The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

good luck today Mas

Hope you are doing ok Mas, looking forward to seeing you on t'other side!

Sorry Loz, no twinges here - looks like it is going to be a late baybee. Prolly just as well though - I'm crossing my legs until the big thaw. Still can't get out of village, we've had no post since last Weds and I'm seriously worried that the xmas shopping won't turn up from Sainsburys tomorrow. Eek. We'll be eating portions of frozen lasagne/shepherds pie/meatballs for xmas lunch. Still, at least we have booze and christmas cake, and who needs fresh veg anyway... vastly over rated.

Mas good luck! got a nice plate of pate waiting for you in the spa

Ah well Pol I usually find Jan a bit of a let down after all the festivities, so if you could liven things up with a post-Christmas baybee that would lift my spirits no end! Ta muchly

I'd also prefer lasagne to turkey dinner anyway.

I'm vay bored today. Still in work - BOO! - but am in full on Christmas can't-be-arsed mode.

Out of interest, when does "Christmas" actually start for everyone? Mr Loz & I enjoy some food goodies over Christmas, but for some reason are very strict in that we do not crack them open until we've both finished work on Christmas Eve. We've been climbing the walls for chocolate some nights, but WILL NOT open the "Christmas" chocs. Are we insane?

We are the same Loz - there are certain things that will not be opened until christmas eve at the earliest, such as the chocs, snacks etc. And the cake will NOT be eaten before christmas day. My mum and dad are supposed to be here then, I am really hoping they will still make it as I am climbing the walls here.

Eat Christmas cake before Christmas Day . Good God, no.

When are your mum & dad due Pol?

I just wish I could be so strict with myself the rest of the year - I'd have a killer bod that way

If it helps Okie I am sitting next to a nearly empty tin of Cadbury Heroes. Generally haven't the energy for Xmas year, as suffering from the unbelievable knackeredness that no-one tells you about. Have made cake but can't be arsed to ice it. Have made pastry but cannot be bothered to go the final step and turn it into mince pies.

Loving the guilt-free chocolate though. It tastes better than regular.

Sorry I'm late BTW. Have been lurking for a bit, but only 11wks so still feling not quite BESH or PESH. LadyG can vouch for me tho.

We always go away at Christmas so no Christmas stuff to consume. That makes the chocolate in the house just regular stuff.

Hello Foxy. Welcome to the Deli. I'm afraid we do have a GinGinGinnyGinster here already, so hope you don't mind being called by your last name. Tis just like school! I feel all schoolmarmish now. Where's my cane?

laurie we?ve broken into the Christmas peanuts twice now, the first time meaning I had to buy a second batch. And the Christmas wine box has been opened by MrM. I guess for us it starts when we decorate the tree, so last Saturday.

muse knows that I am very easily confused... hello to foxinsox, and welcome.

ps poops I am still laughing ,snort.

Welcome Foxy Sorry about the knackerdness.

Med Christmas peanuts last Sat - tut tut (am v jealous, can't wait to get my nuts out. So to speak).

In other news (& this may put you off Christmas food) my nips were sooooo dry & flaky this morning I think they may fall off. I E45'd them to within an inch of their lives. Mr Loz walked into bedroom just at that time. He thought Christmas had arrived early.

Hope you're doing a ladylike cough and a push as we speak, Mas. Thinking of you all day :)

Don't look at me! I'm a monster! I had a sex dream about one of you last night! (You were gooooood, whoever you are... although it was fairly disturbing to see a preggo with a massive cock )

Lozza, if it makes you feel any better about the bump, I already have long, awful, neon purple stretchmarks Total swings & roundabouts, innit (just 3 days to go till Santa gives me my Mama Mio!). Wish I'd taken a pic of my tum before I got pg, as I had lovely smooth skin there. Ho well.

Re: Xmas food, as me and TYF don't like Xmas cake or mince pies (or Xmas pud), it's quite easy to stay away from festive food until the big day itself. But I always have something gingerbread-y on Xmas Eve. It's the law, surely? We're both pretty good at holding ourselves back (unlike my Mum, who starts trying to give you your pressies from @ the 10th Dec onwards, sigh).

Sending sneezy vibes Mas - I really hope things go well for you today and you get the lovely new born cuddles soon.

We have no difficulty not eating Christmas food here - I haven't been bothered to buy any so it's not an issue. Normally we would have bought some, and opened it by now though - 'specially peanuts nom nom. I need to go food shopping tomorrow - argh!

Scorps get thee to a doctor for those dreams!!! Hope you haven't told TYF

On the back of the conversation yesterday, Mr O and I managed the sechs this morning . I shan't be telling the MIL but Mr O went off to work with a smile on his face bless him. That's his Christmas present sorted!

Hello foxieloxie, know how you feel as am a couple of weeks behind you and can't quite decide current status re: diffment.

muser I am drinking a cup of bottle green hot spiced berries and sending you big muuled winesque luffs for directing me to it It has nrought me Christmas joy!

