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Birth announcements

Share your unique birth stories and read heartwarming stories from fellow mums. For more on your baby’s development, check out the Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

would you call your child by your niece's middle name?

168 replies

amber5 · 29/03/2006 22:42

We were going to call our dd by a name which really suited her, but is my brother's dd's middle name. We're not particularly close and don't have the same friends, and we really didn't think it would matter.
After we'd called her this name for a week and really got used to it, my brother sent a text message to me asking us not to. We changed it to another name, but i'm not sure it suits her as much. I haven't seen or spoken to my brother since (dd is 9 weeks old)
What would you have done?

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Aero · 30/03/2006 14:02

You should call your daughter what you feel suits her and everyone else should mind their own business. I can't believe they're irritated by your choice of name and your mother should know better than to be so rude tbh!! If you prefer Emma, then call her Emma. They will get used to it. Your neice is not known as Emma, so it should make no difference. It's not as if they've plucked a name out of obscurity - Emma is a commonly used name and is lovely, but no-one owns the rights to it!! (My neice and god-daughted are both called Emma).

Chloe55 · 30/03/2006 14:07

Haven't read all the thread but I am amazed at your family's response. If you feel strongly enough about Emma as a first name then I would definitely change it back and your bro/parents will just have to lump it, they will come round and if they don't then they are being rediculous and they are in the wrong - not you. I do like Elizabeth Ruby though, sounds like a princess' name

If it's any consolation my mum and nan HATE my sons name

MeggLeVache · 30/03/2006 14:07

Hi Amber. I'm not surprised at how much support you are getting on this thread, it's pretty obvious who is being ridiculous isn't it - and as for your mum joining in (that really does take the biscuit IMO)

I'll tell you a story that I hope will cheer you up. After I had ds the PIL's came to visit us (I don't have a good relationship with them anyway and was dreading it) They were there for ages and I looked at FIL and said to him "Don't you want to know his name?" to which he replied "No I have been consulting various scriptures and journals and have come up with a name myself, this is what I will call him"
That was pretty dire anyway then he announces the name Harshit I'm sorry but why not just call him Twonk boy or Poostripe - totally inappropriate as a boys name in this country, he would not budge and laughed off the name we did call him and told us he couldn't be bothered to call him by this name as he couldn't pronounce it propoerly (FIL is not British).

So for the next few days I started to call FIL Nigel and Dh joined in too (not his name obviously) when he told me why I was calling him this I just said that I'd been reading various tabloids and watching soap operas to get him a new name which I found easier to say and felt that's what I would now call him. I didn't move on this and he very soon got the message and now calls ds his proper name

Stand your ground and go for the name you like - if I didn't I may have had a Harshit playing by my feet right now

And I love that Countess swore...hee hee she said f*&K off

RedTartanLass · 30/03/2006 14:31

amber5 - I can completely understand why you said that "there's no way i'm going to change her name, because i am such a push over", it is the easiest option, but Amber what happenns later on when they tell you what she should be wearing or when you should be weaning or what school she should go to?

You're her mum, you have to make a stand!! For what its worth I was in a similar situation with my MIL.

She refused to call him the name we had chosen, she said she didn't like that name and was going to call him Nathan

I said "Ok no problem, but he'll be calling you Aunty Ethel not Grandma!!"

She never mentioned it again, her name isn't Ethel BTW!!

HappyMumof2 · 30/03/2006 14:35

I had something similiar with both my kids. My dad didn't like ds's name and refused to call him by his name for months after he was born, just called him 'the baby' and with dd, my ex wanted a different name, which I gave her as her middle name instead. His mother and him to some extent insisted on calling her by the middle name for a few weeks as it was the one they wanted and the one they told their family she was called

Tatties · 30/03/2006 14:40

Megglavache, that story cheered me up, I am ROFL

MeggLeVache · 30/03/2006 14:42

Good Tatties, it's one of the better FIL stories!

geekgrrl · 30/03/2006 14:44

ROFLMAO, Megg

MeggLeVache · 30/03/2006 14:45

Suggest that Amber call her own mum Winifred, Jordan or Sexburger perhaps?

Tatties · 30/03/2006 14:46

lol sexburger!

Tortington · 30/03/2006 14:56

i would ignore brother. however if you think its going to turn intoa big "thing" then can't you make it her middle name and call it her anyway.

dinosaure · 30/03/2006 15:07

amber5, I suppose I just feel that within one generation of family, names should be individual. So whilst my DS1 is named after my brother and my DS2 is named after my grandfather, it just seems odd to me that two children of the same generation should share a name.

