December 2010, where we waft about in mat gear eating icecream

[Miffster]

Yo December 2010 ladies, here we go - the mid-point of our pregnancies...and beyond!

Good luck with the scan wholelotta! Hope you have a great day...

DF - I've never counted kicks either - not even really that aware of them this early on. Towards the end when you can really feel the baby I think the MW's ask about the amount of movement - and like Wholelotta said they used to give out a kick chart but not in the time I've been having babies! Must have been quite a while ago. I think your relaxed attitude is great and you deserve some laid back time .

Great you got the au pair Strix? is it only for a few months? Must be a tricky choice. How old are your DC again?

thanks for the reasurance re the kicks, I worry that I am not being aware enough if that makes sense. I feel a bit down in the dumps and not sure if it's the hormones or the fact that I have been worrying myself over my MIL visiting for 3 weeks from my due date. I am trying to dopt a 'we don't know what's happening yet so don't worry about it' attitude but I have a fear that my first few weeks with the baby will be spoiled a bit

Good luck with the scan wholelottalove

I agree. Counting kicks is not an exact science and is not appropriate this early on. I try to be aware thet they are continuing. But I have never ever actually counted them. Surely this must stem from a time when pregnant women were supposed to give up all activity and just sit around and be pregnant.

Chooster, DD is 7 and DS is 5. We have a full time nanny through the summer. But, we are dropping to au pair hours for September because I really can't afford to pay a full time nanny when they are both in school full time -- especially if I want more than 3 hours of maternity leave. So, current nanny (whom I shall miss ) is leaving at the end of August.

Hiya notso I remember you from the JS thread, I didn't get to use it much, sadly for DH! I think it happened so quickly I found to hard to believe everything would be OK (especially since so many peeps on TTC seem to have sad news). Only now I have had my 20 week scan and lots of movement I am feeling more confident chatting about it.

DF I must admit I would personally find it hard to be a host having just given birth for the first time, but there could be lots of positives to having family with you. I went 3 weeks overdue with my last baby, I don't recommend it, but its one way to get round the problem

I was given kick charts, definitely only for later pregnancy, and especially when overdue. It's great you are having a happy healthy pregnancy and still have lots of energy.Trust your own instincts, I say.

wholelotta I think once you choose a baby name you both love, you will be ready to defend it no matter how "out there" it is, and those relations will just have to shut up. Good luck with your scan!

strix good luck with the "constructive debate" - I'm sure you will get the baby name you want

Can I ask, is anyone thinking of getting swine flu jab as going to be heavily pg in flu season?

And does anyone have any recommendations on hypno birthing/ hypnotherapy tapes or classes?

I'm thinking 2nd trimester is a good time to sort these out.

No jab for me. I am not a fan of injecting chemicals into my (or my kids') bodies which I/they do not need. Besides, I believe I had swine flu last summer so I should have at least some immunity.

Thankfully I won't be hosting Christmas here but have been invited to go to where MIL will be staying. Am just uncertain that I will be up for it and DH said to me last night 'well you don't have to come' which implies he would go without me!

I won't be having the flu-jab for much the same reasons as Strix. I am going to rely on my normally healthy constitution

Very relieved for both crazykat and marlus - glad to hear you and your LOs are ok It's so nerve wracking when anyone tells us about scary things happening! (although obviously I'm glad you did)

Welcome back c&g - we've missed you and your mammoth posts! Totally loving your new name too. Huge respect for how you seem to be dealing with an unimaginably difficult situation. Stay strong lady!

squistle LO always seems more wriggly when I'm eating or drinking something sweet so look out for movement at mealtimes.

Me, DH and DD had swine flu last year at the same time so I don't see the point in getting the jab. A friend had swine flu after christmas when she was PG and was fine (apart from feeling very ill obviously).

DF if you don't feel up to going then I'd stay home. There's nothing worse than feeling rough from giving birth and trying to put on a happy face and going out - which is why I had a very quiet 21st at home with DH and DC's.

Thankfully bubs had started moving again, got a lovely kick in the bladder at 4.30 this morning lol.

