The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

I too thought smoked salmon was a no-no, so was very pleased to discover it is fine. I have avoided sushi, despite the freezing thing, and also soft-poached eggs, but might relax that a bit. That said, I did get very worried with myself after cooking some organic beef too rare (it had been in the freezer mind, and I obviously didn't suffer any ill effects but still.)

in other news - my Amazon order had an attempted delivery today - huzzah!

mas that sounds shite. I second the glass of wine. And remember that all this feels like it's not getting you anywhere but you are in labour and your body is doing stuff. That doesn't stop it from feeling painful and knackering though. Wish we could help.

Gin, I read that last bit wrong for a moment

Good news on your Amazon order, Medee. I've been on the phone to Royal Mail and Firebox today about orders, to no avail. TYF has ordered 90% of his gifts for his family from Amazon weeks ago and they're still stuck in a RM delivery centre. RM admitted to me on the phone that newer orders are being given priorities over the backlog and they will only deal with older orders once everything else has gone out (ie so very little chance of owt arriving for Xmas and we go to see them all on the 26th). Mind you, at least I could get sense out of them, as the bint at Firebox kept insisting that Royal Mail don't deliver on Saturdays or do tracking numbers for 1st class mail, so GRRRRRRR. So that's my main pressie for TYF lost in the ether, then

Still, our deliveries being delayed is nothing compared to WearyMass's (see what I did there?). Come on BabyMas, gerramoveon!

Mas I'm sorry this is dragging out for you. You will get there though and it will all be worth it. I third the wine and I do hope you have an easier night tonight. Or a baybee of course!

Come on Maswean!

Medee wins with that one!

I just burst into tears over a picture of a nursery in my freebie Boots magazine. I have finally lost it.

Morning ladeez.

Poor Mas. As long as you & Pol have a snow free path to your birthing venue of choice, come here for some hot curry, pineapple & nipple tweaks.

Talking of nips, mine are still itchy. In fact my entire buzzwams are itchy. That's a lot of itching, I can tell ya!

Another midwife appoinment cancellation here.

* RANT ALERT *

But it was an huge fuck up all round - I'm actually glad for the snow. Don't ask me why, but I've been feeling a little anxious lately & was really looking forward to this appointment & hearing the HB. I rang surgery in morning to check MW had made it in coz of snow. Receptionist said she hadn't heard anything, she'd check & call me back. Naturally that was the last I heard from her.

Anyway, Wales went snow bonkers & I was sent home (secretly quite pleased as the roads were a nightmare & I spent 2 hours driving a 20 min journey talking to myself & my car, encouraging it up each hill). So when I got home I rang surgery to cancel appointment, only to be told by a different (& patronising receptionist) "Oh there's no midwife clinic today lovey". Stoopid me laughed & said "Oh she's snowed in, is she?" to which patronising bitch said "No, there never was a clinic". I'm quite organised so was pretty confident I hadn't made a mistake. When she checked my records there was a quiet "Ohhhh". She then said she'd better check no-one else had been booked in for imaginery clinic.

Now I have my 16 week check up on 17 Jan. When I shall be 21 weeks. And that should be the 1st time I'll meet "my" midwife. Twat.

So, no reassuring HB moment for me . At least its not too long until 20 week scan (6 Jan).

* RANT OVER *

On the plus side I was so raging about it that I wore myself out & had a lovely afternoon nap.

LadyG so glad you got to see your MW & heard HB - its an amazing experience, isn't it?

Hope everyone else is OK, x

Welsh midwives are clearly not as DHB as their English counter parts loz! An extra five weeks when you want reassurance is just horrible. I spoke to 'mine' in the afternoon and she was incredibly laid back about getting my scan booked and said we can go up to week fifteen for the first one. I didn't want to come across as a total mentalist but I want the scan as soon as it is available because I don't even know if there is an actual baybee in there or if I am making the whole thing up! So I was bizarrely cheeerful, chipper and hearty on the phone and then cried for about half an hour.

Oh fuckitt just rang surgery to get new appointment and midwife doesn't return until the 17th of January. When I should be thirteen weeks. Now feeling extremely anxious .

So laurie, you had a scary drive home, decided to cancel your appointment and now are cross because there wasn't an appointment anyway?? I totally understand how scary it is before you can feel movement, but I really think you ABU to be so angry about something you were calling to cancel anyway. If you are that concerned maybe you could pay for a private scan.

The NHS is an amazing service, and I think calling your midwife a twat is totally uncalled for.

Ouch! Harsh MrsFC. I stand by the fact I do not think its amazing service to book me in for a ficticious appointment. At least I made the effort to let them know I wouldn't be there, I would at least expect the same level of courtesy from them.

We shall agree to wholeheartedly disagree, this being the season of goodwill and all that.

You are right. The season of goodwill shall prevail. I shall STFU now and ice my Christmas cake, and save you a slice. It has LOTS of brandy.

