ the "broken record technique" with your consultant...just keep saying over & over if you don't give me the low intervention hospital birth I want, I'm having a homebirth & there's nothing you can do to stop me :o Not that I'm suggesting you actually have a homebirth, they're not for everyone but it might just be a good bluffing technique Also, I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say they're covering their arses & as such maybe it would help them & you if you gave them a letter saying that all medical risks had been explained to you in full but you are declining interventions you deem to be unnecessary in your case after carefully review all the information. Arses covered.

jigglebum not that I've had one before but by all accounts homebirth's really aren't very messy, you just put a few old towels on the floor & sofa, maybe something plastic like a shower curtain if you're using a pool & the best bit is the MW's clean up afterwards while you're having a shower in your own bathroom :)

Oi SNAP 30 weeks!!! Woke up really excited this morning until I realised we haven't even got names picked Such a huge decision...have you got yours yet?

It's tough, so sad. :(
And since my SIL's news, her sister is now expecting a baby, and her other brother. It's like everyone's rubbing it in. Not good.
There's one brother left 9out of the 5 siblings), and he's just started a relationship, so I'm expecting more "happy news" anytime now...
(But me and DH were first!!!! bloody copycats! )

Nope - no names yet honey. We have a first edition shortlist, but keep changing our minds... favourites are Alistair, Max (maxwell), Samuel, Jude,... but DH likes Freddie and Charlie too. I also like Leon (my little Lion), but Dh aint keen. Tis a veritable minefield!
And there's lots of names that I really like but that we can't have, mainly due to DH's extensive family already having bagged those names already and not rotting in prison... :)

So sorry to hear about your cousin darcies, here's hoping for a happy outcome. It must be awful enough to have a bleed or a feeling something's wrong and find out at an early scan that there's a problem, but to think you've made it to 12 weeks then discover a problem must be heartbreaking :(

Thanks everyone. What will make it worse is that my other cousin has announced they are expecting and is due day before this cousin was due!

LMF I think you should push for the birth you want - good luck.

Names - we only have 1 for a girl Isobel Jean. Can't agree on anymore for either sex. Think it will be decided on the day

Sorry about your cousin darcies, I can't imagine how that must feel, especially having already had one miscarriage.

I'm definitely going to try that perineal message at 34 weeks. I'm in two minds about the hypnobirthing as I had such a traumatic birth last time that I had settled in my mind on having an early epidural, and I've never been keen on hypnosis - the thought of someone else controlling my mind - but then if it is just repeating certain phrases, breathing etc. then I'm more comfortable with the idea, it's not as if anyone else is controlling me.

I'm feeling huge and just 27 weeks. Whenever people ask me when the baby is due they look really shocked when I say Christmas! But I am all sticking out in front so I guess that's why it looks bigger. Also I saw on you tube which made me feel better. It's a very slim model going through the stages of pregnancy and she looks massive but doesn't seem to actually put any weight on!

I'm getting really bad backache as well - it wakes me up in the night. Just around the bra strap area. I'm going to mention it to the MW when i see her next Tues and hope that she can refer me for some physio or something.

Starting leaking colostrum a bit already. Freaking me out as DS was born 10 weeks early and don't want it happening again, but everything I've read says it is normal. Please tell me someone else has the same thing?!

Also, is anyone else finding it difficult to empty their bladder? It feels like the baby is in the way and that it won't all come out! I don't have a UTI (been tested) but it feels really uncomfortable and as if there is always more in there!

Sorry for long post, haven't posted for a while!

Forgot to say, we know it's a girl and have a definite name but can't decide on the middle name.

Also, I had a 2nd degree tear with DS and can honestly say that i didn't feel it happening. I know that sounds strange but everything feels very different when you're in labour. And stitches and recovery didn't hurt either, I was bouncing down the hospital corridor the next day! I think its the thought of it that's worse than it actually happening.

Sorry, me again! I have a question. I want to have a pregnancy massage but am nervous about it with my history of preterm labour. Is there any way that it could bring on labour? I've heard that's there's all sorts of points in your neck/back/shoulders that can bring labour on? Or is that an old wives tale?

mmmcheese no idea about the massage but I'm the same re bladder never feeling empty. I've also noticed that I can't lift my pelvic floor muscles as much as I could a few days ago, could it be as I've dropped already she's pushing down on my pelvic floor already?

I'm still not certain about names, we definitely have Rose for a middle name and had agreed on Ava. However Eva keeps sneaking into my head instead but the initials would be ERR, is that acceptable?

Mmmmcheese hypnobirthing is nothing like the hypnosis where someone else is in control; it's more like very deep relaxation. You're fully in control & can come out of it at any time. If you've ever gotten so engrossed in a task that time has flown in the blink of an eye or watched a film that pulled you in so much you almost feel dazed afterwards when you find yourself in your normal life then you've you've been in a self-induced hypnotic state. I have no idea if it'll work since this is my first time but I'm full of confidence & looking forward to it which is a welcome change as I was previously terrified. I think it must be hard to overcome your fears when you've already had a traumatic birthing experience though so I hope you go with whatever choice gives you the most confidence :)

Sorry to hear about your cousin Darcies. :( fingers crossed for her rescan.

