January 2012: Thread 2

[supadupapupascupa]

As you were

Hi everyone - sorry to cut across the BMI debate, but I wanted to get opinions on when to tell your employer/colleagues? My original plan was to go public after the NT scan, i.e. around 13 weeks, but now I'm wondering whether it wouldn't be better to push on to the anomaly scan at 20 weeks? (assuming that turns out to be even faintly plausible!) As I say, I'd be interested to hear what everyone else is planning to do, assuming your secret isn't already out due to uncontrolled vomiting etc :)

I would tell at 13 weeks as you need to be risk assessed at work.

Morning Capybara, Not sure what your frame is like, but with my first pregnancy (size12/14) there was no way I could hid my bump at 15 weeks never mind 20.
Do you mind me asking why you want to wait to 20weeks to go public at work?

capy I'm actually fretting quite a lot about this. To be honest, I think I'm going to tell them next week after the scan, assuming all's well. I took over a department just over six months ago (admittedly a department of 1) and we're planning some major changes to its operation over the next 12 months. I feel a bit of a fraud since I'm obviously not expecting to be around for a while after January and things won't get done. Before we commit to too many changes I think I need to speak up.

I was actually going to post a similar question. I have my appraisal next week (actually it conflicts with my scan but am hoping to push the appraisal back to the afternoon). Should I come straight back from the scan and sit down with my boss and tell him? Or wait until the appraisal and risk the whole discussion being about the news? Or (and I don't like this idea) sit through the whole discussion of appraisal and then tell him later? I already know about my salary/bonus etc for next year and have it in an email so they can't take that back! Would love some advice. I'm pretty straight laced and do trust my boss (though my company has hardly any history of maternity leave and literally no history in the UK office) and I just don't think I can omit something that big when talking about plans for the future. Would love some advice.

I also think I'll be showing a lot by 20 weeks. I can already tell now and none of my trousers fit at all. We're a small office so I see the same five people every day - no chance one of the other women won't notice.

Thanks so much supa, shonnomanom and ghosteditor for your replies. Although I'm not in the UK and therefore not under any legal obligation to disclose I think in practical terms it's just going to be impossible to hide it for that long! And like you, g'editor, I also feel some responsibility to my colleagues to go public now so that we can start making realistic plans for next year (I'm an academic, so my maternity leave will have a direct impact on my colleagues who will have to take up the slack with lecturing etc) Just wanted to see what everyone else was planning to do, since my NT scan date (14 July) is looming.

capy I'm in academic publishing so I'm going to have to tell all sorts of people - including my authors and translators - that I may not be around when the books come in. Stressful, but my responsibilities are only going to increase as time goes on so I figured there's no time like the present to start TTC.

Eek, though.

Ghost, I think telling them before or during your appraisal will be fine. Your boss will already have done up your appraisal notes before the meeting anyway and you've already been informed of your salary appraisal. It would probably make life easier for your objectives for you and your boss to take your mat leave into consideration.

Congrats Curly on your wedding. Sounds like a lovely way to tell everyone about your baby. Enjoy your honeymoon.

thanks scrambled I'm inclined to agree with you. Somehow I now feel like it's all happening so fast! We haven't told our parents yet and I feel quite strongly that we should do it face to face - but they're 200 miles away and DH is away half the time. So it looks like I'll tell work before parents which seems mixed up.

I think I just need to relax about it all. At the end of the day it won't matter who heard what first, we've all got to wait until January anyway!

ghosteditor I had the same quandary with my appraisal last week. In the end I told my boss, but "unofficially". Ie I said I was telling her so we could have a better conversation about targets, and otherwise I would've felt bad going to tell her next week having had a nonsensical debate about my plans for the next 12months. But the unofficially bit meant that I wanted her to keep it to herself for now with respect to her boss and the rest of the senior managers, and not to kick off any HR or occ health paperwork. I think she appreciated it.

I have had a bit of a rollercoaster day. I got a call from the screening midwife this afternoon to say she had my bloods back from the testing on Friday. I had had nuchal scan at same time, and I knew that this was borderline, so was prepared for a higher risk result to come in. I was also not very confident in the scan though as the sonographer was clearly struggling to take the measurement, it took forever and the 3 results were quite a range. Anyway, my result came back 1 in 8 which is obviously really high, and they said we had to go in to discuss our options. I told her that I wasn't too confident in the scan and asked if I could be looked at again, by somebody more senior, and whether they could also include a nasal bone measurement. She spoke to a consultant and they saw me within the hour. I now have a risk of 1 in 235, which although not brilliant is a whole lot better.

I am so glad they agreed to rescan us, and that they fitted us in so quickly. The consultant and the midwife were lovely. But it did make me think. If I hadn't asked for all this, they probably would have recommended us to go for CVS. We wouldn't have had it anyway, but I understand completely why lots of people would, and that then carries a significant risk to the baby. Or we would have spent the time between now and 20 weeks worrying frantically. Of course the result we have now is no guarantee, and plenty of things can always go wrong, and we will love our baby however it turns out - but i certainly feel more reassured. Other people might not have had the knowledge or the confidence to ask for further non-invasive testing, and it certainly wasn't being freely offered which makes me a bit . So, well, I'm glad I asked the question. Now enjoying a bag of niknaks as comfort food.

spag that was a but of a rollercoaster post so I can only imagine what your day has been like! Well done on being so prepared and composed. And thank you for sharing the info which could be helpful for any one of us. Knowledge is key!

Good to hear that you had a similar thing re the appraisals; sounds like you handled it well too, and it went well. So good to be able to talk about this on MN, especially with DH away. It's a bit lonely at the moment!

