The PESH Deli; Won't somebody think of the children???????

[Cosmosis]

THE NOT LIST

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29
Skihorse, boy, born 1 July
Carrots, boy, born July
IggyPiggy, girl, born July

UPDIFFED
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, thinking of inventive uses for courgettes, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September 1
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie - due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25

Oh don't apologise ginny - I've ballsed out a few of the eejits on there too. It scares me that those muppets are going to be "in charge" of human beings in just a few months. :( They'll be the cunts asking you to sign a petition barring male teachers and getting the swings removed.

That cake is fit for a PESH party - you just need gin on draft...

'Scuse me, will I damage my baby by lifting this crisp to my mouth?

gin I am right behind you for a good shin kicking. I found it doubly irritating that people were actually listening. Vent away I say.

I just had a meltdown in central London having made the stupid fucking error of not-eating-lunch-again. By 3pm was nearly fainting and crying and had to be taken to McDonalds for 9 nuggets eaten in the rain. It must have been a sight.

I fucking hate tourists in central London on a Saturday, wandering round bumping into each other and completely unable to focus on walking in a straight line, and taking pictures of the opening hours sign in Harrods for example. ARRRGGGHHHHHHH. Never ever ever going shopping again on a saturday. Had to get very specific birthday present though so no choice today. Feel traumatised now and eating favourite cookies on sofa with dog. High iron and 5 a day diet out the fucking window. Today have ingested:

3 weetabix
9 macnuggets and bbq sauce
Ham sandwich
Crisps
Half a pint.

Jesus. Kiki84 has got nuffink to worry about compared to me.

I have been helping to shove furniture around today. We now have one new wardrobe and the second is being built.

I will admit they're not the best wardrobes in the world, they were cheap and off the internet. But they fit in our stupidly narrow alcoves so will make our bedroom look a billion times better. Although now we can't put all our crap suitcases on top of them.

honey if it makes you feel better today I have had: 1 roast beef sandwich from M&S, packet of wotsits, 2 cherry bakewells, 2 chocolate chip cookies. And I fully intend to have takeaway curry for tea.

Muser hurrah for diy furniture and junk food. Curry sounds lush actually. Pot of korma sauce and a naan bread would do me...

Ski bwwahhhahahahahahahahahah at the cake thread!!!

Google her name btw. I fear this lady may be genuine.

The cake lady cannot be for real. How do people like that manage to live? I used to rent a stable out to a lady who would panic about every tiny thing that happened to or might happen to her horse. Very lovely lady but my God is it calmer round here since she moved her horse! If mine horse gets a tiny scratch I clean it up and slap some cream on it. If her's got a scratch she would sit on the floor in the yard and cry. Drove me nuts! I will not answer the cake lady as I feel I may not be as restrained as the rest of you .

Ski I make Cossie to have 15 days to go to due date. So she could pop one out any day now! How exciting.

We put up the cot in our bedroom, which made DD very excited as she is now convinced the baby will be born ANY TIME NOW!!!!! Have tried to explain that we are just making sure we are all ready but it won't be for a few weeks yet, but she is having none of that.

Then we went to the hospital for 'The Tour.' We turned up with DD in tow, as it is bloody hard to find a babysitter in August. (Narrows eyes in the direction of Clucky who is sunning herself somewhere exotic instead of being on call for helping out duties.) The hospital staff were fine about this, and even showed me all the waiting rooms which had toys in because they said they realise most women don't stop at just one, and there will inevitably be other children with some women. Which is a very grown up attitude, I think! Anyway. We looked round the hopsital and asked innocuous questions about things like where to park and whether to bring pillows in from home - not wanting to scare off all the other women who were first timers. The hospital lady asked everyone when they were going to be having their babies, and one woman said with utter certainty 'Wednesday.' I thought that was rather precise myself - hopefully I will be that accurate too . We were stood outside of one delivery room when we heard a baby that had just been born, and told DD to listen - she stood there frozen with a big surprised grin on her face and then asked 'is that YOUR baby, Mummy?' Err, no! If only it was that easy .

When the tour was over the midwife asked about my circumstances in a little bit more detail, and was extremely positive about VBACs in the hospital - all good!

So - not too much longer now. Although I am aware it is going to feel like the longest month of my life. I bloody hate being pregnant! Perhaps I ought to take up running for buses and carrying cakes to make my baybee fall out faster?

Because I'm bored - a quick look at the cake lady's other threads also include queries about whether vegetable sushi is safe and whether there is something wrong as she gets a pain when she breathes in deeply. FFS she is worried about breathing! She is also very paranoid about childbirth. I mean - very! Poor woman, to be so unable to live her life without all of these completely irrational fears, and without a filter to prevent her from posting daft questions when a little bit of thought would show that a bit of rice and cucumber is not going to kill you! Neither is carrying a cake.

Sounds like a good tour, Box.

Daily Dickhead:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1017299-3-BPFS-BEFORE-PERIOD-EVEN-DUE-AM-I-PREGNANT

Don't worry about kiki - she's being defended by the rocket scientist who belittles her husband and leaves bleach around when doing her make-up.

There's a little head sticking out of my fanjo! Do you think I could be pregnant?

Gin - snort!

I dunno gin, if the head is sticking out, I think maybe you're not pregnant anymore.

gin I think if the head is sticking out you can only wash your hair once a week. Consult a divorce lawyer and no, YANBU to expect your ex-friend to send your PFB a birthday card every year!

I had half a beer last night - am I going to hell?

Har har har. Loving your work. Off to deepest bucks for birthday lunch.... Beeeeeautiful day. Enjoy!

ski your calcumerations are wrong, I is 38 weeks today

I am constantly uncomfortable I can't remember what it feels like to not need a wee and I attempted a leg shave last night and now am all patchy.

cossie Really? 38 weeks? Where has the time gone? As far as erroneous hair removal goes - that's TGF's responsibility until you've laid Artie.

Oh my fucking god. I have just done a search on cake woman's name... she is on 205 threads, most of them appear to be started by her asking THE most ridiculous questions. It seems she cannot even take a shit without asking for advice first. How does she even breathe unaided ffs?! She must stress over absolutely every little thing... I just could not live like that. Not to mention TG would leave me. Or bury me in the garden or summat. Sorry, I have The Rage.

Cossie is going to lay a baybee! Woop woop!

I'm very much liking the cake woman's work, she is a comic genius.

Can someone talk piles to me? One just popped out and I feel like crying. Am perched on top of crescent shaped pillow watching Live & Let Die and don't want to move or eat ever again.

I've just read her threads - she appears to be repeating the same questions... and uses the word "hun".

Hello hello!

Have had lovely weekend! Had a baby shower thrown for me, somewhat early for various reasons and was massive surprise! Totally had no idea. Him Indoors managed to keep a lid on it which was amazing in itself. So now junior has shed loads of clothes s/he will no longer freeze when it's born.

Ouchee Vag - sounds fucking painful, you have my sympathy. Have you got some haemorrhoid cream???...had a minor popage t'other day & it worked a treat (also works on healing belly-button piercings [nods]). Does say only use on advice of doctor tho - didn't notice until after I'd used it but doesn't seem to have affected anything. Is also useful for after the birth - I didn't poo for 4 days and suffered for the next 4 months!!! (sorry for TMI Box)

god, I am so not reading ahead in WTEWYE, the horrors!

Getting used to it now, Clucky.

vag ow ow ow ow. I feel for you. Have only had minor constipation. Such delights await me.

Cake woman: You guys are sooooo mean!

FFS. Words fail me.

If you want to laugh and point, up to the minute bumpage shot is now revealed in the other place. My tits are nearly as big as my tummy I reckon.