The PESH Deli - Going MAD for Hallowe'en.

[Scorpette]

Tales from the dark side, from a coven of evil hags obsessed with ghoulies. Hellish talk of FJ and puke will chill you to the marrow. Unspeakable horrors from our uterine crypts do creep - but thankfully, we're also having baybees...

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.

UPDIFFED

silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee).
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy).
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6.
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14.
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy).
maswera, jungle hottie, due December 11.
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25.
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 January.
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2.
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24.
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Muser, will she ever stop puking?, due February 27.
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12.
Casserole, living on hula hoops, due April 10.
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan.
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 21 May.
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 3 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.

So come on in and leave your broomsticks and pointy hats by the door!

scorps no way I'm smooching you sicky gob . No seriously that is horridable. Poor you.

muse pour a can of lager into the crotch of his jeans and put them back in the cupboard for tomorrow. Alternatively, swap all CDs or DVDs in different boxes. Or failing that hide his car keys - permanently. Or sign up him for private ashtanga yoga classes at home.

As you can see I clearly have axes to wield in life.

silver what is it with old people? They are seriously manipulative rude buggers when they want to be. Pretend they don't understand how to queue etc. It drives me mad.

muse I'm very sorry, but the FC was just reading over my shoulder and laughed a lot at the cobra eating a cobra comment. I explained to him how this was NOT a funny comment and not to be repeated.

score smooches from a distance for you xxx

Muse, ask him what his excuse is for looking the way he does when he's not updiffed...

(I know he's a handsome fella in actuality, but a taste of his own medicine won't hurt )

Re: Old Folks - my feisty Ginger Gran, who is sharper and funnier at 91 than many people will be at 30, likes to tell me how tempting it is when you get old to get away with being a selfish arse and blame it on decrepitude. Luckily, she limits herself to coming out with rather near-the-knuckle innuendos whilst pretending to be completely clueless about what she's saying

Seriously though, old peeps can be incredibly rude - I once saw an old biddy screech at some poor pregnant young woman 'are you going to bloody move or what, bitch?', on the bus, just because she liked to sit in a particular seat (the bus was virtually empty). To her credit, the differ said 'what' and carried on sitting there.

WHY do I always feel my worst on a Friday?! It makes absolutely no sense!

I just ate half a packet of jelly babies - feel vomitous. That will serve me right. There are now only 3 cereal bars in my labour snacks bag.

Have you got your still lucozade moo?

God, pregnancy brain. It should have been "python eating a horse" not a python eating a python.

He then tried to explain it and say it wasn't mean at all and was just the way the stripes on the top accentuate the belly. But I was not impressed.

There is no forgiveness for a comment involving pythons eating anything.

cunty yup 6 bottles of the stuff ready to go in freezer as soon as my bits start twinging. No one said still though - I got normal one. Is that bad???? Burping in labour prob not great though right...

What's with the frozen lucozade? Am intruiged...

I have turned into a narky cow and am trying the FCs patience. But honestly. How do you explain that two school runs, 3 loads of washing and cooking tea wipes you out completely? Even sitting on the sofa gives me backache and it's no fun watching the telly sitting on a dining chair....

Oh blah blah blah MrsFC. Man up and get a grip and be nice. Another question. When, if ever has everyone given up their underwire? I did last time, but I just can't bear the shape those non underwire bras give me....

MrsFC when you get to the stage that comfort means more than style. It will happen. All in good time.

Muse or Med soz can't remember who asked as memory of a goldfish - S&S is a stretch and sweep. Sounds delightful non?

I went to bed at 10pm as fell asleep on sofa at around 9pm. Woke up for pee at 1.30am. Now can't get back to sleep and HI is ackshalleee snoring (which he never usually does). Have just kicked him in the leg and that seems to have put a stop to it. For now.

muse for the python comment. I reco extreme torture and psychological mind play. Like you are not frustrated enuff about the clothing situ as it is without bloody comments like that. Hit him where it hurts and make him weep and then get him To give you a wodge of cash to go shopping for more clothes. Can't say fairer than that.

Old folk are VERY crafty and can be quite viscious. Most deffo know what they are saying and doing and most shouldn't be driving once they hit 70 or once they can no longer see over the steering wheel !!!

moo I believe it haz to be still Luco. Don't ask me why!!

I had no idea I would require Lucozade in labour - why, just for the energy?

My wedge pillow was very effective, though I don't think it will last me long through the pregnancy as I get bigger.

Meds definitely for the energy. It is not called labour for nothing And if your first stage is protracted you won't want to eat anything, anything you do eat your stomach will probably evacuate, and you need to keep hydrated so lucozade covers both bases.

You won't want to be burping in labour, or suffer any kind of trapped or irritating wind or any kind!

Also, if you think on, some straws will be useful so you can drink in a reclining or lying down position.