After long chats with my mum and some of my friends, I've put a blanket ban on ANYONE coming to stay at any time between a month before the birth and until I give the OK at some point after the birth (I'm thinking several months!). After explaining reasoning to DH he's fully supportive of the plan too, particularly as I'm not treating his family any different to my own (which was my mother's bright suggestion).

I was worrying so much about the thought of my PILs coming to stay that I think its much better to put a blanket ban on everyone and be really upfront about it from the outset, rather than being stressed in anticipation and then pissed off when they're here. I know it sounds harsh, but it is our child and we will do things our way - I totally appreciate that it is their grandchild too, so I won't ban them from seeing it, obviously, but they will have to stay elsewhere, and respect our right to privacy!

As for Christmas plans, we've left it all as a "we'll see how we feel" (not the emphasis on WE to make it clear that we're going to be going through this together) - particularly with LO#1 you can't expect us to know what we'll be up to this far in advance. DF if you can, I'd try to be quite firm with your DH and let him know that if you're not feeling up to going out, you'll probably need some TLC from him so you'd expect him to stay with you...! I'm sure your DH will change his mind when the time comes anyway.

God, I sound like a total cow - maybe I am

I've been feeling lots of movement in the past couple of days but I only notice it when I'm sitting still and browsing mumsnet working hard. I'm 19+3 and have been aware of movement for about two weeks, which I know is early for a first-timer, but I can only feel it inside - do any of you more experienced ladies know when DH will be able to feel it from the outside??

In two minds about the swine flu jab. Apparently its going to be part of the seasonal flu jab this winter (though I'm sure mrsSnapLegs will know more) - and what concerns me is that they don't routinely give seasonal flu jabs to pg women. I'm therefore worried about the lack of long term studies on the effects of flu jabs on unborn babies. I'm also skeptical about flu jabs anyway as I have only ever had flu in the years I've had a flu jab!!

WhatWillSantaBring I wish I could get out of having people visiting often My MIL is landing in the country on my due date and will be here for 3 weeks, although she has said she is going to rent a place to stay. Trouble is no one seems to know the details and she has already said to my DH that she would like to spend a night with us. I've told my DH that from my due date onwards I don't want any overnight guests for fear of going into labour while they are here. I certainly don't want anyone staying overnight once the baby is here either so god knows when she is hoping to stay!

At the moment all I can do is worry because the details are so sketchy and the only thing I know for sure is she'll be in the area for 3 weeks and in the past when she has visited she has always stayed with us despite our house being really small. Also she wants to put on a Christmas day mean wherever she stays for us and her other two sons, which is understandable as she's not had Christmas with them all for years. Trouble is with the baby due so close to Christmas I am not sure I will be up to it.

I have several fears: People being at our house constantly and not realising they are overstaying their welcome, people wanting to stay the niht, people being there while I try to get to grips with breastfeeding... the worst would be if I arrive home from hospital to find people in the house 'helping out'.

woops, I meant to say I don't want to piss my MIL or my DH off. I do like his mum, I just think I will be feeling really vunerable plus I need to fit my own mum and family into all this somehow. I just hope the first few days out of hospital we are given the chance to get used to our new little family on our own without having to refuse visits etc. I hope people will be sensitive about our needs rather than insisting that their own be met.

I need more details for sure!

Family is quite tricky around this time but I think the answer is to be very clear up front about what you want and as long as you MIL is clear on that then she can't be disappointed nearer the time. Try to get your DH to talk to her and get the detail of where she is staying. Its good that she knows that staying with you is not a good idea. And its really not... I couldn't have handled anyone staying at all! My best friend was the first person to stay when DS1 was 12 weeks old. You'll be fed up and lacking patience in the last few days of pregnancy, you'll be anxious about the labour and someone asking if you're OK all the time can get very wearing!. Then for the first week you'll have the normal emotional overload and you are right about trying to master breastfeeding - you want to be able to let it all hang out and not worry about other people! . If you get on with her and she's a nice lady then she could come in really handy during the day when she visits - give you a much needed rest while she holds the LO or help around the house. I live round the corner from my MIL and I worried she would always be around when teh babies were young, but she'd pop round, do the dishes, make me a cuppa, have a little tidy up, hold the baby for a bit then go! She was a star .

