I wandered lonely as a PESH

[Muser]

That floats on high o'er vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of cackling, quaffing, ne-er-do-wells

Pull up a seat, grap a glass of vino and a piece of sushi, it's Delitime again.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, awaiting update

UPDIFFED
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, will she ever stop puking?, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 21 May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.

Oooh, I just love a sausage and egg mcmuffin....

I had a Big Mac with fries and coke. And then I had the festive Christmas pie. Which is like a deep fried mine pie with custard in as well. Am ashamed to say it was lush. Oh dear God.

Go for it, I don't like Maccies really but it was my first (and probably last) KFC meal, the other week, that alerted me to the whole gallstone debacle. It was delicious even if I did pay for it afterwards.

The Christmas pie sounds good. I bought Krispy Kremes today and have already had two.

oh stop PLEASE!!!!

Aww, poor rocket. Would you like one? They can't irritate your gallstones if they're internet Krispy Kremes.

I feel rubbish today. Back ache. Groin ache. Mehness. Was meant to be going and being sociable but can't face the hour bus journey or being boringly sober while everyone else gets hammered. I am such an antisocial sod. I WANT TO GET DRUNK.

And TBG is listening to Wagner. I think the KillTheRabbit! bit is about to start.

Fanks myooff so sorry to hear you are feeling crap. I must admit the upside of this enforced healthy diet is that I feel really energised for the first time in months. this is also prob the effect of getting into 2nd trimester but I've realised how poor\rich my diet has become since I started eating meat a few years ago so in a way there is a silver lining to all this. I am with you on the booze front tho!!! half a glass if watered down wine just doesn't cut it

Wagner eh? What is it with blokes and xfactor?

Evening all. I had a burger king today, followed by 2 triple choc cookies from Sainsbo's. I was going to eat healthily throughout this pregnancy. Have not yet achieved it and only have 4 weeks to go.

Well I am having a shit weekend so far. My mum offered to have Boo for a couple of nights so that we could have a last romantic* weekend together before baybee comes. We had planned dinners out, a bit of shopping, lunch and then cinema and dinner tonight. I was even planning to seduce the poor bloke this morning as he has been feeling very neglected of late. Slept dreadfully, in lots of pain and had to get up for wees 3 or 4 times in the night so that didn't put me in the best of moods. When we woke up he was in a crap mood. He is really quite depressed about all the shit at work, so my idea went out of the window. Instead we have spent most of the day fighting, with me in tears. He hates his job and hates pregnancy - feels ostracised and unnecessary and as if he only role is to go out to a job that he hates to provide for us (even though that is what we'd always planned, at least until the children are at school). He reckons most men feel like this, but there is a pressure for it to be the most wonderful time ever and most men don't admit it that it is not. I'm not sure this is the case - I wonder if any of your menfolk are feeling anything similar? I am still feeling really upset and exhausted by it all. When he is very low he seems to think it is ok to say things he doesn't really mean in order to get a reaction out of me (I am very good at being practical and less good at the emotional support - our roles are reversed as I am the 'man' and he does the traditional emotional 'woman's role') and then apologise later. I think if you don't mean it, don't say it.

We did manage to go shopping which was a nightmare, me on crutches and barely able to walk and TG trying to stop people bashing trolleys into me. By the end of it, I couldn't actually lift up my right foot at all - I just had to kind of drag it along the floor. Definitely my worst day so far.

So instead of a romantic night out, he is practising the inflating, filling and emptying of the pool and I am watching Strictly. The pool thing has cheered us both up though - it is AMAZE! I can't wait to get in it.

What a fucking waste of a child-free weekend though...

• I should point out that TG does not do romantic and I am not much better, so I didn't have high hopes. But they were dashed none the less!