I ate everything I get could my hands on in the first stage. Hospital meals and everyfink. I was even smuggling down Go Ahead bars in the delivery room, where it's supposed to be nil by mouth (because it was the CL unit and they view every case as a potential section). Drink-wise, I took a Platypus and hung it from a drip pole behind the bed. With G&A in one hand and water in the other, you can't go wrong. HOWEVER I did drink so much that I peed myself around the transition stage And there was no problem doing the first wee after giving birth (which is something they want you to do within six hours to make sure all working properly). I delivered the placenta then filled a bed pan. TMI?

The tea served post birth was most disappointing but as I popped at noon, a lunch tray quickly followed.

Sending out lots of ESH love this morning

Hello, hello, I iz back. And I'm funking freezing. And I've been awake since 6am trying to catch up!

I'm not even going to try & mention everyone personally. Just wanted to extend a warm welcome to Deli Noobs & to say how pleased I am for Drom & Muse & scans. (Finally muse, first experience did not sound good).

So, my update. I just still cannot believe I'm diffed. I've felt constantly nauseous, but have only barfed once. And to be fair I'd had a rubbish sleep, woke with a headache & think it may be more to do with that. I've constantly worn my travel sickness bands, so not sure if they've helped a bit. Also I've eaten my own body weight in polos & ready salted crisps. Sadly I've gone off all things cakey & chocolately . Although I did manage to force down a sugary Krispy Kreme doughnut .

Had a fab holiday. I did feel a bit weak & pathetic at times I was so tired, & the boyf has done my head in. He wouldn't even let me wheel my bloody suitcase anywhere. I've warned him its going to be a long 9 months if he carries on. I also had a face on for one day as I fancied eggs benedict for breakfast & couldn't shoot guns in Vegas (twas a proper gun store, panic not). Other than that a high old time was had.

I have a scan booked for Thurs when I'll be 9+3. I rang FC before going away & they originally wanted to book me in for a 7 week scan. Why? As far as I know I have no elf ishoos - maybe its just because I'd been to the FC? Anyhoo, I spent the entire 2 weeks worrying that the hospital would send a letter to confirm the scan & it would be emblazzoned with "IVF Wales" (my mum was picking up our mail), but nothing. So now I'm going to have to ring to double check the appointment.

I'm happy to go on the list, but just cannot get my head around a due date, being diffed - any of it really. Maybe the scan will help. Hell, even that bout of MS helped & the boyf was grinning like an idiot at me. Fool.

Righ, am off for my 5th slice of toast this morning. Love youse, x

Oh I only have fizzy bottles too moo and I only have 2 not 6. Will go and buy non fizz and more then. I was nil by mouth last time and was allowed only water but of course it is all going to be different this time. I also have bought my hospital snacks. Last time it was only cereal bars, this time it is only chocolate.

Silv I have never heard it referred to as a stretch and sweep before. I was booked in for a sweep (or swipe as my mum called it) but it all kicked off on its own the day before so didn't have to have it in the end.

Today I am tired. I went into that central London last night for a posh dinner with friends at poshest of restaurants (yes, I struggled to find something to wear). I drove and I had forgotten how bad Soho and central London can be at 11.00pm on a weekend night. I had one person try and get in my car while waiting at lights thinking I was a mini cab! Fucker. If I was an illegal mini cab I would have an old, shit, smelly car non?

Welcome back Laurie.

Honestly - I didn't 'feel' diffed for blimmin ages - felt a bit sick and really went off my food, but I was convinced it wasn't real. Even when we were telling everyone at 12 weeks+ I felt like I was making it up. I only believed it wasn't going to fall out when I realised I was at the point where it was too big to do so. I think I only really felt convinced of it at about 19-20 weeks when it started moving lots. So don't worry about not believing it...

Welcome back diffed up lorry!

laurie So glad you had a brilliant holiday and I look forward to seeing the photos! Funny isn't it the way that what we crave is salty fat-laden junk. Preferably with chocolate on top!

In the delivery suite I was given lunch, chose cheese, poo bread, yoghurt, fruit juice & coffee. By the time it all kicked off it had been a few hours since I'd eaten but maybe that's why they didn't give me a GA for the c-section. Although in all honesty I didn't want a GA - I don't react to them well and anyway - at least I was able to hear his first cry - if not see him. I would recommend eating, eating & then eating some more because of what happened I wasn't allowed to eat properly until the following evening and then there was a fuck-up with my meal and it was fucking nasty so didn't eat until the following morning, by which time I was prepared to start chowing down on a hospital pillow.

C'mon honey & silver - the FESH creche is waiting and there are a couple in BESH waiting for you to vacate PESH.