On the flip side I am now definitely showing a bit at 11 weeks! I tend to stick my bum out a bit anyway ( bad posture) so I think it's reasly obvious. I just keep telling myself that everyone's different! A colleague in our US office who has a teeny tiny frame didn't make it known until 8 months as she wasn't showing until then!!

Spagbol well done on insisting on further testing, it sounds like it was really valuable.

ghosteditor I told my boss early because I wanted to give the time to prepare. Even though they've known for 2 months, they haven't instigated any discussions about what I'm going to do in terms of leave which has been good as I'm not sure yet. I know that they have had time to think about what kind of cover we'll have though which has been appreciated.

For the BMI discussion, mine was 31 when I had my booking in appointment. A sign at the hospital said people can use the midwife centre if their BMI was under 35 at the booking in so I'm quite happy about that. I think different areas might treat that differently, which is good as it means there's room for common sense.

Thanks Nanny01 and Moobee and everyone else for the BMI advice. So not worried now!

I have good news. York Hospital phoned today regarding my complaint and they managed to reschedule my appointment for Thursday 30th June in the afternoon. Despite it being strike day (and I wasn't striking) I get the 'day off' as my PPA has been moved to Thursday morning to accommodate this and then hospital in the afternoon.

So bloody nervous now! Keep thinking that they'll find nothing there!

Many congratulations curlygirl!
Hope you have a wonderfully relaxing honeymoon.

Glad people's results so far are encouraging. Fingers crossed for all the ladies with scans and screening in the pipeline.

Wow what an eventful day you ladies have had!

Well done on your persistance Mum2be. Did York apologise in any way?

Good for you Spagbol for demanding the extra testing, such a significant change in numbers there.

Ghost I think that you do need to inform your boss due to your appraisal, but maybe do a spag and ask to keep it confidential until you have spoke to your family.

hiya all off for my 2nd early emergancy scan tomorrow due to the attack, will update on how things are after the scan keep fingers crossed for me that baby is ok. X

Fingers crossed for your scan mummyzoe

Morning all, good to hear that scans went well

I finally gave in yesterday and bought 2 pairs of maternity jeans, oh the comfort

Got bargains though, one pair of bootcuts in dorothy perkins with a maternity waist band reduced to £12 and a pair of red herring maternity skinnies in debenhams reduced to £8.10. worthwhile shopping trip all in all!

thanks for all the advice ladies! There seems to be a consensus here and it chimes with what I was feeling anyway. Great to be able to talk it over with you all.

how did the scan go mummyzoe? I hope your arm is healing ok.

giraffe I think I'm going to go shopping for maternity stuff this weekend too - hardly anything fits properly and I can't be doing with tight clothes in this heat.

Right, I finally get it about the hormone surges and feeling emotional - I haven't been feeling much different but this morning I appear to be sitting at my computer trying quite hard not to burst into tears for no reason at all! I'm a bit tired and had more wacky dreams last night but otherwise things are going well. Anyone else getting random emotional outbursts? I have a big presentation tomorrow (which I'm a bit worried about) and am worried that I'll go all red and possibly start weeping if I can't answer any questions directed at me...

scan is at 3pm, will update after, my arm is healing ok just got loads of scabs on it, which i guess is a good thing.

Wow, congratulations to all of you having scans. Congratulations curlygirl on your wedding, have a great honeymoon!
I've just got home from holiday to find that the midwife still hasn't contacted me, and I'm 11 and a half weeks. Surely this isn't normal, I've always been contacted at about 8 weeks before although I've recently moved surgery. I'm being a wimp and am too scared to ring because of the scarey receptionist who will probably tell me it's not her responsibility again!!
giraffe and ghosteditor I'm going to have to go clothes shopping soon to as am really starting to show. I gave all my old maternity clothes away earlier in the spring as wasn't planning on having a third any time soon, oops!
mummyzoe hope the scan goes well.

I am needing to get some maternity clothes too. I have a couple of tops from last time and one pair of new jeans but thats it. I only fit ointo one of my normal trousers so desperately need something! I might have to try to blag dp.

Hey everyone,
Glad to hear there have been some good scans. Mine's not for another loooong 3 weeks. I'm eating so much I don't think they'll be able to find anything through the blubber at the rate I'm going!

Mummyzoe - good luck tomorrow. I hope everything's ok.

Congratulations curlygirl on your wedding! Ah, I'm so jealous you're off to Italy - have a wonderful time!

Spagbol - well done for pushing for another scan. It's the type of thing I'd think to ask after the event!

ghosteditor I ended up telling my boss really early as I have to travel for work, so carrying heavy bags of books isn't really an option now (yep, in publishing too!) He's been really supportive, but they still haven't worked out the logistics of sales trips (can't say I'm too worried!)

giraffe - I'm longing for the elasticated waist again. I never went back to normal tights after my last pregnancy as maternity ones are such a joy by comparison!

Have a good afternoon everyone!

fryn I'll already having nightmares about Frankfurt Book Fair - getting all the material there will be hard enough, but top it off with the 60+ meetings I'm expecting to schedule over the course of the fair and I'll be in pieces at 6 months' pg

Hello everyone, I have been 'away' for so long I'm not sure I know what is going on with all of you :) I am trying to catch up with all the news and can see that some of you had busy days curlygirl had a fantastic time at wedding and is probably heading down to Italy now, niiice!

I haven't yet had my 12 week scan, that will be mid July. I am hoping all will go well :) I got a call from mw saying I am A- (who knew I was so special???) and now might need the anti-d jab trying to find out husband's blood type), anyone else here will have/had it?

Wishing everyone a lovely day and will try really hard to check in more often! Lots of hugs to you all xxxx good luck mummyzoe for tomorrow

hi greenlady78 I am A-
very special :-D
why do you want to know H's bloodtype?