Evening all! Been an interesting day today! Last night I sat OH down and talked to him about the VBAC plans. He's not happy because he's worried about it and I ended up really upset, I could half see myself cancelling the idea and half see myself in labour getting stressed out by his attitude. Whilst he said he won't talk me out of it he is likely to sit tapping in the corner chewing his nails if he's not happy.
I went to bed a little upset (alone because although the bed is fixed we don't fully trust it at the moment) and didn't really sleep. Lie on my back and there is too much pressure on my pelvis and back, lie on my side and the baby fights the bed! Spent most of the night on my phone mobile browsing.
Got to the hospital just before 11am for my 11:15 scan, sign up saying that waiting time is two hours! Fortunately they were getting through the backlog by then and I got called at half past. Baby is head down and in a good position, quite low as they were struggling to get her head.
After my scan I went and did my BP and water sample then went out the the WRVS to meet my Doula and partner. It was the first time they met so they had a chat, she talked rubbish with him just to try and make him relax. We went around to the clinic to wait for SoM and consultant, OH got called to say there was problems at work so went to ring them. I got called before he came back so we did the consultant appointment first.
When he got back we changed to talk about my VBAC. It was very casual so my Doula opened (normally a Doula would keep quiet during meetings like this but it was more like a chat) and said how I was feeling and suggested I give them my birth plan and the sheet I'd typed up about how I feel. I sat watching them read it wanting to chew my nails because they'd still not disclosed any of their thoughts at this point. I shouldn't have worried too much because she (consultant!) was great! She did, however, slightly over laboured the point that I have a 5% chance of things going wrong and emphasised repeatedly this is not a 5% chance of a section. She basically made out that there is no warning the uterus splits and the baby is starved so either brain damaged or dead! I could see my Doula as she was stood behind her was keeping quiet about something I and suspected that it's because she was being a bit dramatic (it's not so sudden, there are warnings and a rupture doesn't mean a baby will be starved). She said though that they're happy for me to VBAC but no induction and no augmentation, if either of those was to be necessary they would only section. Going on my past though those won't be necessary and that's the reason, really, we're discussing it. She did contradict herself though as she told us about a mother last year who wouldn't accept that she needed to stop and they kept asking her and she kept refusing until in the end she had a rupture, the baby was starved and now is unable to swallow. It occurred to me from what was said that they obviously did know they were coming to that point.
On the more positive though she said they will want constant monitoring BUT they will do telemetric monitoring (ie wireless CTG) and will be encouraging me to keep mobile - I think we all felt they're quite for the natural birth - changing position, using the birth ball etc, they basically said a bed is a prop not for lying on. I felt and talking with Doula later she agrees, that we kind of coming from opposite ends of me thinking I'm not going to be pushed around, I'm not going to let them make it difficult for me to be successful etc and she's worrying I'm going to be "at any costs" (which is probably why she took such a hard line about the 5%) and we've found we're meeting in the middle. As I just said to OH I'm happy to go along with them 100% if they will make my VBAC possible and I will trust them to say when enough is enough. My hard-line with my birth plan is basically coming against potential barriers, not coming against people who will genuinely say "it has been long enough" and not just go "it's been x amount of time, you should be [here] now" or using a monitor to keep me on the bed. They've said that at the next appointment they will go through it properly with us, it will be written up and their mobile numbers written next to it with instructions to ring them. They said if we should come against someone who doesn't agree with the plan to tell them to ring one of them.
Other things we looked at is getting an anaesthetist to look at my back and decide whether it is going to be feasible to do an epidural in the event of a section. The SoM read back through the last birth record to see if she could work out why they stopped. Basically because it was a crash the obstetricians give the anaesthetist one chance to get the needle in, it can't be done carefully and gently, so at the point they were prodding me and causing pain they didn't have the time to find out why or be careful about getting the needle in. So that appointment is next Monday. They've said that if I do get to have an epidural they will allow someone to be with me as (me who self injects every day!) I'm scared of needles. They've also done a manual handling assessment for me as I will need help when I'm on the ward, which has also included that I need an electric bed! I found last time I was in that the bed gave me some independence as I don't have to sit up, which is the hardest part of getting out of bed. They're also going to look into SMACS (self medication after c-section) for me however I deliver. They used to do it for all electives but stopped for some reason, they're starting to do it again and will do it for me.
The other thing they've done is - finally after almost 5 years! - they've gone through my notes and explained exactly what went wrong with my eldest. Apparently the first time I was examined my membranes were bulging so they knew there was no hard object (head/bum) presenting so they were concerned if my waters broke the cord would drop, which risks it being kind pinched if baby puts pressure on it during birth cutting off the blood supply and as she was breech they wouldn't be able to touch her or they would make her try to breathe before she out. I was given an hour to respond to the drip and when they came back they couldn't even find my cervix so the only option was a section. When they cut me the standard way all they could see was a foot. Obviously you can't pull a baby out by their foot so they had to cut upwards, pretty much all the way giving me a classical incision. I'm cross that no one has done this before. I suffered Birth Trauma for the first 2.5 years of her life, I was in such a bad state that the consult commented on how different I am now. People kept making half comments but not telling me the truth. I made an appointment with PALS and when the lady she arranged to speak to me came she was defensive. My brain just couldn't cope with this gap in my memory where I went to sleep trying to stop the labour and woke up with it gone and no baby. Then for the secrecy on top. There was no need for it, it was a pretty normal complication and they did what they had to.
Didn't get home until gone 4:30pm! Have chatted with Doula on Facebook and she told me the bits she'd held her tongue over. I'm actually feeling more positive about it all now. Although they stressed the risks I think it was slightly to sound me out see if I'm committed to it because if you're not it won't work and it's easier to go for section and to see if I'm an "at any costs" type person, otherwise they were fairly positive and they looked at ways to help me with the things that I'm worried about for a section.
Sorry it's long, I really needed to get it all out and I don't have anywhere else I can 