Sorry that was really waffly and didn't make sense in some places. Think I am going to have to have a gin tonight. Or maybe a cider. grrr. I want to get hammered too.

ohh poo just popped upstairs so I can answer this properly on the lap top as sounds like you need a bit of support. I've just asked TB how he feels and he said that yes he feels a bit of added pressure to 'provide' but that's it. He did say that he feels he is more detached from what is going on, for the obvious physical reasons and that has an emotional knock on effect. Currently, he is ok with everything but its really early days for us, we don't have another child to support and his job is fairly easy. On the one hand I can understand TG's frustration, having felt trapped in a job I hated in the past (without the additional responsibility of a family) I can identify with this, and I am sure it makes him feel better to vent to you. I also imagine it is hard for him seeing you in pain and that might be contributing to his frustration? On the other hand, under the circumstances, I think he really should be putting a brave face on it right now. You certainly don't need this, especially when you had a nice weekend planned, sounds like he is being a bit selfish?

i think a cider/gin etc would be an excellent idea. Maybe you could draw a line under it and do something fun/silly like getting in the pool together with a 'cocktail' each seeing as he has gone to the trouble of putting it up and you are both buzzing off it. (sorry if that is daft, me and TB are both still children really so kind of thing we'd end up doing)

So sorry you are having such a shit time, if none of the above helps perhaps a flash of my buzzwams would?

Oh Polly, what a shit day.

I have spoken to TBG. He does see where your bloke is coming from. He too has been feeling the pressure of the shift that's happening in our relationship and the realisation that he is going to have to be the provider for a bit. This did culminate in a mid-street meltdown where he accused me of finding new ways to spend his money and I burst into tears. There was much angst on both sides and he apologised profusely later. It was a similar root though, the idea that his role now was just to make money and he was resenting it a bit.

It's a difficult time, especially given your SPD and all. TBG says he does empathise a bit with your bloke, but also feels it sounds more extreme than what he's been going through. However, TBG likes his job a lot and has recently got some good news about it. So he doesn't have that added stress. From a male perspective, though he understands, he thinks bloke needs to get over it and get on with it.

'lo Salad. Thanks for quick response. I do understand why he is feeling so low, but I don't appreciate some of the very hurtful things he said to get a rise out of me (wasn't going to acknowledge this but one of the worst was 'I don't want this baby, I never wanted a second child'. You can't say something like that and expect it to be forgotten just because you'v apologised. Well, not in my world anyway). Not what I need at this late stage of pregnancy. I doubt today has helped keep my blood pressure low.

Hehe, I wanted to get in the pool but he wouldn't let me - he wanted to get it all done so he could cook. And he has cooked a double batch of spag bol so we can stock up the freezer, so he is trying.

I'm not really upset. More disappointed that we have wasted a weekend. We get so little time to ourselves and we haven't made the most of it at all. Haven't even done any of the jobs I wanted to get done today. It is not like we have lots of weekends left before Shrimp arrives!

Sorry Muse, x-post. I guess I kind of dismissed some of his concerns as he is a drama queen and if I took everything he said seriously I'd probably have left him or had a nervous breakdown by now. I guess it is a strange time for blokes - us women have an almost instant bond with the children we carry - TG always said it never felt real until I actually gave birth. Maybe I was living in fantasy land but I always thought pregnancy would be this magical and bonding experience and it never has been for us. First time around I was hurt and felt let down, this time I expected it.

Aw, sorry to hear you've been having a shit time, Pol. My ex was terrible for saying truly vile things in the heat of the moment that he then would apologise for. He was having an awful time with work as well and we weren't really right for each otehr so a bad combination. But I had a vicious tongue myself at times though. As you say I think men do find it harder to make a connection until the baby is on the outside. And then they totally and utterly fall in love with them, and with you for giving them such a precious thing.

It's hard for us to understand as we get all the symptoms, good and bad, all the lovely kicks and hormones to make us love our babies. They just see us moaning and expecting them to pull their weights more and it is a bit threatening to their cosy little worlds.