I spoke to my mum last night (she's away in Australia) and she was very helpful about the whole not seeing a midwife thing and said GP could refer me for a scan. Why didn't I think of that? I am seeing her tomorrow and will camp out in the surgery until my referral is made. Provided I manage not to cry again .

I meant to bake boo's shortbread yesterday but didn't have any of the ingredients including the cake tin but have been to tescos this morning done the festive shop and will commence baking once I have had a recovery lie down. It was a bit eventful as I retched my way around the store before finally puking in the car park .

Godd luck mas!

May I just add a snow-grrr here as well? We have shopping planned for today and tomorrow and we're pretty much snowed in now. TYF has bravely set off (after 30 mins car-scraping) to his work because all his online deliveries have turned up there but I really need to go to the posh organic health food shop 30 mins away for stuff and we just can't get there. Hoping to be able to get out tomorrow to get the last minute pressies (TYF; I'm sorted) and pick up the pre-ordered turkey, but centre of town and where we're picking it up from are opposite direction from posh shop

Oh and I spoke to my Doc about the flu jab. She now says that there's so many cases in our area of flu/swine flu, which are only set to get worse after Xmas, with people mingling more, that she think I should have it because the risks of me feeling ill from that are soooo much better than what could theoretically happen if I did get flu/swine flu. So am having it at 4pm. Nervous cos it made me so ill last time, but I think it's the right decision. Eeek!

Hang on, every time I try to click a link on MN elsewhere (traitor!), I get a web warning saying the page will attack my pc - WTF?!?!?!

Scorperino, I'm told by several busybodies experts at work that even if it looks as if you've been attacked by a garden rake, the purple marks will fade to silvery lines eventually. They may just be trying to spare my feelings, but unlikely as I've heard nothing but labour-related horror stories since I announced the happy news.

Welcome Foxy, I hope you start to feel less tired soon, sucks doesn't it.

Well I;ve just had a call from a midwife (god knows who or where she is based, she didn't say). She says she's been trying to call me since last Friday (wtf? can't have been trying v hard) to let me know that due to severe weather conditions they cannot support home births until further notice. Wah. She wants me to trek into the GP to get BP and wee tested and I will have to go to hossie when things kick off. Unless I can hold the baybee in until things thaw. But when might that be? Fucking April?! We haven't had any post since last week and no-one has left the village unless on a tractor all week so the chances of me getting to the GP are slim. I'm running out of milk and I'm rationing my t-bags - believe me I am bloody desperate to get out, even if it is just to the GPs. TG is home working and says maybe tomorrow we can try and go out (no more snow forecast). Saisnburys have said ours is one of the areas with a question mark over so they can't guarantee we will get our shopping before christmas.

I was soooo looking forward to christmas, I've been so fucking prepared it has been like a military operation but the one thing I can't do any-fucking-thing about is the pissing snow and I just want to wail. Sorry. Am really fucked off now. Boo is so excited about baybee and Father Christmas coming (I'm sure she thinks they are intrinsically linked and will arrive at same time ) and I am finding it vey hard to muster any enthusiasm for anything. And to top it all off I can almost FEEL my blood pressure rising. Need to keep it low to get water birth in hossie otherwise I will end up tethered to fucking bed and machines again.

Parents due here just for xmas day Loz, then MIL and TG's stepdad on boxing day.

Loving the mental image of Bitey scaring the Tesco punters with her retchy noises

Also in awe at your bravery in going anywhere near Tescos this week.

Scorps hope the jab doesn't make you too sick. The site warning thing is apparently a technical issue with an ad that they are resolving. It's not really going to crash your computer.

pollypooter fuckbiscuits. That is all.

Oh pooh that's terrible what region do you live in? Is the forecast looking hopeful? I saw on the news last night that the red cross have been ferrying people about in 4x4s in the more rural outposts of Wales. Maybe your GP surgery can suggest something similar to get you there?

foxylaydee it actually helped with crowd clearance and was the fastest festive shop I have ever done! It may also be fast as instead of deliberating over things i snatched things up and if I heaved they went back on the shelf and if not they went in the trolley

My midwife has also just rung and has set up an extra clinic for all those who got canecelled on the 30th of December. Have again been insanely cheery on the phone then collapsed in sobbing heap afterwards. Gotta love these hormones!

Oh yes, and I haven't had a flu jab either. Maybe I am fick but I didn't know preggos were supposed to have it and the GP n midwife never told me. FFS. Apparently swine flu is rampant round these parts too. Buggeration.

Ach, Poo, that sucks a whole bag of donkey dicks (not part of my sex dream, I hasten to add) We'll just have to pretzellate ourselves for you that your food delivery is on time and your baybee delivery is slightly late

Thanks, foxybingo. I'm prone to stretchmarks and know they'll fade, but it doesn't stop it being a bit depressing when my tum was the only unaffected area of my body. Still, how can a smooth belly that no-one sees compare to being a mum, eh? :)

Right! We are going to try to go out! Wish me luck...

Pol, at least if you're snowed in you can't be in contact with flu-ridden peeps

Ta. Muse. Am getting round the site annoyance now.