Of and re: xmas, depending on when you have the baby you may enjoy getting out for a few hours and having some company - as long as there is no expectation on you to stay there longer than you want. DH will be just as besotted as you too so he wont want to be seperated from you both on xmas day for long .

Sorry that was a major waffle! We're playing xmas by ear... Everyone was meant to be coming to us but I think we're now going to do 2 xmas's one at my mums where we'll stay for a few days and one at home with PIL. But they'll be totally cool with it if we change our minds.

thanks Chooster it's good to talk! I am trying not to make any issue of it now as it's so far away but do need to find out the details really just for peace of mind. DH does understand that I might not be up for anything and my SIL has been really understanding too.

DF - Are DH's family usually unreasonable? Do thay usually force things upon you? Are they totally unapproachable? Remember this is probably just your hormones working overdrive.... This is your 1st baby right? This is obviously niggling away at you & it may well be completely unneccessary. If it were me, I agree with Chooster, I would simply voice my concerns to my MIL and family. Unless they are absolute monsters they will understand, especially if you explain your reasons. They'll want to see you, DH & the new baby because they love you & for the same reason i'm sure would be horrified if they thought they were being a burden or upsetting you in anyway. I would be anyway. Just talk to them, thats allways my motto. Get it out in the open & be firm. A friend good of mine asked me to hold off visiting for a week or two because they'd had a little flurry of visitors - I was totally fine with that & wouold have been mortified had they not said & i'd gone blundering on in there upseting the chi. And as for Xmas day, if it were me i'd just see how you are on the day & simply make your decision then.

DF you are very similar to me. I like everyone but NOT when they are staying at my place. both me and DH are not from UK and we get tons of overseas people staying for 2-3 weeks. We are both career oriented and work late and even without a kid or due date it is NOT my favorite activity to have guests around. NOW it seems that the whole DH's family wants to come and spend lovely Xmas in UK with the new arrival! Lovely for everyone but me. They say OH we get rooms but I know his brother is too cheap to get a room or his parents will end up on our sofa while I am trying to get grasp of everything. I am perfectionist on top of it all and really don't like anyone specially PILs to see my house out of order or me in the "just-gave-birth" look! I asked my sister to come for help but her girls are now saying that they will come too!! I just don't want now any help and am thinking that it would be better to cope with it all alone. I know though that DH is not agreeing with me and our house will be a zoo when the kid arrives AND I will end up making Xmas dinner for his family at my place. God I get angry even thinking about it. I am very private and do not want anyone till I get the handle of everything!!!!

Hi buzzin and welcome to the thread and to mumsnet. My paranoia just went into overdrive, you're not my DH are you?

I don't know what they will be like to be honest. My MIL is great fun to be around but quite different to me and sometimes I find her a bit overpowering. I can only really go on what I have been told which at the moment is very little which is what is so frustrating. Past visits have been fun but sometimes overwhelming for me as our house is small and the bathroom situation means if anyone stays we have to walk through their room at night to use the loo. I am quite happy to do this in the dark usually but if I am still bleeding after giving birth, possibly have a small baybe or have stitches I wouldn't be able to do it so that's why the overnight stays worry me. Also I just want to be left to get my tits out in peace while breastfeeding. All I have read has suggested it may be difficult to get to grips with so I really just fancy a bit of privacy in the early days.

She definitely wants to stay with us at least one night and I am not keen on that at all.

I also have a feeling (Perhaps not justified) that she will want to spend a lot of time with us based purely on the last visit. I am happy for short visits but not daily ones.

gosh PJen I don't envy your situation at all. Can you put your foot down on people staying? That would completely freak me out and I totally understand the whole not wanting people to see the house out of order thing. I llive in chaos anyway but know that I will feel massive pressure to tidy up the house in preparation for all the visitors.

Some people have said to me 'oh but your families will be able to help you with the housework and cooking' but to be honest I'd hate to have someone in my house doing my housework and making a fuss. Hopefully we won't get offers like that because I will have to turn them down.

hi all.

should of had 20 week scan yest but i got cancelled due to staff shortage booked in for thurs instead.

feeling sorry for all of those worrying about visitors etc. my family is all very local (pil are next door!!) but when i had my other dc i was happy to have visitors as and when. it's such an individual thing though. my best friend had her little girl last year and was adament she did not want any visitors until she felt up to it, she was on such a high after the birth she had a house full within hours. she says she just wanted the world to see her baby

anyway 20 weeks tomorrow, yay! going to make a start on the nursery this weekend, as i'm planning to work on for as long as poss i need to start getting organised!