FWIW, I've wasted my weekend too as neshed out of going out as felt too tired and too cold outside really. Maybe try and have a special morning together - have lie in, make pancakes or something and have a lazy morning with the papers until you pick little one up? That's if you've forgiven him of course!

That is an awful thing to say, it would take a lot for me to forgive that. I guess you could treat it as that kind of teenage shouting which doesn't mean anything? Not really on for a grown man to do it though.

I thought pregnancy was going to be a lot more of a bonding experience than it actually has been. It's like everything though, the reality is never quite as much fun as the stories.

He does really need to do something about the way he's feeling. Understandable does not mean he's right. Especially when it impacts on you.

Oh pol, I'm so sorry your day wasn't fun. At least it's only half the weekend so far, maybe you could have a nice day tomorrow?

I DO think that Mr P needs to pull himself together and be a whole lot nicer to you, but everyone does deal with stress differently I guess and some men find it really tricky when they are no longer your number one. Try and take heart from the fact that he DID bond and love Boo when she arrived, and he has always loved you. It doesn't sound like that has changed. Maybe he feels guilty for the maggoty beams and stuff and not moving and is being mean to cover it up? Men can be funny like that...

I've spoken to the FC, and he says he doesn't feel pushed out or stressed. This did surprise me, as he is being made redundant and finishes work on Tues. I've been waiting for the general stress in the house to rise, but so far all seems to be calm. I've kind of given him his head (not like that you crude bunch - with my heartburn???) recently and let him go out and drink with his mates and even turned a blind eye to the odd fag, and I think that's kept him a bit more relaxed. However, he's not that bothered on talking to the bump or feeling the kicking, or reading the book about the birth, or even talking about the gross stuff! But I think we are both also so very excited about meeting the miniFC that has helped keep us focused on the good stuff.

You are being so resolute and brave, and Mr. P knows that, and he doesn't know how to come close to being as impressive as you. He'll sort it out when the miniP comes I bet. So many big hugs.

He is talking about going to the doctors and either requesting some happy pills (which he has always been very anti) or some counselling. I think that once the baybee arrives everything will be a lot better - he will have Christmas and other lovely baybee things to focus on instead and he can worry about job and what to do with that next year. He was exactly the same when I was pregnant with Boo, so I am not surprised in any way.

No chance of doing anything nice tomorrow as he is out for the day doing a toy soldier tournament . He is still in a vile mood. He has trashed the kitchen and is now too tired to put everything back, so that will be another job to add to the list. The list that he ignores. Grrr. And he still hasn't had dinner, even though skipping meals messes with his moods and makes him feel even worse. Gah, I just want to go to bed.

Hmmmmm. Mr P. You are NOT being a good egg right now. You really need to pull yourself together for our lovely Pol. The PESHes are NOT impressed with this type of behaviour.

In other news, the FC has remade my bed in a Prinesss and the Pea stylee with loads of duvets underneath in an attempt to cure my hip ache!

Good work MrFC. I have been getting hip ache too. I should try a duvet underneath.

Can I be truthful, Pol? Whilst I totally understand TG being v stressed and worried, perhaps even depressed about the bad work shit at the mo, I think he's being a mardarse. I have thought that before about other things you've said about him. He sounds lovely but a bit self-obsessed. Is fine before kids but he should suck it up after that and handle the fact that the world doesn't revolve around him any more.

Me and TYF always talk about stuff a lot (legacy of my Mum being a counsellor) and he always says he doesn't feel weird or pushed out or under pressure - quite the opposite; he doesn't particularly love his job, but now he feels like there's a really good reason for doing it, which makes me feel proud. I was thanking him earlier for doing all the housework because I feel so ill and he pointed out that if he was single, he'd still have to go out to earn a living, pay bills and do housework so I must stop apologising. He's really soppy and talks to the baby every night before bed and is really excited and we feel closer. But he is a much more sensitive and gentle person than most people, not just men, so I realise he's probably not representative of a norm.