But having said that, if one of my siblings did call a child of theirs by one of my DSs' middle names, I would privately think it a bit odd but I wouldn't dream of saying anything to them, let alone bullying them into changing it.

edam · 30/03/2006 15:10

Think your brother is being a bit off. My sister used my ds's middle name for her ds (both after my father); I was slightly surprised but didn't bother me at all. How many people will know her middle name anyway, once you are over the newborn baby naming conversations?

tortoiseshell · 30/03/2006 15:15

Think your brother is totally out of order here. Emma is hardly an unusual name - and although actually I prefer Elizabeth (more possibilities as she grows - Eliza, Liz, Beth) you should be free to choose the name you want.

I would suggest this is your brother being jealous of you for having a newborn and the attention that gets! Especially if he is used to being the one in the spotlight.

Use the name you feel in your heart is right, and he will either have to get used to it or prove what an idiot he's being.

edam · 30/03/2006 15:24

Megg, it could have been worse. I know two men called Dikshit... which probably sounded really nice to their parents before they moved to England.

eefs · 30/03/2006 15:24

while you should be able to use the name you want and their reasons are ridiculous and bullying I can understand why you might not want to change it back - everyone has an assumed position in a family and by the time you are adults it's pretty much cemented and determines how you treat eachother. Your brother is bullying you and your mum isn't much better, but by acquiescing (as you did when you renamed your DD elizabeth) and now if you go back and rename her Emma, there will be some fall out from this.

I can understand why you are reluctant to go through that.

However, if you don't change your "position" in the family, you will continue to be little Amber who the others can order about and that's not what you want either I presume. And you probably will, in the future when your brothers and parents are less important than your own family, which, guarenteed they will be, regret not calling her Emma because it's a sign of how they bullied you.

I think you need to weigh up giving in and regreting it with the short-term hassle you'll get for calling her Emma.

My related story: I had a name for DS1 that I loved, but was talked out of it by family as it was too unusual, during my second pregnancy I didn't discuss names with anyone other than my DP and promptly nameded DS2 the name I loved and, at that point, I was confident enough to look people in the eye while I told them his name.

Uwila · 30/03/2006 15:32

Fantastic story.

Original poster

amber5 · 30/03/2006 15:33

dinosaure, thanks for your comments and honesty,
megg, thanks for lol story

OP posts:

aprilgirl1 · 30/03/2006 16:42

im going to call my child my nephews middle name, its a unisex name and if i have boy or girl it will be nephews middle name and my babys 1st name, my brother thinks its sweet also as its not only a lovely name but its kind of after there son too!!

Sparklemagic · 30/03/2006 17:44

I'm sure it's all been said already, wow this is a big thread! but I do agree, you should be able to call your child exactly what YOU want.

Have to say though I think Elizabeth Ruby is an absolutely beautiful name! I love all the shortenings, specially Beth.

So if you do stick with it, don't EVER feel it's second best. You've chosen a really lovely name there.

Lulu68 · 30/03/2006 17:48

We called ds1 his cousins middle name. it never occurred to us to ask for permission and it would never have crossed my in-laws minds to be offended, surely it just shows everyones good taste!!

harpsichordcarrier · 30/03/2006 17:48

Oh I remembered this afternoon that I chose dd2's name to include my mil's name. When I told her, she said "Oh well I don't like my name anyway."
but she is a miserable cow at the best of times

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 30/03/2006 18:46

just occured to me - my brother and my cousin are called the same thing. It's never occured to me as strange before. possibly something to do with the fact they're both John, as is my dad and was my step grandad, and my second cousin. I think I just grew up thinking half of all men are called John.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 30/03/2006 18:53

Amber - have seen you more recent posts. You sound tired and like you really dont need this. Why don;t you take the pressure off yourself. Does she have a nickname? can you just say to yourself, right, for the next week she's going to be chubsticks or whatever you call her. And try not to worry about it or pressure yourself into a decision. tell yourself you're not ready to decide all this right now. If you can spend a week not thinking about it you might find you have some more clarity/strength. Please don;t let this ruin what should be a really lovely time for you (if an exhausting one!).

SoupDragon · 30/03/2006 19:03

Ignoring all the hassles and bickering around you, what do you want to call your daughter? Call her that. It's going to be her name for a very long time so you don't want to be thinking "But I really wanted to call her Emma" for all those years.

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