DF - thank you for the welcome, and I am sorry if I got you paranoid. Don't think i'm your DH ! Everyone has their little issues & niggles about post birth worries and family etc but there is no need for them to get out of control unecessarily. Nip them in the bud by talking to the people concerned and you may find everyone happily accepts your concerns & you no longer have to worry.

Mumatron, no! I would be very if I got a scan cancelled at the last minute. Of course i don't suppose there is anything you can do about it.

I am 20 weeks on Saturday and my scan is next Friday. Can wait to see proof again that there is a baby in there and I am not just fat. Although I am very pleased that I have only gained 4 pounds so far. Of course baby is still less than 1 pound so at least 75% of that weight is mone and not his. And those hobs nobs I just scarfed are probably not helping.

So, is anyone still going to the gym / running / other exercise? I've given up the treadmill, and I miss it so . But have taken up the cross trainer or whatever it's called. It's not the same as running but better than nothing I suppose.

Thanks buzzin
Are you sure you're not ho ho.

I think because you've not posted here before it felt a bit weird you responding just to me in the thread. Might have got that wrong and you've been here in Dec Ante-natal all along? When is your baby due?

I am probably being very paranoid but someone responded directly to me a couple of months ago in the ante-natal section once before which seemed a bit weird and I thought they might know me in real life. My DH does post here and he reads my posts so I would be surprised if you were him to be honest

It is my first and I know I may be hormonal but even before I was pregnant I had concerns about my MIL possibly visiting if the IVF worked out. Back then it was a week, now it's 3 weeks and as I am so uncertain of the plans she has it's all a bit up in the air. I don't really relish the prospect of anyone making intense and repeated visits straight after the birth. I like to know what's going on so I can prepare. I don't think I would feel able to approach her about it all without knowing all the facts so I will wait until I feel the time is right to talk about it to my DH and see what he says.

mumatron that's rubbish about the scan - hope it all goes well on Thursday

There was a good thread on this (visitors post birth) a few months ago which set out lots of different views and experiences. From that, I've taken the following as some key points:

1. Things were very different when our (and my DH's) mums had babies. We are now sent home within 24 hours after birth, whereas it was routine when we were born to be kept in for a few days (or a few weeks in my case). Therefore our parents need to be reminded that birth is very traumatic and I need to be given plenty of space to recover.

2. Me and DH will agree a set of groundrules will stick to them with DH as the enforcer. i.e. Visitors are to leave when DH says so (which will be on my cue) - i.e when I'm tired, emotional, or trying to BF. No exceptions. No apologies - I will be upfront about this before anyone comes round.

3. No-one is to come round without bringing food.

4. Neither DH or me will lift a finger to help visitors. If you want a cup of tea, you can find the kettle yourself.

5. No overnight visitors. Because of bleeding, breastfeeding etc, I may need to walk around the house naked and I therefore cannot allow anyone to stay. As and when I recover sufficiently, this will change, but it can't be planned in advance.

6. No unannounced visitors- phone or text before coming.

I think with our parents its easy for them to forget what being a new parent was like so I'm hoping that with some explanation they will understand. I've also been educating DH on what I may be like after the birth so that he understands why I'm sounding so fussy - Like PJen and DF, I'm quite particular about my house at the best of times, and if you combine that with post-natal hormone overload, it could be a disaster. I think explainign the unpredictability of the hormones is the key - I may be fine, but I also may lose my ability to be rational and these groundrules are therefore there to ensure I don't eaopordise (sp!?) my relationships with my or my DH's family.

Sorry, mammoth post. Sorry to hear that your scan got cancelled mumatron - gutting for you.

Oh yes, I mentioned my concerns to a friend at work, and she said she got round the whole visitors/Christmas issue (EDD was boxing day) by going into labour on 21st December and then spending three weeks in intensive care. A bit too extreme, I think!!!

whatwillsantabring good rules. I am definitely keen to enforce the 'no unannounced visitors' rule.