I don't say all that to 'rub it in', like everything's perfect chez nous, but because I feel like TG is being an arse and you shouldn't excuse him to yourself with 'most men feel the same'. Some do, some don't, it would seem. But there's a difference between not being that into the whole pg deal and him being whiny and resentful about it. You are heavily pg, have a horrible, agonising condition, can't even walk properly and are tending the home and doing virtually all the childcare of Boo whilst he, yes, works long hours and he needs to get a grip. Sorry, but you have the rough end of this deal (esp. with daft drama queen DH added to that!). He does sound depressed, which you acknowledge and whilst that must be awful for him, ultimately it's unfair and selfish for him not to get help when he's got a suffering wife, small child and imminent baby about to add to the pressure.

I hope this isn't too harsh - I just really adore Polly (after all, that is actually my baby she's having ) and feel he's taking the piss a bit. Am being Tough Love Scorps tonight :)

PS We finally told the ILs earlier! His Dad was out so we only spoke to his mum, but she was really pleased. Not massively effusive, but obviously very happy and full of congratulations and asking how I was, etc. (I shouted at TYF and cried after the phone call, cos she'd asked him if I'd been feeling ill and he just said, well, she's been complaining a lot ). She didn't mention barn owls once! She did start fretting about what TYF's more-catholic-than-the-Pope Grandma was going to say and warned us we'd get the 'must get married!' speech at Xmas, but luckily, TYF's feckless younger cousin (drugs, dj-ing, squats, tribal piercings - you get the picture) has knocked up his gf, so he's taken the heat off us a lot, hassle-wise, haha!

Had a lovely meal out for my Dad's 70th (which was actually yesterday). Full of sirloin steak and yumminess and annoying rellies couldn't come cos of the snow - bonus!

AND I've only had a mild headache all day, instead of a near-migraine like every day, so a good Saturday all round for me

Oh Polly, sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it right now. If TG is actually talking about seeing the Docs then he is ackowledging that there is something more seriously wrong which has got to be a step in the right direction.

Living with someone with clinical depression is tough, really tough - it's not something he can fix himself and certainly isn't as simple as "getting a grip" or "pulling himself together". Encourage him to book that appointment and be there for him with all the emotional support you can muster.....it sounds like he needs it. Time to rally-up some support from your family too to pick up the slack on TG's task list - there's no shame in asking them for help and don't take no for an answer. In fact, they'll prob be ashamed for not having offered sooner once they realise how much you need it.

Be strong my lovely, it will get better and the two of you will be even closer for having tackled this together. Big un-PESHY (((((hugs)))))

polsta I hear ya sistah! .

I haz HI probs too. Sort of similar things. He feels the pressure of needing to earn and provide. He is pretty good on the looking after MB and me. Eg during my emotional breakdown last night due to painful bf'ing HI was advising diff positions to try for me and MB to alleviate the pain. HI is not a good communicator at all. Tends not to share but withdraws and then it has to be wrenched out of him and it's not a pretty sight cos then he gets cross.

He has said he'll communicate better but a leopard can't change it's spots.

Forums are fab for venting so vent away. Tis good for you.

Polly So sorry to hear you've had a shit "childless weekend" - best laid plans of mice & men et al. :( As for your SPD seizing up your leg so badly, am so sorry. Normally in these situtations I would prescribe a great big, fat doobie but perhaps just a bit of passive-smoking from TG atm? ...which of course won't be helping his mood any. Not going to go in to the ins & outs of THC but it's an evil, evil thing if someone is "down". :(

Am thrilled to read of everyone's McDonalds/BK trips! What is it with those little cheeseburgers containing so much baybee-goodness? Boots? You can stick your all-in-ones, I think you'll find that this cheeseburger contains everything my baybee needs to grow.

Those of you who need a lot of sleep probably need to get in to training. Or find a stimulant of choice.

LadyG Tsk at POAS again!