Get this for meals in hossie post birth. I was in the High Dependency Unit and they forgot to feed me. I was too out of it on morphine to care and was not really hungry but when consultant visited at about midnight she asked what I had eaten and when I said nothing she was most angry that I had not been given a hot meal at lunch (12 hrs previously) or any tea. Seems ironic that I probably got neglected more on the HDU! I just thought I was supposed to be nil by mouth still. She found 2 packs of sandwiches and gave me those and not surprisingly I started to feel a bit better once I had eaten something.

Apparently where I will have this little one I get a menu and the food is served under silver closhes cos I iz going posh this time.

Trust me nobody wants this sneeze to happen right this second more than HI. Whenever he asks if I feel ok and I say yep his face screws up in disappointment. Tho he was v sweet last night when we talking about the labour and pain. Was being very kind and Husband of the Year-ish.

We've been to the stables, I then took him out for a full English at a local establishment and when we got back we walked k9. I am now dead on the sofa and not intending to move for quite some time.

Plans today involving making up for the three hours lost sleep earlier, watching more Sky+ shiz then meeting a pal before evening stables. I am not walking the dawg a second time today as I think that is what finished me off yday. There are limits ya know!!

Welcome back from holidayville lorralaffs. Sounds like you had wicked time.

My hossie bag has cereal bars, raisins, fruit cartons and cereal bars with chocolate. Also energy tablets. Hoping those will see me thru.

okie I think it's the same procedure ultimately. Or as HI calls it "your sooty appt". Comedy genius. Not. Marks for effort. Min marks that is. I can't imagine a sweep being in the least bit funny.

silver I really am amazed at what you achieve anyway - and I think one K9 trip a day is enough, it was all I managed and I think the same went for curly. Btw, are you going to alert us when you're hospital-bound so we can all wind each other up in to a frenzy about your condition?

okie That's horrific! Don't blame you at all for going posh - I would too in a heartbeat.

They didn't feed me in the hospital either. I think because I actually went in with a baybee under my arm rather than still up my chuff it threw their normal routine out of kilter and they just forgot. Thankfully OH had packed the hospital bag (which was never used for labour) with Pot Noodles, cereal bars, chocolate, crisps, dried fruit and stuff. So we drew the curtain and had our own little party. But 12 hours I was in the hospital, and I got offered manky toast and one cup of tea. And as they had given me a spinal block and paralysed me from the legs down, it would have been nice if they had brought me more water to drink - especially since they required proof of wee before they would let me go home. And people wonder why I hate hate hate hospitals!

People packing hospital bags - remember to pack a separate snack bag for your OH. He will not remember it himself, will be both bored and hungry, will not want to leave you to go in search of his own food and then will guiltily eat your snacks while you labour away. Pack him one, and then guard yours!

dartmoor I could well be tempted to whizz you all into a whirl of excitement when I am sneezing bound.

I am done for today. No chores. Cannae be arsed. Lazy day now til I head out again.

Boxer good tip. Didn't think of that. Tho I do have A change of clothes for HI's in my bag.

Ah, bloody hell. Just got letter for scan date - 15th Nov. Not only is that 13+2, which is a bit later on than I'd like, it means that I have to wait 2 weeks for the results (that's standard here, apparently), which means we won't be able to announce owt publicly on either TYF's birthday (19th) or my Dad's 70th (26th). Grrr.

Also v annoying is the fact that yet a-fucking-gain, it is addressed to 'Miss'. I rang them and they said that even though I had indeed made them change it bacl to Ms nearly 2 wks ago, the MW had called me Miss when requesting the scan and when they asked if it was Ms or Miss, she'd 'confirmed' that it is Miss. Now they don't want to change it as they say they can't be dealing with 'frivolous' changes all the time - refusing to listen to the fact that it wasn't ME making any changes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I know it is trivial, but it's v important to me. Not only do I find it offensive to be defined by my availability for marriage (ie 'I am a chattel waiting to be bought'), I find it demeaning to be given a child's title at nearly 40 I know others like being Miss and am not slagging them off or their choice, just that I can't understand why it's so hard for me to be called by the title I've had since 1988 FFS and why my fucking MW has decided to take it upon herself to chose for me what I get called, just cos she had a big anti-feminist rant and clearly has some weird chip on her shoulder (you may say that's pot & kettle territory, if you wish ).

Pointless rant over.

Oh, and I'm bricking it now about hossy food - I hadn't thought about the possibility of having to stay in hospital for a while and with my allergies/digestive problems, there is literally not ONE thing I could eat from a hospital menu. There's also very few simple cold meals I can eat, even if TYF and my Mum have to bring me every meal in 3 times a day This also means that I'll be buggered with being able to pack lots of handy snacks in my bag during labour (most I can eat/make have to be kept refridgerated) . Gah!

More pointless ranting over, honest. Just needed a moan. I like to moan and then crack on with planning ways round stuff. So at least I know what to do this avo...

RE: Ms/Miss - TYF has told me not to worry my pretty little head about it and that I'm the most adorable Feminist in the world, so I feel a lot better now