Merry Christmas both. Lozza will need LOTS of brandy FC. Being Welsh and everything.

< DIES laughing> ME?????

Laurie If you want to hear the hb, curly can point you in the right direction of buying a doppler. Just take control of the situation yourself. :)

YUM!

Ski I have no reason really to be anxious, I was just looking forward to an additional bit of reassurance & disappointed all round.

I'll be quiet now & enjoy the bottle of bubbly my Regional Director has bought me

Wonder how Mazza is? Do you think she's laying?

Be warned about dopplers though, Loz - when me and TYF tried ours (a birthday prez from the delectable AuntiePol), it took us 20 mins to find the hb and we were both getting v panicky.

It is a disgrace that you and probably other women have been booked in to see a MW on a day when she won't be there, especially in this weather and also so near to Xmas. Women with fears, problems and issues will have to go through Xmas with those things unresolved and questions unanswered and for the women wanting to hear the hb and being generally excited, etc., there's the disappointment. Is good that you had decided to cancel, but still remains Not. Good. Enough.

Bitey, your situation is crap too. Is shit that your first appointment will be that long fangry] Have you decided to have the nuchal scan done? Because the last day you can have that done is 13+6 - and different factors like normal cycle length and Ov day affect how far along they say you are (I thought I was having my scan at 13+2 but it was actually calculated at 13+5, for those reasons). Could you afford to pay for a private scan, if that would put your mind at rest?

PS There's something in there, don't worry

What news on our festive babies in mangers, MasWean and ContentofPolly'spocket?

Ooh I iced our christmas cake yesterday. Unfortunately it was a rather wonky looking cake and I had to chop a layer off the top to make it even. We then stuffed our faces with leftover cake and marzipan. It is bloody delish if I say so myself (Nigella's boozy xmas cake infused with brandy, drambuie and port) and I'm not sure it will still be intact on xmas day.

With regards to food and pregnancy I have not really followed any guidelines except if I fancy it, I've eaten it. I've gone off booze and coffee for the main part, but made up for it with runny eggs, salami, goats cheese with/without rind/mould/whatever else I could get my hands on. I did have a massive thing for tuna too and found it vey hard to limit myself to one tin a week. Luckily I am over that now. I've done a massive Sainsburys order for Thursday (which I am praying will actually get to us as I do not want to go out on my due date* and do a fecking xmas shop) which includes loads of lovely antipasti meats, pate, about 8 different kinds of cheese and gawd knows what else... The booze came with last weeks shop. I intend to partake in a little bit of all, whether I've laid or not - it is bloody Christmas after all.

Well I am sat here waiting for the midwife to turn up. Unfortunately MY midwife is on hols until the new year... harumph. She only told me last week! How dare she book holiday over the exact time I am likely to lay?! I am not even sure the stand-in MW will a) know that she is supposed to be here or b) be able to get here anyway due to the fecking snow. I've left a message with the GPs receptionist but it will prolly take about a week to reach the right person. Oh well, if she can't get here we won't know if my BP has risen which means I am still on for a homebirth. TG has actually been pro-active about something and has tee'd up our landlords (local farmers) for the Big Lay Day - in case of bad weather, more snow etc they have agreed to go out at any time of day or night and collect midwives from the main roads in one of their many tractors or 4x4s and deliver them to our house!

Sorry that was all very boring and me me me.

Where is Mas? Anyone heard from her? Hope she is ok. Hopefully she is laying now and can avoid the induction. Sending you big smooches Mas if you are in stealth mode.

*Due Date according to scan is 23 December, not actually 25. However, according to my calculations I am due on 28 Dec. We'll see....

Polly You've got to be "me me me" - and you've got a reason! Your midwife being off reminds me of the birth scene from "Knocked Up" where the doctor declares he absolutely will be there and he never takes a holiday. Can TG get to a chemist and get some wee sticks/hire a BP monitor. If you are weeing protein it could be a little unsafe to wait. :( Sorry, I don't want to sound like the voice of doom but I didn't take it in at all at the time how serious it was. He'd stopped growing etc., etc. Very good that TG has rallied the troops though - who knew?

Check out you lot with your Ocado deliveries et al - ain't youse posh & rich!

Pol, that's great that TG has sorted out the landlords to help you out at any time, that must really put your mind at ease. Will they go get your Sainsbury's delivery if that gets stuck as well? (Bloody hope it doesn't!)

Who needs One Born At Christmas when we've got our own version right here?!

Midwife has just rung - she is also snowed in, and much worse than us, so no chance she will get out before christmas. She wasn't overly concerned but said if we can get out over the next few days I should go to the docs and get them to check wee and BP. Still getting lots of movements from Shrimp, and loads of BH too which are doing my head in, but thinking back to last week I only measured 37 instead of 39 weeks. My midwife said at the time that it wasn't unusual to measure smaller once head fully engaged so she wasn't worried but now I'm feeling a bit

I am so over this fucking snow now.

pol Any bright stars in the sky visible?