OiMissus, I love Alistair! DH has promised me if we ever have an August boy we can call him Leon. We're not going to be naming it until it's born (although we have been discussing a few names), thanks to good ol' superstition (on my part).

Mmmmcheese, I've been leaking colostrum since about 14wks, so you're not the only one! Last night Squatter 'dropped' and I started to get back pain, crossed my legs & hoped it wasn't labour, being my first pregnancy I've got no idea what it feels like (although everthing says it's similar to period pain?) so every twinge I get has me going 'ohshitshitshitshit'.

Really worried about my waters breaking when I'm in public, think I'll spend December as a hermit.

AWCH funny I'm much happier for my waters to break in M&S than on my nice new beige carpet :o

Has anyone heard the urban legend that if they go in a supermarket you get all sorts of free gifts? I've heard M&S give a hamper, Tesco, Asda etc free nappies or baby food, B&Q gift vouchers. It's probably nonsense of course but I'm definitely going to be doing a bit of window shopping come December :o

Honey, we have awful carpet in most rooms, infact I may have to give birth in the spare room just so we can change it
Stole this from askamum; - ^ ?If you give birth on a plane, your baby will have free flights for life with that airline?- TRUE ? (sort of) A source at Virgin Atlantic confirmed this myth is correct as far as Virgin is concerned, but we wouldn?t recommend you try it. Other airlines, it appears, are less generous.

• ?If you go into labour in John Lewis, you?ll get a free shopping spree? ? FALSE ? One mother whose waters did break in JL received a small gift as a goodwill gesture ? not a super-shopping spree.^

I've had 2 people this week not realise im pregnant which has been funny as im 29 weeks today not sure whether i have been hiding it well with good clothes or whether they think i am usually a hefty biffer??

I had a sausage baguette for lunch today first portion of pig i have eaten in about 10 yrs not a vegetarian but would like to be and so limit my meat intake and god was it good. Now have mega piggy remorse!!

DH and i have a list of names but can never decide on one think i will just wait until the day he needs to have a first name and 2 middle names as apparently that is the right amount of initials to play Cricket for England (him and his friends have said this for years they are weird!!) so lots to choose. I want something strange for one of the middle names like Ulysees or Kingdom (as in Isembard Kingdom Brunel) making a separate list for those.

I'm not going anywhere from December 1 till my due date! Christmas has to be sorted before then, or else it's not happening ('cos DH is not going to do it...).

I remember that, last time round, I cut short a UK holiday (horrible family thing) to go home, and the next day also "couldn't be bothered" to cross London for an event a friend was putting on... Lo! I went into labour very shortly after that. It even allowed me to save face with the family: rather than eventually being forced to explain why I had wanted to leave the family hol, I got to call up with news of the first grandchild in the family!

Flippancy aside, Darcies, your cousin will be getting a lot of different reactions to her news, and the only thing you or anyone else can do is try to make sure yours is the most sensitive, since not everyone will do that... When I was in this situation (with people who've miscarried, and with friends who had a stillbirth), I tried to make sure they knew first of the group of friends/ family, and tried not to ambush them, so giving them time to have their first reaction in private. They will not want to destroy your joy, either: they will be upset if they hurt someone else, so don't put them in that position. This is the only way I can see of dealing with this sort of situation. Following up, I made sure to include the stillborn baby in the family's Christmas card the next year, and to mark the "birthday", so the family didn't feel a real child had been forgotten. They will be crying on those days, no matter what: no extra tears can hurt, and if the extra tears are someone else's, they may feel less alone.

pulpervert you made me cry! Very sweet post.

seven and awomancalledhorse glad I'm not the only one with the bladder/colostrum issues!

I am coming round to the idea of hypnobirthing. I think maybe if they called it "deppe relaxation birthing" or something I would feel mroe comfortable with the idea!

Homebirths are really not messy! The midwife have disposable sheet things that they stick under you, if you have a pool that contains everything and it all goes down Tue drain.

Well, I just arrived home after home ed group and lunch to find that the cat has shat in the bath AND managed to turn the slow cooker on, so my house stinks of burnt food. Was sick three times trying to clear up the poo!

darcies it is so hard to know what to do, ime I felt that I just wanted people not to forget or not mention it. I have a friend who sends me chocolate on the day DC1 would have been due (mc at 16 weeks) it means a lot to me.

Do you think it is any easier when you have not been given a due date yet? I suspect for darcies' cousin, that she has no due date.
How awful. It's all very very sad. :(

msbuggy my sympathies are also with you for your first mc, :( (serious)and then on a much lighter note for having to deal with cat poo.

I've just had a very uncomfortable call with my CEO in the USA. I'd sent in a complaint that the UK maternity policy (UK legal minimum) did not support our company values, one of which is "Respect diversity".
And he basically told me "tough shit, we aint changing anything" It makes no difference that I've worked like a slave for 7 years, come in daily every morning 1.5hrs early, worked through weekends and christmasses to get projects completed, travel without complaint at 29 weeks pregnant,...
Tough.
Bastards.
£128 a week it is for me then.

oimissus stop working your arse off right now, don't put yourself out for them.